WWE THE BASH

Sunday, June 28^th, 2009 from Sacramento, CA

 

Remember when June's ppv used to be one of the big four? It used to be the King of the Ring and it used to be a big show. Now it's turned into The Bash, a new name for what July's show used to be called (The Great American Bash...which used to be a WCW ppv). This ppv used to be the King of the Ring then Vengeance then Night of Champions and now the Bash. What are they going to call it next year? King of The Bash? King of Vengeance?

So it's a new title. Nothing else is new. Randy Orton is the champ (Batista got hurt and forfeited his title). CM Punk is champ (like he was last summer). The Miz is in a very big match. That's new (but not good). Chris Jericho is in two matches (that's good). It ended up a typical show. No stand-out matches but at least it was an entertaining show.

+TOMMY DREAMER vs. MARK HENRY vs. CHRISTIAN vs. JACK SWAGGER vs. FINLAY (14:46): They did this last September at the Unforgiven ppv. They had a bunch of scramble matches on the show. What a scramble match is: a new wrestler enters the match every five minutes. The last person to make a pin ends up the winner. It's kind-of-sort-of cool because these matches don't happen very often so they're fresh and unique. The only dumb part is when someone else makes a pin during the match and is “the ECW champ” for a few minutes. Tommy Dreamer won. Jack Swagger and Mark Henry were sent to RAW after this ppv. What does that tell you? **

+REY MYSTERIO vs. CHRIS JERICHO (15:42): This has to be the feud of the year, right? The WWE knows it, as this show makes it three in a row with these two fighting each other. I think that the reason it works is because Mysterio is fast and jumping all over the place while Jericho is cunning and methodical. Although, realistically, it can't be explained. It's just one of these things that occur without explanation. These two just work really, really well together. And sadly, this was probably the worst of their trilogy. It was also the match for the biggest prize: Rey's mask (although after he lost it in WCW and everyone saw how lame that turned out, nobody really believes he'll ever lose it again). So Mysterio won and Jericho lost the IC title (Jericho did pull off Rey's mask during the match but Rey was wearing double masks). Good but not stellar. Still, it will go down in the history books as a legendary trilogy. **1/2

DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. THE GREAT KHALI (4:59): Yeah...um...yeah...why is the Great Khali still wrestling? And what's up with Dolph Ziggler's name? And who is he again? Khali lost by DQ. And I don't know where this is going. *

+CHRIS JERICHO & EDGE vs. CARLITO & PRIMO vs. TED DIBIASE & CODY RHODES (9:37):

Jeez...was it that obvious that Jericho and Edge would win the tag titles? I mean, why else would they even be in this match if they lost? And even though I have seen Carlito and Primo in some very exciting, fast-paced matches in the past, this match just did not work. Could we possibly blame Dibiase and Rhodes, the two most boring men in the history of wrestling? Check. *1/2

MICHELLE McCOOL vs. MELINA (6:34): Yes, Michelle is very pretty. Yes, they dress like sluts and all have silicone tits. Yes, they can't wrestle. Yes, I'm sexist and realistic and women's wrestling, like women's boxing, just isn't entertaining. So sue me. ½*

JEFF HARDY vs. CM PUNK (14:36): Well Jeff Hardy did in fact win this match. CM Punk came and left as champ, though. The match was not actually that good. As much as I like CM Punk, I haven't seen a truly great match with him yet. I think I only like him because he's new and I like when they give the title to new guys that aren't WWE molded behemoths. Jeff Hardy delivered his Swanton Bomb finisher and pinned Punk...but after the pin the ref waved it off because CM Punk's foot was under the ropes. This was all a storyline to make the fans hate CM Punk...which makes their feud more of a heel vs. face feud than what is used to be. The WWE hates good guys vs. good guys for some reason. CM Punk got himself DQ'd by kicking the ref. Why? Who cares? Just put on a good match next time and forget the storylines. Jeff Hardy doesn't need 'em. **

+JOHN CENA vs. THE MIZ (5:39): The Miz is really Mike, the doofus from MTV's tenth season of The Real World (Back to New York). He didn't make his mark there, he made it on numerous MTV challenges where he got drunk and turned into The Miz, his alter ego. So who knew that someday he would be fighting John Cena on a WWE ppv as...The Miz. I didn't. The problem with The Miz is that the sober Miz and the real wrestling Miz isn't half as entertaining as the drunk, fun one. He's a heel, sure, but he's not a fun heel, he's just a mean one. It doesn't help that his wrestling arsenal is bare bones and he's not very exciting. Add Cena to that mix and you get this one-sided dud. *

+RANDY ORTON vs. HHH THREE STAGES OF HELL MATCH (21:23): This match was a best out of three match. The first was a standard wrestling match (HHH got DQ'd when he used a chair). The second match was a no DQ (Orton won). The third was a stretcher match that Orton won when his cronies, Dibiase and Rhodes, prevented HHH from pushing Orton on the stretcher past the line. This was a long match and if it wasn't for the various weapons and stipulations it would have been a bore. Randy Orton is again the champ (Batista did win the title at Extreme Rules but had to forfeit it because he got hurt...which led to Orton winning the title at RAW). Eh. **

This was a stale show. It was entertaining but not exciting and there wasn't a stand-out match. Has there even been a stand-out match since last year at No Mercy? Probably not. Putting The Miz against Cena certainly didn't do the WWE any favors (c'mon, idiots, that's a RAW match not a ppv match). Mysterio vs. Jericho was again the match of the night...and it was still the worst match they've had. CM Punk vs. Jeff Hardy had such a bizarre ending that didn't work at all. They wanted Punk to be a heel so they had him purposely DQ'ing and getting pinned but still keeping the title. Why make him a heel? He's a boring heel.

Next up is Night of Champions. It was held in Philly. Orton vs. Cena vs. HHH is the main event. And once again Jeff Hardy takes on CM Punk. Not a bad lineup. We'll see how it goes down.

WWE EXTREME RULES

Sunday, June 7^th, 2009 from New Orleans

 

They should change the name of this ppv to “The Night of Title Changes.” It got a little ridiculous, actually.

This is the show where every match has a stipulation. It used to be ECW One Night Stand, but after two years they got rid of that (although Tommy Dreamer winning the ECW title on this show made me nostalgic). This show had a cage match and a ladder match. It also had a few matches with lame stipulations. The submission match. The strap match. The hog pen match. Wait...the what? Yes, a match that could rival the infamous Champagne Bottle on a Pole match was on this show.

This is one of my favorite ppv's because of the gimmick matches (hell, who wouldn't rather watch a no-rope, barbed wire match compared to a boring, regular one?). There were a lot of bad and pointless matches on the show, but there were enough good ones to make it one of the year's more interesting shows. So yes, John Cena and The Big Show put the world to sleep...but Jericho and Mysterio tore the roof off the place and CM Punk won the title. Yep, it was a strange night full of hogs and Singapore canes. Gimmicks. I love them.

KOFI KINGSTON vs. MVP vs. MATT HARDY vs. WILLIAM REGAL (6:43): A lot of the matches on this show were short. That's a good thing. It's rare for a wrestler to be good enough to be able to make a long match dramatic and engrossing. Kofi was jumping all over the place and the pace was fast. Matt Hardy wrestled with a cast on his hand and William Regal was his usual old, bumbling self but it was a short, sweet match. ***

+CHRIS JERICHO vs. REY MYSTERIO (14:46): This was the match of the night. For some reason these two just mesh perfectly together. I picked Jericho to win the Intercontinental Title here. He lost last month to Mysterio. I figured he'd win this time around. The finish had Mysterio in the Walls of Jericho. Mysterio wormed his way out and pushed Jericho onto the ropes where he was draped over the second rope. Mysterio went for the 619 maneuver. In mid-kick, Jericho pulled off Mysterio's mask. Jericho then quickly pinned him and won. Rey obviously covered his face up (even though we all remember when he wrestled without a mask for years in WCW). It was a tricky finish but they pulled it off. Great, dramatic, exciting match. ***

+CM PUNK vs. UMAGA (9:02): This was a Somoan Strap match. First off, I've never seen a good strap match ever. Second, this stipulation seemed forced simply because every match had to have one. Since the wrestler's hands are strapped together they can't really do any good moves. To win you have to touch each corner. I remember Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan had a strap match once and Hogan just pinned Flair instead of touching the corners. The announcers and audience were dumbfounded. Well CM Punk at least remembered the rules. He won. This was a very dull match. 1/2*

+TOMMY DREAMER vs. CHRISTIAN vs. JACK SWAGGER (9:41): This match was for the coveted ECW Championship. Dreamer's contract was up and it would be his last match. Duh. Of course he won. This wasn't a very good match, although Christian was jumping all over the place and it was cool to see Dreamer win the title and celebrate in the crowd. Trashcans and Singapore canes were used. This is what ECW has become: a pale imitation of itself. **

+SANTINA vs. VICKIE GUERRERO & CHAVO GUERRERO (2:45): Remember Vince Russo's awful stipulation matches he orchestrated in WCW? This seems like one of those. Utterly pointless and the type of match that good wrestling can't possibly occur in. This was a Hog Pen match. There was a mud filled pen at ringside with pigs. The three of them threw mud at one another and tossed slop buckets at each other. Realistically, it should have been funny. It was just gross. 1/2*

BATISTA vs. RANDY ORTON (7:07): This was a cage match. Batista won the title here. That shocked me, actually. It was also short. And it actually wasn't that bad. The match started with Orton trying to climb the cage. They realized these two weren't going to exactly blow the roof off the place with their wrestling, so it was most cage type wrestling. They threw each other into the cage. Orton tried to climb the cage and Batista pulled him down. Batista won the title after delivering his power bomb finisher. So the Age of Orton is over? Good. **

+JOHN CENA vs. THE BIG SHOW (19:04): I said that their match last month was one of the worst I've ever seen. This was just as bad (and almost twenty minutes long! Jesus). It was a submission match. The Big Show beat up Cena for a good fifteen minutes. Cena was hurt and laid there. The Big Show walked around at the fast speed of two miles an hour. For fifteen minutes! This was unGodly brutal...to watch. Did they learn nothing from last month? These two know how to do one thing: put the crowd to sleep. Cena did some moves at the end and then won by hooking The Big Show's leg in the ropes and putting on his FU submission hold. But...if the opponent's foot is on the ropes doesn't that mean you have to break the hold? It made no sense! Truly the worst feud in the history of the business. -No Stars-

+JEFF HARDY vs. EDGE LADDER MATCH (20:18)/ +CM PUNK vs. JEFF HARDY (1:03): This should have been the greatest match in the history of the WWE. It wasn't. They couldn't live up to the hype of course, but it was also fairly typical and not as fast paced and shocking as it should have been. It was still good, definitely, just not as legendary as some of their previous ladder matches (perhaps it was the lack of tables). There were more sick moves than exciting ones. Jeff Hardy sat a ladder upside down in the ring and tossed Edge chest first onto the middle thing that holds up the ladder. That looked like it was going to cut him in half. The other gruesome bump had both guys fall off a ladder at ringside and crash onto a ladder that was rested from the ring to the audience railing. That move looked like it really hurt Jeff. And there were the typical ladder match antics: Jeff hanging from the title high above the ring. Both falling off the top and landing on the ropes. A mid-air Twist of Fate. Jeff Hardy won after pulling Edge through the rungs of the ladder, causing him to be stuck. After Jeff won the title, though, CM Punk came out, cashed his Money in the Bank contract and went on to pin Jeff. Hardy did kick out of Punk's first G.T.S., but his second was too much. I like that CM Punk has the title, but Jeff hasn't held the title for a long reign yet. Also...a ladder match is exciting. Shouldn't you have someone cash in the MITB contract after a boring match? This was a good finish to the night but it was not significant. ***

Besides the Hog Pen match and the Big Show/Cena match, this was a good show. The ladder match was typical and sick but not one of the best. Mysterio and Jericho blew the roof off with a great match and the opener was fast paced and exciting. This show was missing HHH but I actually didn't miss him. This show brings forth all new champions. Dreamer, CM Punk, Jericho, and Batista are all new champs. This should make the slew of TV shows interesting (they now have four shows weekly, as WGN on Thursday has a new hour show called Superstars). Extreme Rules was a success because they did have some good gimmicks. It's always nice to see a cage and a ladder match. The others were mostly pointless but at least the stipulations add something special to the show. It's been one of the better shows these past few years. The Bash is up next (it used to be the Great American Bash and it used to be in July). I'm guessing that we'll see a Batista vs. HHH vs. Orton three way and perhaps an Edge vs. CM Punk vs. Hardy three way. Let's hope that this time CM Punk doesn't lose the title in a match he isn't in (yes, we remember last year's Unforgiven). Don't fuck it up. Right?