WWE ELIMINATION CHAMBER

Philly

THE VIKING RAIDERS vs. CURT HAWKINS & ZACK RYDER (4:50): I don't really watch a ton of WWE programming, (I never watch Smackdown anymore and usually read the newspaper while RAW is on) but I'm actually surprised that Zack Ryder is still in the company. I know Curt Hawkins is like the star of that weird Superstars show that is on TV somewhere, at some time, but I don't know where or when. This just tells you that the WWE is swimming in wrestlers these days, so many that they have no idea what to do with most of them (one could argue any of them). They have so many wrestlers that this show, which used to be kind of a big deal, went on without most of the big name stars that are going to be in all of the big WrestleMania matches (that is, if WrestleMania even goes on...with the Corona virus sweeping the globe, big events with a lot of fly in travelers are slowly starting to be canceled in the U.S....like Austin's South By Southwest festival...and last night I watched the Stardom wrestling show from Korakuen Hall which was held without an audience and was just fucking weird as hell...so hopefully that doesn't end up happening in this country). WrestleMania's big matches include Goldberg vs. Roman Reigns (Goldberg won the title from The Fiend in Saudi Arabia two weeks ago...don't ask), Drew McIntyre vs. Brock Lesnar, Charlotte Flair vs. Rhea Ripley, Edge vs. Randy Orton, and John Cena vs. The Fiend. Guess who wasn't on this show? The Fiend, John Cena, Randy Orton, Edge, Charlotte Flair, Rhea Ripley, Brock Lesnar, Drew McIntyre, Goldberg, and Roman Reigns. Are you fucking kidding me? What the hell kind of a show was this? I kind of didn't think the WWE could get worse from that God awful Saudi Arabia show but tonight it was like I was watching an episode of TNA Impact or something. The problem was that they set up WrestleMania in Saudi Arabia instead of tonight like they usually do. And Goldberg and Lesnar, the two champs, probably didn't want to do a fucking chamber match. So we got this lame ass card. The weird thing was that the Wells Fargo Center looked pretty packed. When the one big star, The Undertaker, showed up, the fans went ape shit. But would it have killed them to throw some of the other big stars onto this show even if they're matches are superfluous? This is supposed to be one of the bigger PPV's of the year. And so this was the pre-show match. A less than five minute...oh, God, who the fuck cares? Remember how great The War Raiders used to be? Sigh. 1/2*

DANIEL BRYAN vs. DREW GULAK (14:20): Is Gulak still on 205Live? Does 205Live still exist? Because I'm pretty sure the cruiserweight champion just wrestles on NXT every week now (it was or perhaps still is Lio Rush, who's great). Gulak is apparently from Philly, though I'm not sure anyone in Philly actually knows or cares. But that's why this random match occurred. It was fine. Bryan took a wicked suplex and landed on his neck. I'm still mad that Bryan resigned with this company and probably always will. **

ANDRADE vs. HUMBERTO CARILLO (12:20): Andrade is one of the great WWE wrestlers out there, maybe the best on the main roster (Ricochet probably is better but the WWE has destroyed him worse than probably anyone ever even predicted they would). So this was actually a pretty good match. The huge problem is that for some reason these two have literally wrestled every week for the last three months for unknown reasons. It'd be one thing if, like, people cared about their feud. No one cares about this feud. Remember when Andrade wrestled Johnny Gargano on that NXT Takeover a year ago? That was incredible. The other incredible thing is that NXT just had a Takeover show last month that Dave Meltzer said was one of the greatest WWE shows of all time (it was, too) and yet the main roster shows are completely flat and monotonous. It makes zero sense. They're the same company! How are they light years apart in terms of quality? Andrade won which means that this never ending feud probably will continue. I wonder if Andrade still wishes he stayed in CMLL? **1/2

THE MIZ & JOHN MORRISON vs. THE NEW DAY vs. THE USO'S vs. HEAVY MACHINERY vs. LUCHA HOUSE PARTY vs. DOLPH ZIGGLER & ROBERT ROODE "ELIMINATION CHAMBER" (32:55): Well this was probably the match of the night. The crowd was really into it. There was a lot of action. The Lucha House Party showcased how great (and overlooked) they are. The crowd loved everything Heavy Machinery did. This was for the Smackdown tag titles which, apparently, are around the waists of The Miz and John Morrison (they retained). Gran Metalik did a bunch of great Luchadore flips and dives. Lince Dorado actually climbed to the very top of the chamber and did a flip and fell down onto everyone. Why those two guys aren't pushed more is beyond me. The one great WWE storyline that seems to have probably been ruined is the love triangle between Otis, Mandy Rose, and Dolph Ziggler. Otis crashed through one of the pods and fell completely out of the chamber in a very cool looking spot that the crowd loved. This would have been the perfect time for Mandy Rose to have run out to check on him. Rose is dating Ziggler now or something stupid which I assume is resulting in an Otis vs. Dolph 'Mania match where finally Rose and Otis will kiss. So they can still stick the landing on that storyline but I'm not holding my breath. **1/2

ALEISTER BLACK vs. AJ STYLES (23:15): Kind of a dull match with a bored crowd until The Undertaker's music hit and the lights went out and the crowd delivered their biggest pop of the night. He interfered and caused AJ to lose. This will set up the awful AJ/'Taker 'Mania match that has a ceiling of zero stars. This was also a No DQ match or a Hardcore match or something. A Singapore Cane was used. Black did a flying knee slam onto AJ through a table. That was kind of cool. *1/2

THE STREET PROFITS vs. SETH ROLLINS & BUDDY MURPHY (18:30): The Street Profits are pretty much the same as Private Party. Which is weird. And that's not a racist thing since they're all black dudes. They're literally the same gimmick team. High flying and drinking/partying. But the gimmick works, both teams are fun to watch. The Street Profits are also the RAW tag team champs now and they retained thanks to Kevin Owens interfering by coming through the crowd eating popcorn (he had no ticket) then to the ring where eventually he stunned Rollins. Buddy Murphy is now obsolete in terms of entertainment and he's now referred to only as Murphy. Remember how great he was a singles wrestler on 205Live? Now he's in this lame, heel group and is boring. I guess at least he's still on TV. This was mildly amusing, although more a standard RAW match than PPV worthy. **

SAMI ZAYN, SHINSUKE NAKAMURA & CESARO vs. BRAUN STROWMAN (8:30): This was weird. A 3 on 1 handicap match where the heels won but, oddly, only one of them became the IC champ (Sami Zayn won). Strowman didn't even really have a comeback or anything. I don't understand this. What a waste to such great talents. At least they're pushing Zayn, who's one of the company's best talkers. 1/2*

SHAYNA BAZLER vs. NATALYA vs. LIV MORGAN vs. ASUKA vs. RUBY RIOTT vs. SARAH LOGAN "ELIMINATION CHAMBER" (21:00): Ugh, what a bad main event. This was basically a squash match. What a way to close the show! This wasn't even for a title or anything, it was for the #1 contender who would face Becky Lynch at 'Mania. So Bazler choked everyone out and that was it. It was boring. I guess they wanted to show Bazler as a Brock Lesnar like beast. But don't do that in an Elimination Chamber match or in a main event, you idiots! We want action, drama, suspense! Not a yawn inducing beat down with a silent crowd. This fucking company. At least before Bazler was released from her pod there was some action (mainly with Logan, who's very animated). Does anyone even want to see Bazler vs. Lynch? Bazler was actually the rare, boring NXT star. So of course she's pushed on the main roster. 1/2*