WWE PAYBACK

Orlando

THE RIOTT SQUAD vs. THE ICONICS (9:00): I'm not sure why the WWE decided to put two PPV's on in 8 days. I'm guessing it was to sucker people into subscribing to the WWE network now that The Thunderdome (minus Tina Turner) is around. I was emailed an offer for a free month of the WWE network (I cancelled it in March) and I took it because I would get the NXT Takeover, Summerslam, and this show for free. I'm guessing that was the idea...to get people hooked quickly. Otherwise, I'm baffled why they would put on two PPV's on back to back Sunday's. I actually think that this show was probably more entertaining than Summerslam, although neither were that great. The WWE has suffered for awhile now by not having any kind of big superstars or big angles. What the WWE has been is pedestrian and average these last few years while all of the excitement and big matches have been in NXT. This match was the pre-show match (and, seriously, does anyone watch the entire hour pre-show? I just skip to the match because I rarely watch these shows live and usually end up barely paying attention to the match while I peruse the internet or read the newspaper). I really didn't think The Iconics were still around. They're these annoying Australian girls that can't wrestle. One of them is gorgeous, so that's probably why they exist. As for the Riott Squad...Liv Morgan is a Harley Quinn rip-off, and she's pretty, so I suppose that's why she's around. None of these four girls are good wrestlers or entertaining in the ring. This was forgettable stuff. 1/2*

BOBBY LASHLEY vs. APOLLO CREWS (9:30): Bobby Lashley won the U.S. title here, or whatever the hell they're calling it these days. Who has the IC title? Should I look that up? Jeff Hardy has it. He just beat AJ Styles for it on Smackdown last week. I haven't watched Smackdown in months, probably since the pandemic started. I haven't watched RAW either since the pandemic started. I still watch AEW every week and usually watch NXT if there's a good match on (this week, NXT had a Fatal Four Iron Man match for the title...which of course ended up in a two-way draw between Adam Cole and Finn Balor...which means those two are having a singles match next week for the title). I'm surprised Bobby Lashley is still around, too. Remember that awful gimmick earlier this year where Lana cheated on Rusev with Lashley? They even had a wedding. What happened to Lana? I know they fired Rusev. Lashley won, which I guess means Vince still likes him (he's a big, dumb oaf that can't wrestle...so that makes sense). Lashley has Shelton Benjamin and MVP has his entourage for some reason. Apollo Crews does some top rope dives and flips...so this wasn't awful. *1/2

BIG E vs. SHEAMUS (12:20): They're attempting to push Big E as a singles wrestler for some reason. They kind of gave up on Kofi Kingston after Brock Lesnar beat him for the title in like thirty seconds last year. The other New Day member is injured. There wasn't much too this match. I suppose Big E might be a good singles wrestler if he had a good opponent and it occurred in a different company. 1/2*

MATT RIDDLE vs. KING CORBIN (10:55): The one thing about watching the WWE these days is that it makes you fucking depressed as all hell because they take exciting, thrilling, indie wrestlers and destroy them. Remember Ricochet? God, don't even bring him up. Matt Riddle at least looked somewhat like his usual self here...the only problem was that he's stuck fighting Baron Corbin. Maybe guys like Ricochet and Matt Riddle and Keith Lee don't mind that they've been turned into shells of their former selves because they're making good money. I hope I'm wrong about that, though. I'd be pissed off about my life choices if I was Ricochet. *1/2

SHAYNA BASZLER & NIA JAX vs. SASHA BANKS & BAYLEY (10:20): Baszler and Jax won the women's tag titles here. And no, I'm not exactly sure why Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler are even a tag team. Nia looked as dangerous as ever, holding Banks by her legs while she swung her back and forth into the wall at ringside. Banks tapped out while Baszler had both of them in some sort of chokehold. This was at least fast paced. **

KEITH LEE vs. RANDY ORTON (6:40): Orton lost to Drew McIntyre last week (and McIntyre, the Universal champ, wasn't on this show for some reason) and he lost to Keith Lee tonight. I wonder what he did to piss off the writers. He did make fun of Roman Reigns' teeth on Twitter. Reigns came back last week looking like he got fake teeth and plastic surgery on his face. Keith Lee lost the NXT title to Karrion Kross last week and Kross hurt his shoulder and had to relinquish the title. Lee is on the main roster now so they kind of had to give him a win in his first match. Beating Orton seems like a big deal. This was too short to amount to much, although Keith Lee is exciting. The problem is he's probably not going to be allowed to do all of the crazy, high flying stuff he made his name doing. **

REY MYSTERIO & DOMINIK MYSTERIO vs. SETH ROLLINS & BUDDY MURPHY (16:00): This was very entertaining, albeit more a RAW main event type of match than a worthy PPV match. Dominik is a bit green but still does all of the leaps and jumps his pop does. He's also young so he's fast. Murphy botched a bunch of moves late for some reason. It looks like this is all heading to a Rollins vs. Murphy match, which should be great as those two are two of the best wrestlers on RAW. Granted, in a perfect world, the main event of this PPV would have been Matt Riddle vs. Keith Lee for the title in a 35:00 epic. Hell, I'd take a Keith Lee vs. Buddy Murphy main event title match. Those matches will never happen, unfortunately. This match was at least fun, though, and had a lot of action. **1/2

ROMAN REIGNS vs. THE FIEND vs. BRAUN STROWMAN (12:46): Bray Wyatt and Braun Strowman wrestled for five minutes or so until Wyatt suplexed Strowman off of the top rope and the ring half-collapsed. Then Roman Reigns finally decided to come out because he's a heel now and Paul Heyman is his manager. Reigns couldn't get the easy pin right away but eventually he won the title and is the new champ. I'm not sure why they decided to make Reigns a heel now after so many years of fans booing him anyway. There aren't that many good guys left, are there? McIntyre, Riddle, and Keith Lee are babyfaces...but they're on RAW. Reigns is on Smackdown with Strowman and The Fiend and AJ Styles...who I think is still a heel. And what happened to Daniel Bryan? As for this match...the ring breaking has been done before so wasn't as exciting as maybe they thought it'd be. Strowman and The Fiend are boring. Reigns didn't show up until the end so an exciting three-way didn't exactly happen. This was just okay. **

NJPW SUMMER STRUGGLE IN JINGU

Tokyo

YOSHINOBU KANEMARU vs. MASTER WATO (7:31): New Japan was supposed to have a big show at Madison Square Garden on this date, the last Saturday of August. I'm kind of thinking that the card would have been better if that had happened. I also kind of think that Evil would never have been champion if not for the pandemic, but who knows? New Japan still put on a big show, this one at a baseball stadium in Tokyo. The history of this baseball stadium is actually pretty interesting. It's one of the few stadiums still around that Babe Ruth played in. Fenway Park he played in. Where else? In the 20's, a few American baseball stars like Ruth and Lou Gehrig came to Tokyo and did a 22 game exhibition series. But it gets even more interesting! Japan famously loathes outsiders the same way racism is baked into the U.S. Someone was pissed off that non-Japanese players were going to play in Jingu Stadium so he attempted to assassinate the guy that set it up. He tried to kill him with a sword and failed, though did wound the guy. Jesus Christ. I can't believe that story is real. Guy hated Babe Ruth flying all the way to Tokyo to play baseball? World's strange. So this stadium is super old but it made the show look pretty cool with a big backdrop and 5,000 fans scattered throughout. When the sun was setting during the Tanahashi tag match it made a beautiful backdrop. Too bad this show wasn't any good, as most of the New Japan shows haven't been very good since they returned in July (hopefully things pick up when the G1 stars on September 15th). Kanemaru, who's kind of just a side guy comedian type (he always takes a swig of liquor and spits it in his opponent's face), beat the upstart, Master Wato, who just returned this year from his Mexican furlough. Hirai Kawato, now known as Master Wato, was getting a lot of buzz in New Japan. Then he went to CMLL and didn't really do much of anything besides win the lame Welterweight title (which he still has! That makes no sense...considering he's not even in CMLL anymore). He didn't look sharp nor exciting here. Oh, well. 1/2*

TORU YANO vs. EL DESPERADO vs. KAZUCHIKA OKADA vs. SANADA (7:01): This match was the finals of an experimental tournament that crowned the new King of Pro-Wrestling champion. I really don't think New Japan needs another title. They already have the IWGP title, the IWGP Jr. title, the NEVER title, the Jr. tag titles, the 6-man tag titles, and the Heavyweight tag titles. The KOPW title is slightly different in that every match has a stipulation that one of the wrestlers comes up with. Unfortunately they haven't been any kind of interesting stipulation like a cage match or ladder match, they've been dumb stips like a submission match or a two-count match. It was surprising that Yano pinned Okada (after giving him a low blow). What the fuck is Okada even doing in such a forgettable, early match on a major show? Especially when Evil, who might be the company's most boring worker, is main eventing. Who knows? The booking in this company since July has been a fucking mess. Sanada looked incredible in this match, though, and the crowd loves him. Why the hell did they give Evil the title and not Sanada? **

MINORU SUZUKI vs. SHINGO TAKAGI (14:50): Maybe Suzuki is just getting too old, because you'd think this would've been a classic considering Takagi is one of NJPW's best wrestlers. It was hard hitting but never reached any kind of high gear of excitement. Suzuki won the NEVER title...which baffles me. Every title changed hands on this show except the tag titles. **

TAJI ISHIMORI vs. HIROMU TAKAHASHI (13:30): This was the only good match on the show and it was incredible. When Hiromu returned from a broken neck in January, I mentioned that he looked a tad hesitant and wasn't as suicidal. Well, that's apparently out the window as he wrestled like a fucking mad man here. There was one German suplex he took right on his head. It was gruesome. Maybe the pandemic made him realize life is short and he decided to revert to his kamikaze ways. Or maybe Taji is just the perfect opponent for him. It was surprising that Hiromu lost the Jr. title here. Some said it was possible since Hiromu is probably going to be in the G1 tournament and Jr.'s shouldn't really be in a heavyweight tournament. Still...he just won the title in January. What a fucking run! This was fast paced and excellent. ***1/2

TAICHI & ZACK SABRE, JR. vs. HIROSHI TANAHASHI & KOTA IBUSHI (16:01): The one odd thing that they did on this show was give everyone in attendance some sort of device that made crowd noise if you pressed a button. You could press the BOO button or the CHEER button. They did this because you had to wear a mask and weren't supposed to actually yell or cheer or shout things, just clap. That's probably why there wasn't a lot of crowd noise except for random times when suddenly a cacophonous booing sound echoed throughout the stadium all at once. This match was, sadly, a bore. On a big show you'd hope that they'd put their star, Ibushi, in a singles match. I really hope that Ibushi faces Naito at the Dome...although right now it looks like it might be Hiromu vs. Naito at the Dome (it better not be fucking Evil, that's all I'm saying). It kind of seemed that, for whatever reason, none of the wrestlers were really doing much or trying hard on this show (besides Ishimori and Takahashi). Maybe wrestling in a giant, outside stadium had them all off kilter? No one in this match did much of anything. The heels won and retained their titles for some reason. *1/2

TETSUYA NAITO vs. EVIL (26:20): This was one of the worst NJPW title matches I've ever seen. The last awful one? Evil vs. Naito last month. Evil fucking sucks. He's so boring. He's so slow. Nothing he does is exciting or seamless or entertaining. He's just a plodding bore. Why they gave him the title is beyond me. They have done this before, though. They gave Jay White the title for one month two years ago just to let everyone know that he's for real and you should take him serious. The problem is...Jay White's actually been in some great matches (granted, very few) and has a lot of charisma. Evil has nothing. Literally, nothing of value. Naito won the title here, thank God. This was twenty-five minutes of Nyquil. The only semi-entertaining aspect was when a few other wrestlers ran in during the ref bump (Master Wato, Sanada, Dick Togo). I'm so glad this "experiment" is over with. Hopefully Evil's title run is forgotten forever. 1/2*

WWE SUMMERSLAM

Orlando

APOLLO CREWS vs. MVP (6:40): I noted in the NXT: Takeover 30 review that the only reason I watched that show or this show was because the WWE emailed me and offered me a free month of the WWE network. This was probably the weekend to start watching, as they introduced The Thunderdome (sadly, Tina Turner wasn't around...is she even still alive? That "Thunderdome" song of hers was a good one, though). Ratings have plummeted and Vince and co. wanted a fresh look for the shows since they've all been taking place at the performance center since March (except for NXT...which takes place at Full Sail University even though they both look pretty much the same). So the WWE decided to rent out the Amway Center in Orlando, which is where the Orlando Magic play. The WWE has it booked until October. So what they did was have TV screens in all of the seats in the lower level that show fans watching the show from their computers. Plus the WWE has a thousand laser lights that make the presentation look colorful and fresh, albeit too busy. It is rather difficult to pay attention to the in-ring moves and action with the wall of fan's faces. They also added fake crowd noise which helps, as those silent, empty building shows in March and April were unwatchable. This all meant that this show was better to watch than the WWE has been...that, or maybe I'm just used to watching things without crowds in the U.S. The other thing I wondered about was...is "Thunderdome" not trademarked? I mean...that's a famous movie. I guess not. This match was the pre-show. I haven't been watching any WWE lately so I'm not sure why MVP is back after a decade. This was forgettable. 1/2*

BAYLEY vs. ASUKA (11:35): Bayley retained the Smackdown women's title. This was just okay. Bayley and Sasha Banks are a heel team now and Asuka had to face both of them in one night for some reason. I still think turning Bayley heel was a terrible move. 1/2*

THE STREET PROFITS vs. ANDRADE & ANGEL GARZA (7:50): Hmmm. The Street Profits are the tag team champs? Okay. They're kind of like AEW's Private Party. Two apparently "cool" black dudes that do some high flying. Andrade is great, and, if the WWE was smart, would have made him champion years ago. But he's stuck in lame tag feuds. Ugh. This fucking company. There wasn't much too this. Realistically, what do you expect from an 8 minute match? *

MANDY ROSE vs. SONYA DEVILLE "LOSER LEAVES WWE MATCH" (10:05): This was actually pretty good, although why they went and did this match is beyond me. In real life last week, a crazy stalker guy broke into Sonya Deville's house and was going to kidnap her. Sonya and Mandy were both in the house when this happened but heard the alarms go off and got out safely. The police arrested the guy and this match was changed from a "Loser Gets Their Head Shaved Match" to a "Loser Leaves the WWE Match" (the latter being more of a good thing, no?). I'm assuming that's because they want to give Sonya some time off to probably move and/or take a much needed vacation. They probably should have just cancelled this match since Sonya was almost just kidnapped and probably raped and murdered. Think her head's on straight to fucking wrestle? Well since these two are friends they beat the shit out of each other with aplomb. Mandy is gorgeous...and I forgot that the WWE's best storyline in years revolved around her and Otis but the pandemic kind of ruined that. Otis did come out to congratulate Otis so I guess that storyline had a happy ending. They used a table and chairs in this. It was probably as good as it ever was going to be. **1/2

SETH ROLLINS vs. DOMINIK MYSTERIO "STREET FIGHT" (22:35): This was the best match of the night mostly because it was a classic, melee clusterfuck. So Seth Rollins rammed Rey Mysterio's head into the ring steps last month which caused Rey to lose his eye in the "Eye for an Eye Match." Yep...there was a match where to win you had to gouge out someone's eye. So I guess Rey's son, Dominik, wanted revenge. Rey was at ringside and ended up being handcuffed while his son was beaten. Rey's wife and Dominik's mother was backstage and eventually came out by the stage to watch. Buddy Murphy, Seth Rollin's evil assistant, ended up interfering and beating up everyone. They used a Singapore cane and chairs in this. This was just a lot of fun and crazy and wild even though Dominik is as green as they come. **1/2

ASUKA vs. SASHA BANKS (11:25): Asuka won in a brutal match. She took a ring apron power-bomb move similar to Hiromu's move that had Asuka slamming down hard on the floor and obviously getting a concussion. Asuka delivered a top rope DDT on Banks. Sasha eventually tapped out and lost the RAW title. In spots this reminded me of those great, NXT women's matches of old that usually involved Sasha Banks. Those were the days. **1/2

DREW MCINTYRE vs. RANDY ORTON (20:35): Are they out of options? For a show that's supposed to be the 2nd biggest show of the year...this card didn't exactly feature any big matches. Brock Lesnar, their usual to-go guy on big shows, hasn't been around since 'Mania, Cena is doing movies, and Roman didn't return until the finale. And a lot of the usual WWE guys didn't wrestle on this show; AJ Styles, Daniel Bryan, King Corbin, Sheamus, Kevin Owens, Ricochet, Matt Riddle, The Miz, John Morrison, The New Day, The Uso's, Dolph Ziggler, Aleister Black, Cesaro, Shinsuke Nakamura, Charlotte Flair, etc. I haven't been watching the WWE lately, but all of those people can't be injured, can they? Are some of them afraid to leave their house during the pandemic? Either way, this wasn't a big match, big name Summerslam. Case in point: the big RAW title match was Randy Orton vs. Drew McIntyre, a pretty lame match even if it was on a random Smackdown. They did end up having a pretty entertaining match, albeit nothing special, although giving it 20 minutes probably helped it since the WWE loves 10 minute or less matches for some reason and they never have room to grow and build up any kind of drama. McIntyre won, which is kind of surprising since he's fairly boring. **1/2

'THE FIEND' BRAY WYATT vs. BRAUN STROWMAN "FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE MATCH" (12:00): Ugh. They should have ended this show with McIntyre retaining. The Fiend won the title from Braun here...although wasn't The Fiend the champion? I think he lost to Goldberg somewhere...and I guess Braun beat Goldberg? Who knows? More importantly, who cares? This match sucked. Last month these two had a swamp fight that was worse. But it was at least amusing. These two didn't do much. They brawled backstage but didn't go far...they only went into the prep room area for a minute or two. Braun was bleeding thanks to a DDT. Wyatt looked as fat as ever. Braun took a box cutter and cut the ring mat to expose the wood and he ended up getting Wyatt's finisher on the wood. This just made me reminisce about Omega doing a Phoenix splash onto the wooden floor below the mat at last year's AEW Full Gear. That was one of the most painful moves I've ever seen. Here it didn't have quite the impact. After Wyatt won, Roman Reigns returned to spear both men for some reason. I guess Roman has been out for awhile so this was a big deal. Eh. For whatever reason, the WWE is doing another PPV a week after this show. So they're having a three way with Roman vs. Wyatt vs. Braun. They did this thirty years ago after a Survivor Series when Hogan lost the title to The Undertaker but then won it back six days later on another PPV called Tuesday in Texas or something lame. It didn't work 30 years ago, why do they think it'll work now? 1/2*

NXT TAKEOVER XXX

From Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida

FINN BALOR vs. TIMOTHY THATCHER (13:32): I haven't been watching much WWE lately for a number of reasons. And I haven't been watching NXT mostly because it goes head to head with AEW's Dynamite, which is a superior show. Wrestling without fans is almost unwatchable...but things have gotten somewhat better since the wrestlers now come out and act as the crowd. I cancelled my WWE subscription when the pandemic hit and so haven't watched most of the PPV's...though the WWE sent me an email last week offering me a free month so I took it. There's three PPV's for free this month so I figured I'd check them out. I, sadly, kind of wish I hadn't. This was by far the worst NXT show I can ever remember watching. And I don't think you can blame too much on there not being fans in the arena. The last NXT Takeover with fans was in Portland in February. While I vaguely remember it, I do remember Bryan Alvarez asking Dave Meltzer what he thought of the show and Dave said something along the lines of, "It was one of the best WWE shows ever." So the mighty have fallen! This show was atrocious. This wasn't even the first match. There was a pre-show match. I didn't realize NXT Takeover shows even had pre-shows. Either way, Finn Balor was the big mainstream name that went to NXT when they decided to compete against AEW Dynamite. I love Balor...but this Balor seems to be going through the motions. He was once good...as Prince Devitt in New Japan. I even recall him and Neville having an awesome match on a Takeover years ago. Once Balor won the Universal title and got injured and un-pushed he's never really recovered. Thatcher is a mat wrestler...which means he's boring. So instead of big dives, flips, or excitement...we got kicks and holds. Ugh. This was not good. 1/2*

DAMIAN PRIEST vs. BRONSON REED vs. CAMERON GRIMES vs. VELVETEEN DREAM vs. JOHNNY GARGANO "LADDER MATCH" (21:24): This was by far the best match on the show and realistically the only watchable one. Why Gargano is still in NXT after like five years is beyond me...although he was the best wrestler in this (his wife also made an appearance to try to help him win). Velveteen Dream is still around...even though he got caught sending and receiving naked pictures from teenage boys he messaged with on Twitter. The WWE didn't fire him because he's kind of a big NXT star. So he's still around. I honestly don't believe in ruining someone's life over something like that...so I don't mind him not being fired, tarred and feathered, or whatever punishment some might have wanted to administer. Maybe just an apology? Send him to counseling or something? The WWE kind of swept it under the rug...which was bad. And Dream took the worst bump in this, falling off a ladder, landing feet first on the top rope then flying over the protective glass at ringside and onto the announcer's table. It looked like he was dead...though they didn't give us enough replays to actually see how/where he landed. The other unique spot had Gargano's wife on someone's back (I don't think I can tell Reed and Grimes apart...but it was one of them) as they splashed off the ladder onto Gargano on the mat. This was definitely too sloppy but it was entertaining. Damian Priest, who I do remember from ROH, won the North American title. **1/2

ADAM COLE vs. PAT McAFEE (16:12): I'm not sure who Pat McAfee is. I googled him and it said he was an NFL punter. He was an announcer on one of the Wrestlemania pre-shows a few years ago. Maybe I would have enjoyed this match better if I had watched NXT regularly. McAfee did some cool flips and dives and he did sell his leg...so he definitely knows wrestling. I would have liked to see Cole against a better opponent, though, as he's one of NXT's best wrestlers. This was decent. *1/2

IO SHIRAI vs. DAKOTA KAI (17:13): Io Shirai is apparently dating NJPW's Evil. Two champ house! If they live together...which they don't, since you can't come or go from Japan these days. Maybe they do Skype sex shows late at night. Shirai and Evil have one thing in common: they're fucking boring! This match was a bore. Shirai does some top rope flips which at least are nice to look at. Kai is kind of rough and tough like a ragdoll. This just never worked. *

KARRION KROSS vs. KEITH LEE (21:51): One huge problem with this show (besides the fact that Kushida wasn't on it...is he stuck in Japan?) is that the WWE decided to compete hard against AEW Dynamite this summer so they put all of these big matches on Wednesday nights instead of saving them for their Takeover shows. Keith Lee won the title from Cole on a random Wednesday show when it should have happened here. Keith Lee is already ex-champion now...a mere month after winning the thing. What the fuck? Why even give him the title? I kind of thought they gave him the title because he's black and it happened right after the country was immersed in the Black Lives Matter protests that engulfed the country. I could be right...since he already lost the title to a guy I've never even seen before. Kross is kind of like a Vince guy; tall, muscled, not exciting in the ring. His manager, the latex clad blonde, is pretty to look at...maybe that's why he won the title. This match never turned into anything remotely entertaining. NXT usually features the best of the best and the champions are usually excellent like Cole, Ciampa, Neville, Lee. Kross is a poor choice as champ, as I can never see him ever having a great match with anyone. Sigh. Is NXT dead? *

 

I was reading a review I did for AEW’s All Out show from last year. I complained that there was too much on TV and I joked that I needed to, like, see the sun. My, what a distant fucking memory. Like unearthing a time capsule you buried in middle school in a wooded area.

            Sure, there’s stuff on TV…but nothing like a plethora of great sporting events. What is on TV is a ton of Netflix shows and TV shows that, somehow, were made before the pandemic hit in March (why on Earth have so many shows been made and ready to air but sat on a shelf until they’re release date?). I just finished watching The Boys season 1 on Amazon Prime and saw that season 2 is being released in September. Okay…so they finished filming that in February? Presumably. I suppose they had to finish doing special f/x and things and they could do that during the pandemic…but why finish shooting that in February if it’s not supposed to be released until September?

            So Netflix shows and TV shows are still being released so if you want to watch those then life is grand. But I had complained about Labor Day weekend. College football started on Saturday, AEW had a PPV, NXT UK had a Takeover show, New Japan had a show from London, and the U.S. Open tennis tournament was going on. So, yeah…I had too much to watch. And I fucking complained. Who’s the idiot now? The pandemic has taken live sporting events and massacred them and what was left was a smoking husk. And while most sports like baseball, the NBA, and the NHL have just resumed this week, wrestling surprisingly never stopped. Shocking, really, considering the world was being ravaged by the first worldwide pandemic in a hundred years. Anything sport without fans sucks, so I haven’t been reviewing any wrestling shows since March (when the ultra-bad WWE Elimination Chamber was held in Philly). I have been watching everything…mostly (I can’t bother myself watching RAW, which has hit its lowest ratings in history these last few weeks, or Smackdown). And Japan has just recently brought fans back into arenas, which is fucking great. So here’s a rundown of what’s been going on lately. It doesn’t look like the wrestling world will get back to normal anytime soon (maybe by next Spring? Fingers crossed?), so we’re stuck with what we’ve got.

WWE: When Wrestlemania was announced as being a show without fans in Orlando, I thought it was a terrible idea. Even though it was a terrible idea, in hindsight it looks like it was the right move considering all of those big matches could have only happened in a big, fan packed arena sometime maybe in 2021. The one thing that some of the companies have been doing is movie-style matches like the AJ Styles vs. Undertaker “Boneyard Match” from Wrestlemania. It was as fucking stupid as it sounds…but still light years better than the awful, no-fan shows. The big outcome at Wrestlemania, which ended up being split into 2 nights and shockingly priced as a regular PPV, was that Drew McIntyre won the title from Brock Lesnar. Lesnar hasn’t been seen since, probably because he doesn’t want to get infected, which a dozen or more WWE employees have been since working in Florida, a state that’s been ravaged by the disease (Renee Young and Apollo Crews are the 2 employees that got the Corona virus that are known…the others have never been made public…and for what it’s worth, the WWE refuses to mention the disease or pandemic on the air). The WWE followed that “Boneyard Match” up with a “Money in the Bank” match that started in the lobby of the WWE headquarters in Stamford, Connecticut and ended on the roof. Two of the wrestlers in that match were tossed off the roof and supposedly died but I’m pretty sure they’re back on TV. They also had a match in a swamp with Braun Strowman and The Fiend which everyone hated. Eventually they started having the other wrestlers at ringside which helped the shows somewhat, but I have barely watched any WWE since March (and before March I’m not sure why I watched it anyway). On NXT, Keith Lee beat Adam Cole for the NXT title. I’m not sure if that was planned or if it was because of the Black Lives Matter protests that engulfed the country in June. Either way, Keith Lee is a hell of a lot more entertaining than Drew McIntyre, who’s about as entertaining as a lump of coal. Summerslam, which was scheduled to be in Boston this month, will now just be held in Orlando without fans. One of the big matches is Seth Rollins versus Dominic, Rey Mysterio’s son. The reason? Seth Rollins won the “Eye for an Eye Match” against Mysterio when Mysterio lost an eye. Fuck. Don’t even ask.

 NJPW: New Japan was one of the few promotions that didn’t do anything for awhile. Finally they bit the bullet and held the New Japan Cup and did a bunch of no-fan shows in July. The finals of the Cup and Dominion were held with fans on back to back nights. They only allowed 20 percent capacity in the buildings and the fans were only allowed to clap, not cheer or boo or yell. Evil beat Okada to win the Cup and then shockingly beat Naito at Dominion to win the title then successfully defended it against Hiromu Takahashi. If you didn’t think a worldwide pandemic was bad, wait until you witness Evil as the IWGP champion. I’ve never liked Evil, nor, as far as I can tell, has anyone. So why, you might ask, is he the champion? And why did he beat Naito, who just won the title this year after a decades long quest? I suppose the answer is quite simple: New Japan doesn’t have any of their foreigners around thanks to travel restrictions. So their great idea was to create a new storyline and a new chase for Naito to give fans something to be interested in. So Evil turned on Naito and joined Bullet Club. And now New Japan is having a big, outside show at a baseball stadium at the end of August where Naito will have his rematch. I’m assuming Naito will win and this idiocy with Evil will end and hopefully be forgotten. It’s kind of sad that legendary wrestlers like Ibushi and Ishii have never been champ but boring, dull Evil has.

ROH: Ring of Honor was set to have a PPV in March and the day before it was cancelled and they haven’t had a show since. God knows what’s going to happen with this company, but Marty Scurll, who just signed a big contract with them and started being a booker/writer was just in the news during the huge wrestling me-too movement that scoured the internet. A bunch of women blasted wrestlers for rape or sexual inappropriateness and a bunch of wrestlers lost their jobs (none of the big names, although the WWE did fire Jack Gallagher). Scurll had gotten a blowjob from a 16 year old female wrestler a decade ago and the girl said she was taken advantage of. Sex with a 16 year old in England is legal, so Scurll won’t get arrested or anything, but it still makes him look bad. Kind of awkward that the headliner of a wrestling group with “Honor” in it’s title has taken advantage of young teenage girls.

AEW: I have watched most of the AEW shows, as they’ve been fairly entertaining. They’ve gotten a ton of new talent since the pandemic started. Matt Hardy, FTR, Brodie Lee, are just a few of the new guys they’ve signed. They went on with their PPV in May and ended up doing a match in the Jacksonville Jaguars football stadium that was pretty fun. A lot of what they do doesn’t work without crowds (like anything involving Orange Cassidy), but that’s kind a moot point: every time I see a good match or a good angle I just sigh and think to myself: man, this would’ve been awesome with a crowd. Right before the pandemic they had a big show in New Jersey set up that was going to be a War Games match. I’m still dreaming of that match…still thinking about how fucking awesome that would’ve, could’ve been. It just makes me sad.

 

WWE ELIMINATION CHAMBER

Philly

THE VIKING RAIDERS vs. CURT HAWKINS & ZACK RYDER (4:50): I don't really watch a ton of WWE programming, (I never watch Smackdown anymore and usually read the newspaper while RAW is on) but I'm actually surprised that Zack Ryder is still in the company. I know Curt Hawkins is like the star of that weird Superstars show that is on TV somewhere, at some time, but I don't know where or when. This just tells you that the WWE is swimming in wrestlers these days, so many that they have no idea what to do with most of them (one could argue any of them). They have so many wrestlers that this show, which used to be kind of a big deal, went on without most of the big name stars that are going to be in all of the big WrestleMania matches (that is, if WrestleMania even goes on...with the Corona virus sweeping the globe, big events with a lot of fly in travelers are slowly starting to be canceled in the U.S....like Austin's South By Southwest festival...and last night I watched the Stardom wrestling show from Korakuen Hall which was held without an audience and was just fucking weird as hell...so hopefully that doesn't end up happening in this country). WrestleMania's big matches include Goldberg vs. Roman Reigns (Goldberg won the title from The Fiend in Saudi Arabia two weeks ago...don't ask), Drew McIntyre vs. Brock Lesnar, Charlotte Flair vs. Rhea Ripley, Edge vs. Randy Orton, and John Cena vs. The Fiend. Guess who wasn't on this show? The Fiend, John Cena, Randy Orton, Edge, Charlotte Flair, Rhea Ripley, Brock Lesnar, Drew McIntyre, Goldberg, and Roman Reigns. Are you fucking kidding me? What the hell kind of a show was this? I kind of didn't think the WWE could get worse from that God awful Saudi Arabia show but tonight it was like I was watching an episode of TNA Impact or something. The problem was that they set up WrestleMania in Saudi Arabia instead of tonight like they usually do. And Goldberg and Lesnar, the two champs, probably didn't want to do a fucking chamber match. So we got this lame ass card. The weird thing was that the Wells Fargo Center looked pretty packed. When the one big star, The Undertaker, showed up, the fans went ape shit. But would it have killed them to throw some of the other big stars onto this show even if they're matches are superfluous? This is supposed to be one of the bigger PPV's of the year. And so this was the pre-show match. A less than five minute...oh, God, who the fuck cares? Remember how great The War Raiders used to be? Sigh. 1/2*

DANIEL BRYAN vs. DREW GULAK (14:20): Is Gulak still on 205Live? Does 205Live still exist? Because I'm pretty sure the cruiserweight champion just wrestles on NXT every week now (it was or perhaps still is Lio Rush, who's great). Gulak is apparently from Philly, though I'm not sure anyone in Philly actually knows or cares. But that's why this random match occurred. It was fine. Bryan took a wicked suplex and landed on his neck. I'm still mad that Bryan resigned with this company and probably always will. **

ANDRADE vs. HUMBERTO CARILLO (12:20): Andrade is one of the great WWE wrestlers out there, maybe the best on the main roster (Ricochet probably is better but the WWE has destroyed him worse than probably anyone ever even predicted they would). So this was actually a pretty good match. The huge problem is that for some reason these two have literally wrestled every week for the last three months for unknown reasons. It'd be one thing if, like, people cared about their feud. No one cares about this feud. Remember when Andrade wrestled Johnny Gargano on that NXT Takeover a year ago? That was incredible. The other incredible thing is that NXT just had a Takeover show last month that Dave Meltzer said was one of the greatest WWE shows of all time (it was, too) and yet the main roster shows are completely flat and monotonous. It makes zero sense. They're the same company! How are they light years apart in terms of quality? Andrade won which means that this never ending feud probably will continue. I wonder if Andrade still wishes he stayed in CMLL? **1/2

THE MIZ & JOHN MORRISON vs. THE NEW DAY vs. THE USO'S vs. HEAVY MACHINERY vs. LUCHA HOUSE PARTY vs. DOLPH ZIGGLER & ROBERT ROODE "ELIMINATION CHAMBER" (32:55): Well this was probably the match of the night. The crowd was really into it. There was a lot of action. The Lucha House Party showcased how great (and overlooked) they are. The crowd loved everything Heavy Machinery did. This was for the Smackdown tag titles which, apparently, are around the waists of The Miz and John Morrison (they retained). Gran Metalik did a bunch of great Luchadore flips and dives. Lince Dorado actually climbed to the very top of the chamber and did a flip and fell down onto everyone. Why those two guys aren't pushed more is beyond me. The one great WWE storyline that seems to have probably been ruined is the love triangle between Otis, Mandy Rose, and Dolph Ziggler. Otis crashed through one of the pods and fell completely out of the chamber in a very cool looking spot that the crowd loved. This would have been the perfect time for Mandy Rose to have run out to check on him. Rose is dating Ziggler now or something stupid which I assume is resulting in an Otis vs. Dolph 'Mania match where finally Rose and Otis will kiss. So they can still stick the landing on that storyline but I'm not holding my breath. **1/2

ALEISTER BLACK vs. AJ STYLES (23:15): Kind of a dull match with a bored crowd until The Undertaker's music hit and the lights went out and the crowd delivered their biggest pop of the night. He interfered and caused AJ to lose. This will set up the awful AJ/'Taker 'Mania match that has a ceiling of zero stars. This was also a No DQ match or a Hardcore match or something. A Singapore Cane was used. Black did a flying knee slam onto AJ through a table. That was kind of cool. *1/2

THE STREET PROFITS vs. SETH ROLLINS & BUDDY MURPHY (18:30): The Street Profits are pretty much the same as Private Party. Which is weird. And that's not a racist thing since they're all black dudes. They're literally the same gimmick team. High flying and drinking/partying. But the gimmick works, both teams are fun to watch. The Street Profits are also the RAW tag team champs now and they retained thanks to Kevin Owens interfering by coming through the crowd eating popcorn (he had no ticket) then to the ring where eventually he stunned Rollins. Buddy Murphy is now obsolete in terms of entertainment and he's now referred to only as Murphy. Remember how great he was a singles wrestler on 205Live? Now he's in this lame, heel group and is boring. I guess at least he's still on TV. This was mildly amusing, although more a standard RAW match than PPV worthy. **

SAMI ZAYN, SHINSUKE NAKAMURA & CESARO vs. BRAUN STROWMAN (8:30): This was weird. A 3 on 1 handicap match where the heels won but, oddly, only one of them became the IC champ (Sami Zayn won). Strowman didn't even really have a comeback or anything. I don't understand this. What a waste to such great talents. At least they're pushing Zayn, who's one of the company's best talkers. 1/2*

SHAYNA BAZLER vs. NATALYA vs. LIV MORGAN vs. ASUKA vs. RUBY RIOTT vs. SARAH LOGAN "ELIMINATION CHAMBER" (21:00): Ugh, what a bad main event. This was basically a squash match. What a way to close the show! This wasn't even for a title or anything, it was for the #1 contender who would face Becky Lynch at 'Mania. So Bazler choked everyone out and that was it. It was boring. I guess they wanted to show Bazler as a Brock Lesnar like beast. But don't do that in an Elimination Chamber match or in a main event, you idiots! We want action, drama, suspense! Not a yawn inducing beat down with a silent crowd. This fucking company. At least before Bazler was released from her pod there was some action (mainly with Logan, who's very animated). Does anyone even want to see Bazler vs. Lynch? Bazler was actually the rare, boring NXT star. So of course she's pushed on the main roster. 1/2*

AEW REVOLUTION

Chicago

THE DARK ORDER vs. SOCAL UNCENSORED (9:25): This was the pre-show match. I actually really like The Super Smash Brothers. I think their matches against The Young Bucks in Ring of Honor over the years were all great. However, their new, evil, Dark Order gimmick isn't working and is just stupid. I hope they decide to change it but will that even work? The fans hate them. This was a pretty basic match but at the end Colt Cabana (who is from Chicago) ran down and beat up The Dark Order and the crowd popped big for that. Christopher Daniels came out dressed in a robe (shades of Vince McMahon as the Higher Power?) to tease being The Dark Order's leader (who hasn't been revealed yet but could end up being Lance Archer, who just signed with AEW) but instead just beat The Dark Order up. This was average stuff. **

JAKE HAGER vs. DUSTIN RHODES (14:40): Jake Hager is a good bodyguard type...but I hope we don't see him wrestling again anytime soon because he's boring. The AEW crowds all love Golddust for some reason (probably because they watched the WWF in the late 90's like everyone). This wasn't terrible just kind of dry. *1/2

DARBY ALLIN vs. SAMMY GUEVERA (5:00): These two remind me of Hiromu Takahashi and Dragon Lee five years ago. That's probably not entirely a good thing, as Dragon Lee accidentally broke Hiromu's neck. But Allin and Guevera are similar in that they're fucking nuts and they move at warp speed. Allin did a dive through the ropes and his foot caught on the rope and he landed on his head in the exact botch that the new La Parka did last year (La Parka, not L.A. Park, ended up in a coma and then died a few weeks later because of that). The other crazy spot was Guevera doing a 630 from the top rope through Allin on a table. These two are insane. The table spot and a bunch of other spots happened before the bell even rang, that's why officially it was only five minutes. These two type of guys should really be in the main event for the title since they're so much more entertaining in the ring than Moxley or Jericho. ***

KENNY OMEGA & ADAM PAGE vs. THE YOUNG BUCKS (30:56): While I thought that perhaps this was AEW's worst PPV so far, this was maybe AEW's best match yet. It's not really surprising, as Omega and The Young Bucks are three of the best and most entertaining wrestlers in the world and have been for years. Adam Page is now the crowd favorite (probably because his gimmick these days is being a drunk, bad ass, lone wolf 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin type). The crowd was so behind Adam Page in this match that they began to boo The Young Bucks even before The Young Bucks started to do a few heelish things at the end. While the match was non stop action and they're all working at the top of their game...there was also a ton of storyline elements in this match that only really smart workers like these dudes can pull off. When one of the Bucks ripped off Omega's shoulder tape he suddenly stopped and held it in his hands and looked as if he was thinking, 'What am I doing? What kind of monster have I turned into?' At thirty minutes, this match had literally everything. Two weeks ago, PAC and Omega had a 30 minute Iron Man match in which Omega hurt his shoulder. When Omega attempted The One Winged Angel, his shoulder gave out so he couldn't deliver it. So Page did The One Winged Angel instead and the crowd fucking roared. My one nitpick in this masterpiece is that The Young Bucks didn't win the titles. AEW is known for their healthy tag team division yet their best team, the Bucks, aren't the champs and seem to lose often. And in a company that has a ton of real tag teams...why are two single wrestlers the tag champs when they're not even really a tag team? The Bucks winning the titles, though, would not have worked here because the crowd was totally against them and a sour finish would have ruined this match. This was an all around great match and so far the best match of the year. ****

NYLA ROSE vs. KRIS STATLANDER (12:45): Ha ha! Follow that last match! Nyla Rose beat Riho for the title a few weeks ago on Dynamite. A re-match would have been better because Statlander hasn't been around long enough for anyone to care about her (plus, Riho is awesome). This was fairly brutal and not terrible but not particular memorable. *1/2

MJF vs. CODY RHODES (24:40): Ugh. This whole match I just kept cringing when looking at Cody Rhodes' new tattoo on his neck. Is that a real tattoo? Not that any tattoo is cool or pretty or nice or anything because they all look fucking stupid but Cody's new tattoo is the ugliest and stupidest looking thing I've ever seen. It's the shape of the United States but it's also the American Flag colors. Maybe up close it's halfway decent but from far away it just looks like a hideous, black mark on his neck. It's also in a totally weird spot, like half on his neck but also creeping up the side of his head by his ear. God it's awful. Would it have killed someone to talk him out of that? I couldn't even pay attention to this match. The match was okay. They did a bunch of interference stuff. Cody kicked Arn Anderson in the face by accident. Brandy jumped off the apron onto Wardlow who caught her. MJF used his diamond ring to knock out Cody when the ref wasn't looking and MJF got the pin. MJF was also a bloody mess. The buildup to this match was better than the match. **

PAC vs. ORANGE CASSIDY (13:00): This by far had the most heat of any match on this show. Shocking, really, when you think about it. The crowd was more into PAC, a guy they don't really seem to care about that much, versus a dude that never wrestles, in a match for no title or anything, that was just announced a few days ago. But if you watch AEW you get it. Orange Cassidy has always been a crowd favorite. I love him. Why? I guess because he's amusing but also a new, fresh character that you haven't seen before. It's a great gimmick. He's lackadaisical...so when he finally did some unbelievable, big moves in this it was shocking and the place went ape shit. This was just super entertaining. They even had The Lucha Brothers come out so that The Best Friends could tangle with them a bit. Humor, action, drama. I mean...this had it all. ***1/2

JON MOXLEY vs. CHRIS JERICHO (22:20): My one gripe with AEW is that they don't have main event championship matches like Omega/Okada where it's like two guys at the top of their game battling for forty minutes in a classic, epic. The reason is simple: Jericho is the champ. He's too old to have any sort of classic, fast paced match. Sadly, Moxley isn't either. Can you imagine how awesome a Jungle Boy vs. Omega main event PPV title match would be? Or one with Darby Allin or Sammy Guevera? Well we won't be seeing those any time soon, and I guess I get why, as Jericho and Moxley are more popular and sell more tickets than guys like Jungle Boy or Allin. Moxley won the title here. You can blame the tired crowd all you want but let's face it, this match was slow and pretty boring. Jericho has only been in a few good matches in the last few years (his Naito match at last year's Dome was the best one) so it wasn't a big surprise that this was pretty sloppy and dull and just okay. Moxley bled, they brawled through the crowd, The Inner Circle interfered, Moxley took off his eye patch to reveal he wasn't blind (so why was he faking it? doesn't make much sense). So where do we go from here? I don't want to see Jericho/Moxley 2. What other heels are there? Moxley/PAC would probably be boring. Omega/Moxley would be decent but they can't really top their hardcore match from last year. Moxley's been champ in CZW, WWE, and now AEW (plus he's the U.S. champ in New Japan). Kind of crazy that ten years ago he was in Delaware in a Tournament of Death and now he's a worldwide star. **