WWE NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS

Sunday, July 26th, 2009 from Philly

CM Punk is the champ. Orton is the champ. It's their night.

This show was in Philly. It featured two women's title matches (ugh). It also featured the biggest match of the night early (which made it fairly obvious that Orton would retain). I guess this show was supposed to be a night of straight forward title matches. No gimmicks, just some good old fashioned wrestling.

And that was probably the problem. Good wrestling rarely occurs. Jeff Hardy and HHH blew the roof off the arena last October at No Mercy. That was awhile ago, though. Has there been a match that came close to being that good since? The only matches that were very good lately have been the Mysterio vs. Jericho matches. Their feud is over, though. And this show had one feud that has been a little exciting: Hardy vs. Punk. CM Punk is now a heel. Hardy is the friendly avenger. They had the main event spotlight. Did they blow the roof off?

CHRIS JERICHO & THE BIG SHOW vs. TED DIBIASE & CODY RHODES (9:32): WWE's brilliant idea to team up Jericho and Edge as the tag champs didn't even last a month. Edge injured his foot (he had surgery and is out until next year). Jericho's big mystery opponent turned out to be The Big Show. I figured this idea to team up two single's wrestlers as a tag team was over when Edge got hurt...but they're still running with the idea. Dibiase and Rhodes lost pretty easily. Are we still duped into thinking that The Big Show is powerful and ferocious and not lunk-headed and slow? I guess the WWE thinks we forget his endless, boring matches with Cena. Jericho, however, is fast and fun and a great wrestler. It's too bad that they're wasting him. **

CHRISTIAN vs. TOMMY DREAMER (8:28): Oooh, let's punish the Philly fans! Dreamer lost the ECW Title here. Why? Because the WWE loves to punish the hometown crowd (every time they're in Oklahoma, JR gets beat up). This match was obviously a snoozer. Dreamer without chairs, trashcans, canes, or barbed wire is just a fat, pizza maker. That's harsh but true. *

+KOFI KINGSTON vs. MVP vs. CARLITO vs. PRIMO vs. THE MIZ vs. JACK SWAGGER (8:35): Kofi came into this match the champ and left the champ (it was the coveted U.S. Title from WCW). In between, the rest of the crew put on a fast-paced, fun match. Swagger was typically boring, but Carlito and Kofi and Primo were exciting. Actually this was a good match. **1/2

MICHELLE McCOOL vs. MELINA (6:12): This was the first women's match on the show (yes, there were two). And surprisingly it was very good. The reason was because they both beat the shit out of each other. It was sloppy and feral, like two dogs in a cage. Sure, they can't “wrestle.” But it was the best women's bout I've seen in awhile. **1/2

+RANDY ORTON vs. HHH vs. JOHN CENA (22:19): The threw this show on early which meant one thing: the bad guy was going to win. And he did. It was a long match and a half-decent one. It wasn't spectacular...and didn't they just have this match at Wrestlemania? Orton as the champ is getting old. He's evil. We get it. There were a few nifty moves (HHH and Cena put a submission hold on Orton at the same time and he tapped out...but the ref didn't do anything), but it wasn't anything special. Typical, really. **1/2

MICKIE JAMES vs. MARYSE (8:36): What's the chance that there would be two good women's matches on one show? Zero. Maryse is hot (and French Canadian) and Mickie can wrestle, but this match was a snooze. 1/2*

+REY MYSTERIO vs. DOLPH ZIGGLER (14:20): Who is Dolph Ziggler? You don't want to know. The WWE thinks a lot of him because they had Dolph push Mysterio to the limit. I'm not sure why. I'm also not sure why Mysterio has the IC title when a few years ago he had the World title. Mysterio did all of his patented moves. Dolph is hard to nail down. He's steroid big. He doesn't do much high-flying. He's utterly forgettable. **

JEFF HARDY vs. CM PUNK (14:56): I feel bad for CM Punk. He was wrestling on the Indy circuit for years (he was in ROH and wrestled once or twice for CZW). He was in TNA and eventually got his big WWE break. The WWE surprised everyone by giving him the title last summer. Sadly, he lost that title in a match he wasn't in. This year's reign was even worse. He won the title at the beginning of June and lost it here. He did get one ppv victory at The Bash, but that was by DQ. Why even give him the title if they're going to make his run so short? Perhaps they don't think he's a good wrestler. He hasn't been in a classic in the WWE yet. For some reason his matches with Jeff Hardy don't work. They tried making him a heel but that didn't work, either. This match was so-so. I guess it was obvious that he was going to lose (this was the main event...and Orton, the other bad guy, had already retained). I thought that the WWE would save a big Jeff Hardy victory for Summerslam. I was wrong. **

Night of Champions was an entertaining show but it was too simple. Yes, Jeff Hardy won the Smackdown title. That would have been a worthy event if Jeff hadn't just won the title last month at Extreme Rules. The other “big” story was having The Big Show replace Edge on Jericho's tag team. Is that a big deal? At least we won't have to sit through any Big Show solo matches. Then again, we won't be seeing a Jericho solo match for awhile.

Summerslam is up next. The mega match is CM Punk vs. Jeff Hardy in a Tables, Ladders, & Chairs match. Haven't seen one of those in awhile. It's about damn time.

WWE THE BASH

Sunday, June 28^th, 2009 from Sacramento, CA

 

Remember when June's ppv used to be one of the big four? It used to be the King of the Ring and it used to be a big show. Now it's turned into The Bash, a new name for what July's show used to be called (The Great American Bash...which used to be a WCW ppv). This ppv used to be the King of the Ring then Vengeance then Night of Champions and now the Bash. What are they going to call it next year? King of The Bash? King of Vengeance?

So it's a new title. Nothing else is new. Randy Orton is the champ (Batista got hurt and forfeited his title). CM Punk is champ (like he was last summer). The Miz is in a very big match. That's new (but not good). Chris Jericho is in two matches (that's good). It ended up a typical show. No stand-out matches but at least it was an entertaining show.

+TOMMY DREAMER vs. MARK HENRY vs. CHRISTIAN vs. JACK SWAGGER vs. FINLAY (14:46): They did this last September at the Unforgiven ppv. They had a bunch of scramble matches on the show. What a scramble match is: a new wrestler enters the match every five minutes. The last person to make a pin ends up the winner. It's kind-of-sort-of cool because these matches don't happen very often so they're fresh and unique. The only dumb part is when someone else makes a pin during the match and is “the ECW champ” for a few minutes. Tommy Dreamer won. Jack Swagger and Mark Henry were sent to RAW after this ppv. What does that tell you? **

+REY MYSTERIO vs. CHRIS JERICHO (15:42): This has to be the feud of the year, right? The WWE knows it, as this show makes it three in a row with these two fighting each other. I think that the reason it works is because Mysterio is fast and jumping all over the place while Jericho is cunning and methodical. Although, realistically, it can't be explained. It's just one of these things that occur without explanation. These two just work really, really well together. And sadly, this was probably the worst of their trilogy. It was also the match for the biggest prize: Rey's mask (although after he lost it in WCW and everyone saw how lame that turned out, nobody really believes he'll ever lose it again). So Mysterio won and Jericho lost the IC title (Jericho did pull off Rey's mask during the match but Rey was wearing double masks). Good but not stellar. Still, it will go down in the history books as a legendary trilogy. **1/2

DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. THE GREAT KHALI (4:59): Yeah...um...yeah...why is the Great Khali still wrestling? And what's up with Dolph Ziggler's name? And who is he again? Khali lost by DQ. And I don't know where this is going. *

+CHRIS JERICHO & EDGE vs. CARLITO & PRIMO vs. TED DIBIASE & CODY RHODES (9:37):

Jeez...was it that obvious that Jericho and Edge would win the tag titles? I mean, why else would they even be in this match if they lost? And even though I have seen Carlito and Primo in some very exciting, fast-paced matches in the past, this match just did not work. Could we possibly blame Dibiase and Rhodes, the two most boring men in the history of wrestling? Check. *1/2

MICHELLE McCOOL vs. MELINA (6:34): Yes, Michelle is very pretty. Yes, they dress like sluts and all have silicone tits. Yes, they can't wrestle. Yes, I'm sexist and realistic and women's wrestling, like women's boxing, just isn't entertaining. So sue me. ½*

JEFF HARDY vs. CM PUNK (14:36): Well Jeff Hardy did in fact win this match. CM Punk came and left as champ, though. The match was not actually that good. As much as I like CM Punk, I haven't seen a truly great match with him yet. I think I only like him because he's new and I like when they give the title to new guys that aren't WWE molded behemoths. Jeff Hardy delivered his Swanton Bomb finisher and pinned Punk...but after the pin the ref waved it off because CM Punk's foot was under the ropes. This was all a storyline to make the fans hate CM Punk...which makes their feud more of a heel vs. face feud than what is used to be. The WWE hates good guys vs. good guys for some reason. CM Punk got himself DQ'd by kicking the ref. Why? Who cares? Just put on a good match next time and forget the storylines. Jeff Hardy doesn't need 'em. **

+JOHN CENA vs. THE MIZ (5:39): The Miz is really Mike, the doofus from MTV's tenth season of The Real World (Back to New York). He didn't make his mark there, he made it on numerous MTV challenges where he got drunk and turned into The Miz, his alter ego. So who knew that someday he would be fighting John Cena on a WWE ppv as...The Miz. I didn't. The problem with The Miz is that the sober Miz and the real wrestling Miz isn't half as entertaining as the drunk, fun one. He's a heel, sure, but he's not a fun heel, he's just a mean one. It doesn't help that his wrestling arsenal is bare bones and he's not very exciting. Add Cena to that mix and you get this one-sided dud. *

+RANDY ORTON vs. HHH THREE STAGES OF HELL MATCH (21:23): This match was a best out of three match. The first was a standard wrestling match (HHH got DQ'd when he used a chair). The second match was a no DQ (Orton won). The third was a stretcher match that Orton won when his cronies, Dibiase and Rhodes, prevented HHH from pushing Orton on the stretcher past the line. This was a long match and if it wasn't for the various weapons and stipulations it would have been a bore. Randy Orton is again the champ (Batista did win the title at Extreme Rules but had to forfeit it because he got hurt...which led to Orton winning the title at RAW). Eh. **

This was a stale show. It was entertaining but not exciting and there wasn't a stand-out match. Has there even been a stand-out match since last year at No Mercy? Probably not. Putting The Miz against Cena certainly didn't do the WWE any favors (c'mon, idiots, that's a RAW match not a ppv match). Mysterio vs. Jericho was again the match of the night...and it was still the worst match they've had. CM Punk vs. Jeff Hardy had such a bizarre ending that didn't work at all. They wanted Punk to be a heel so they had him purposely DQ'ing and getting pinned but still keeping the title. Why make him a heel? He's a boring heel.

Next up is Night of Champions. It was held in Philly. Orton vs. Cena vs. HHH is the main event. And once again Jeff Hardy takes on CM Punk. Not a bad lineup. We'll see how it goes down.

WWE EXTREME RULES

Sunday, June 7^th, 2009 from New Orleans

 

They should change the name of this ppv to “The Night of Title Changes.” It got a little ridiculous, actually.

This is the show where every match has a stipulation. It used to be ECW One Night Stand, but after two years they got rid of that (although Tommy Dreamer winning the ECW title on this show made me nostalgic). This show had a cage match and a ladder match. It also had a few matches with lame stipulations. The submission match. The strap match. The hog pen match. Wait...the what? Yes, a match that could rival the infamous Champagne Bottle on a Pole match was on this show.

This is one of my favorite ppv's because of the gimmick matches (hell, who wouldn't rather watch a no-rope, barbed wire match compared to a boring, regular one?). There were a lot of bad and pointless matches on the show, but there were enough good ones to make it one of the year's more interesting shows. So yes, John Cena and The Big Show put the world to sleep...but Jericho and Mysterio tore the roof off the place and CM Punk won the title. Yep, it was a strange night full of hogs and Singapore canes. Gimmicks. I love them.

KOFI KINGSTON vs. MVP vs. MATT HARDY vs. WILLIAM REGAL (6:43): A lot of the matches on this show were short. That's a good thing. It's rare for a wrestler to be good enough to be able to make a long match dramatic and engrossing. Kofi was jumping all over the place and the pace was fast. Matt Hardy wrestled with a cast on his hand and William Regal was his usual old, bumbling self but it was a short, sweet match. ***

+CHRIS JERICHO vs. REY MYSTERIO (14:46): This was the match of the night. For some reason these two just mesh perfectly together. I picked Jericho to win the Intercontinental Title here. He lost last month to Mysterio. I figured he'd win this time around. The finish had Mysterio in the Walls of Jericho. Mysterio wormed his way out and pushed Jericho onto the ropes where he was draped over the second rope. Mysterio went for the 619 maneuver. In mid-kick, Jericho pulled off Mysterio's mask. Jericho then quickly pinned him and won. Rey obviously covered his face up (even though we all remember when he wrestled without a mask for years in WCW). It was a tricky finish but they pulled it off. Great, dramatic, exciting match. ***

+CM PUNK vs. UMAGA (9:02): This was a Somoan Strap match. First off, I've never seen a good strap match ever. Second, this stipulation seemed forced simply because every match had to have one. Since the wrestler's hands are strapped together they can't really do any good moves. To win you have to touch each corner. I remember Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan had a strap match once and Hogan just pinned Flair instead of touching the corners. The announcers and audience were dumbfounded. Well CM Punk at least remembered the rules. He won. This was a very dull match. 1/2*

+TOMMY DREAMER vs. CHRISTIAN vs. JACK SWAGGER (9:41): This match was for the coveted ECW Championship. Dreamer's contract was up and it would be his last match. Duh. Of course he won. This wasn't a very good match, although Christian was jumping all over the place and it was cool to see Dreamer win the title and celebrate in the crowd. Trashcans and Singapore canes were used. This is what ECW has become: a pale imitation of itself. **

+SANTINA vs. VICKIE GUERRERO & CHAVO GUERRERO (2:45): Remember Vince Russo's awful stipulation matches he orchestrated in WCW? This seems like one of those. Utterly pointless and the type of match that good wrestling can't possibly occur in. This was a Hog Pen match. There was a mud filled pen at ringside with pigs. The three of them threw mud at one another and tossed slop buckets at each other. Realistically, it should have been funny. It was just gross. 1/2*

BATISTA vs. RANDY ORTON (7:07): This was a cage match. Batista won the title here. That shocked me, actually. It was also short. And it actually wasn't that bad. The match started with Orton trying to climb the cage. They realized these two weren't going to exactly blow the roof off the place with their wrestling, so it was most cage type wrestling. They threw each other into the cage. Orton tried to climb the cage and Batista pulled him down. Batista won the title after delivering his power bomb finisher. So the Age of Orton is over? Good. **

+JOHN CENA vs. THE BIG SHOW (19:04): I said that their match last month was one of the worst I've ever seen. This was just as bad (and almost twenty minutes long! Jesus). It was a submission match. The Big Show beat up Cena for a good fifteen minutes. Cena was hurt and laid there. The Big Show walked around at the fast speed of two miles an hour. For fifteen minutes! This was unGodly brutal...to watch. Did they learn nothing from last month? These two know how to do one thing: put the crowd to sleep. Cena did some moves at the end and then won by hooking The Big Show's leg in the ropes and putting on his FU submission hold. But...if the opponent's foot is on the ropes doesn't that mean you have to break the hold? It made no sense! Truly the worst feud in the history of the business. -No Stars-

+JEFF HARDY vs. EDGE LADDER MATCH (20:18)/ +CM PUNK vs. JEFF HARDY (1:03): This should have been the greatest match in the history of the WWE. It wasn't. They couldn't live up to the hype of course, but it was also fairly typical and not as fast paced and shocking as it should have been. It was still good, definitely, just not as legendary as some of their previous ladder matches (perhaps it was the lack of tables). There were more sick moves than exciting ones. Jeff Hardy sat a ladder upside down in the ring and tossed Edge chest first onto the middle thing that holds up the ladder. That looked like it was going to cut him in half. The other gruesome bump had both guys fall off a ladder at ringside and crash onto a ladder that was rested from the ring to the audience railing. That move looked like it really hurt Jeff. And there were the typical ladder match antics: Jeff hanging from the title high above the ring. Both falling off the top and landing on the ropes. A mid-air Twist of Fate. Jeff Hardy won after pulling Edge through the rungs of the ladder, causing him to be stuck. After Jeff won the title, though, CM Punk came out, cashed his Money in the Bank contract and went on to pin Jeff. Hardy did kick out of Punk's first G.T.S., but his second was too much. I like that CM Punk has the title, but Jeff hasn't held the title for a long reign yet. Also...a ladder match is exciting. Shouldn't you have someone cash in the MITB contract after a boring match? This was a good finish to the night but it was not significant. ***

Besides the Hog Pen match and the Big Show/Cena match, this was a good show. The ladder match was typical and sick but not one of the best. Mysterio and Jericho blew the roof off with a great match and the opener was fast paced and exciting. This show was missing HHH but I actually didn't miss him. This show brings forth all new champions. Dreamer, CM Punk, Jericho, and Batista are all new champs. This should make the slew of TV shows interesting (they now have four shows weekly, as WGN on Thursday has a new hour show called Superstars). Extreme Rules was a success because they did have some good gimmicks. It's always nice to see a cage and a ladder match. The others were mostly pointless but at least the stipulations add something special to the show. It's been one of the better shows these past few years. The Bash is up next (it used to be the Great American Bash and it used to be in July). I'm guessing that we'll see a Batista vs. HHH vs. Orton three way and perhaps an Edge vs. CM Punk vs. Hardy three way. Let's hope that this time CM Punk doesn't lose the title in a match he isn't in (yes, we remember last year's Unforgiven). Don't fuck it up. Right?

WWE's JUDGMENT DAY

Sunday, May 17th, 2009 from Rosemont, Illinois

Last year I said that the biggest disappointment of the year in wrestling was the WWE giving up on the undercard. They always promote the hell out of the main event matches (now they have two title matches on every show). The undercard guys are stuck with no storylines and in matches that are utterly pointless. Well this show, at least wrestling wise, proved that theory wrong. The first half of this show was good. The second half was mostly awful. The reasons are obvious. CM Punk, Christian, Shelton Benjamin, Chris Jericho, and John Morrison are all terrific, exciting, entertaining wrestlers. The Big Show, John Cena, Randy Orton and Edge (lately) are not.

This turned out to be a half good and half bad show. But it at least proves that the WWE has a healthy roster of stars ready to emerge. Let's hope that this summer they finally break through.

UMAGA vs. CM PUNK (11:54): CM Punk won the Money in the Bank Ladder match at Wrestlemania. He was swiftly given to losing matches. Thanks. Umaga is back. I guess they wanted to give him a new, healthy push. This was a brutal and entertaining match. It wasn't shockingly good or anything, but it worked. The finale had Umaga giving CM Punk the thumb to the neck finisher and tossing him down to the mat like a rag doll. CM Punk: remember when you were the champion? Yeah, I'm kind of forgetting that myself. **1/2

CHRISTIAN vs. JACK SWAGGER (9:35): Christian is a star. The crowd loves him. It seems to be only a matter of time before the WWE relents and takes him off the ECW show. Christian lept off the top rope and down onto Swagger at ringside. Christian was all over the place. He's really trying unlike <ahem> Cena, The Big Show, Orton. I could go on and on. Swagger, meanwhile, kept to his ground game, submission pummeling. Sadly, Swagger's “style” isn't going to get him over in the WWE. He's a snooze to watch. This was a half-decent match, though. Christian wins by pulling Swagger's tights to help pin him. **

+JOHN MORRISON vs. SHELTON BENJAMIN (10:10): Morrison is a great wrestler. He's crazy, too. A lot of his insane moves miss their mark, though, which means he probably won't be in the main event of Summerslam anytime soon. Benjamin is also a high flier and this match should have been utterly awesome. It wasn't, but it was good. Morrison did a wild top-rope flip onto Benjamin for the win. It was sloppy in spots (Morrison almost missed an over the top rope somersault) but it was something fresh. **1/2

THE MIZ SEGMENT: Real World's The Miz came out and mocked John Cena. Then he mocked Alfonso Soriano of the Cubs. Then he beat up Santino. Then Chavo Guerrero came out and frog-splashed Chavo. The Miz is a hardcore heel but it comes off as trying too hard. Santino is hilarious. Why won't they give him a bigger push already? This was amusing stuff. And actually a lot more fun than a match between any of them would have been. **1/2

+REY MYSTERIO vs. CHRIS JERICHO (12:38): This was a stellar match. The main event in my opinion, as the rest of the show sucked. Rey was all over the place. Jericho put Rey in the Walls of Jericho a few times. It was back and forth and a tough, exciting match. This was for no title. There was no storyline going on. What is wrong with the WWE? ***

BATISTA vs. RANDY ORTON (14:43): This match was awful, awful stuff. HHH is on the sidelines. They needed an Orton opponent. Batista is a beast but also a walking tree-trunk of a wrestler. What this means is it was a physical match but a slow, plodding one. The finish was horrendously silly. Orton wanted to get a DQ and keep the title so he slapped the referee. Match over. Terrible. ½*

+JOHN CENA vs. THE BIG SHOW (14:59): Did you think that the last match was terrible? This was a lot worse. This might have been the worst match I have ever seen. Yes, it was that bad. Last month at Backlash, The Big Show threw Cena through an entranceway spotlight. Cena was hurt for this match because of that. What this means is...for twelve minutes The Big Show beat up Cena. It was so fucking boring. The crowd was ready to riot (they would have if they weren't asleep). After twelve or so ultra-slow minutes, Cena miraculously started to do things and then won. Huh? I can't wait for their submission match next month. -No Stars-

+EDGE vs. JEFF HARDY (19:55): This was the main event. Jeff Hardy lost after getting hit by Matt Hardy. Matt broke his arm last month at Backlash and he's wearing a cast. Jeff was dazed after his brother knocked him over. This led to Edge doing a really sick DDT from the top rope on Jeff. This match was mediocre, actually. It was also a little boring. Jeff Hardy did his usual high flying shit, but Edge was monotonous. The finish was lame. Do we really need to see a third Hardy vs. Hardy match? Not the epic main event we wanted. **

This show started off very good. Not just the wrestling but also the writing. The writers assembled a good lineup with a lot of possibilities. Shelton Benjamin vs. John Morrison is a fucking dream match (granted, it only turned out to be a little better than average). Mysterio vs. Jericho is a stellar match on paper (it turned out to be a good one). Even Jeff Hardy vs. Edge and Batista vs. Orton are two of the best title matches out there with the WWE's current champs (really...who else could Edge or Orton face and get the crowd and fans into it?). The problem with the show was that the second half was boring. I will say that at least a title didn't change hands. I'm sick of it.

So it was hit or miss for Judgment Day, a show that I never remember being floored by (last year's featured an awfully slow main event cage match between Orton and HHH). Next up is ECW One Night Stand...which is now called WWE Extreme Rules. There is only one good match on the show, but it could turn out to be the match of the year. Jeff Hardy vs. Edge or the title in a Ladder match. I can't wait.