from Madison Square Garden, New York, New York
I haven’t actually written out my predictions for an event since WCW’s Halloween Havoc which I incidentally did not review. I came to a point where I was sick of watching those show opening B matches just because I had an obligation to review them so I could rate the entire ppv. I also came to a reasoning that there hadn’t been a ppv that I was excited about in a long time. The last time I was excited about a ppv was probably the King of the Ring way back in June. That was mostly because of the main event which consisted of Austin-Shane- and Vince in a ladder match.
But here comes the WWF’s first ppv of 2000. The infamous Royal Rumble, held in the even more infamous Madison Square Garden. The main event is Triple H taking on Cactus Jack in a street fight which promises buckets of blood and at least one or two major bumps. The other matches include the 30 man rumble, a table match between my favorite two tag teams, a women’s swimsuit competition, and a rumored premiere of ECW’s own Taz(z). So here goes nothing. My predictions are underlined.
THE ACOLYTES vs. THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS: You know how Sting is always stung? Well the Acolytes always win. This is the only match I couldn’t give a shit about, since I hate DX and the Acolytes are only entertaining backstage.
MYSTERY OPPONENT vs. KURT ANGLE: Angle is undefeated, so the rumors persist that Tazz will show up and taxplex his ass through a table and give him a loss. WWF.com stated that Tazz will not be at the Rumble, which means that the other rumor is Ken Shamrock will show up. Sinze Tazz is from the Red Hook section of Brooklyn, and he’d be premiering in his hometown, it only makes sense that he’ll come out and beat the shit out of Angle, then he could do an interview on Raw in Philly. But even if it isn’t Tazz…I see Angle going down.
BB vs. TORRI vs. TERRI vs. MAE YOUNG vs. THE KAT vs. IVORY vs. JAQUELINE vs. LUNA: This is a swimsuit competition. I don’t even know if it’s a fight…and I don’t even know if the women’s title is on the line. I do know that the elusive ‘net rumors at this match featuring nudity. The reasons? Supposedly WWF is promoting the ppv with a TV-14 rating. Well below the TV-14 rating were the letters V-L and N. Violence, Language…Nudity??? They did it at Armageddon…so it wouldn’t surprise me here. I’ll take the blonde bombshell ‘cuz she’s new and has to get a win somewhere.
THE HARDY BOYZ vs. THE DUDLEY BOYZ: This is the one match that could actually turn out –better- than Jack and HHH. Why? Well, the WWF finally realized the Dudley’s are only entertaining when the hardcore quotient comes into play. This is a tables match, which I guess means you have to put your opponents through as many tables as possible. The Hardy Boyz and the Dudley Boyz are my favorite two tag teams in any federation, and expect this to be a great match since all four guys will take major falls and keep on coming. Expect a classic…and since the Dudley’s are getting a push (new outfits…new hardcore attitude) expect them to snag the upset.
CHRIS JERCHO vs. HARDCORE HOLLY vs. CHYNA: I guess it was interesting on paper. They made Jericho –and- Chyna co-Intercontinental Champs. Meaning expect Holly to win and do away with this silly stipulation that hasn’t really been too entertaining.
THE ROYAL RUMBLE (Undertaker, Big Show, Val Venis, British Bulldog, Al Snow, Rodney, Scotty 2 Hotty, Test, Stephanie McMahon, Mark Henry, & Rikishi Phatu)
Me, Stu, and Jack bet on this year’s 30-man Rumble. Supposedly there are two mystery guys, so that’s where Undertaker and Stephanie McMahon stem from. I think the only guys that have a shot are Kane, The Rock, The Big Show, and The Undertaker. The bottom line is that if ‘Taker shows up he’ll win, if he doesn’t I’m betting on Kane…though Stu has him so I’ll take my guys like a man. The Rock is the obvious choice, and The Big Show is another choice that makes sense, but Show just had the fucking belt so I doubt he’ll win. Rock would be way too obvious. I say The Big Show –and- The Rock won’t win. I really think Kane will win. Hopefully it’ll a good Rumble, since it’s roughly an hour long. 30 man total. Each man comes in every two-minutes. I hope there’s a surprise at the end…like last year. Vince winning the ‘Rumble and drinking a few cold ones with the corporation was classic.
The 2000 Royal Rumble was an okay ppv. I can’t say good because it wasn’t. I will say that it had two good enough matches to make it the best WWF ppv since Summerslam. The internet seemed to enjoy the ppv because it had a lot of moments you can talk about for a few weeks. One of the Hardy boys jumping off a balcony (okay, it wasn’t a balcony but I don’t know what you call it) and giving D-Von a senton bomb through a table. Mae Young showing MSG her puppies (I’m not kidding…and yes, maybe I shouldn’t have brought it up). Cactus Jack pulling out a 2x4 wrapped in barbed wire. The Rock winning his first Rumble. And I can’t forget how they kicked off the show…the introduction of Tazz into the WWF.
It was a wild night…and definitely worth watching, which I usually don’t say about pay per views. Here are my thoughts, my bitches, gripes, and moans…and oh yeah…that Raw in Philly really sucked.
TRIPLE H vs. CACTUS JACK: I picked Mick Foley to take the strap off the French dude. I figured he’d have a re-match at No Way Out in February and lose the title. Guess not. It was a solid, brutal, 30-minute matchup that was awesome but had enough silly things to make me garner it ***. Triple H bled, yes, but it was obviously fake blood. Also, Cactus pulled out a piece of wood wrapped in –real- barbed wire. Triple H hit Jack three times in the gut and over his back with the –real- barbed wire. The ref made the spanish announcers hide the wired board under their table. When Jack ran over and got it he pulled out a board with rubber barbed wire on it. Of course he hit Triple H in the head with the –fake- barbed wire about five times but it was extremely silly. HHH did take a stiff piledriver on the spanish announce table which didn’t break, and he had a huge gash in his leg that spewed real blood, so I guess I can forgive him for not taking a –real- barbed wire shot or gushing –real- blood. The match was definitely a classic for one simple reason: HHH gave Jack a pedigree on thousands of thumbtacks. Jack got up with them sticking in his forehead and one was in his neck. Hardcore to the bone. If he retires soon and this is his last big match, then he definitely went out in style. Wrestling ain’t gonna be the same without that ol’ bastard.
THE ROYAL RUMBLE (THE ROCK): So the obvious choice won, and it’s going to be HHH taking on The Rock at Wrestlemania 2000 from Anaheim’s Pond. That match just plain sucks…so hopefully the undercards will be amusing like last year’s. I’ve only seen one or two Rumbles…and they’ve never been good. This was was extremely boring, and it was only exciting because me and my bro and friend bet on it. They have to keep the Rumble just because it’s a pretty interesting concept, but at least add some –oomph-. They at least tried to last year. This year they didn’t attempt anything. And where the hell are Vince and Shane? Your company sucks without you. Though Tazz is pretty cool. *1/2
CHRIS JERICHO vs. CHYNA vs. HARDCORE HOLLY: I picked Hardcore, being that Jericho and Chyna were in the IC title storyline for way too long and have made the title boring. Jericho is funny when he talks. Before the match Chyna told Jericho he has to be, “Chivalrous.” Jericho laughs, “Chivalrous? We aren’t in medieval times.” The funniest thing I’ve heard so far this year. That guy is great. Though his storyline with Chyna is so old. Give him a new opponent. He hasn’t been the same ever since The Fink left him. *1/2
BB, MAE YOUNG, JACKIE, TERRI, IVORY, MS. KITTY: This was a swimsuit competition, and yes, Mae Young showed everyone her tits. It was the furthest the WWF has ever gone and I seriously doubt they will ever go any further. Sick. Disgusting. Twisted. What the hell is Vince McMahon thinking? And what was up with the censored bar on the screen? It didn’t even censor the horrors of…Mae Young. I wish they had just cut to black. Horrible. Horrible. Terri looked hotter than she’s ever looked, though. Man. To think Golddust was banging her. Man. What the hell did he do to leave that slice? I don’t know if I should rate this. Though it’s something that will unfortunately never be forgotten. At least there were three hot chicks. Where’s Sable when you need her, though? **1/2
+TAZZ vs. KURT ANGLE: The only match of the night I predicted correctly. Talk about a jip. Tazz’s entrance was awesome. Orange flashing lights. Pounding music. He walks out with his towel over his head. He’s a tough a-hole but whether or not he can pull it off in the big league is beyond me. I think he’s got enough to do it. His storyline with Angle is interesting. He choked out Angle and Angle says his win streak is not in jeopardy because the choke was illegal. Whatever. Great way to start off the ppv and Tazz looked sharp. Too bad he had to give Angle the tazzplex on the mat instead of through a table like in his ECW days. **1/2
THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS vs. THE ACOLYTES: I mentioned The Acolytes always win. Apparently they don’t. This match was maybe three minutes long and three minutes too long. ½* only because Bradshaw gave Ass a sweet looking clothesline from hell that flipped him.
THE HARDY BOYZ vs. THE DUDLEY BOYZ: The best match of the night ended up being the table match between my two favorite tag teams in all of wrestling. Finally…the Rock has come back to…wait a minute. Finally the Dudley Boyz are becoming ‘hardcore’. When they started in the WWF they were just a basic kicks-and-punches tag team, but now they’re table smashing mother fuckers and the fans (at least I am) are eating it all up. Buh Buh Ray started off the match by calling John Rocker (the Braves b-ball player that publicly stated he hated New York because of all the immigrants) a “hero”. There were some sweet table bumps by every member of the team, but the best one was Jeff Hardy’s senton bomb off the entranceway onto D-Von. As the Hardy’s celebrated their win, the Dudley’s lay in the entrance on smashed tables looking like they’d been in a tornado. Buh-Buh and D-Von grabbed eachother’s fingers in a half-handshake as they lay on the debris. It was a touching moment. They did it. They had to go through a lot of pain and a lot of heartbreak but it was over and they survived and they were in the big leagues in the WWF in MSG with fans chanting their match. It was a truly touching moment. Just them two saying we did it. Wow. What a fucking match. ***1/2
So there it is. The 2000 Royal Rumble will never be forgotten…whether it be for the brutal Cactus Jack match, the Dudley/Hardy high flying hardcore table bout, or the ninety year old hag flashing the crowd. It was an okay ppv…simply because the actual Rumble sucked big time. It was way too obvious for The Crock to win. I give the ppv **1/2 only because of the two hardcore matches and the intro of Tazz. It was definitely a ‘big’ ppv, in fact so ‘big’ that they decided to have nothing happen at the Philly Raw. I was sincerely glad I didn’t go. I expected Tazz to talk, and Vince or Shane to show up. It was a lame Raw, though Nitro wasn’t really any better either, though Funk’s moonsault off the top rope was pretty funny, and with Sid the champ at least it’s not Hogan. Though I am sad to admit I miss the old guy.
I predicted a meager 1 match out of 7 which is a horrible record setting 14.29%. There is no way in hell I’ll ever predict lower. The only way would be for me to watch a ppv and not predict one match. Hell, at least the Rumble surprised me…though not with The Rock. I just figured he wouldn’t win because it was too obvious. Oh well.
The next ppv up is Superbrawl 2000. If you will remember it was last year’s Superbrawl that was the first wreslting ppv I watched on my box and the first ppv I rated and reviewed. Last year’s wasn’t too great, and don’t expect fireworks from this one. So far it’s Sid taking on Hart, Funk and Ric Flair vs. Scott Hall & Nash, JJ vs. Kidman, and Fit Finlay vs. Knobbs. As of now Benoit and Saturn are officially out of WCW, and supposedly them and Malenko and Douglas are signing with the WWF and will probably show up in February. Chris Benoit at Wrestlemania. I never thought I’d see it. Maybe he’ll go fight Tazz. That’d be a wild match. Anyway, my time here is done, and my oh-so interesting Superbrawl 2000 (it’s really Superbrawl X, as if you cared) predictions won’t be out until around February 17th…which is 3 and ½ weeks away. 23 looong days. Hell, I can cope. So it goes. Until then.
Sunday, January 23, 2000
Sunday, January 16, 2000
WCW’s SOULED OUT
from Cincinatti, Ohio
There is an epic story to tell about Dubbya-See-Dubbya, but I’ll try to compact it as short as possible. Vince Russo was named the head booker of WCW, the so-called ‘Creative Director’ back in October. As of Friday, January 14th, Russo was demoted from the rank and Kevin ‘Taskmaster’ Sullivan was put in charge as the head booker. Russo was offered a writing job, but as of now he may just take his contract money and leave. Because a lot of wrestlers hate Sullivan. Chris Benoit, Dean Malenko, Konnan, Shane Douglas, Saturn, Rey Mysterio Jr., and Eddie Guerrero all wanted to leave the company. WCW offered them an out on their contracts effective Feb. 1st. Right now neither man has officially taken their release, though the bottom line is that WCW is in turmoil. Yes, I enjoyed Vince Russo’s Crash-TV style which is too focused on backstage antics instead of actual wrestling, but it was getting old fast, and Starrcade absolutely sucked…which supposedly showcased his true booking style. Nitro and Thunder were pretty good and Souled Out was okay, but I think it’s a relief to get away from Russo’s Crash-TV. He had some entertaining ideas and I think he deserved at least three more months as Creative Director, but he’s gone and he probably ain’t coming back.
And can you believe that throughout all of this chaos, they had a ppv to put on? Add this to the fact that Jeff Jarrett and Bret Hart were respectively to be in 4 ppv matches and they were injured. Did I mention The Wall faced Kidman in a Hell in the Cell match? Okay, so it was pretty interesting to say the least.
+KIDMAN vs. DEAN MALENKO: To lose this match you have to be thrown out of the ring and touch the ground. Well Dean Malenko apparently forget these rules and slipped under the ropes for a breather and it was called a win for Kidman. In my humbly sober oppinion, Malenko did this to piss of management because he’s one of the elusive seven that want to leave WCW. This match was about two minutes long and it gets a goose egg. -0 stars-
VAMPIRO vs. CROWBAR vs. DAVID FLAIR: One of the first things WCW did was to strip Flair and Crowbar of the tag titles. This was a three way dance and pretty wild. Crowbar (who was previously known as Devon Storm on Saturday Night) is a high flying maniac, and he’s extremely entertaining. Vampiro is a decent wrestler, and at David Flair is funny. **1/2
HARRIS BOYS vs. THE MAMALUCS (JOHNNY THE BULL & BIG VITO): Kevin Sullivan and the new booking team are now calling the new tag team of Bull & Vito…The Mamalucs. I like these guys. They were known as ‘Da Baldies’ in ECW only four months ago, and Vito has a killer tornado ddt finisher that’s wild. I like these new tag champs. This match was pretty lame, because the Harris Boys aren’t even the Harris Boys anymore. They back to being suit dressing bodyguards.
OKLAHOMA vs. MADUSA: Why Madusa is even in WCW anymore is beyond me. At least Russo gave her a few plotlines, even though this one is a Jeff Jarrett rip-off from his days in Stamford. Nothing special. *
NORMAL SMILEY vs. BRIAN KNOBBS vs. FIT FINLAY vs. MENG: A sub-par hardcore bout, mostly because it wasn’t really hardcore and Smiley was a helluva lot funnier on Thunder when he dismantled Three Count and said he breathed, “Hardcore air,” and ate, “Hardcore food.” **
+KIDMAN vs. SATURN: The original plan was for Benoit to face JJ in three matches. Benoit got elevated to the title match because JJ and Bret Hart were injured. They stuck Kidman in this triple threat theater. This was the best of the three, with Kidman taking a decent bump over the top rope through a table. Kidman is the only ‘filthy animal’ to definitely agree to stay with WCW. Smart move. He’s almost guaranteed another Cruiserweight reign. **
+BOOKER T. vs. STEVIE RAY: This brother vs. brother match was boring. A big brick shithouse black man known as Big T. came in at the end to help Stevie Ray. Russo really pumped up this Midnight-Harlem Heat plot even though it completely sucked. I’ve never liked HH and am never going to start. *
+TANK ABBOT vs. JERRY FLYNN: One of the funnier aspects about the demotion of Russo was his ideas about this ppv. He conceived an idea to have all the winners of the ppv fight in a battle royal which would be a main event. Whomever won would get the title. Well his original idea was for Tank Abbot to win the title on a fluke. Because of this idea some say Russo was fired because he got into a fight with one of the WCW exectuvies that he was the Creative Director and he could do ‘whatever he wanted’. One punch and Flynn was out. Remember how Russo pumped up ‘The Block’ with Jerry Flynn? Proof that everything Russo touched did not turn to gold. *1/2
+BUFF BAGWELL vs. DDP: I know it sounds corny and stupid, but DDP does deliver the goods at the ppv’s and always pushes the limit. On Nitro and Thunder he’s just okay, but on the ppv’s he always exerts himself and pulls out no stops. Remember his strap match with Ric Flair at Halloween Havoc? That almost stole the show. This was a Last Man Standing Match. Buff put DDP through the internet table and DDP smashed Buff’s face with a computer. Great match. ***
KIDMAN vs. THE WALL: Russo stole a lot of things from the WWF, and his final steal was the awesome ‘Hell in the Cell’ matchup. Basically it’s a cage with a roof that covers the ring and the apron. In WCW they call it the ‘Caged Heat’ matchup, but I’ll still refer to it as a HITC. Shaun Michaels vs. The Undertaker was the first ever HITC match. The second made history when Mankind almost got himself killed when he lost to the ‘Taker. Of course this year we had the third HITC matchup with Bossman being hung against the ‘Taker. Kidman vs. The Wall was horrible. If you have the whole fucking cage there you might as well walk across it or fall off it climbing up. This was disappointment, though I seriously doubted anyone would take a major bump anyway. The Wall wins…what??? *1/2
+NASH vs. TERRY FUNK: Funk is the hardcore king. I knew when he became the commissioner that if only one good thing comes out of it, he’ll at least have one good match while he’s in WCW. This match was short and tooooo sweet. Funk got hit over the head with a few chair shots, got powerbombed through the announce table, and then got powerbombed over three chairs in the ring while bleeding like a stuck pig. He bled so much that WCW actually filmed the match from further away than they had been all night just because it was TV-PG and they couldn’t have any closeups. Funk is 54 years old and takes more bumps that 99.9% of any wrestler out there. He’ll live on as a king. This might be his last reign, but I’m sure he’ll show up down the road. ***
CHRIS BENOIT vs. SID: Benoit won, but it was revealed on Thunder and Nitro that Sid’s foot was under the ropes so Benoit didn’t win. Technically, Benoit is leaving the company so it was impossible for him to keep the title. On Thunder it was put into stone that Sid will face Nash on next week’s Nitro. Of course Sid has to beat JJ first. Reminds me of how Goldberg had to beat Scott Hall before he could face Hogan for the belt? If I do remember correctly, Goldberg beat both of ‘em and won the title. I guran-damn-tee that Sid is your new WCW World Heavyweight Champion come next Monday. As for this match, it was marginal, but Sid can only do one thing in a match that’s exciting and that’s powerbomb you, though at Halloween Havoc he bled like a stuck boar and showed a different side of himself. Who knows. **
Nitro and Thunder were good shows, which proves that Kevin Sullivan as the head booker isn’t hurting anybody. If Benoit, Malenko, Saturn, Doulgas, Konnan, Guerro, and Mysterio leave, that in all honestly I could give a fuck and WCW will still carry on. I liked Mysterio with a mask on but now he literally blows. I like Shane Douglas but he’s hurt and hasn’t wrestled in months. Benoit is old and I’m sick of him. He has no personality. Good riddance. WCW needs to cut corners, and getting rid of these lame wrestlers is okay by me. Sid as the champ? Sullivan as booker? I can live with that.
Souled Out 2000 gets ** because it had three good matches (DDP/Buff, Funk/Nash, Crowbar/Vampiro/Flair) and entertained. I predicted 7 out of 12 matches which is 58.3%, an F. Only surprise was The Wall really. Next up is Superbrawl X…or as they’re calling it…Superbrawl 2000. It’ll be Sid verse someone, and by that time Goldberg, Sting, Ric Flair, and Hogan should be back, so it’ll probably be Sid vs. Sting or Sid vs. Goldberg. In three days is WWF’s annual Royal Rumble from the prestigious Madison Square Garden. Cactus Jack vs. Triple H, Chyna vs. Jericho vs. Holly, Dudley’s vs. Hardy’s Table Match, a four way women’s battle royal, and of course the 30-man rumble. It has an excellent card, and with my luck Tazz, Undertaker, and Vince McMahon will show up. Until then.
There is an epic story to tell about Dubbya-See-Dubbya, but I’ll try to compact it as short as possible. Vince Russo was named the head booker of WCW, the so-called ‘Creative Director’ back in October. As of Friday, January 14th, Russo was demoted from the rank and Kevin ‘Taskmaster’ Sullivan was put in charge as the head booker. Russo was offered a writing job, but as of now he may just take his contract money and leave. Because a lot of wrestlers hate Sullivan. Chris Benoit, Dean Malenko, Konnan, Shane Douglas, Saturn, Rey Mysterio Jr., and Eddie Guerrero all wanted to leave the company. WCW offered them an out on their contracts effective Feb. 1st. Right now neither man has officially taken their release, though the bottom line is that WCW is in turmoil. Yes, I enjoyed Vince Russo’s Crash-TV style which is too focused on backstage antics instead of actual wrestling, but it was getting old fast, and Starrcade absolutely sucked…which supposedly showcased his true booking style. Nitro and Thunder were pretty good and Souled Out was okay, but I think it’s a relief to get away from Russo’s Crash-TV. He had some entertaining ideas and I think he deserved at least three more months as Creative Director, but he’s gone and he probably ain’t coming back.
And can you believe that throughout all of this chaos, they had a ppv to put on? Add this to the fact that Jeff Jarrett and Bret Hart were respectively to be in 4 ppv matches and they were injured. Did I mention The Wall faced Kidman in a Hell in the Cell match? Okay, so it was pretty interesting to say the least.
+KIDMAN vs. DEAN MALENKO: To lose this match you have to be thrown out of the ring and touch the ground. Well Dean Malenko apparently forget these rules and slipped under the ropes for a breather and it was called a win for Kidman. In my humbly sober oppinion, Malenko did this to piss of management because he’s one of the elusive seven that want to leave WCW. This match was about two minutes long and it gets a goose egg. -0 stars-
VAMPIRO vs. CROWBAR vs. DAVID FLAIR: One of the first things WCW did was to strip Flair and Crowbar of the tag titles. This was a three way dance and pretty wild. Crowbar (who was previously known as Devon Storm on Saturday Night) is a high flying maniac, and he’s extremely entertaining. Vampiro is a decent wrestler, and at David Flair is funny. **1/2
HARRIS BOYS vs. THE MAMALUCS (JOHNNY THE BULL & BIG VITO): Kevin Sullivan and the new booking team are now calling the new tag team of Bull & Vito…The Mamalucs. I like these guys. They were known as ‘Da Baldies’ in ECW only four months ago, and Vito has a killer tornado ddt finisher that’s wild. I like these new tag champs. This match was pretty lame, because the Harris Boys aren’t even the Harris Boys anymore. They back to being suit dressing bodyguards.
OKLAHOMA vs. MADUSA: Why Madusa is even in WCW anymore is beyond me. At least Russo gave her a few plotlines, even though this one is a Jeff Jarrett rip-off from his days in Stamford. Nothing special. *
NORMAL SMILEY vs. BRIAN KNOBBS vs. FIT FINLAY vs. MENG: A sub-par hardcore bout, mostly because it wasn’t really hardcore and Smiley was a helluva lot funnier on Thunder when he dismantled Three Count and said he breathed, “Hardcore air,” and ate, “Hardcore food.” **
+KIDMAN vs. SATURN: The original plan was for Benoit to face JJ in three matches. Benoit got elevated to the title match because JJ and Bret Hart were injured. They stuck Kidman in this triple threat theater. This was the best of the three, with Kidman taking a decent bump over the top rope through a table. Kidman is the only ‘filthy animal’ to definitely agree to stay with WCW. Smart move. He’s almost guaranteed another Cruiserweight reign. **
+BOOKER T. vs. STEVIE RAY: This brother vs. brother match was boring. A big brick shithouse black man known as Big T. came in at the end to help Stevie Ray. Russo really pumped up this Midnight-Harlem Heat plot even though it completely sucked. I’ve never liked HH and am never going to start. *
+TANK ABBOT vs. JERRY FLYNN: One of the funnier aspects about the demotion of Russo was his ideas about this ppv. He conceived an idea to have all the winners of the ppv fight in a battle royal which would be a main event. Whomever won would get the title. Well his original idea was for Tank Abbot to win the title on a fluke. Because of this idea some say Russo was fired because he got into a fight with one of the WCW exectuvies that he was the Creative Director and he could do ‘whatever he wanted’. One punch and Flynn was out. Remember how Russo pumped up ‘The Block’ with Jerry Flynn? Proof that everything Russo touched did not turn to gold. *1/2
+BUFF BAGWELL vs. DDP: I know it sounds corny and stupid, but DDP does deliver the goods at the ppv’s and always pushes the limit. On Nitro and Thunder he’s just okay, but on the ppv’s he always exerts himself and pulls out no stops. Remember his strap match with Ric Flair at Halloween Havoc? That almost stole the show. This was a Last Man Standing Match. Buff put DDP through the internet table and DDP smashed Buff’s face with a computer. Great match. ***
KIDMAN vs. THE WALL: Russo stole a lot of things from the WWF, and his final steal was the awesome ‘Hell in the Cell’ matchup. Basically it’s a cage with a roof that covers the ring and the apron. In WCW they call it the ‘Caged Heat’ matchup, but I’ll still refer to it as a HITC. Shaun Michaels vs. The Undertaker was the first ever HITC match. The second made history when Mankind almost got himself killed when he lost to the ‘Taker. Of course this year we had the third HITC matchup with Bossman being hung against the ‘Taker. Kidman vs. The Wall was horrible. If you have the whole fucking cage there you might as well walk across it or fall off it climbing up. This was disappointment, though I seriously doubted anyone would take a major bump anyway. The Wall wins…what??? *1/2
+NASH vs. TERRY FUNK: Funk is the hardcore king. I knew when he became the commissioner that if only one good thing comes out of it, he’ll at least have one good match while he’s in WCW. This match was short and tooooo sweet. Funk got hit over the head with a few chair shots, got powerbombed through the announce table, and then got powerbombed over three chairs in the ring while bleeding like a stuck pig. He bled so much that WCW actually filmed the match from further away than they had been all night just because it was TV-PG and they couldn’t have any closeups. Funk is 54 years old and takes more bumps that 99.9% of any wrestler out there. He’ll live on as a king. This might be his last reign, but I’m sure he’ll show up down the road. ***
CHRIS BENOIT vs. SID: Benoit won, but it was revealed on Thunder and Nitro that Sid’s foot was under the ropes so Benoit didn’t win. Technically, Benoit is leaving the company so it was impossible for him to keep the title. On Thunder it was put into stone that Sid will face Nash on next week’s Nitro. Of course Sid has to beat JJ first. Reminds me of how Goldberg had to beat Scott Hall before he could face Hogan for the belt? If I do remember correctly, Goldberg beat both of ‘em and won the title. I guran-damn-tee that Sid is your new WCW World Heavyweight Champion come next Monday. As for this match, it was marginal, but Sid can only do one thing in a match that’s exciting and that’s powerbomb you, though at Halloween Havoc he bled like a stuck boar and showed a different side of himself. Who knows. **
Nitro and Thunder were good shows, which proves that Kevin Sullivan as the head booker isn’t hurting anybody. If Benoit, Malenko, Saturn, Doulgas, Konnan, Guerro, and Mysterio leave, that in all honestly I could give a fuck and WCW will still carry on. I liked Mysterio with a mask on but now he literally blows. I like Shane Douglas but he’s hurt and hasn’t wrestled in months. Benoit is old and I’m sick of him. He has no personality. Good riddance. WCW needs to cut corners, and getting rid of these lame wrestlers is okay by me. Sid as the champ? Sullivan as booker? I can live with that.
Souled Out 2000 gets ** because it had three good matches (DDP/Buff, Funk/Nash, Crowbar/Vampiro/Flair) and entertained. I predicted 7 out of 12 matches which is 58.3%, an F. Only surprise was The Wall really. Next up is Superbrawl X…or as they’re calling it…Superbrawl 2000. It’ll be Sid verse someone, and by that time Goldberg, Sting, Ric Flair, and Hogan should be back, so it’ll probably be Sid vs. Sting or Sid vs. Goldberg. In three days is WWF’s annual Royal Rumble from the prestigious Madison Square Garden. Cactus Jack vs. Triple H, Chyna vs. Jericho vs. Holly, Dudley’s vs. Hardy’s Table Match, a four way women’s battle royal, and of course the 30-man rumble. It has an excellent card, and with my luck Tazz, Undertaker, and Vince McMahon will show up. Until then.
Sunday, January 9, 2000
ECW’s GUILTY AS CHARGED
It’s Thursday already, but I knew I had to write a re-cap on the first ppv of 2000, the 21st century. ECW showed up with one of the best cards ever. Yes, that’s right…ever. Sandman vs. Rhino, Sabu vs. Rob VanDamme, Dreamer & Raven vs. Impact Players, New Jack vs. Angel, and Spike Dudley vs. Mike Awesome. Sandman had family responsibilities and bowed out, leaving a bad taste in our mouths before the pay per view ever started. It was a good ppv, although not a great one, not as good as it could have been. The match of the night was Sabu and Rob VanDamme, though Little Spike Dudley proved that he’s a natural candidate for hardcore wrestler of January. He got his little ass kicked and kept on coming.
MIKEY WHIPWRECK vs. ‘THE ENFORCER’ C.W. ANDERSON: Yes, ECW has crappy matches on their ppv’s that they don’t promote too, though they don’t end up as bad as Whipwreck/Scotty Riggs (from Spring Stampede…if you don’t remember than you probably did see it). Whipwreck is a great wrestler, he proved this in WCW once when he took on Kidman at Uncensored. Anderson? He’s about as respectable as WCW’s Jerry Flynn. This was a short and sweet matchup and the two did enough cool moves to garner a decent **1/2 affair.
+SIMON DIAMOND, ‘DASTARDLY’ DANNY DORING, & ROADKILL vs.
NOVA, KID KASH, JAZZ, & -eventually- CHRIS CHETTI: This was more made a nine man tag team extravaganza just to get all the jobbers in the locker room a prime time shot. Though realistically, these guys are far from jobbers…except for Jazz and that Kid Rock wannabe. Chetti, Doring, and Diamond are top notch performers, and this was an exciting match nontheless, though these guys are more towards ‘cool moves’ than bloodbaths which the fans support. I’m really curious what Sandman had planned for his matchup. I haven’t seen him in a one-on-one pay per view matchup since June’s match against Knobbs. I guess I have to wait til fucking March. Thanks SM. **1/2
LITTLE GUIDO & JERRY ‘THE NEW FUCKING SHOW’ LYNN vs. SUPER CRAZY & TAJIRI: This was a pretty exciting matchup even though I don’t exactly like anyone in it. Lynn is pretty interesting, and Super Crazy’s audience moonsault was impressive. Same old high flying shiznit. **1/2
ANGEL vs. NEW JACK: I realized that New Jack’s only interesting aspect is jumping from high places. He never even attempts one ‘real’ move inside the ring. He’ll hit you with a guitar, a vaccum, and a Stop sign, but won’t do any damage until he jumps from the rafters onto your sorry ass on a table. New Jack did another impressive jump, but it wasn’t on Angel, it was on one of da Baldies. He also used a cheese grater on Angel and stapled the third baldie’s skull. Decent hardcore stuff, but it was really too short to be anything awesome. **1/2
ROB VAN DAM vs. SABU: Arguably the match of the night, these two warriors fought for twenty minutes beating the living shit out of eachother, though Sabu took a lot more chances than Van Dam. Sabu has been getting his ass kicked all of ’99 and so far all of 2000, will you guys let him win for once!!! ***
+JUSTIN CREDIBLE & LANCE STORM vs. RAVEN & DREAMER: One of the more obvious wins of the night, the so-called ‘Impact Players’ took the tag titles off the unlikely pair of Raven and Tommy Dreamer, the ‘Innovator of Violence’, though he hasn’t been an innovator of violence since about ’97. Raven didn’t do anything exciting, and Lance Storm and Justin aren’t really the two best hotshots, though the crowd was really into this one and it went all over the building and it was sort of interesting. It had a catfight, too. I really missed Sandman. Hopefully they’ll pump up a Raven/Sandman feud for the next ppv because those guys are great when they get in the ring. **1/2
+MIKE AWESOME vs. L’IL SPIKE DUDLEY: A great main event, which is such a change because there hasn’t been a good main event since…King of the Ring? Shit. Dudley showed up and took the mic, which he never does, and he tells Awesome (who recently turned heel) that Awesome’s move his putting his opponent’s through a table, well his whole life he’s been put through tables. He set up a table on each side of the ring before the bout, and stacked two on top of eachother on one side. Five tables were broken, and I believe Spike went through all of them, though he did DDT Awesome through one from the top rope which had to be seen to be believed. You know it’s a great match when you can’t really explain it but it has to be ‘seen…to…be…believed’. Dudley is definitley one of the true hardcore icons out there, and Awesome always entertains and puts it all on the line. What a great main event. ***
It wasn’t the best ECW pay per view, though it was a good one, and a lot better than the marginally lame November to Remember. **1/2 stars it receives, though it is already the number one ppv on my exclusive Bob list. Sabu/Damme and Dudley/Awesome were just plain great fights, and the other highlight included New Jack’s awesome jump. I predicted 3 matches out of 7, which is a record low at 42.86%…an F-. This is the first ECW ppv I’ve reviewed, and it’s downright obvious they blow the big two out of the water, though ECW is special of sorts because the guys don’t really care much about being hurt and losing the spotlight because Pauly is a down to Earth guy who just happens to say “fuck” a lot. In a meager three days is WCW’s Souled Out, and surprisingly it has a great card, though Ferrara and Russo are infamous for pumping the shit out of a ppv and having a special delivery of nothing. Nash vs. Terry Funk in a hardcore commisioner bout is the obvious looking-forward-to matchup, but the others of interest are Sid/Bret Hart for the belt, Smiley-Knobbs-Finlay-Meng for the hardcore strap, Madusa/Oklahoma for the cruiserweight belt, and Benoit/JJ in a triple threat theater which includes a no-rope dungeon match, a cage match, and a bunkhouse brawal. Should be at least marginally interesting. And of course in ten days we’ve got Cactus Jack ‘bang-bang’ taking on HHH for the wwf belt in Madison Square Garden. Until then.
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