WWE MONEY IN THE BANK

Rosemont, Illinois

THE BLUDGEON BROTHERS vs. LUKE GALLOWS & KARL ANDERSON (7:00): The last time Money in the Bank was held here in Chicago, CM Punk beat Cena for the title then quit the company and ran off through the crowd with the belt. That was seven years ago and was perhaps the last great WWE ppv. So great that us fans are still lovingly reminiscing about the Summer of Punk and how fucking awesome the build up to that match was. Well here we are with this, current WWE, which isn't bad, but just isn't particularly great. This was the forgettable pre-show match between two teams that vie for the title of who's the worst tag team in wrestling? 1/2*

DANIEL BRYAN vs. BIG CASS (16:19): Cass was fired on Tuesday for real, so at least we won't be seeing another match with these two anytime soon. He was fired for backstage problems (he went off script during a match and apparently no one liked him) but let's face it, once they broke up him and Enzo (who was also fired...that for rape, although he eventually was not charged) he was a dead duck. This match was better than their last one at Backlash, although that isn't saying much. **

BOBBY LASHLEY vs. SAMI ZAYN (6:35): I love Zayn...but I'm so tired of them fucking burying him and making him look like a fool. And Lashley is a sloppy bore. This was a pointless squash. -No Stars-

SETH ROLLINS vs. ELIAS (17:00): By the end this turned good. And it was probably Elias' best match yet. A lot of near fall's and drama at the end. Rollins did lose his IC title to Dolph on RAW, though, the next night. **1/2

ALEXA BLISS vs. BECKY LYNCH vs. CHARLOTTE FLAIR vs. EMBER MOON vs. LANA vs. NAOMI vs. NATALYA vs. SASHA BANKS "MITB LADDER MATCH" (18:30): These women took off the house shows on Friday and Saturday to practice for this. Did it show? Well it wasn't as sloppy as usual, though it certainly wasn't a barn burner. No sick, suicidal dives. The WWE ladder matches have looked safer lately, although NXT had a ladder match the night before Wrestlemania that was certifiably insane. It seemed like most of this match was just people climbing. But it was entertaining in spots. **1/2

ROMAN REIGNS vs. JINDER MAHAL (15:44): The crowd chanted, "This is awful." Then they focused on a beach ball in the crowd. And to think, the plan is for Reigns to beat Lesnar at Summerslam for the title. Jesus Christ, give up on the big dog already, the crowd hates his guts. Or turn him heel. Or tell him to throw out that stupid vest and get rid of the silly Superman punch maneuver. Jinder is worse, although Singh, his "manager" or whatever, was amusing when he got out of his wheelchair to beat up Reigns when the ref wasn't looking. 1/2*

CARMELLA vs. ASUKA (11:10): James Ellsworth came back to help Carmella retain her title. I feel bad for Asuka actually trying to act like Carmella is beating her up and doing damage. Ugh. Women's wrestling kind of seems dead when two of the company's worst wrestlers (but prettiest) are the champs. *

AJ STYLES vs. SHINSUKE NAKAMURA "LAST MAN STANDING MATCH" (31:15): Good, long match. Probably their best in WWE thus far, mostly for Nakamura's Oscar-worthy facial expressions when AJ would beat the count. AJ won and kept the title (shocker!) when he did a flying forearm from the top rope down onto Nakamura and through the announce table and Nakamura couldn't stand for the ten count. I really thought Nakamura would win here. This probably means he'll never win the title in WWE. Which is kind of a shame because he deserves it. The problem is that AJ is their huge star now that Cena is doing movies and Lesnar might go do UFC. ***

RONDA ROUSEY vs. NIA JAX/ NIA JAX vs. ALEXA BLISS (11:40): This was the match of the night. But only because of the ending. Jax beat up Rousey for most of the match. Ridiculously, Rousey was like a hulking up Hogan and did a comeback out of nowhere. Rousey had Jax in the arm bar ready to submit when Bliss came out, hit them both with the MITB briefcase, cashed it in, and pinned Jax to win the title. Rousey was great here, sloppy as fuck but super entertaining and rough like Lesnar often is. And they set up Alexa/Rousey and Alexa/Bliss and got out of their dead-end problem of do we have Rousey win the title this early or does she lose this early? Well played, WWE. Well played. ***

BRAUN STROWMAN vs. FINN BALOR vs. KEVIN OWENS vs. KOFI KINGSTON vs. RUSEV vs. SOMOA JOE vs. THE MIZ "MITB LADDER MATCH" (19:53): This was entertaining, albeit forgettable. Owens was pushed off a huge ladder by the stage by Braun but he landed on a fake looking rubber stage set up thing. Finn did his foot stomp finisher off the top of a ladder that was cool. Braun winning is kind of stupid since he's seemingly unbeatable so why does he need it? This show went about five or so minutes past 11 and the pre-show started at 6 so why, WWE, are your shows this fucking long? **1/2