WWF’S BACKLASH

Providence, Rhode Island

Backlash comes my way in exactly 5 days. Am I pumped like a brick shithouse? Since when was a brick shithouse pumped? And whoever came up with the term brick shithouse? I’ve only seen wood. Okay, okay. Sorry. Rambling there. Backlash is an In Your House event, meaning it’s not one of the big 5 (Wrestlemania, King of the Ring, Summerslam, Survivor Series, Royal Rumble) so don’t expect much. The last IYH was of course St. Valentine’s Day Massacre which had a great cage match but that was more or less it. The Rock/Mankind Last Man Standing could have been a little better. The tag team match was good with X-Pac and HHH vs. Kane and Chyna. It was better than most WCW shows I’ve seen, but of cousre IHY’s Rock Bottom in December was pretty bad. The only good match was the Austin/Undertaker burried alive match, and even that was pretty dumb. The card here is okay, and I’m doubting the boiler room brawl is going to be as great as it’s potential. I didn’t see the first one between Undertaker and Mankind at Summerslam ’96 but Mankind has slowed down since his pinnacles at Royal Rumble and King of the Ring. I’ll hopefully be psyched when I’m on the bus home from the big phat apple, until then, here’s my predictions which are in bold typecast:

STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN vs. THE ROCK: Their match at Wrestlemania could have been a lot better, but even at that it was entertaining. Problem? It was the same old, and Austin is better at entertaining than at wrestling. He’s exactly like Goldberg. Goldberg has the spear and jackhammer. Austin has the stunner and beer. I love The Rock. He’s the true champion. Expect Austin to keep the belt until King of the Ring or Summerslam where he’ll probably lose it to Triple H or The Undertaker. This match should at least be entertaining since da man, Shane, is reffing. I love Pete Gas and Rodney, members of the elite Greenwich Posse. They’ll definitely show up, and expect several stunners and at least one rock bottom and people’s elbow. Austin wouldn’t lose the title this fast because The Rock had his 15 minutes, he won’t get it back untill at least the fall.

THE BIG SHOW vs. MANKIND: This is a “boiler room brawl”, meaning they fight in the boiler room. I didn’t see the first ever boiler room brawl, but I’m pretty sure I know what it is. Expect some cool things to be setup, such as a hot water tank to pour steam on somehone, and fake pipes to be showcased as bone breakers. This has a lot of potential, but look whose wrestling here. Mankind is usally great at the ppv’s, but at Wrestlemania he was awful. Since he was awful there don’t expect much here. The Big Show Paul Wight won’t take any big falls either. Two bad wrestlers don’t equal a right. Since Wight was signed for $10 million for 10 years in the WWF don’t expect him to show up and lose to a guy half his size, it wouldn’t exactly help his ten year stay.
 
AL SNOW vs. HARDCORE HOLLY: When the WWF created a hardcore division they probably searched backstage for all the jobbers with a last name starting with H. I’m sure Holly was the only one. Why? So they can tack on Hardcore to the name. Bob Holly was a nobody three months ago. Now he’s a…Hardcore Champion. Oh well, it’s better than nothing. And he did win in the opening bout at Wrestlemania, that has to be pretty cool. Anyway, I picked Al Snow at Wrestlemania and he failed me, but I guarantee he’ll win here, since he hasn’t had the belt yet and no one really likes Holly except me and Stu. This should be an above average match with the hardcore element.
 
TRIPLE H vs. X-PAC: HHH is guaranteed a win. Why? You know the corporation is going to interfere to get the win, and Triple H is rumored to be getting the belt this year, so losing to Syx wouldn’t help his credibility. Expect a lousy match, since these two stars aren’t exaclty what I call watchable, but at least the interference by Chyna will cap off a rather bad matchup.

THE GODFATHER vs. GOLDDUST: This match is more or less a toss up as to who will win, but since da pimp just won the title I doubt he’ll lose it. Titles become useless when they exchange hands too much. (WCW: watch yourself with this rule. Sure, Goldberg did have the belt from June to December ’98, but at back to back ppv’s the belt changed (Uncensored: Ric Flair got it then lost it to DDP at Spring Stampede and it’s highly rumored that Nash will win it at Slamboree) hands) The Godfather is a horrible wrestler but a great showman, which pretty much defines the WWF. Bad wrestlers, great showmen. Golddust is really dumb, I’m surprised WWF has kept him this long, no one gives a shit about him and never will. Godfather is crowd friendly so there you go. Expect a truly horrible matchup, though with it being a ppv maybe the ho’s will do something elaborate.

THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS vs. JJ & OWEN HART: This tag team matchup will determine who the number one contender will be. Obviously Jeff Jarrett and Owen Hart won’t win, they had the titles for a short while and tarnished the already horribly tarnished belts. This match should really suck, showing that I hate both teams. The more I write these the more I’m realizing I hate a good majority of WWF wrestlers. Here’s hoping Backlash changes my mind and kicks more ass than Wrestlemania.

THE UNDERTAKER vs. KEN SHAMROCK: I really thought something big with the Ministry and McMahon’s daughter was going to happen at Wrestlemania…but it didn’t. They’ve dragged this shit out long enough. At least turn Ryan Shamrock into a Ministry slave or something. I hope this match doesn’t suck as much as the hell in the cell did last month. God that was awful. And to think, Big Bossman was hung and is still wrestles. Unbelievable. This match has potential, and should entertain. I hope they do something cool because otherwise this match could travel staright into Dullsville.

THE BROOD vs. THE ACOLYTES & MIDIAN: I don’t even know if this match is happening, but who cares I heard it was. The Brood at least has a cool opening. The Acolytes and Midian suck. This match probably will blow. The Brood should win, though.


Well Backlash is over and done with and Raw let us know that Stephanie McMahon is once again safe and The Rock is out of the corporation and now a fan favorite. Why couldn’t they have kicked The Rock out of the corporation at Backlash? It would have made up a lot of steam for a rather dull night. Granted, the boiler room brawl and the main event were great, the rest was horrible. Truly, badly horrible. The WWF and WCW really put on better shows Monday Night than they do on Sunday, which is ridiculous because people pay thirty big ones. If I had paid $30 for Backlash I’d want answers. Anyway, here’s my thoughts on each of the matches, with the winners underlined and my correct predictions +ed.


THE BROOD vs. MIDIAN & THE ACOLYTES: I missed Sunday Night Heat, but apparently after that hour the audience didn’t give two shits about this horrible matchup. I swear to God, the Providence Civic Center was bone quiet during this match. With good reason I may add. The only reason I can gather that The Brood lost was because if the Ministry dudes had been defeated than The Undertaker would have had to have an elaborate punishment on Raw or something and McMahon knows those don’t exactly draw ratings. This match was really, really, really boring. Raw has 36 minutes of wrestling. PPV’s have around 150. That’s the biggest reason I can see as to why Backlash fell flat. *

+AL SNOW vs. HARDCORE HOLLY: This hardcore match didn’t have much impact when comparing it to the destructive Boiler Room Brawl later in the broadcast. You could obviously tell they only had 8 matches as opposed to the 10 for Wrestlemania, so a few matches had to fill more time than usual. This match was long but at least entertaining. They went outside and it was more or less the same shit but better than the Wrestlemania hardcore match which didn’t even leave ring side. Al Snow won the belt, so either await a rematch at Over the Edge or forget about ever seeing Hardcore Holly again. **1/2

+THE GODFATHER vs. GOLDDUST: I didn’t expect much and I didn’t receive much. This match was more or less Raw or Sunday Night Heat calibur. Nothing special for the ppv. It’s okay for me because Backlash was more or less free, but don’t they realize people are paying $30 bucks for this shit, you’d better make it much better than what you clowns show on Monday Night (last nights Nitro doesn’t count, it was an obvious attempt to destroy Raw, and it should’ve worked because that Nitro was better than any ppv I’ve seen so far this year ). Godfather wins obviously. He’ll have the title for awhile I’m guessing. It’s really okay that he can’t wrestle because everyone is looking at his ho’s anyway. Last night on Raw JR cracked me up when he mentioned Owen Hart was taking Deborah away from the ring and The Godfather, “Hart is taking her to ho-less ground.” The best line in a long, long, long, looooong time. Too bad it wasn’t on Backlash. *1/2

+THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS vs. JEFF JARRETT & OWEN HART: This match I knew would blow, and it did. Of course The New Age Outlaws win and become the number one contenders. Deborah came out sporting a great outfit, but other than that the match was pretty bad forgettable. *

PAUL “THE BIG SHOW” WIGHT vs. MANKIND: About on par with the main event, and definitely ppv worthy, this match blew my expectations out of the water. Why you say? Well I had pretty low expectations for this match. Remember their match at Wrestlemania? That was the worst. Mankind took another beating this time around, and it seems the more he gets beat up the better the match. I could go so far as to call this a classic. The best part was when Giant chokeslammed Mankind through two tables covered with glass windows. Wow. Great ending with the bloody and battered crawling Mankind winning only to be attacked. ***

+X-PAC vs. TRIPLE H: This “revenge” match was pretty dull. The more and more I think about it the more and more I hate the majority of WWF wrestlers. I like Mankind, The Rock, Shane, and Austin is okay. The rest suck, though. This match was basic. Nothing exciting until the lights dimmed and Kane came out. I got excited then but the rest was boring and lifeless. **

+THE UNDERTAKER vs. KEN SHAMROCK: For all that The Undertaker does on Raw and Sunday Night Heat, he’ll show up and bore you to death in the ring at the ppv’s. Okay, his finishing move is killer, but last night on Nitro Sting and DDP exchanged tombstones several times. I guess you had to see it to believe it, but that’s just the fucking point. You didn’t have to see most of Backlash’s matches. They all sucked except for the exceptional two. Maybe if Nitro had sucked last night I would have praised WWF, but Backlash was really disappointing. This match could have been better. Ken’s sis, Ryan, didn’t even show up. *

+THE ROCK vs. STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN: This is the last time you’ll see the “corporate” Rock. Now he’s back to being the people’s hero. This match was better than the one at Wrestlemania only because Vince knocked out Shane with the Smokin’ Skull belt. Both matches were more or less exactly the same, only difference is we didn’t see a corporate elbow, that would have made this match awesome. Another classic move was when The Rock grabbed the video camera and gave Austin the finger while filming him, then Austin gave him a stunner on the announce table while he was holding the camera. You had to see it to believe it. Great finale to a rather bland night in the WWF. ***

There you go. WWF’s Backlash is history, without really any major happenings. They waited for RAW to showcase most of the happenings, but the Undertaker’s abduction of Stephanie was a rather cool end cap. I predicted 6 out of 8 mathes correctly. Nobody figured The Brood would lose, but I guess I’m a moron for figuring Mankind would lose. Giant is going to have a hard road through the WWF. Yeah he’s big, but he sucks. He’s lost two big profile matches already. 6 out of 8 is 75%, a C. That’s my record so far, Backlash truly didn’t surprise many I gather, or I’m just a genius. Totally I’ll give Backlash ** because really it only had two watchable matches, though they were great matches. Over the Edge supposedly will feature The Undertaker, who he faces is a mystery, but it could be Austin. Apparently it’s confirmed that The Big Show and Austin will lock horns at King of the Ring, but as for OTE we’ll just have to wait.