TNA LOCKDOWN

Sunday, April 17th, 2011 from Cincinnati, Ohio

RED vs. SUICIDE vs. ROBBIE E vs. MAX BUCK vs. JEREMY BUCK vs. AMAZING RED vs. JAY LETHAL vs. CHRIS SABIN vs. BRIAN KENDRICK: TNA might save some money by not having five-thousand wrestlers on their shows. This was an "Escape the Cage" match. Like most of the matches on this show the rules were ill-defined. You could pin people until there were two left and then one had to escape. I think. There were some wild, crazy, sloppy moves. It was entertaining. **1/2 (out of ****).

SHANNON MOORE & JESSE NEAL vs. SCOTT STEINER & CRIMSON vs. ORLANDO JORDAN & ERIC YOUNG vs. DOUGLAS WILLIAMS & MAGNUS: Steiner thinks he's God. Is he? He wouldn't let anyone get a shot in on him but his team still lost. Mostly boring. *1/2

MICKIE JAMES vs. MADISON RAYNE: This match was thirty-five seconds. And this was a "Hair vs. Belt" match. James won the belt. And I wanted to see a bald girl crying. *1/2

SOMOA JOE vs. POPE: Remember when Somoa Joe was in exciting matches? This was very methodical and boring. The crowd was there but seemingly asleep. *

MATT MORGAN vs. HERNANDEZ: Another boring match. 1/2*

JEFF JARRETT vs. KURT ANGLE: A sloppy, wild, insane match. Jarrett slammed Angle onto the mat from the top of the cage and Angle landed on his head. Angle then did a moonsault off the top of the cage and missed Jarrett. Angle also got hit with a guitar and Jarrett bled. It was by far the match of the night. It was a mess but super entertaining. ***

STING vs. RVD vs. MR. ANDERSON: Sting won in a short, dull match. RVD didn't even deliver any patented moves. Eh. 1/2*

BEER MONEY & KAZARIAN & CHRISTOPHER DANIELS vs. RIC FLAIR & MATT HARDY & BULLY RAY & ABYSS "Lethal Lockdown": Daniels actually did what I've been begging somebody to do in the WWE's endless amount of terrible Hell in a Cell matches: he jumped off the top of the cage. The only other highlight was seeing Flair a ragged, bloody, embarrassing mess. AJ Styles did show up to beat up Bully Ray. The rest was stale. **1/2

WWE WRESTLEMANIA XXVII

Sunday, April 3rd, 2010 from Atlanta, Georgia

EDGE vs. ALBERTO DEL RIO: Wow. A title match on first. Edge retained...which was a little surprising. Even more surprising: this was perhaps the best match on the show. It was certainly basic but it was never slow or stale and the crowd was alive this early. *** (out of ****)

MYSTERIO vs. CODY RHODES: Not bad, but it felt like a typical Smackdown match. Mysterio eventually took off Rhodes' mask, put it on and then head-butted Rhodes a few times. Rhodes won by hitting Mysterio with his knee brace. **

THE CORE vs. THE BIG SHOW, KOFI KINGSTON, SANTINO MARELLA & KANE: This was like three minutes long. So is The Core and The Nexus storylines finally over? *

RANDY ORTON vs. CM PUNK: Kind of anti-climatic and too slow. *1/2

MICHAEL COLE vs. JERRY "THE KING" LAWLER: Cole, the "evil" announcer, has been the most entertaining thing in the WWE the last few months. Too bad he can't wrestle. "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, the special ref, ended up pushing Cole to get Lawler DQ'd. Austin also drank beer, drove to the ring in an ATV and stunned Booker T., announcer Josh Matthews, and Cole. It was amusing but also boring. *1/2

THE UNDERTAKER vs. TRIPLE H: The finish sucked: HHH tapped out. They destroyed The Cole Mine and the Spanish announce table and kicked out of each others finishing moves a bunch of times. It felt like a retread of the first HBK-Taker match. Do something new, guys. **1/2

DOLPH ZIGGLER & LAYCOOL vs. JOHN MORRISON, TRISH STRATUS & SNOOKI: Very short. Morrison ran into the ring to celebrate before Snooki was even done pinning Michelle McCool. I guess he wanted out of there. 1/2*

THE MIZ vs. JOHN CENA: An awful snooze-fest. The Miz is not an entertaining wrestler and Cena looked sloppy and off. Cena slammed The Miz hard onto the concrete floor and the ref counted them out. The Rock came out and re-started the match, gave Cena a Rock Bottom and The Miz pinned Cena to win. Not the exciting finish we all wanted. *1/2

TNA VICTORY ROAD

Sunday, March 13th, 2011 from Orlando, Florida

TOMMY DREAMER vs. BULLY RAY: This was a classic pseudo-ECW match. They wrestled all over the building. They used weapons like a blow-up sex doll. The finish had D-Von's sons come out and distract Bully Ray and then Dreamer and D-Von put Bully through a table. Probably as good as it ever could have been. *1/2 (out of ****)

ANGELINA LOVE & WINTER vs. SARITA & ROSITA: Remember when TNA had good women's matches? Those were the days. -No Stars-

MATT MORGAN vs. HERNANDEZ "First Blood Match": Hernandez should go back to AAA. And I've never seen a good First Blood match. Hernandez was cut but sprayed fake blood onto Morgan and Morgan lost. 1/2*

KAZARIAN vs. ROBBIE E vs. MAX BUCK vs. JEREMY BUCK "Ultimate X Match": This was a great match. Kazarian's moves look so dangerous. I'd never agree to wrestle him. The two Bucks, who make up Generation Me, were phenomenal. Tazz called their one maneuver, "Circue du Soleil." The finish had Kazarian walking across the top of the structure while Robbie E set up a ladder and started climbing up. Kazarian knocked Robbie E off the ladder and grabbed the belt. There were a ton of moves that you really had to see to believe, but it was wild and super entertaining. ***1/2

BEER MONEY vs. INK INC.: Shannon Moore still looks like he's 12...but wasn't he wrestling in WCW? This match was oh-so boring. Beer Money is an embarrassment. -No Stars-

A.J. STYLES vs. MATT HARDY: Hardy did a moonsault off of the top rope. Otherwise this match was epically slow. Why weren't Somoa Joe and Kurt Angle on this show? *

MR. ANDERSON vs. RVD: Dave Meltzer said it best when he said, "Does TNA want people to stop buying their ppv's?" This match ended in a double count out when Anderson DDT'd RVD on the ring apron and they both couldn't get back in. A terrible finish to an average match. **

STING vs. JEFF HARDY: Wow. A minute long main event. And it was still better than half of the other matches. Sting pinned Hardy 1:28 into the match. Hardy did take a very long time getting out from the back to make his entrance. I'm guessing he was hurt. If that's the case...why not change the main event? It's not like TNA promotes their ppv matches anyway. As Sting walked up the entrance way after the match the fans were yelling stuff at him and he said, "I agree. I agree." Even the wrestlers realize their company sucks. That's not good. 1/2*

WWE ELIMINATION CHAMBER

Sunday, February 20th, 2011 from Oakland, California

ALBERTO DEL RIO vs. KOFI KINGSTON: I missed this non-title match, but Del Rio won. Remember when this ppv used to have the first Elimination Chamber match go on first?

EDGE vs. REY MYSTERIO vs. THE BIG SHOW vs. DREW MCINTYRE vs. WADE BARRET vs. KANE: Epic and awesome. This was the best WWE match since the Smackdown TLC match in December. It was fast paced and was pretty brutal. Barret and Mysterio both got tossed through the plastic pod door causing a loud crash that the audience loved. Mysterio also got tossed head first into one of the pod walls. The ending had Mysterio and Edge left and both kicked out of a ton of finishing moves before Edge speared Mysterio in mid-air and won. Smackdown is a terrible show, but this was a masterpiece. **** (out of ****)

BOOKER T. & TRISH STRATUS: These two, along with 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin, are hosting the new Tough Enough show. They more or less talked to the audience and it was awful. What's up with all the filler on this show?

SATINO MARELLA & VLADIMIR KOSLOV vs. HEATH SLATER & JUSTIN GABRIEL: The Tag titles changed hands...but are there any other tag teams on RAW? Gabriel's finisher is great. When he stood on the top rope ready to deliver is double flip maneuver the crowd was oohing and aahing. That's about it. *1/2

VICKI GUERRERO & KELLY KELLY & LAYCOOL: Dolph Ziggler was fired on Smackdown. That was the reason The Big Show was in the first chamber match. Teddy Long re-hired Kelly Kelly, who beat down Vicki. Then Laycool came out and Trish Stratus and it was a sloppy mess.

THE MIZ vs. JERRY 'THE KING' LAWLER: Very dull. There wasn't one surprise on this show which was kind of sad. *1/2

JOHN CENA vs. RANDY ORTON vs. JOHN MORRISON vs. KING SEAMUS vs. CM PUNK vs. R. TRUTH: A little too slow compared to the terrific first chamber match. CM Punk got stuck getting out of his pod and was thus beat down and pinned so the RAW GM let him re-enter the match. Morrison climbed up the ceiling and dropped down onto Seamus. That was the highlight. Cena won after pinning CM Punk. The crowd was pretty dead for this match. It was good but nothing special. **1/2

TNA AGAINST ALL ODDS

Sunday, February 13th, 2011, from Orlando, Florida

KAZARIAN vs. ROBBIE E: I only caught the tail end of this match, but Kazarian won the X-Division title.

BEER MONEY & SCOTT STEINER vs. GUNNER & MURPHY & ROB TERRY: Steiner is still wrestling? That's a surprise. Kind of sad ppv with The Motor City Machine Guns and AJ Styles absent. This was average stuff really. **

SOMOA JOE vs. POPE: The Pope stalled early and kept leaving the ring. Ooooh...psychological mind games! The stalling probably is the reason I thought that this match was kind of short, because when they started wrestling it didn't seem to last long enough. Pope tapped out and Joe won. Nothing special, but Joe looked good. **

MADISON RAYNE vs. MICKIE JAMES: A wild brawl more than a match. **

MATT MORGAN/HERNANDEZ: So Hernandez hates Morgan because of the tension between Mexicans and Americans? Huh? Weird. Hernandez came out and beat up Morgan to set up a feud that makes absolutely no sense.

RVD vs. MATT HARDY: It was entertaining, but both guys are shells of their former selves and it's kind of sad. **

BULLY RAY vs. DEVON: So Devon's two sons came out and obviously got beat up by Bubba Ray Dudley...or Bully Ray...or whatever he's called now. Bully handcuffed Devon to the ring post and then put one of his kids through a table. It was a super slow, super mediocre match. 1/2*

JEFF JARRETT vs. KURT ANGLE: Good but not great, although Angle was incredible, fast, and almost at his best. These two had a spectacular match a few years ago in TNA and this one wasn't as good but still the best of the night. The hilarious stipulation is that if Angle lost he would have to walk Karen down the aisle to renew JJ and Karen's wedding vows. Who writes this shit? Oh, wait...I think Vince Russo still does. **1/2

JEFF HARDY vs. MR. ANDERSON “Ladder Match”: Remember the epic ladder matches Jeff Hardy was in in the WWE? Well forget those because they're gone. This was slow and really sloppy. Jeff did a lot of suicidal stuff but even the ending was botched when he fell from the top without the belt and then had to go scramble back up and get it. Anderson did take a ton of punishment, and even delivered his Fireman's Carry finisher onto a ladder which was awesome. Why did Jeff lose last month only to win here? A one month title reign for Anderson? Kind of lame. **1/2

WWE Royal Rumble

Sunday, January 30th, 2011, from Boston

EDGE vs. DOLPH ZIGGLER: I loved that both title matches went on first. Usually at a ppv you have to slog through an hour and a half waiting to see the main event matches. The problem was that there were no title changes and both matches ended in controversy. In this match, Edge's Spear was deemed illegal by Vickie Guerrero...so of course he used it to win when the ref wasn't looking. Not great, but the best match of the night. **1/2

THE MIZ vs. RANDY ORTON: CM Punk and Nexus helped The Miz win for no other reason than to set up Orton vs. Punk at Wrestlemania. As much as I like The Miz as champ, he's never been in a great match. The Nexus showing up helped alleviate this match from a total bore. **

EVE vs. NATALYA vs. LAYLA vs. MICHELLE McCOOL: A Fatal Four Way Women's Title match. What's worse? Probably nothing. 1/2*

THE ROYAL RUMBLE (ALBERTO DEL RIO): I picked John Morrison, but when he was knocked off the ring early and clung to the barrier like a cat I knew he wasn't winning. He eventually climbed up and lept onto the stairs and back into the ring, but if he was supposed to win than he never would have been given the chance to do something like that. With forty wrestlers, this was the biggest Rumble ever. It was also very boring. The Nexus took control early until The Great Khali showed up. Diesel and Booker T. were surprise entrants that got thrown out super fast even though the crowd loved them. The Miz, doing commentary, ran into the ring and threw John Cena out. Santino got KO'd and fell to the floor under the ropes and didn't return until Alberto Del Rio was the only one left. Would Santino actually win this thing? Flashbacks of David Arquette as the WCW Champ swirled in my head...but Del Rio tossed Santino out and Alberto Del Rio won. Not the best show but a good choice to have Del Rio win. **

TNA GENESIS

Sunday, January 9th, 2010, from Orlando, Florida

JAY LETHAL vs. FRANKIE KAZARIAN: The X-Division title changed hands yet again. I kind of thought the Jersey Shore dude had the title. Kazarian is a member of the N.W.O....I mean “Immortal,” the group led by Bischoff and Flair and pretty much everyone in TNA. This was, more or less, a basic match. It was typical, really, and not all that exciting. *1/2 (out of ****)

MADISON RAYNE vs. MICKIE JAMES: For some strange reason the crowd was really into this match. You know...they could have just went to a strip club that features Jell-O wrestling. I heard that Awesome Kong signed with the WWE. Really? I hope she knows they fucking destroy all women wrestlers that sign with them. Look at Gail Kim. Or, actually, don't. I'm not even sure if she's still with them. This was better than most WWE women's matches...but I paid little attention to it. I remember them jumping on each other and fake punching. *

THE MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS vs. BEER MONEY: A total let down. Why is this surprising? The Machine Guns are the best, most exciting tag team in wrestling. Beer Money is the exact opposite. It had less spots and was more a traditional match. Eh. **

BROTHER RAY vs. D-VON: I hope we don't see a rematch. 1/2*

DOUGLAS WILLIAMS vs. ABYSS: AJ Styles was supposed to wrestle Williams. Think of the worst wrestler that they could replace him with. Yes, Abyss. And Abyss won the title here, whatever TNA calls their “B” belt. *

RVD vs. MATT HARDY: So RVD told Bischoff that he wants to wrestle Hardy. Well, tough luck, because you didn't say “Jeff.” Matt looked fat and was boring. RVD is still exciting but a little slow in his old age. This was mostly pointless except to introduce a fat, old, used-to-be star. *1/2

JEFF JARRETT vs. KURT ANGLE: This was MMA rules. The first round had Angle sitting in the middle of the ring and JJ afraid to go near him. The second round had some mat wrestling. The third had JJ getting an illegal solution in Angle's eyes and the match ended with Angle a bloody mess. These two had some spectacular matches in the past. This was awful. Fake MMA is not fun to watch. 1/2*

MATT MORGAN vs. MR. ANDERSON: A real bore. *

MR. ANDERSON vs. JEFF HARDY: Wow. An unannounced match. What is this? WCW? Oh...wait. This was the best match of the night even though it wasn't even that good. Mick Foley showed up and took a chair away from Jeff Hardy. Bischoff got hit with a chair from Mr. Anderson. Jeff Hardy took Anderson's finisher and got right back up like he was fine. Weird. It culminated with Mr. Anderson winning eventually. A good finish to a really awful ppv. **1/2