ENZO AMORE & BIG CASS vs. LUKE GALLOWS & KARL ANDERSON (6:35): This was a pre-show match. I'll admit it: I'm sick of these four. Amore and Cass are at least mildly amusing on the mic. Gallows and Anderson are so dull they were even boring in NJPW, which is hard to do. This was short, typical, forgotten. *
MIZ TV with FINN BALOR: Good segment. I liked that this was a "skit" and so the show wasn't just three and a half hours of wrestling. And The Miz is great when he's talking (and Maryse is by his side). This led to a #1 Contenders match on RAW for the IC title (Balor vs. Miz vs. Seth Rollins) that was so much better than any match on this card (Miz won).
CHRIS JERICHO vs. KEVIN OWENS (17:55): Surprise, surprise. Jericho is leaving the WWE to go tour with his band...so he was definitely going to lose. He didn't! He won the U.S. title and is headed to Smackdown for...what? A week or two? This match was better than their Mania match but pretty average. **1/2
AUSTIN ARIES vs. NEVILLE (11:20): Good match, albeit Aries won by DQ when Neville grabbed the ref instead of tapping out. This was a lot better than their Mania match (a trend?) but the non-finish destroyed it's greatness. ***
THE HARDY BOYZ vs. CESARO & SHEAMUS (12:45): Sheamus, who pretty much legit retired Daniel Bryan by having brutally stiff matches with him at the end, kicked Jeff Hardy in the face and Hardy lost a front tooth. After the match, Cesaro and Sheamus turned heel and beat up The Hardy's. This was mostly boring. Where, oh where, is Broken Matt and Brother Nero? *1/2
ALEXA BLISS vs. BAYLEY (11:15): Ugh. Vince loves to see his wrestlers lose and/or be humiliated in their home town. Why? Apparently to get "heel heat," which Dave Meltzer says is hard to get (not that hard...if you write a good script for once). So Bayley lost her title in her home town to the cute, blonde pixie. Considering Bayley isn't that over on the main roster...maybe this was dumb. A so-so match. *1/2
BRAY WYATT vs. RANDY ORTON "HOUSE OF HORRORS" (17:10): We all wondered what a HOH match was. Well it's just a low-class, white-trash, meth den...apparently. Half of this was pre-taped. Orton showed up in a limo to the house at night (the ppv was in California so it was still light out in real life). A tractor crossed the lawn without a driver. Scary! And the door to the house was locked. So...Wyatt made the match. Why'd he lock the door? I thought he wanted the match? It got worse. The house was just a dirty house. One room had hanging baby dolls from the ceiling. The two fake punched each other. Wyatt tossed a refrigerator onto Orton and left. After the Rollins/Joe match, these two came to the ring and continued to wrestle and Wyatt won. But this wasn't for Orton's title. And as silly and non-scary as this was (a house of horrors should have spiders, blood, bats, snakes...something frightening, right?), at least it entertained me. It was so stupid it was funny. And it now goes into lore alongside the Kennel from Hell match and other atrocities. **
SETH ROLLINS vs. SAMOA JOE (15:55): These two, for whatever reason, just aren't as entertaining as they once were. Joe is too old I guess. And the match was basic. *1/2
BRAUN STROWMAN vs. ROMAN REIGNS (11:50): This was boring. Strowman tipped over an ambulance with Reigns in it two weeks ago on RAW but Reigns was still here and alive. His shoulder was taped up and so that's why he lost...he wasn't 100%. Strowman is big but dull. Reigns is only in good matches when wrestling someone awesome like AJ Styles. After the match, they were putting Reigns in another ambulance but Reigns thwarted Strowman and tossed him into the ambulance door then slammed it on him. This all leads to Brock Lesnar vs. Strowman for the Universal title...in July. Fuck. This show was in
April. *1/2
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