WWE MONEY IN THE BANK

Sunday, June 29th, 2014
Boston

THE USOS vs. HARPER & ROWAN: Good opener. Fast-paced, brutal, the early, non-asleep/tired crowd was alive. The tag team division is actually decent lately, perhaps cuz they have to fill 3 hours every Monday. **1/2

PAIGE vs. NAOMI: Paige is hot. Paige is not an entertaining in-ring performer. Even Vince doesn't think so as AJ beat her for the title on Monday's RAW. 1/2*

ADAM ROSE vs. DAMIAN SANDOW: A year ago, Sandow was winning the MITB match. Now he's dressed as Paul Revere losing to the terribly dry Rose. What happened, kid? *

SETH ROLLINS vs. DEAN AMBROSE vs. RVD vs. KOFI KINGSTON vs. JACK SWAGGER vs. DOLPH ZIGGLER "MONEY IN THE BANK LADDER MATCH": The greatest match I've ever seen...until Kane's ring-post fireworks erupted and he came out to help Rollins win. So why was this a great match? Easy. Ambrose. See...Ambrose apparently separated his shoulder and was forced to the back. Later he ran out, the crowd went ape-shit and he ascended the ladder and was going to win and the pop would have been Daniel Bryan-loud and...yeah, Kane came out. These six guys took sick, sadistic bumps. A wild, full-on assult of a ladder match. Ambrose took a wicked suplex off the top rope. Rollins took a flip off the top of the ladder, landed on a ladder bridge which collapsed and he fell to the mat while hitting his head on the standing ladder. This was sick, awesome, one for the ages. The late, "corporate" interference ruined it all. Thanks. Still awesome for the majority, though. ***1/2

STARDUST & GOLDUST vs. RYBACK & CURTIS AXEL:

BIG E vs. RUSEV: Not bad. Not good. Big E did his through-the-ropes dive and took Rusev off the apron to the floor. It was typical I guess. *1/2

LAYLA vs. SUMMER RAE: Fandango was the special ref. Yep, this show had two women's matches. 1/2*

BRAY WYATT vs. KANE vs. SHEAMUS vs. CESARO vs. ROMAN REIGNS vs. RANDY ORTON vs. JOHN CENA vs. ALBERTO DEL RIO "LADDER MATCH":  So to return to the first ladder match's story, Cena prevented Kane from again helping the evil ones and Orton from winning. But man was this a bad ladder match, especially compared to the awesomeness of the first one. These eight lumbering bores took no chances, did no big spots. And Cena, the 15 time champ now, won the title. It wasn't horrible just not very good. **

TNA SLAMMIVERSARY

Sunday, June 15th, 2014
Arlington, Texas

SEIYA SANADA vs. TIGRE UNO vs. MANIK vs. CRAZZY STEVE vs. EDDIE EDWARDS vs. DAVEY RICHARDS "LADDER MATCH": So there was a ladder match, a cage match, and a death match. I guess TNA can't get by on regular old wrestling, eh? I'm not complaining. This opener was a bit too short but definitely wild. One of the Wolves, Richards, got flipped off the top rope onto a ladder arranged atop the top rope and ladder. That was the brutal move of the night. Just a bunch of craziness, really. Sanada retains the X-Division title. He did do a moonsault onto someone laying atop a ladder. That was sick. ***

 SOMOA JOE vs. BOBBY LASHLEY: Not bad. Crowd was good tonight. The winner of this and the Aries/King match goes into the main event against champ Young. **

WILLOW vs. MAGNUS: Jeff Hardy is Willow. Willow is weird. That's the gimmick. He did do a backwards leap/Nestea plunge from the top rope onto Magnus and Bram which was pretty crazy actually. Other then that it was pretty lame. *1/2

AUSTIN ARIES vs. KENNY KING: Eh. Aries needs to go to the WWE yesterday. King is mediocre. *1/2

ROSS & MARSHALL VON ERICH vs. DJ ZEMA ION & JESSIE GODDERZ: I'm too young to remember the Von Erich's. But these are Kevin Von Erich's sons. Kevin did get in the ring late and the crowd went nuts. Fuck...I'm 34 and too young to remember these guys. Who the hell in that audience does? Not a particularly good match. Ion and Golderrz used a chair and lost by DQ. **

ANGELINA LOVE vs. GAIL KIM: I'll be honest: I didn't watch this.

BULLY RAY vs. ETHAN CARTER III "TEXAS DEATH MATCH": This was a "Last Man Standing Match." They just called it a TDM for no other reason then it was in Texas. They did use broken glass. Bully fell through two tables at ringside and lost. It was entertaining but mostly dumb. **

MR. ANDERSON vs. JAMES STORM: Not good. Storm spit beer at a few Dallas Cowboys at ringside and the one interfered in the ring and cost Storm to lose. Eh. *

ERIC YOUNG vs. BOBBY LASHLEY vs. AUSTIN ARIES "CAGE MATCH":  Young did an elbow drop off the top of the cage. He retained. A decent main event to a decent show. The problem? Young lost the title to Lashley on Impact four days after this show...so what was the point of him retaining here? **1/2

WWE PAYBACK

Sunday, June 1st
Chicago

I kind of feel bad for those in Chicago at this show because game seven of the Eastern Conference NHL finals between the Blackhawks and the Kings was on at the same time in Chicago (albeit, Payback is over and it's 11:11 PM and the game is still on and tied in OT). Thought most fake-sport fans probably don't watch real sports. Although every heel on this show mentioned how the Blackhawks would lose and a guy in the second row was dressed as a clown and wearing a Blackhawks jersey.

TORITO vs. HORNSWOGGLE "MASK vs. HAIR": Yes, you read that right. I'm wondering if this was WWE's first ever hair vs. mask match. Mexico does it every day practically. Not a good match but 3MB and Los Matadores got involved and everyone took turns jumping off the top rope onto a pile of men that fell over. And then the ridiculous shave. This was on the pre-show. *1/2

CESARO vs. SHEAMUS: And the Blackhawks did lose in OT. The heels were right. And this was a fairly good show, albeit with some lame undercard matches. This was not lame. A good, high-action, back and forth wrestling match. Finisher was bad (Cesaro gave Sheamus The Swing and then Sheamus rolled Cesaro up in a small package to win and keep his U.S. title). I still don't get how Cesaro is a heel...but he's had some good matches this year so far and I wouldn't be surprised if he's fighting for the real title later this year. **1/2

RYBACK & CURTIS AXEL vs. GOLDDUST & CODY RHODES: Not very good. Rhodes quit his team post-match. 1/2*

RUSEV vs. BIG E: Yeah, the undercard mostly blew. Big E did do his patented tackle through the ropes maneuver which is always cool. Del Rio, Swagger, and Dolph Ziggler didn't wrestle on this show. But Bo Dallas and Alicia Fox did. And no WWE title defense. So weird show. 1/2*

BAD NEWS BARRETT vs. RVD: Barrett is funny but a boring wrestler. RVD is old. This is what you get. 1/2*

DANIEL BRYAN, BRIE BELLA & STEPHANIE MCMAHON: So Bryan, who had neck surgery and is out for awhile, had to give up the title or his wife, Brie, would be fired. The Chicago crowd chanted, "CM Punk!" Stephanie said something about how the people want Bryan to quit like Punk did. Brie Bella said that she quit then called Stephanie a bitch and slapped her. Good segment. Bryan, if ready, will fight Kane in a stretcher match for the title on June 29th at MITB. Otherwise...a MITB match for the title. **1/2

JOHN CENA vs. BRAY WYATT "LAST MAN STANDING": Good match. Yes, Cena in a good match. Thank the tables and chairs and the Wyatt family and Uso's. Luke Harper gave one of the Uso's a suplex off the top rope through two tables. Cena threw the steel ring steps over the top rope at Bray on the floor. The finish had Bray pinned under a utility crate over by the pyrotechnic desk. He couldn't get up and lost. Wild stuff with a lame end. ***

PAIGE vs. ALICIA FOX: Paige is the hottest chick in wrestling in a long time. Sadly, she's not entertaining in the ring. 1/2*

THE SHIELD vs. EVOLUTION "NO HOLDS BARRED ELIMINATION MATCH": A good, long main event. They brawled everywhere. Seth Rollins lept off the lower half of the titan tron. They used Singapore canes and the ring steps. Reigns was put through the announce table. After thirty minutes finally all three members of Evolution were pinned and eliminated. Sweep. Good clusterfuck melee. Batista, who wore a ridiculous blue outfit, was pelted with "Bluetista" chants. He quit on RAW. The end of this feud I suppose. ***

WWE EXTREME RULES

Sunday, May 4th, 2014
East Rutherford, NJ

HORNSWOGGLE vs. TORITO "WEELC MATCH": The match of the night. And it was free on the pre-show. This was a midget tlc match. So little tables, chairs, ref, and announcers. Hilarity ensues. The three little announcers sat at a small desk that Hornswoggle put Torito through. The announcers were Jerry Smaller, JB Elf, and Micro Cole. Whoever wrote that needs to put more of that creativity into the rest of the show. 3MB and Los Matadores eventually got in the mix and went through big tables and ladders at ringside. Yes, this was a farce but hugely entertaining. ***

JACK SWAGGER vs. RVD vs. CESARO: Eh. Cesaro had a great match on NXT awhile back but hasn't been as good on the main shows. Swagger is dull, RVD is good but been-there-done-that. An okay opener. **

ALEXANDER RUSEV vs. R. TRUTH & XAVIER WOODS: A squash. Funny that Rusev's lady friend put Vladimir Putin's picture on the Titantron and lauded him to the crowd. Other than that...1/2*

BIG E. vs. BAD NEWS BARRETT: A new IC champ! Who cares? Barrett is at least amusing on the mic, but both guys are pretty boring in the ring. Big E. did a dive through the rope and tackled Barrett off the apron and onto the floor. That was cool. *

THE SHIELD vs. EVOLUTION: Good match. Seth Rollins did a New Jack dive off a balcony and onto HHH and Orton. That was wild. Batista got pinned. Funny how Rollins, the one not being pushed, is turning out to be the true star. **1/2

BRAY WYATT vs. JOHN CENA "CAGE MATCH": Ugh. The two members of The Wyatt Family not in the match both climbed the cage, interfered, and were basically in the match. The lights went out, returned, and a child in a robe on the mic at the cage door sang a line from the song, "He got the whole world in his hands," and Cena, momentarily confused, got Wyatt's finisher and then Wyatt left the cage. Stupid ending. *1/2

PAIGE vs. TAMINA: Women's matches are dull. Paige is chalk-white, young, and hot...but for the love of god, give them ladders, tables, or something to entertain us. 1/2*

KANE vs. DANIEL BRYAN: The writer's room was probably so baffled at how to make this good they said, "Do a flaming table!" So they did...the first time in WWE since Edge/Mick Foley at 'Mania, right? Kane lit the table at ringside on fire then climbed up on the apron and Bryan pushed him into it. Ringside guys put it out and then Kane, dazed, entered the ring, got a flying knee, and was pinned. They did cane shots, Bryan went through the announce table, and after backstage brawling, Bryan put Kane on a forklift and drove him to the ring then climbed up on the pallet on the forklift and dove off and delivered a flying headbutt. Most of this was terrible, though. Bad feud. **

TNA SACRIFICE

Sunday, April 27th, 2014
Orlando

There was a time when I genuinely liked TNA. I used to look forward to their ppv's. Often I liked their ppv's better than the WWE's. Perhaps I'm just a WCW guy through and through, because TNA just feels like WCW all over again, and this time it's reminiscent of the end. For reasons nobody knows, TNA put two ppv's back to back this year even though they only have four. If you only have four...shouldn't you make them special? What the fuck was special about this show? I watched one match on this show in it's entirety, the others I fast-forwarded and watched in spots. This was just a demoralizing show. How this company still exists is beyond me. And the saddest fact is they have a stellar roster: Somoa Joe, Jeff Hardy, Kurt Angle, Austin Aries. C'mon! Wake...up.

BRO MANS & DJ ZEMA ION vs. THE WOLVES: Good, high-action opener. The Wolves won the titles even though it was 3 vs. 2 for no reason. **1/2

SAMUEL SHAW vs. MR. ANDERSON: The loser gets committed! To an asylum! Feels like bad Vince Russo. And the premise was funnier than the match. Pretty dull. *

WILLOW & KURT ANGLE vs. ECIII & ROCK STAR SPUD: TNA's biggest star is now wrestling under a mask and pseudonym. Makes sense to hide their popular guy, right? This match was short and awful. Not sure what the point was. 1/2*

SANADA vs. TIGRE UNO: Not bad. Felt too choreographed, not fluid enough. Uno gave Sanada a sick twist/flip into a spike DDT. Cool moves...just didn't mesh. **

JAMES STORM vs. GUNNER "I QUIT MATCH": Not as good as last month's cage brawl. Gunner bled from a beer bottle hit to the head. Gunner suplexed Storm from the top rope onto a guardrail set up between two chairs. Storm quit when Gunner had a piece of glass and started cutting his face. The WWE can't do this stuff, so it was unique. **

MADISON RAYNE vs. VELVET SKY: The Beautiful People are the kind of sluts you'd fuck and feel bad about it in the morning. This was pretty lame. 1/2*

BULLY RAY vs. BOBBY ROODE "TABLES MATCH": Dixie dressed up in a fake beard as a crew member and pushed Bully Ray off the top rope through a table. Then she took the beard off right there. Shocking! This was boring. 1/2*

MAGNUS vs. ERIC YOUNG: I admit...I said TNA should make Eric Young the champ years ago. He's entertaining, a decent wrestler, and a crowd favorite. Sadly, they gave him the title on a random Impact show. Everyone thinks they did it because Eric Young looks like Daniel Bryan. The underdog with the beard is apparently in vogue in pro-wrestling. So they stick Young in a feud with the world's most boring wrestler. It was a mediocre match to a poor, pointless show. *

WWE WRESTLEMANIA XXX

Sunday, April 6th, 2014
New Orleans

THE ROCK, HULK HOGAN, & 'STONE COLD' STEVE AUSTIN: To start the show these three dudes came out, did their one-liners and usual schtick, then left. It was kind of cool and mostly pointless.

THE USO'S vs. LOS MATADORES vs. THE REAL AMERICANS vs. RYBACK & CURTIS AXEL: This was on the pre-show, which is ridiculous because why do they have a pre-show when the show is already four hours? I only caught some of this. Good action. Cesaro turned face post-match.

DANIEL BRYAN vs. HHH: Good match. Not spectacular. HHH is rarely in great matches. After Bryan won, HHH beat him up. I think having Bryan in two matches would have been good six months ago when he was super hot...now he's just hot. But CM Punk quitting really turned this show around. The original plan for this show was Bryan vs. Sheamus, HHH vs. Punk, and Batista vs. Orton. Horrible! So it turned out better. **1/2

THE SHIELD vs. THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS & KANE: They should have had The Wyatt's vs. The Shield on this show. This pointless match was short and fairly dull. *1/2

THE ANDRE THE GIANT MEMORIAL BATTLE ROYAL (CESARO): Ugh. No one likes a battle royal. The winner gets a trophy. Why not have the winner get, I dunnoh, a title shot? Cesaro wasn't even supposed to be in this...he was #31 in a 30-man match. Cesaro picking up The Big Show and tossing him over the top rope to win was cool. 1/2*

JOHN CENA vs. BRAY WYATT: Not sure why this match was on the biggest show of the year. To make it fairly obvious and apparent that Vince McMahon and HHH didn't believe in Daniel Bryan for real...they had Bryan lose to Wyatt at The Royal Rumble and even though Cena got nothing out of this victory and was the betting underdog he still had to win tonight. I honestly think one reason The Undertaker didn't want to retire with an undefeated WM streak was because of Cena's "superman" aura. *1/2

THE UNDERTAKER vs. BROCK LESNAR: Well...it's too bad the dead man didn't lose during that five year string of good WM matches. Why? His loss would have been attached to a good match instead of this so-so affair. He's old, figured it out in training so decided to lose. After a few near-falls, Lesnar delivered an F-5 and won. The fans were shocked and silent. It was the hot topic everyone is still talking about (when I say everyone...I mean wrestling fans and...well, Jon Stewart mentioned it on The Daily Show). I think it was good that he lost for a lot of reasons. The last few years these streak matches have gotten tired. Both guys kick out of a million finishers then The Undertaker wins. Also, The Undertaker is too old to be doing this. Nice to pass the torch to the next generation. Not a good match but a great moment that will live on. *1/2

VICKIE GUERRERO DIVA'S INVITATIONAL (AJ LEE): Yeah. I didn't watch this.

DANIEL BRYAN vs. BATISTA vs. RANDY ORTON: The best WM main event in years. Lots of action. A sick spot. A good win for Bryan. A good way to end a so-so show. The two Bryan matches were really the only two good ones on this show. Batista picked up Bryan while standing on the announce table, Batista bombed him and Orton RKO'd him in mid-air through the Spanish announce table. The medics put Bryan on a stretcher but he got off. Orton's back was bleeding because he landed on a TV monitor. Sadistic spot. Bryan made Batista tap out. And then confetti and celebration. ***

TNA LOCKDOWN

Sunday, March 9th, 2014
Miami

GREAT MUTA & SEIYA SANADA & YASU vs.. CHRIS SABIN & CHRISTOPHER DANIELS & KAZARIAN: So because American audiences are dumb, Yasufumi Nakanoueno was only referred to as "Yasu." Those two (Sanada is the X-Division champ...he beat Aries for it last week in Japan) are in the Wrestle-1 promotion that Muta started in Japan. This was a fairly good match. Muta can barely walk but I've already seen him wrestle twice this year (last time was at the Tokyo Dome New Year's show). Good action. Sanada and Yasu are both awesome, high-fliers. **1/2

SAMUEL SHAW vs. MR. ANDERSON: There were 1,500 people at this show. If you wonder why no one goes to TNA shows then look at this match. It's amidst a stalker storyline. Shaw is stalking announcer Christy Hemme. He pulled her into the cage and was going to, what? Rape her? But Anderson stopped it. Lame match. One of the weirdest ones I've seen. 1/2*

EC3 & BOBBY LASHLEY: The big surprise was Lashley. Haven't seen him since his old WWE days. Remember he main evented a Great American Bash verse Cena for the title? I like him. This wasn't a match. He just came out and slammed Ethan Carter III.

MANIK vs. TIGRE UNO: Good match. Nice high-energy, luchadore stuff. Uno is great, Manik looked good. A bit sloppy but it reminded me of the old, good days of the X-Division. **1/2

JAMES STORM vs. GUNNER "LAST MAN STANDING MATCH": Good match. The crowd chanted, "This is awesome!" Granted, they also chanted that during the main event and the main event was far from awesome (perhaps they saw the ghost of Mike Awesome?). This was brutal. They used the ring steps and a chair and the final had Gunner super-plexing Storm off the top rope through two chairs. Nice. **1/2

MADISON RAYNE vs. GAIL KIM: Not particularly memorable. *

MAGNUS vs. SOMOA JOE: Bad match. Abyss came out through the ring, pulled Joe under, then both got back out and Abyss hit Joe in the gut with his stick of nails. Magnus as champ is just a bore. 1/2*

MVP & WOLVES & WILLOW vs. BRO MANS & BOBBY ROODE & AUSTIN ARIES "LETHAL LOCKDOWN": An awful main event. Bully Ray, the "evil" ref, turned face leading to MVP and his team winning and gaining control of the company. Willow, aka Jeff Hardy in a mask, lept off the top of the cage, which was realistically the only moment of entertainment. Mostly it was a sea of bodies lumbering around with trashcans. *1/2