WWE ROYAL RUMBLE

from San Antonio, TX

BECKY LYNCH, NIKKI BELLA & NAOMI vs. ALEXA BLISS, MICKIE JAMES & NATALYA (9:35): This was forgettable fluff. 1/2*

LUKE GALLOWS & KARL ANDERSON vs. SHEAMUS & CESARO (10:29): The sleep-inducing tag team won the titles here. Gallows and Anderson have been in the WWE for an entire year now and have they done anything remotely entertaining? Just make them AJ's bodyguards and be done with it. And Cesaro should be in main event title matches. Just a tragedy. *

NIA JAX vs. SASHA BANKS (5:10): The last of the pre-show matches (the pre-show started at 5 PM and the whole show ended about 10:40 PM). This was mostly a squash. Jax is so boring. I long for the days of Awesome Kong. Remember those Kong vs. Gail Kim matches? Memories. 1/2*

CHARLOTTE vs. BAYLEY (13:05): Good match. It's a shame that there's other women in the two women's divisions, as I'd be happy to just see Charlotte and Bayley and Sasha fight each other on every ppv until the end of time. Charlotte retained her title, which means her undefeated ppv streak rolls on. ***

KEVIN OWENS vs. ROMAN REIGNS "NO DQ MATCH" (22:55): What is the difference between a No DQ match and a Hardcore match? Nothing, apparently. Tables and chairs were used (Owens did a top-rope Frog Splash onto Reigns on a ringside table) and Jericho was suspended high above the ring in a shark cage (he still threw down a pair of brass knuckles to Owens). Braun Strowman came out at the end to slam Reigns onto the announce table then put him through a table in the ring, leading to Owens retaining the Universal title. Good match. And both title matches on this show were very good, which at least means the top of the cards are working these days. ***

NEVILLE vs. RICH SWANN (14:00): Kind of dull...sort of like the entire cruiserweight division and show, 205Live (which I guess refers to their weight? 205 lbs? You'd think they'd explain that). Neville, who's definitely on steroids, won the title. *1/2

JOHN CENA vs. AJ STYLES (24:10): Good match. The last ten minutes of this were awesome, albeit I'm a little tired of people kicking out of finishers. When someone kicks out of Okada's Rainmaker in NJPW it's like the fucking apocalypse occurred. When Cena kicked out of AJ's Styles Clash I just groaned. Cena won the title here. He tried some new moves, and Styles delivered the kitchen sink. Cena is a tad slower these days and this wasn't as good as their Summerslam match, but it was still quite the dramatic epic. ***

THE ROYAL RUMBLE (RANDY ORTON) (1:02:06): Not the best Rumble, especially considering it was a big one because it had Brock Lesnar, Goldberg, and The Undertaker in it (and this show was at the 50,000 seat Alamo Dome). When the last of the big names entered at #29 (Goldberg, who swiftly speared and clotheslined Lesnar out of the ring), I wondered; would #30 be a big surprise? Like...Shawn Michaels, since he was on the pre-show, he's from Texas, and his rival, The Undertaker, was still in the ring? Or maybe Kenny Omega? Finn Balor? Samoa Joe? Nakamura? Of course not. There were no surprise entrants. #30 was Roman Reigns, who got booed, and was there to be eliminated by the winner, Orton, so that Orton would get cheered (as extra boo incentive, Reigns eliminated The Undertaker). The match was entertaining but had it's problems. Orton is a star, but hasn't been booked as a star in years (he's currently in the Wyatt family for no good reason). Does anyone on Earth want to see Orton in the main event of Wrestlemania? The other problem was that The Undertaker is too old. He can barely walk or stand. Lesnar was awesome as usual, but since Goldberg beat him in a minute and a half at Survivor Series and then eliminated him in twenty seconds here...what the hell's the point of another match with them at Wrestlemania? The only psuedo-surprise entrants were The Big Show, Tye Dillinger from NXT, and Mark Henry. There was some amusing comedy with James Ellsworth, who got destroyed of course, and Jack Gallagher, a cruiserweight, English fop, who came out and hit everyone with an umbrella. I love the Rumble match, and even when it doesn't entirely work it's still a lot of fun. This was mostly average. **1/2