Sunday, June 27th, from Greensboro, North Carolina
I just read that the In Your House tag line is being tossed into the gutter. This means that Summerslam technically won’t be approached as being bigger than December’s Armageddon. Yes, you heard that right. December’s WWF ppv is now called Armagedoon. Great fucking title. Of course Wrestlemania will always be the big one, King of the Ring and Royal Rumble will follow their special formats, and as for Survivor Series, who knows? They used to have the 4 vs. 4 thing going but they tossed that out recently. Whatever. All I know is that King of the Ring is special because it’s the only ppv of the year that follows a tournament type setting. This time it’s an 8 man elimination tournament. What does the winner get? It may sound stupid but nothing. Not a title shot at Fully Loaded. Nothing. At least the Royal Rumble winner gets a title shot at Wrestlemania, making it special. This year, like last year, I couldn’t give two shits about who wins the tournament. The bookers created a fantastic card here. Undertaker/Rock. Holy shit. Austin vs. the McMahons in my favorite type of match; a ladder match. Holy shit. I hope June 27th is etched in stone as one of the best, because we all know Wrestlemania wasn’t as good as it could have been, and I here that the Royal Rumble wasn’t too great either. The KOTR card rocks…so can you run with the ball WWF?
Mr. Ass
vs. Mr. Ass
Ken Shamrock
vs. The Big Show
The Big Show
vs. The Big
Kane Show Kotr Winner:
vs. THE BIG SHOW
The Road Dogg
vs. Chyna
Chyna X-Pac
vs.
Hardcore Holly
vs. X-Pac
X-Pac
There’s my prediction. It’s fucking obvious, ain’t it? Being that Giant is on the posters for KOTR and the cover of August’s video release states that The Big Show plows his way to the top. Of course it could be a ruse for the other obvious Road Dogg vs. Mr. Ass final that a lot of people are interested in. The Big Show is boring, though. If he does go through the tournament he’ll be a tired sack of shit. But it’ll put him up there. Oh well, expect the majority of the tournament to bore you since the winner gets……nothing.
‘STONE COLD’ STEVE AUSTIN vs. SHANE McMAHON & VINCE McMAHON: This match just happens to be my favorite type of match. A Ladder Match!!! I love ladder matches…but look whose wrestling. Can Shane and Vince actually put the oomph into a ladder match. Remember that Scott Hall/Goldberg ladder match? I don’t. The last WWF ladder match was The Rock vs. Mankind for the coveted belt. It was on Raw and was awesome. Last Summerslam had Rock/HHH in a ladder match which was the ultimate. The reason there is a ladder is because whoever can climb it and grab the briefcase, then that person owns and controls the WWF. I’d love to see a ladder match where a roll of barbed wire was hanging up there, that’d be cool wouldn’t it? This match has potential and should at least be very entertaining and funny. Expect one of the McMahons to get the win, I’m guessing it’ll be the up and coming Shane, because how long can this Stone Cold CEO plotline last?
THE UNDERTAKER vs. THE ROCK: The Rock is a very entertaining wrestler, while The Undertaker is not. This should be entertaining because of the Corporate Ministry showing up and probably letting the ‘Taker win. There’s no stipulation in this match, but hopefully it’ll be a no DQ match so we can see some cool shitznit happen. Expect a tombstone piledriver, a rock bottom, and a people’s elbow. I bet they make it a truly screwjob ending, as bad guys never win cleanly…even in the WWF.
Shane and The Undertaker won, and we did see a tombstone, people’s elbow, and a rock bottom. Am I the fucking man or what? Well KOTR was pretty entertaining. The tournament grew tiresome, especially the extremely poor main event between Ass and X-Pac. The Rock/Undertaker match was okay, but the ladder main event was a doozy. Funny, entertaining, and a great ending to boot. I love the WWF because even if the ppv doesn’t deliver much the main event always does. Remember Backlash? Bad ppv, great main event. Here’s my ramblings on the show with checks next to each winner I predicted correct. I did predict the double main event…so can I beat the 75% record?
+KEN SHAMROCK vs. MR. ASS: On Heat (which was better than a lot of the actual ppv) Shamrock received an ass kicking from Steve Blackman and his singapore cane. Shamrock was spitting blood, so the ref called the match after awhile and awarded the win to Mr. Ass. Not very memorable. **
THE BIG SHOW vs. KANE: Most idiots out there figured Big Show would win the whole damn tournament, but apparently WWF didn’t want to be too obvious so they even had the bastard lose the first match. I like Kane better, but this match was pretty lame. Kane got the win after hitting Big Show over the head with a steel chair, which was delivered to the ring by none other than Bob Holly. **
CHYNA vs. THE ROAD DOGG: I guess you can forget about Queen of the Ring. Thank God she didn’t wrestle through the tournament because all she knows is boring holds. This match was the worst of the tournmanet. Triple H was forced to leave ringside from the elusive HeartBreak Kid, and Dogg stopped Chyna from hitting him in the privates because he was wearing a cup. Does this mean nobody else wears a cup? *1/2
+X-PAC vs. HARDCORE HOLLY: I love Bob “Hardcore” Holly. He’s fuckin’A he-larious. X-Pac sucks though. This match was basic until Hardcore got fed up, grabbed a steel chair, planted X-Pac’s skull into the mat and got his ass disqualified. Probably the best match of the tournament. **1/2
MR. ASS vs. KANE: I don’t even remember this match so I guess it wasn’t that great, right? Big Show came out and hit Kane over the head with a chair. Ass got the win. This tournament should be exciting, right? **
+THE ROAD DOGG vs. X-PAC: Fairly surprising, being I figured the final would either be Giant/X-Pac or Dogg/Ass. I was wrong both ways, but X-Pac did make it to the finals so there’s something. This match was really lame, though Dogg gets the crowd riled up. *
MR. ASS vs. X-PAC: I didn’t have either combatant to win, at least not here. When me, my brother, and Tony bet I picked the elusive Ass/Dog final and won $10. This final was after the Rock/’Taker match and short and very semi-sweet. It was too short and Ass wasn’t even crowned, he just got the pin and ran off. I guess he realized that the KOTR is really lame because the winner gets…nothing. *
THE BROOD vs. THE HARDY BOYZ: They actually spell boys with a Z, isn’t that insane? This match had to be a filler thing. The bookers looked at their watch, “Well shit we’ll be done by 10:15 at this rate.” So they had The Brood and The Hardy Boyz fight. Problem? Not only was it not scheduled, but these tag teams fought AN HOUR EARLIER ON SUNDAY NIGHT HEAT. They just fucking fought! I’m guessing that over 75% of the people watching the ppv watched Heat. We aren’t morons, why watch a match WE JUST FUCKING SAW? Filler. I don’t really care for either team, they’re pretty much WCW calibur. *1/2
+THE UNDERTAKER vs. THE ROCK: This match was long and just okay. The Rock was funnier when he was a bad guy, now he doesn’t entertain as much. Remember when he used to grab the announcer’s headsets, or at Backlash with “The Rock Cam”? Hilarious. Here he gets cheated out of the title twice. Is it me, or do the bad guys only win by cheating? The Undertaker is awesome, have him win clean for once. This match went on for too long I think. The Rock’s charisma hopefully will return in time for SummerSlam. **
+VINCE MCMAHON & SHANE MCMAHON vs. ‘STONE COLD’ STEVE AUSTIN: This year can more or less be called the year of the Wrestling McMahons. Vince fought in the Royal Rumble. Vince fought in a steel cage against Austin at St. Valentine’s Day Massacre. Shane fought X-Pac at Wrestlemania. And now this great main event ladder match for all the marbles. I love watching amateur wrestlers. Vince and Shane don’t wrestle every night so when they do they make us laugh our asses off. They are more entertaining wrestling than Stone Cold is or The Rock is. Yes, if they wrestled every night their pizazz would wear off. Boy was this a great main event. They didn’t really climb the ladder enough times, but all in all in was a lot of fun. Shane on Vince’s shoulders reaching for the belt? Stone Cold ready to grab the case when all of a sudden it raises. Shane grabbing the case and bringing it down. Vince leaving the ring giving Austin the finger. This was a great main event. It wasn’t perfect, but for all that it promised it truly delivered. ***1/2
As for the rest of the ppv, it held my attention but only because I was busy talking to my cousin about the Torch Match (don’t ask). The tournament itself was interesting at first just to see who would win the first rounds, but it got boring after that, and the final match was horrible when it should have been awesome. The Rock/’Taker match needed more entertainment, and that Brood/Boyz match shouldn’t have even been there. Sunday Night Heat, though, was awesome. I wish they would keep some of those gimmicks for the ppv. Anyway, I guessed 5 out of 9, which tabulates into a 55.5% F. Man. I guess both double main events, and I picked X-Pac to go to the final round which he did! That stupid Brood match I didn’t even pick because it just showed up on the card. I would’ve picked the stupid Brood too and would have lost. Lucky. Well I came close to my lowest number, a horrible 50% F at Wrestlemania. I should get extra points for guessing the main event because I’m never wrong with the WWF. 1999’s KoTR receives a 15.2 rating, which is really low, but I enjoyed the show. I think if Sunday Night Heat was part of the ppv it would have rated much higher. In stars I would go so far as to call it a **1/2 show because Heat was great and all in all it entertained more than WCW does. Fully Loaded pits ‘Taker versus HHH and in 12 days we’ll meet again when Sid & Macho take on Sting and Nash in Bash at the Beach. Until then…
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