WCW FALL BRAWL

Sunday, September 12th from Winston-Salem, North Carolina

    WWF has three ‘gimmick’ pay per views. The Royal Rumble, The King of the Ring, and Survivor Series which at least use to have a 4 on 4 setting. WCW has World War 3, which has three rings set up and is madness, and of course Uncensored which throws the rules out the windows. WCW’s best gimmick was War Games. A 3 on 3 on 3 matchup in a two-ring steel cage. Whoever wins goes to Halloween Havoc. I’ve never seen War Games, so maybe it sucks, but at least it sounds fucking cool. If WWF had War Games they’d burn the world down. This Fall, though, the first time I will actually watch Fall Brawl, the War Games element is dropped. Why? The bookers say the last two years were disappointing. Still, will you make more bucks hyping up a lame ass same-old pay per view with nine matches or a pay per view with a main event consisting of nine wrestlers and a double steel cage? I’d choose the cage, although I would also have Hak win the whole thing, but that’s me. The card for this years Fall Brawl? It’s okay. WCW was good going into the summer, but right now they are losing it, big time. Meanwhile ECW is kicking ass with the return of Raven and the TNN show, and WWF is showcasing it’s better than ppv UPN program, Smackdown. My god, this Thursday on Smackdown! (the exclamation point is mandatory) they have (it was filmed already but not aired) a buried alive match between The Rock & Mankind vs. The Big Show & The Undertaker. Kane versus Triple H for the belt! Chris Jericho hiding in a steel cage so Shamrock can’t get to him. The Dudley Boys do an interview in the ring! So here goes my (snooze…) Fall Brawl predictions:

KAZ HAYASHI vs. LENNY LANE: What a matchup! And they wonder why they’re losing to the WWF in the ratings. I didn’t even know Kaz Hayashi existed until a week ago, so I doubt he’s going to win. Lenny and Lodi are the so-called Gaylords, though WCW made them brothers so in reality they can’t be gay. Whatever, it’s a stupid gimmick and truly lame to give Lenny Lame the fucking cruiserweight belt. Expect Lame to hold on to it for awhile anyway, since I can’t for the love of me picture Kaz walking to the ring with gold. Expect Eddie Guererro to take the belt very soon, probably at Havoc.

SATURN vs. RIC STEINER: This is for the coveted TV Title. It was rumored on the elusive ‘net that Hardcore Hak was scheduled to get the TV Title but now because he’s bitching to the executives at Chastity’s firing The Cat will receive a push. Whatever. Give the belt to anyone but Ric Steiner, he’s even more boring bad then he was good. Saturn was good when he feuded with Raven, but that was only because Raven was my favorite WCW wrestler at the time. I guess now it’s The Cat, though I’m counting down the days to Hak’s return. It’s a tossup as to who will win the belt, but I’m guessing the dawg will retain it, possibly with the help of his bro, Scott, who is apparently almost ready to return to the squared circle.

VAMPIRO & THE INSANE CLOWN POSSE vs. MYSTERIO, KIDMAN, & EDDIE GUERRO: Expect ICP to win. Why you say? Because they were mad that they had to keep jobbing and then they signed a one-year deal. Guess what? They’re winning! I like Vampiro now, too, he’s pretty wild. This should be a great matchup because ICP are fun to watch and Mysterio, Kidman, & Guerrero are three of the best wrestlers around. Could turn into the best match of the night.

BERLYN vs. BUFF BAGWELL: Alex Wright needed a gimmick so they sold him on this techno German super machine anti-USA robot-esque black death dude. He actually showed up before Columbine sitting in the stands but of course they had to pull the gimmick because he wears a black trenchcoat. Now he’s back and this is his first matchup. Expect Berlyn to win because a new guy losing doesn’t help anyone. The more life rambles on the more I hate Buff. He was great when he was bad, now he’s a sucker. This match will probably start out wild, because no one knows what to expect from Berlyn, but after five seconds expect a Bore-A-Thon 2000.

GOLDBERG vs. DDP: You love me, you hate me, you’ll never forget me. Diamond Dallas Page isn’t the best personality, but get him in the ring and he does entertain. The last time he faced Goldberg was at last year’s Halloween Havoc, the one that actually ran 3 hrs. and 10 minutes. A few cable companies pulled the plug and they had to re-air the match on Nitro the next day. The more I think about it HH had a great card last year. Scott Hall vs. Kevin Nash, DDP vs. Da Man, Hogan vs. Ultimate Warrior, and Bret Hart vs. Sting. Wow. Anyway, back to the matchup, Goldberg of course won with his spear and jackhammer after he kicked out of the diamond cutter. Don’t expect DDP to win here either, because no belts are on the line and when Goldberg loses again it won’t be against Diamond Scum Page. The Triad will show up and receive spears, and Da Man will make the pin. Expect a so-so matchup.

SID vs. CHRIS BENOIT: The WCW bookers gave Sid a Millennium Man gimmick where he racks up an unbeatable streak to shadow Goldberg’s and then the two will face probably at Starrcade. Problem? Some idiot in the back had Sid lose to Saturn on Thunder last week because of a DQ. No matter, Thunder gets about two viewers anyway. But giving with the Millennium Man gimmick, Sid will definitely win here, which is a shame because I expected Benoit to hold the U.S. Title for longer than a month. Hopefully he’ll get his Heavyweight push. This match will be just okay. Benoit is a great intense wrestler but Sid has one move and his fake punches miss his oppenent’s by two feet. Sid with the U.S. Belt? It sounds lame, but this is Dubbya-See-Dubbya we’re talking about.

BARRY & KENDALL WINDHAM vs. HARLEM HEAT: The West Texas Rednecks gimmick is great, especially since they’ve acquired Vincent. Now, officially, the New World Order is over. Bischoff and Co. have hinted at a reunion, but please call it something else. N.W.O. was the greatest gimmick in the sport in the last decade, but it’s over. This matchup is a joke. The Windham’s? They belong in the fucking Cuba Backyard Wrestling Alliance, not the WCW. And to boot, they’ve got the damn tag belts! It was said that they got the belts because they’re friends with the backstage bookers. Who cares, expect that friendship to die once Harlem Heat take back their belts. At least HH is a real tag team. Expect this match to reach a new record on the Lame-O-Meter.

DEAN MALENKO & SHANE DOUGLAS vs. HUGH MORRIS & BRIAN KNOBBS: This is a no-DQ match, meaning…Hardcore Rules!!! The hardcore WCW is back. Wow. Expect one of the best matches of the night. Why? Because I’ve been waiting for Douglas to hit a ppv in style…E.C.fuckin’W-style. No rules, no DQ! Boy am I impressed. Then I realized Dean Malenko, the man of a thousand positions (Ric Flair joke…where is the old timer when WCW needs him?) isn’t hardcore. Hugh Morris has that great moonsault, and he knows how to take hits. Hopefully, Hak will show up and beat the shit out of everyone. I can dream, right? Expect The Revolution to get the win, but hopefully WCW won’t fuck this up like they’ve fucked up everything in their company and make a armageddon bodies everywhere ladder smashing table crashing chair mashing monstrosity classic. Yep, still dreamin’…

STING vs. HULK HOGAN: Let me guess? Sting…or Hogan? Oh, come on fuck the charades…I guarantee Hulk Hogan wins. Why? Because Hulk Hogan is an asshole. He hogs the belt for himself. He’ll keep it until he loses it to Bret Hart at Starrcade. And even then he’ll bitch and moan and get it back for Superbrawl. What I would like to see is ANYONE OTHER THAN HOGAN WITH THE BELT. There. I said it. Sting won’t win it. Why? Because Luger is going to show up and beat him up. I was such an idiot to predict Hogan to retire. Give me a break…the signs were all there. Nash was losing. Everyone said it. Why was I so blind. I guarantee Hogan wins. Why? Because WCW hasn’t had a good main event since…since…well, the, no…since Spring Stampede. And even that was just okay, but that was the last good one. WCW has better midcard talent than stars. Hogan is such a boring wrestler! He’s a fucking old man! Make him an announcer, a manager, anything but a wrestler. Okay, I’ve said my peace. Here’s another possibility. Sting wins then faces Goldberg at Havoc. Or Sting loses and faces Luger at Havoc. He’s going to face Luger at Havoc whether you like it or not. I can’t picture a Championship match between Sting and Luger. So there. I said it. My last guarantee shocked the world. Will this one? No, but from now on I’ll try to guarantee at lest one match per ppv. It’ll be my best bet. Until the show.

    ECW’s Anarchy Rulz ppv tomorrow should be awesome. Sabu vs. Justin Credible should be better than 99.9% of what the WCW passes on as wrasslin’. Fall Brawl didn’t have the War Games element and it definitley needed something like it. It was, without a doubt, the worst WCW ppv so far this year. At least the Great American Bash had Hak vs. Brian Knobbs in what turned into a ladder match, Sting being attacked by two dobermans and a pitt bull, and Sid Vicious making his first WCW appearance. The ppv sucked, but it had three moments. Fall Brawl didn’t have any. Sting winning surprised me, since I did gurantee the opposite. Bischoff isn’t the president anymore of WCW so that’s more or less why Hogan lost the belt. The problem was the card. WCW hasn’t put together a good card since they had the three good pay per views in a row, Uncensored, Spring Stampede, and Slamboree. Then they dropped every slice of quality they had with the awful Great American Bash, they below-average Bash at the Beach and the marginal Road Wild. I enjoyed Road Wild but that was just because WCW actually put together a half decent pay per view. Compare Road Wild to an ECW ppv and you fall out of your seat. Even WWF’s Unforgiven has a sweet card, much better than the lousy Summerslam card. Here are my thoughts on WCW’s 1999 Fall Bore:

STING vs. HULK HOGAN: This was such a major angle that it should have shocked the world. By the time Sting turned bad and hit Hulk Hogan with his black baseball bat I was so damned bored and lifeless from the other matches that I couldn’t give eight shits. The match really sucked. Hogan was good when he was bad. He could hit you with chairs, whip you with his strap, and cheat like the evil bastard he was. Now he’s back in his lame red and yellow good-guy image and it blows. He’s so fucking old he can’t execute any great moves or offense. Sting is at least exciting. The only good part of this match was when DDP showed up, then Sid, then Luger. Sting of course turned bad but nobody cares. If life was good then Hogan would become a manager and keep out of the ring. *1/2 (out of ****)

+KAZ HYASHI vs. LENNY LANE: I’m almost ashamed to admit this was probably the best match of the night. Lenny Lane surprised me with his great cruiserweight moves, and even though I’ve never seen Kaz wrestle, he’s not too bad. The match had some great moves and a lot of close 2 ½ almost-pins. It’s too bad they didn’t build this match up at all like WWF and ECW do their ppv matches. It seemed like they were just fighting because WCW needed more matches on their pay per view. **1/2

+SATURN vs. RIC STEINER: Chris Benoit has the TV Title now, which is better then either Saturn or Dog. I hate both wrestlers. Saturn is okay. His feud with Chris Jericho earlier in the year was pretty wild, but now he’s only mildly entertaining. Without Raven, Saturn is lost. Raven and Saturn’s feud was one of WCW’s best in recent years. Did you hear Hak is back from his injuries? He’s wrestling at a house show tomorrow, which hopefully means he'll be on Nitro. Must’ve been a half-assed lame match if I’m talking about someone who has absolutely nothing to do with this match whatsoever. *1/2

VAMPIRO & THE INSANE CLOWN POSSE vs. MYSTERIO, KIDMAN, & EDDIE GUERRERO: This was a re-match from Road Wild. I think they should have made a singles match between Vampiro and one of the three good-guys, and then have the ICP face the other two in tag-team competition. I would have made more sense then to again waste some of the best talent WCW has in one match. I liked the Road Wild match better, though it was interesting to find that Mysterio hurt his knee, Eddie was injured somehow, and Vampiro got a black eye and mild concussion during this match. With all of those injuries you would think the match was jaw-droppingly awesome. It wasn’t. **

HUGH MORRIS & BRIAN KNOBBS vs. DEAN MALENKO & SHANE DOUGLAS: This match was a No-DQ match, which I had figured was more or less a Hardcore match. I was totally wrong. Why they instituted the no-disqualification gimmick for this match is beyond me. No ladders, no tables, no chairs, no fun. It was such a lame match. The only thing they did that would have gotten them disqualified was fighting outside of the ring for more then a 10-count. Wow. Big fucking deal. *1/2

+HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN vs. BERLYN: Buff Bagwell was in the back but the announcers gave a note that Bagwell was late to the arena and he wouldn’t be wrestling Berlyn. So guess who they got? I was hoping for someone other than Jerry Flynn, and I was surprised that they got the overweight, senior citizen Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Yes, the guy beat cancer. I respect that he’s been though a lot, but why is he still being paid by WCW? He doesn’t even wrestle on Nitro or Thunder. The new president of WCW, Bill Busch, was noted as saying expect twenty wrestlers to be fired come the end of the year. Bye, bye Hacksaw. ½ *

+BARRY & KENDALL WINDHAM vs. HARLEM HEAT: Give me a break. I always made fun of the WWF for not having a good tag team division. Boy do I room to talk. The WCW tag team division consists, more or less, of Harlem Heat. The Windhams aren’t even a tag team, they’re part of a bigger group called The West Texas Rednecks. This match was a disaster. Hopefully Bill Busch will pull out no stops to have Halloween Havoc actually be a watchable pay per view. To think, Fall Brawl cost thirty-bucks. I give out my sympathies to friends and family of those who purchased the ppv. *

GOLDBERG vs. DDP: The only other watchable match on the pay per view. Goldberg never disappoints, so it’s with good reason that Bill Busch (I love that name don’t I?) has mentioned the new center of WCW will be Goldberg. More or less this says fuck Hogan, right? Expect Goldberg to get the belt soon, either on a Nitro (In Philly on Oct. 18th…that’d be toooo sweeeeet) or an upcoming ppv. I would love to see a re-match of Goldberg and Sting, since both times they’ve fought neither guy has one. The first time they fought Sting had the scorpion deathlock on Bill when the N.W.O. showed up and it turned into a DQ. The next time they fought Bret Hart showed up and beat the shit out of both dudes, turning it into yet another DQ. So Goldberg/Sting still has to be resolved. Now with a belt on the line it’s even sweeter. Hopefully, if Bill Busch and Co. realize a Hogan/Sting rematch would enact an anti-WCW campaign worldwide, they’ll push for a Sting/Goldberg main event at ‘Havoc for the coveted belt. I’d much rather see that then Sid/Goldberg. Who cares about the Millennium Man storyline? I think it sucks. **1/2

6 out of 9 predictions I got correctly. That’s a marginal 66.6%, a D. All in all Fall Brawl gets a * star rating. I know it’s low, but Fall Bore was so bad it wasn’t even funny. You have to factor in the price. I’d rather pay $30 bucks for ECW on TNN or WWF’s Smackdown!. Nitro has gotten bad fast. This week it started off great with Dean Malenko verse Chris Benoit in one of the best Nitro fights in years, then Ric Flair’s great return. It ended up same-old and sort of lame, compared to Raw which showcased the return of Vinnie Mac and Jericho’s hilarious Gotch Gracie routine. Did I mention Thunder wasn’t live or taped, it showcased recent matches and events while Smackdown had Vinnie Mac beat HHH for the belt with the help of Austin 3:16. Take that. Hopefully, Halloween Havoc will surprise us, since WCW is making a lot of changes. With Goldberg as the center of attention doesn’t that technically mean he’ll be in the main event of Havoc? I’d love to see a three-way dance with Hogan/Sting/Goldberg, but that’s not exactly what the bookers want, is it? Tomorrow ECW’s Anarchy Rulz is on, with Taz vs. Masato Tanaka, Justin Credible vs. Sabu, Lance “I’m from Calgary, Alberta, Canada” Storm vs. Jerry Lynn, and Raven & Dreamer vs. Steve Chorino and a mystery opponent. Wow! ECW always has the best ppv’s, and so far this years best pay per view is, without a doubt, May’s Hardcore Heaven. WWF’s Unforgiven is in eight days. The card is great. HHH vs. Rock vs. ‘Taker vs. Big Slow vs. Kane vs. Mankind in a six-way match for the belt. How Vince McMahon’s win over HHH will factor into this is beyond me. Other matches are Jericho vs. Shamrock, The Dudley Boys vs. The Acolytes, and Bossman vs. Al Snow in a hardcore cage match within a Hell in the Cell circled by dogs. Whew. And you wonder why I re-named it Fall Bore. Until then.