< YEAR END AWARD NOMINATIONS ‘99 >

Yes, it’s that time again. Okay that was a joke. This is a first. My Year End Wrestling Awards. Who was the best wrestler of the year? The best hardcore wrestler of the year? What was the best match? The best federation? The best piece of ass? Here are the nominees. The winners will be announced in the early days of the year 2000.

Best Wrestler:                              Best Company:
-Shane McMahon                       -WWF
-The Rock                                  -ECW
-Hardcore Hak/ The Sandman    -WCW
-Mankind                                   -XPW
-Rob Van Dam                           -CZW

Best Match
-Edge & Christian vs. The Hardy Boyz  ‘Ladder Match’ from WWF’s No Mercy
-The Rock vs. Mankind  ‘I Quit Match’ from WWF’s Royal Rumble
-Hardcore Hak vs. Bam Bam Bigelow from WCW’s Spring Stampede
-Shane McMahon vs. Test from WWF’s Summer Slam
-Mike Awesome vs. Masato Tanaka from ECW’s November to Remember

Best Tag Team                       Best Champion
-The Dudley Boyz                  -Rob Van Dam
-The Hardy Boyz                   -Taz
-The Holly’s                           -‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin
-The Outsiders                       -Bret ‘Hitman’ Hart
-Raven & Tommy Dreamer    -‘Hollywood’ Hogan

Best Feud                                      Best Pay Per View
-Chris Jericho & Ken Shamrock    -ECW Living Dangerously
-Rob Van Dam & Jerry Lynn         -WWF St. Valentine’s Day Massacre
-Mankind & The Rock                  -WWF Wrestlemania XV
-‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin &        -ECW Anarchy Rulz
   Vince McMahon                        -ECW Hardcore Heaven
-Triple H & Vince McMahon

Best Storyline                              Best TV Show
-WWF Greater Power                -ECW on TNN
-WCW Powers to Be                 -WWF Raw is War
-WWF Stephanie’s Wedding       -WCW Monday Nitro
-WCW Ric Flair as President       -WWF Smackdown!
- WWF Big Show’s Father           -ECW Hardcore TV

Worst Pay Per View                  Best Group
-WCW Starrcade                    -The Corporation       
-WCW Fall Brawl                    -The N.W.O.
-WWF Fully Loaded                -DX
-WCW Great American Bash  -The Corporate Ministry
-WWF Unforgiven                  -The Mean Street Posse

Funniest Wrestler            Best Heel
-Vince McMahon            -Buh Buh Ray Dudley
-‘Hardcore’ Holly            -Triple H
-Steve Corino                  -Vince McMahon
-Chris Jericho                  -Rhino
-The Cat                          -Steve Corino

Best Announcer                   Best Hardcore Wrestler
-Joey Styles                           -Mankind
-Jim Ross                               -L’il Spike Dudley
-Cyrus the Virus                     -Sabu
-Bobby ‘The Brain’ Heenan    -New Jack
-Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler        -Balls Mahoney

Best Announce Team
-Cyrus & Joey Styles>ECW Pay Per Views
-Jim Ross & Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler> WWF Raw is War
-Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, & Bobby ‘The Brain’ Heenan>WCW Monday Nitro
-Joey Styles & Joel Gertner>ECW on TNN
-Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler & Michael Cole>WWF Smackdown!

Best Moment
-Balls Mahoney going through a thumbtack strewn flaming table
-‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin crashing the Corporation’s party with a beer truck
-The Sandman returning to ECW at Philadelphia’s ECW Arena
-The Big Bossman ruining The Big Show’s father’s funeral
-the L.W.O. dance party

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WCW’s STARRCADE

Sunday, December 19th from Washington D.C.

    Apparently this is the WCW’s biggest event of the year. It’s supposed to be their Wrestlemania, their November to Remember, their…you get the fucking point. I am sad to say that WCW’s worst pay per view of the year was Starrcade. It lacked focus, it lacked excitement, it lacked good matches, good endings, good heel/babyface turns, good surprises, good wrestling, good fun. It lacked EVERYTHING. There was no stand out matches, everything was marginal.
Which brings back the simple point: When will Russo and Ferrara be fired?

+JOHNNY DA BULL & BIG VITO vs. DISCO INFERNO & LASH LE-WHO?: Arguably the best match of the night. Why? Well the two ‘gangsters’ were in ECW only a month ago. They were in the group known as The Baldies. They didn’t make much of an impression, but this was their first real big match and they proved they know how to wrestle. One of the two gangsters gave the move of the night with a really high spin DDT move that was fucking awesome. Sadly, their ECW moves and persona will diminish and their excitement factor will die. At least we saw the spinning DDT once. **1/2

+MADUSA vs. EVAN KOURAGEOUS: I was so pig headed that when Russo/Ferrara started booking WCW I figured it would steal the ratings back easily. The first few weeks were solid, watchable, and it was exciting to see WCW in a great new direction. Unfortunately, their magic charm has diminished and WCW sucks. Yes, it is funny, but it needs what the WWF has; attitude. It could also use some excitement and seriousness, and some damn heels!!! This match was actually promoted on the radio. They mentioned Goldberg versus Bret Hart and then mentioned this match. What??? WCW is dead in the water as far as I’m concerned. No matter how much I hate to say this…WCW was better before the two New York writers showed up. ½*

NORMAN SMILEY vs. MENG: My brother says he would give this four stars. Come on. Yes, it had one of the funniest moments in a while when Norman jumped through a curtain and over a table just because. The hardcore belt is tarnished though and the joke is over. Hardcore doesn’t mean using  just trashcans. What about tables? Barb wire? Fire? Tacks? Gimmie blood and by the gallons. Sure this match was funny, but do we want to see this shit at Souled Out, too? No. **1/2

THE REVOLUTION vs. HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN & THE VARSITY CLUB: Duggan was coming out with 3 mystery partners. I figured it might be Hogan and Flair. It turned out to be the Kevin Sullivan, Dogg, and I.R.S. (or M. Wallstreet as he was known for awhile). This match was lame. WCW truly sucks. God I’m livid. *

BOOKER T. & MIDNIGHT vs. CREATIVE CONTROL & CURT HENIG: Is it me, or does Midnight suck? As of Thunder Creative Control is now the Harris twins or something and PTB (powers to be…Vince Russo) is running solo now. What a dumb match. Imagine having the entire booking reigns handed over. You can book pay per views, Thunder, and Nitro. You need storylines and character development and everything. Sorry to say it, but I think 99.9% of the wrestling fans out there can do better than what Russo/Ferrara have been doing. ½*

DUSTIN RHODES vs. JJ: No, not JJ F’ng Dillon, Jeff Jarrett. This was a Bunkhouse Brawl, or, in laments terms, a hardcore match. This match was hardcore allright. It hurt to watch. ½*

+DDP vs. CRAZY DAVID FLAIR: I’m sure Ric Flair is a little mad at watching the PTB turn Little Natch into a crazy mofo with a plotline going nowhere fast. At least he does a good job with his character, which is more than he ever did beforehand. This was a crowbar on a pole match. Should I have even mentioned that? Nah. *1/2

STING vs. LEX LUGER: No matter that Lex Luger is now The Total Package instead of Lex Luger, the fucking announcers even call him Lex Luger every once in awhile. This match would have been monumental on any other ppv. Did I mention they reformed the N.W.O. on Nitro? Oh, maybe you can now figure out why I hate WCW. Yes, I loved the N.W.O., but that was two years ago. I was glad to finally see it go, not when it is finally in the ground they bring it back. Jesus Christ. Oh yeah, this match blew harder than DG at the Christmas Party. Nuff said. *

+SID vs. KEVIN NASH: Why did they turn Sid good? Probably the best match in the Russo/Ferrara era was the Sid/Goldberg match at Halloween Havoc when Sid bled like a stuck pig and the ref called the match. Now he’s good and he sucks. And Nash is supposed to be ‘bad’? WCW has no good bad guys anymore. The N.W.O. is going to get a lot of pops no matter how much they make fun of the city they’re in…which only JJ probably will do. Bret Hart is great as a heel, though, so I guess that’s a plus. *1/2

CHRIS ‘SILENT BUT VIOLENT’ BENOIT vs. JJ: Yes, JJ F’ng Dillon wrestled Benoit. No, I’m fuckin’ wit ya. Jeff Jarrett pulled out no stops in this Ladder Match because Scott Hall is injured. On the ‘net they said Ric Flair was offered to fight Benoit in this match but he declined. This was supposedly the only watchable match on the ppv (said the PWTorch), but I’ve never seen a good Ladder Match in WCW and I doubt I’ll start now. **1/2

BRET HART vs. BILL GOLDBERG: They recreated Survivor Series ’97 and ref Roddy Piper rang the bell and screwed Goldberg out of the title even though he didn’t tap out. On Nitro they revealed that Russo felt bad for Bret Hart ever since the ’97 incident so he put the screwjob in his favor this time. Whatever….this match sucked and anyone that paid a cool 33 bills probably has his head in an oven somewhere. Nitro sucked even more when the fucking N.W.O. reunited. Is it too hard to make another name for them? Do we really have to see the N.W.O…again? No. The N.W.O. was good in the beginning, but they ran that plot into the ground. The N.W.O. does not equal ratings…especially when you look at whose in it: JJ, Hart, Hall, and Nash. At least Hogan was a great personality. Hopefully Russo will get so drunk for the Millennium he’ll fall down a flight of stairs and have an epiphany: stop writing this shit and make WCW good again. Forget the N.W.O. Create some major heels and quit fucking around with the backstage hijinks. We want to see serious shit, too, blood and tits, sure, but we don’t want 3 hours of bullshit. Russo: congratulations, you’ve officially killed WCW. Rumors on the ‘net say he’ll be fired in April. Well start counting the days big boy. *

I ripped Russo a new a-hole, didn’t I? Sure, but did you watch Starrcade? It not only sucked, it blew, and then Nitro pulled out no stops and reunited the fucking N.W.O. Jesus F. Christ. All the while WCW is in the gutter, WWF is promising the return of Cactus Jack and has the MSG Royal Rumble to pump up. I give Starrcade ½* and it will definitely win the award for Worst PPV of the Year, even though ‘Mad Dog’ Tearson believed Heroes of Wrestling to be the worst. I predicted an awful 5 out of 11, which is a 45%, an F-. Though me and my brother split all picks so there’s method to my madness. The next big two pay per view is Souled Out in January, where Jeff Jarrett and Benoit have a match which supposedly features a CRAZY stipulation. Hope it’s not as crazy as the Dog Kennel From Hell match the WWF put on in September. ‘Mad Dog’ picked that as the worst match of the year. I can’t disagree. Next Monday WCW has a ppv calibur Nitro titled New Year’s Evil from Houston’s AstroDome. Don’t expect much. I’m looking forward to ECW’s January 9th ppv Guilty as Charged. The hi-light matches include Sandman vs. Rhino, Sabu vs. Van Damme, and Raven & Dreamer vs. The Impact Players. Looks to be one of the year’s best ppv’s already. Of course there’s the ‘Rumble, where a rumored Cactus Jack/HHH main event will take place. I can’t wait. Wanted: Dead. Until then…        

WWF ARMAGEDDON

Sunday, December 12th, 1999 from Ft. Lauderdale, Florida

    Okay. Where the fuck was I? I leave you with the predictions for Halloween Havoc and then I disappear until Christmas. I’ll explain, and yes, I know I’d better.
    I realized that when I rated matches I would actually have to watch all the matches, not just the ones I cared about. I was stuck watching Van Hammer take on the Dog just because I had to rate it so I could rate the ppv as a whole. Well I got sick of wading through boring ass pre-lim matches so I quit it. I’m back though, because I had a day off and a late work night and decided to catch the encore of Armageddon and watch the whole thing.
    Now I have a realization why I stopped in the first place. BUT Survivor Series and Mayhem sucked anyway, and ‘Havoc was marginal so you didn’t miss much. 
    Oh, yeah, winners underlined and correct predictions +ed:

THE DUDLEY BOYZ vs. THE HEADBANGERS vs. EDGE & CHRISTIAN vs. THE HARDY BOYZ vs. PETE GAS & RODNEY vs. THE ACOLYTES vs. TOO COOL vs. SEXUAL CHOCOLATE & THE GODFATHER: Jesus Christmas, what the hell kind of match was this? Well a Royal Rumble type of matchup. I picked Edge & Christian, but the Acolytes (who always win) took it. I miss the ECW Dudley’s. Barbed wire. Flaming table. Major juicage. Major heat. Oh well. Average matchup. **

+STEVE BLACKMAN vs. KURT ANGLE: I seriously have nothing to say about this match. Really. *

JAQUELINE vs. MS. KITTY vs. IVORY vs. BB: The WWF has really sunken to a new low with the so-called ‘Women’s Division’. They had a mud wrestling match, a gravy match, a swimming pool match, and on Raw last night a pudding match. Jesus H. Christ. This one at the ppv was a swimming pool four way. Oh yeah, Ms. Kitty showed her tits. Talk about an exhibitionist champion. ***

+THE HOLLY’S vs. VISCERA & RAKISHI FATU: On Smackdown, Too Cool and Rakishi were in a dance club and it was pretty damn funny. This match was pretty lame, though, but I love the Holly’s. Those guys are pretty damn funny. I wish Hardcore went back to the hardcore division, though, because quite frankly, Bossman isn’t cutting it. *1/2

+VAL VENIS vs. D’LO vs. BULLDOG: This matchup was for the coveted European Championship. Val Venis said he was going to go to Europe and get some tail if he won. Hopefully on Smackdown we’ll have a funny segment with plane ride and all. I’m not exactly counting on it. This match was okay I s’pose. **

+KANE vs. X-PAC: My boy Kane gave X-Pac a good ass whipping. This was a cage match, and if you hadn’t figured it out yet, I like Kane; The Big Red Machine. I think he deserves a title reign, since he has held the belt but only for 24 hours. Turn him heel, too, because as a good guy he blows. Turn him evil and make him a sick bastard and have him win the belt at February’s ppv. This match was pretty cool. Pac handcuffed Kane to the cage and hit him a few times with a chair. Kane eventually clotheslined Pac after jumping off the top of the cage. He tombstoned the little man and won. I love that red bastard. Hopefully at Wrestlemania he’ll take his mask off…now that’s sports entertainment. ***

+CHRIS ‘Y2J’ JERICHO vs. CHYNA: Jericho, my boy, won his first WWF belt, the Intercontinental Belt, which is more or less Mid-Card belt. Jericho kicked off Raw too so he’s going places. He’s funny as all hell and I like him. WWF is really good right now, as opposed to WCW which just can’t seem to get it together. This match was pretty good with Jericho’s antics and moves. I still can’t get over Ms. Kitty going out with that old bag Lawler. **1/2

NEW AGE OUTLAWS vs. ROCK ‘N SOCK CONNECTION: I was thinking at work tonight, instead of HHH vs. Rock at Wrestlemania, make it Rock vs. Mankind. Why? Those two jabronies have had the best matches in the past year. Though both are faces so don’t watch for it to happen soon. This match was okay. Mankind just isn’t watchable unless he falls on barbed wire or goes through a table or bleeds like a stuck pig. The last hardcore match he had was way back in April when he took on Big Show in the boiler room brawl. Hopefully his match against Al Snow at the Royal Rumble will be a no-holds barred war. Hopefully. **

GIANT vs. BOSSMAN: I picked Bossman. You would think with all of this major buildup there would be a payoff. Bossman did shit to Giant for a month and a half and Bossman doesn’t take any major bumps? Put him through a table, hit him with a chair, make him bleed and take him within seconds of his life. This match was such a letdown it wasn’t even funny. Giant as the champ is a laughing joke. He’s losing it to HHH at the Royal Rumble anyway so that’s kind of a good thing, though Hunter as champ is a little bit old. *

+HHH vs. VINCE McMAHON: Well HHH proved it. Evey match Shane or Vince in this year has been a ***1/2 affair. The Vince/Austin cage match, the Shane/X-Pac match, the Shane/Vince/Austin ladder match, and the Shane/Test match were all memorable and best of the year candidates. This match was pretty lame. Why? HHH. He sucks. Austin has charisma, and Shane has the high flying vernacular. Plus, Vince was heel the other times he fought. This was a lame match to cap off an average night with. Yes, it ended good, with Steph turning against Vince and hugging HHH, but that was obvious (thanks to the ‘net). They went outside and shit. It was too long. I’m very dissappointed. Though Raw kicked ass so I’m back on the WWF bandwagon. Right now WWF is better than WCW. Last week it wasn’t. What about next week after Starrcade? We’ll just have to see. **

    66%, a D. I predicted 6 out of 10. Seriously, though, that tag match had 8 teams to pick from, and the female match had 4 to choose, and the European had 3. I ain’t complaining. Armageddon gets **. It was okay. Highlights? Ms. Kitty flashing her tits, the cage match between Kane and X-Pac, Jericho winning the IC belt, and Steph turning heel. Bad parts? The Giant/Bossman match was a MAJOR letdown, and I would love to see Mick Foley take some bumps on the pay per views, shit- people pay 30 large.
    Anyway, next week is WCW’s supposed big show, Starrcade. It has a triple main event. The only match I’m curious about is the Benoit/Hall ladder match, though Scott Hall is a litle old to do anything interesting in the ring. The DDP/David Flair crowbar on a pole match sounds interesting, but Russo & Ferrara so far are having a lot of trouble with WCW. It’s funny and watchable, yes, but it really isn’t any better than it was in September, and WWF is kicking it’s ass with reuniting DX and heel Steph storylines. Oh well. Hopefully at the Rumble in MSG, Mankind will face Al Snow in a hardcore bout with some great bumps, I mean remember Rock and Mick’s I Quit Rumble match last January? A classic. It’ll probably be HHH and Big Show where HHH will win. The Rock is going to Wrestlemania, but whether or not he wins the Rumble is beyond me. I’d like to see Shane O’Mac wrestle, and hopefully the Hardy’s take on someone other than Edge & Christian. I haven’t seen a RR in years, so I’m definitely looking forward to it, plus with MSG taking center stage, there will be magic in the air. Until then.

WCW HALLOWEEN HAVOC

Sunday, October 24th, 1999 from Las Vegas, Nevada

    I can proudly claim that I was present at the first Nitro Russo and Ferrera booked. The beginning of the new ‘era’. Much more backstage shenanigans, the return of the hardcore division, an evening gown match, and the return of Jeff Jarrett and his guitar! Was it good? Nothing spectacular, but definitely better than usual. The Bret Hart/Sting match was good, especially pumping it up, the Goldberg/Sid confrontation was great, also the Nash and Hall storyline, though it was hilarious backstage. Actually, the show was better backstage. Supposedly this was tame because the new writers merely had to pump up ‘Havoc, which they are booking, but all of the storylines that spawn from the ppv and lead into Nitro will be the brand new storylines that the new team has concocted. The first storylines of their new WCW career. The ‘net is reporting that next week’s Nitro will be shocking. I can’t wait. At least it’s more exciting that the WWF these days, with a lame 3-way main event at Survivor Series (Rock/HHH/Austin). They just had a 3-way main event at Summerslam, why not do something a little bit different?
    Anyway, back to Halloween Havoc. The new writers are booking the entire ppv, so expect something cool to happen. The only standout match is Sid vs. Goldberg, and since Hogan wasn’t in Philly who knows what’s going to happen with him in Vegas. Here are my official predictions for what is usually the biggest WCW ppv of the year:

KONNAN & MYSTERIO vs. HUGH MORRIS & BRIAN KNOBBS: The biggest thing that Russo & Ferrera did was to push The Filthy Animals (Kidman, K-Dawg, Mysterio, Torri, & Kidman). They must have come out at least five times during the three hours. I like them all except for Konnan, but agree that these high flying cruiserweights deserve a push. They took Harlem Heat out of the pay per view, and that’s a good thing because I kind’ve like Knobbs and Morris, especially The Laughing Man. Except an average match with some high flying manuevers and the Animals to come out on top.

DISCO INFERNO vs. LASH LE-WHO?: I have renamed Lash Leroux. His new name is Lash Le-Who? Because he is just that, a nobody. He was a big shot on Saturday Night and WorldWide, and now all of a sudden he’s fighting for the Cruiserweight Belt when neither wrestlers are cruiserweights. Expect an extremely boring match. The only thing Russo and Ferrera can do is to send someone in to beat them up which they definitley will do. Disco shouldn’t lose, though if he does I will not be shocked.

BRET HART vs. LEX LUGER: They did a great job and pumping up the big fights on the card, especially this one. Luger fucked up Hart’s chance at Sting’s Championship belt. Bret Hart seems like he’ll be getting a major push…like fighting Hogan next month at Mayhem, so he’ll definitely win here.

CHRIS BENOIT vs. RICK STEINER: Benoit is yet another wrestler that will be getting a push, so don’t expect to see him drop the gold to Dog when he only recently took it from him. Should be a good match since both wrestlers at least entertain.

DDP vs. RIC FLAIR: There’s a ‘net rumor going around that a new retirement storyline is going to occur Sunday for the Nature Boy. I don’t buy it but the new writing team definitely used him as he should be used on Nitro when Kimberly was in the hotel room waiting for David Flair and out comes Natch, hopping on the bed and telling her if she’s ever been with a 14-time champion. Flair is and always will be the man. He should take DDP out of the picture since DDP wasn’t even on Nitro.

SID vs. GOLDBERG: I really think Sid is going to win here. Why? Well everyone and their mother thinks Da Man is going to win, especially since Sid’s U.S. Belt isn’t on the line. I figure if Russo and Ferrera want to do something exciting and different then they’ll have Goldberg lose. On Nitro they definitely changed things around when Sid powerbombed Goldberg in the center of the ring. That was great. So far I’m ver excited about the new changes on Nitro. I’ve stuck with it over the summer even when it truly sucked…now it’s getting a resurgence. I wish Bischoff was along for the ride. He was one of the better characters WCW had.

STING vs. HOGAN: I believe if the Bret Hart/Hulk Hogan match happens at Mayhem, then a title will not be involved. Secondly, Russo and Ferrera obviously have plans for Hogan and those plans do not involve Hogan as champ. Hogan apparently told someone that their original plans were for Hogan to lose in a quick two minutes which I don’t exactly believe. If he does win it will not be a long reign, but seeing that Sting was awesome on Nitro (with new rock music and solid air time) he should definitely keep the belt.

BERLYN vs. BRAD ARMSTRONG: Berlyn is the kind of character that the new writing team can do wonders for. It might be tough at first to have a lot of separate storylines running, especially for a 3 hour Nitro, but Berylyn can turn into a great angle. So far this angle sucks. Brad Armstrong? He was probably working on a farm last week and now he’s wrestling in Las Vegas…Sin City? The one thing you have to realize is that WWF pay per views were never as good as the Monday night shows…except for the main event. Meaning this: Goldberg/Sid and Hogan/Sting will be awesome, the rest of the ppv will be basic. Though it is their first big ppv with fresh ideas for new wrestlers…except a surprise. I am.

WWF NO MERCY

Sunday, October 17th, 1999 from Cleveland, Ohio

    The most interesting thing these days in the wide world of wrestling is that the top writers in the WWF, Vince Russo and Ed Ferrera, left McMahon and are now working in WCW. Tonight on Nitro in my hometown it is supposed to be the first show this dynamic duo books. It should be wild. So No Mercy was more or less the official end to all Russo/Ferrera storylines. Can the WWF run with the ball? As Jim Morrison once sang, “The future is uncertain and the end is always near.”
    No Mercy was an okay WWF pay per view. It was much better than Unforgiven but nothing spectacular. The best match of the night was the only one I was really waiting for. The Hardy Boyz versus Edge and Christian in a ladder match! It could be the best match of the year. The main event was same-old and nothing spectacular happened. The only other match that was sort of watchable was the JJ/Chyna Good Housekeeping match. Apparently Jeff Jarrett is going to be on Nitro….tonight. Here are my thoughts, gripes, bitches, and moans. And oh yeah…I tied my prediction record. So there.

+THE GODFATHER vs. MIDEON: It’s always great to see some strippers to remind you how much sexual frustration truly is building up inside you. This match was pretty lame. The only funny thing to come out of this feud was when the Godfather offered a ‘ho’ to Mideon and he said, “No…got any farm animals?” Too bad that happened on Smackdown. Boring match. ½*

+IVORY vs. THE FABULOUS MOOLAH: It surprises me every time I see these old geizers. They’re over seventy years old yet they’re getting thrown around and knocked on their backs. I guess all those years of wrestling and training has done something. This was just silly and how much can you possibly expect? *

+NEW AGE OUTLAWS vs. THE HOLLY’S: I love Crash and Hardcore Holly. Those guys crack me up, and at least they’re fun to watch. The New Age Outlaws are oh-so-two-years-ago. I think we’ve heard, “Suck it!” one time too many. Holly’s win by cheating of course. **

+CHYNA vs. JJ: Double J, Jeff Jarrett, is apparently going to WCW tonight, so it was sort of obvious that he lost here…right? I do remember when he was in WCW last it was only for like a month or two and he was really lame…though he was near undefeated which made no sense. This match was sort of funny because they used kitchen appliances like bananas, cakes, the kitchen sink, and a frying pan. Ms. Kitty is engaged to Jerry the King Lawler in real life. Can you believe that? I can’t. I guess fame does garner something ‘sides money. **

+THE ROCK vs. BRITISH BULLDOG: Right now, whether you like it or not, The Rock is more popular than Stone Cold Steve Austin. Just a little bit, but he is. He gets a bigger ovation and he is better because everyone is damn sick of Austin. He’s been in the main event at every single ppv since last November’s Survivor Series. He doesn’t have any cool moves except the stunner and the only other thing he does is clothesline you. The Rock has the ddt, the elbow and the rock bottom. Give him the mike though and he rules. This match was early on and short. Rock of course wins. Who is this bulldog character? Why is he even in the WWF? He’s so lame. **

THE HARDY BOYZ vs. EDGE & CHRISTIAN: I predicted five matches correctly in a row…and then the Hardy Boyz won. I’m glad, though, those Hardy Boyz are fucking awesome. This match proved that all four of these competitors were the kings of hardcore and entertainment in the WWF. This was a Mexican ladder match, which means there are two ladders used. It was the last and final round of the Terry Invitational. To win you have to climb a ladder and grab the burlap sack of money ($100,000) and you also get to fuck Terry Runnels for an undetermined amount of time. You could tell this match was downright awesome because they must have showcased at least 20 instant replays, which is uncanny. These guys got the shit beat out of eachother. Yes, the ladders they used weren’t real ladders but still. These guys were flying everywhere, it was insane. It was literally an instant classic and the kind of match you truly have to see to believe. I would have paid the $30 bucks for the ppv and would have thought it was worth it. Definitely a top contender for best match of the year. This is what wrestling is all about. ****

VAL VENIS vs. MANKIND: Mick Foley is only entertaining when he gets his ass beat from one side of the arena to the other. His last good feud was with The Rock, and since then he hasn’t had a good feud since. His standout matches this year were the I-Quit match against Rocky and the Boiler Room brawl against Big Slow. He hasn’t had a standout match since. This fight was so slow and boring. Venis wins. It seems like Val’s storylines have thinned and his character has almost literally nothing left to do. Maybe he should go back to the movies...*

X-PAC vs. BRADSHAW vs. KANE vs. FAAROQ: How can I be so blind as to predict Kane to win? Yes, he was the obvious second choice…but X-Pac was the obvious first choice. This was a four corners elimination matchup. You know, the Mexican Ladder Match was so fucking great every match afterwards was probably good but I was blinded. I knew that match was going to be good when I heard about it, since my favorite type of matches are Ladder, but man, they went beyond my expectations. The only thing to achieve perfection would have been to add barb wire and tables. Wrap Edge in barb wire, put him on a table outside the ring. Jeff Hardy would climb to the top of the ladder, jump off, crash through Edge and the barb wire and the table. I would give that 5 stars. By the way, this 4-way match really blew. *

+HHH vs. AUSTIN: I predicted it when even the WCW Hotline and internet were reporting Austin would win. The goddamned Raw preview from one of those satellite tv guides stated <9:00: The New WWF Champion 10:00 The Rock Hits Rock Bottom> so you would have figured Austin to get the belt. Think about it. Austin has had the belt way too much. If he ever wins it back it will be at a bigger pay per view, and anyway I believe The Rock will be the next one to get the belt. Every match Austin has ever been in was the same. He punches the opponent twenty or thirty times around the arena, then he clotheslines them and then he’ll get a stunner but the ref will be out. HHH won because The Rock mistakenly hit Austin with the sledgehammer. I would love to see The Rock get the belt at Survivor Series and successfully defend it at Wrestlemania. They always make the title change hands at ‘Mania. I think it would be great to see him keep it. **

    No Mercy was a solid ppv but needed a lot more. ** it gets, mostly because of the Mexican Ladder Match. Wow. I truly doubt I will be seeing a better match this year. I predicted 7 out of 9 matches which ties my Summerslam record at 77%, a C+. That ladder match really was a standout. Without that the ppv would have been retitled No Entertainment. Next up on my slate is WCW’s Halloween Havoc, which is usually the biggest ppv of the year for those dudes. The new writers are aboard but I’m a little pissed that the ‘net is reporting they fired Hak. He was the best wrestler those losers had, though to see him come back to Philly as Sandman would be a welcoming sight. The big fights on that card include Goldberg/Sid, Hogan/Sting, Luger/Bret Hart, and Lash Leroux/Disco. Wait a minute…Lash LeWho? What can I say. That’s WCW for you. I’ll definitely do predictions this time around and they’ll be in two or three days. Until then.

WWF UNFORGIVEN

Sunday, September 26th, 1999, from Charlotte, North Carolina

ECW has great cards. Anarchy Rulz was a wild pay per view. Mike Awesome wins the coveted ECW Heavyweight Belt. Taz leaves with tears in his eyes. Sabu beats Justin Credible into a bloody mess. The Orignial Gangster shows up with a staple gun around his neck and a heap of weapons. Okay. I’ve given up on WCW for the time being. Nitro wasn’t bad, but they really need to do something with Hogan. He fucking blows. Hollywood Hogan was at least hysterical and evil. Now he’s red and yellow and fully lame. The rest of the WCW staff is marginal. Chris Benoit and the Luchadores are getting a seminal push but they have to make Goldberg and Sid stay off the mike before their careers disappear. While ECW sets it’s own standards, WWF is definitely the best it’s ever been. Of course if you like basic, technical wrestling and not gimmicks, then the World Wrestling Federation is not for you. On this week’s Smackdown they had a Boiler Room Brawl, a Casket Match, a First Blood Match, and an Inferno Match. Holy shit that show rocks. I hope when it comes to Philly it’s not too great of a show because otherwise I’ll beat my head into a wall. Unforgiven is Sunday. It has the best card in a loooooong time. The main event isn’t that great, it’s the undercards. Jericho and The Dudley Boyz wrestle, and there’s a gimmick match here that takes the official GIMMICK MATCH OF THE YEAR award. I seriously doubt they can out-do this one:

AL SNOW vs. BIG BOSSMAN: Might as well get right into it. The gimmick is what can be titled a Double Cage Dog Match. A basic top-less cage is around the ring. A Hell in the Cell around the first cage. Between the Hell in the Cell and the first cage are two rottweiler dogs. The first man to get out of both cages wins the match. Jesus. It’s fair to say there’s no way in hell this match will reach anyone’s expectations. First off, the dog element is a rip-off of WCW’s Great American Bash, where the Steiner’s fed Sting to three dogs. Expect the dogs to just run around and do nothing. I seriously doubt they’ll attack either man. Hopefully there will be some tables and chairs into the mix. I’d love Al Snow to smash Bossman through a table after leaping off the original cage. It’s a silly idea but I love it. Realistically it should be the best match of the night. This match I’m looking forward to more than any match this year.

THE ACOLYTES vs. THE DUDLEY BOYZ: Even if The Dudleys lost their ECW-charm, I still love ‘em. ECW has a great style where it’s a free for all/barbed wire/cheese grater/blood splattering everything mentality. It’s wild. WWF is more casual. –seriously- The Acolytes are just okay but kind’ve funny. It should be a good match. It seemed like the Dudley boy matches in ECW were good only because their opponents got the shit beat out of them. Don't expect anyone in the WWF to be willing to go through a flaming table or be wrapped in barbed wire. If the WWF needs one thing it’s barbed wire. I doubt they’ll ever indulge, but when they do I’m saying goodbye to the WCW for good.

KEN SHAMROCK vs. CHRIS JERICHO: WCW has two good talkers and they are Scott Steiner and Ric Flair. Chris Jericho and The Rock are the best mic(rophone) workers in the biz, and the WWF has ‘em. Jericho is definitely one of my top 5 wrestlers, that’s why I love WWF even more now. In the ring he’s okay, but it’s the skits and interviews he does that makes him the man. Expect an okay matchup but I’ll watch it because I love Y2J. One of the funniest things I’ve heard was about his last match he did for WCW. It was a house show and before the match he told the audience he was going to quit WCW if he lost. Raw…is…Jericho.

LUNA vs. IVORY: The WWF always surprises me. I was worried about this match because it more or less ruins a near perfect card (Chyna/JJ is worse). But wait! The WWF realized it, too and they’ve made this into a hardcore matchup, which, at the very least, makes it watchable. Tables, chairs, frying pans, oh my!

MARK HENRY vs. D’LO BROWN: This feud came out of nowhere. I hate it when the WCW or WWF make a good guy bad just…because. At least with WCW and Sting, they’ve created a promo to put out the idea that maybe he was bad ever since he put on the Crow makeup. Mark Henry is bad for absolutely no-reason. The only good thing to come out of this feud is Mark Henry getting lap dances left and right. He was in a strip club when D’Lo came in and they fought. Raw gets more risque every week. I eat it up like vanilla pudding.

VAL VENIS vs. STEVE BLACKMAN: They don’t know what to do with Steve Blackman. At King of the Ring he had a little bit to do with the main event just because at that time he was doing absolutely nothing with the company. His feud with Shamrock has been over for awhile now, and that was the only thing he ever did. Expect him to be fired or given a massive storyline like Test has been given. I can’t wait for the wedding on October 11th  between Test and Stephanie McMahon.

CHYNA vs. JJ: The worst match of the night, even though they’ve built this match up more then any other. JJ’s current storyline is putting the figure-4 on any woman in his sight. He’s also knocked out Chyna with a frying pan and put an apron on her and a cooking spoon in her hand and told her to make him dinner. It’s funny but lame. I hate Chyna, but I hate JJ worse. Boring matchup guaranteed.

THE BIG SHOW vs. THE BRITISH BULLDOG vs. KANE vs. HHH vs. THE ROCK vs. MANKIND: Stone Cold is the special referee. I guarantee that Kane wins the belt. Why? Well it definitely could be The Rock. The ‘net hints at it, and The Rock winning the belt makes a lot of sense…but I think they’ll wait for a bigger event to have The Rock win, like Survivor Series, Royal Rumble, or Wrestlemania 2000 from Da Pond. Mankind just won the belt, albeit for one night. Big Show could take the belt because it was rumored that he would take on Austin when Raw hits the Georgia Dome at the end of October. Big Show sucks, though, and I truly doubt they would give it to him. HHH just had the belt and if he won again it would equal low ratings and bad fan reaction. The British Bulldog? I think not. He just got into the WWF and they usually make you pay for your gold. He may do something big but don’t expect him to win this early on. My pick, Kane, had the belt for one 24 hour period after 1998’s KOTR’s First Blood Main Event matchup. Kane deserves it. He’s been gaining TV time ever since the summer. He’s a crowd favorite. The match will be lame because everyone will go everywhere and they can’t show all the action at once, can they? What will Austin 3:16 do? Will he count the 1-2-3? Who knows, but if anyone gets the belt I’m guaranteeing it’s the Big Red Machine. And then he fights the Dudleys in a barbed wire match……

    What irony. I was writing up my predictions for WWF’s September pay per view, Unforgiven, and I stated that the WWF is the best that it has ever been. After Unforgiven I have one-thousand doubts. See, it was, in my mind, the worst pay per view of the year. Totally lame. A waste of everyone’s talents, everyone’s time, and everyone’s 30+ bucks. I always state that Raw and Nitro and now Smackdown are much better than the pay per views. Unforgiven defines my reasons why I believe this. There wasn’t one stand-out match of the bunch. Usually the WWF has awful, unwatchable, bore-ass pay per views with a great main event or stand-out match that makes you forget the rest of the boring show. Backlash had two good matches and the rest blew. King of the Ring had a stelar main event and a wasted two hours or shit. Unforgiven was unforgiveably lame. The main event was filled with high-energy and that is about the best thing I can say about the entire event. Wasted talent. Wasted time.

+VAL VENIS vs. STEVE BLACKMAN: I have absolutely nothing to say about this match. Blackman hits Venis once (yes, I said once) with a singapore cane and he needs medical attention. Come on. Venis at least usually has funny storylines (the Ryan Shamrock fiasco was pretty entertaining) but lately he’s been a waste. Blackman is aother story. He belongs in a stable run by WCW’s superstar, Brad Armstong. ½*

D’LO BROWN vs. MARK ‘SEXUAL CHOCOLATE’ HENRY: I picked Mark Henry because I figured he would cheat and win so the feud would at least continue until No Mercy. D’Lo won with his 5-star frog splash. *1/2

JEFF JARRETT vs. CHYNA: Technically the match sucked, but those two old geezers Moolah and Mae Brown came in and got their ass beat and then Deborah hit JJ over the skull with a gee-tar. Chyna loses by DQ because of the Deborah thing-a-ma-jig (since when did wrestling have instant replay?). The re-match has been set for No Mercy already. Expect Chyna to win there. **

+THE ACOLYTES vs. THE DUDLEY BOYZ: The Dudley’s were definitely at their pinnacle during their match at ECW’s Heatwave when they cursed off the crowd for five minutes then beat the shit out of Balls Mahoney and Spike Dudley and put ‘em through flaming tables. The hardcore element has seemingly been dropped from the Dudley’s arsonal and it sucks. Why? Well the Dudley boys were only as good as the pain they induced. Barbed wire? Tables? Cheese graters? Chairs? The WWF has seemingly said, “No way.” No hardcore Dudley’s? No fun. This match was okay for a basic wrestling match but everyone expected their ECW Dudley boys. Right now they’re unrecognizable. Hopefully they’ll speed up the speech impediment storyline and put the Dudley’s back on track. Curse out the crowd, and beat the shit out of the other guy. C’mon WWF: show us the Dudley’s we’ve grown to love. Hopefully, the bookers will start a feud between the Dudley’s and the Holly’s, because right now they’re  slowly falling into boring chant territory. * ½

IVORY vs. LUNA: A hardcore women’s match? I’m going to admit right now that the worst hardcore division every devised is right there in the ol’ WWF. WCW had a small hardcore division from March until July and they at least showed us some memorable matches (Uncensored’s Hak vs. Raven vs. Bam Bam Bigelow, Spring Stampede’s Hak vs. Bam Bam, and Bash at the Beach’s Junkyard Invitational). How many memorable matches has the WWF hardcore division given us? Yes, Hardcore and Al Snow fought briefly in the Mississippi river but the rest of that match was just okay. Nothing else extremely memorable in any of the Hardcore matches. Unforgiven will officially be named the time and place when the world realized the WWF HARDCORE DIVISION IS OFFICIALLY D.O.A That’s right. A god-awful women’s hardcore match and unbelieveably bad kennel from hell hardcore matchup. No bumps, no blood, no fun. This match was only about three minutes long and it was officially four minutes too long. –no stars-

+THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS vs. EDGE & CHRISTIAN: I’ve never liked either member of the NAO. They have no good moves and their personalities are lame no matter how many fans cheer. Edge and Christian are lifeless and pale in comparison to the high-flying Hardy boyz. This match was extremely slow and doesn’t anyone but me get sick of Road Dogg fake punching people? *

+AL SNOW vs. THE BIG BOSSMAN: After viewing this so-called Kennel From Hell matchup I downed two cyanide capsules and chugged half a bottle of Old No. 7. In the predictions I mentioned a now sad fact that this match was the one match of the year that I was looking forward to most. It wasn’t that I was thinking it would be good, but just to see the whole thing come together. A steel cage around the ring. A Hell in the Cell steel cage around that one. Pittbulls between the cages. Whomever gets out of both cages wins. Big Bossman deserves to be cut from the WWF roster. He’s never had a good match in his lifetime. He already ruined the menacing factor surrounding the Hell in the Cell matches. The first two HITC matches were fucking classics. Bossman and Undertaker bored the world at Wrestlemania, and now Al Snow and Bossman prove that there was absolutely no reason to have a cage around the ring, no reason to have a Hell in the Cell around that, and no reason to have pittbulls between the cages. Why? Because nothing was used. The dogs had leashes on and owners holding them back. No one took any major bumps, they didn’t even fight on the top or push someone off of either cage. This match defined the word letdown. ½*

+X-PAC vs. CHRIS JERICHO: I had one problem with Chris Jericho when I was a fan of his back in his WCW days. He was great when he got ahold of the michrophone, and hilarious in his various skits, but when he went into the ring he became a boring, average wrestler. Granted, he has a few slick moves and he’s a tad better than most, but he just can’t follow up to his talk. Ken Shamrock apparently left the WWF a little early to train for his UFC return, so Jericho was stuck with X-Pac. Jericho didn’t talk. Jericho didn’t do any skits. Jericho wrestled. ‘Nuff said. ½*

HHH vs. KANE vs. THE ROCK vs. MANKIND vs. THE BRITISH BULLDOG vs. THE BIG SHOW: The first ever 6-pack challenge. Hopefully the last. WCW had the same problem with their cruiserweight match at Fall Brawl. They used up Mysterio, Kidman, Guerrerro, and Vampiro in one match. They should have spread out the talent. This 6-pack challenge was the same way. Every match before this paled in comparison. There were a lot of finishing moves but very little special pay per view worthy moments. The biggest and best moment came when the refs on strike showed up and beat up the strike-breaking ref. It was funny in the kind of only-WWF-would-do-this way. In my oh-so studious predictions I stated that HHH wouldn’t win because it would equal low ratings and bad crowd reaction. Guess what: You heard the silent crowd, now say g’bye to ratings! **1/2

Unforgiven was a bad pay per view. I usually don’t say that about the WWF, but in the end they will be known as the uneven wrestling federation. You never know if Raw will be great or lame. With Nitro it’s the same every week. Summerslam was good but Unforgiven sucked. August was a great month for the ppv’s and September wasn’t. I’ll give Unforiven a low * because it was epically lame. Every match could have been better. I wanted something to happen. Nothing happened. $30+ for this? At least you lucky few get a copy of the WWF Music CD volume 2. It’s too bad there’s already a volume 3 out and volume 2 has crappy entrance music like Doink the Clown’s. What about my predictions? My record came last month for Summerslam. I predicted 77% of the matchups. A C+. Not bad. For Unforgiven I predicted 5 matches out of 9, which tallies up as a 55.5%….an F. You have to add the fact that I had a 1 in 6 chance of predicting the main event, plus I predicted the double main event correctly at King of the Ring and ended up failing. So there. The next pay per view is surprisingly another WWF pay per view, No Mercy. Austin takes on HHH and Chyna faces JJ. Dream matches I want to see? Dudleys vs. Holly’s or Hardy’s hardcore, Mankind vs. Big Show I-Quit, and The Rock vs. Kane. I’ll have my No Mercy predictions in about 15 days. Until then.

WCW FALL BRAWL

Sunday, September 12th from Winston-Salem, North Carolina

    WWF has three ‘gimmick’ pay per views. The Royal Rumble, The King of the Ring, and Survivor Series which at least use to have a 4 on 4 setting. WCW has World War 3, which has three rings set up and is madness, and of course Uncensored which throws the rules out the windows. WCW’s best gimmick was War Games. A 3 on 3 on 3 matchup in a two-ring steel cage. Whoever wins goes to Halloween Havoc. I’ve never seen War Games, so maybe it sucks, but at least it sounds fucking cool. If WWF had War Games they’d burn the world down. This Fall, though, the first time I will actually watch Fall Brawl, the War Games element is dropped. Why? The bookers say the last two years were disappointing. Still, will you make more bucks hyping up a lame ass same-old pay per view with nine matches or a pay per view with a main event consisting of nine wrestlers and a double steel cage? I’d choose the cage, although I would also have Hak win the whole thing, but that’s me. The card for this years Fall Brawl? It’s okay. WCW was good going into the summer, but right now they are losing it, big time. Meanwhile ECW is kicking ass with the return of Raven and the TNN show, and WWF is showcasing it’s better than ppv UPN program, Smackdown. My god, this Thursday on Smackdown! (the exclamation point is mandatory) they have (it was filmed already but not aired) a buried alive match between The Rock & Mankind vs. The Big Show & The Undertaker. Kane versus Triple H for the belt! Chris Jericho hiding in a steel cage so Shamrock can’t get to him. The Dudley Boys do an interview in the ring! So here goes my (snooze…) Fall Brawl predictions:

KAZ HAYASHI vs. LENNY LANE: What a matchup! And they wonder why they’re losing to the WWF in the ratings. I didn’t even know Kaz Hayashi existed until a week ago, so I doubt he’s going to win. Lenny and Lodi are the so-called Gaylords, though WCW made them brothers so in reality they can’t be gay. Whatever, it’s a stupid gimmick and truly lame to give Lenny Lame the fucking cruiserweight belt. Expect Lame to hold on to it for awhile anyway, since I can’t for the love of me picture Kaz walking to the ring with gold. Expect Eddie Guererro to take the belt very soon, probably at Havoc.

SATURN vs. RIC STEINER: This is for the coveted TV Title. It was rumored on the elusive ‘net that Hardcore Hak was scheduled to get the TV Title but now because he’s bitching to the executives at Chastity’s firing The Cat will receive a push. Whatever. Give the belt to anyone but Ric Steiner, he’s even more boring bad then he was good. Saturn was good when he feuded with Raven, but that was only because Raven was my favorite WCW wrestler at the time. I guess now it’s The Cat, though I’m counting down the days to Hak’s return. It’s a tossup as to who will win the belt, but I’m guessing the dawg will retain it, possibly with the help of his bro, Scott, who is apparently almost ready to return to the squared circle.

VAMPIRO & THE INSANE CLOWN POSSE vs. MYSTERIO, KIDMAN, & EDDIE GUERRO: Expect ICP to win. Why you say? Because they were mad that they had to keep jobbing and then they signed a one-year deal. Guess what? They’re winning! I like Vampiro now, too, he’s pretty wild. This should be a great matchup because ICP are fun to watch and Mysterio, Kidman, & Guerrero are three of the best wrestlers around. Could turn into the best match of the night.

BERLYN vs. BUFF BAGWELL: Alex Wright needed a gimmick so they sold him on this techno German super machine anti-USA robot-esque black death dude. He actually showed up before Columbine sitting in the stands but of course they had to pull the gimmick because he wears a black trenchcoat. Now he’s back and this is his first matchup. Expect Berlyn to win because a new guy losing doesn’t help anyone. The more life rambles on the more I hate Buff. He was great when he was bad, now he’s a sucker. This match will probably start out wild, because no one knows what to expect from Berlyn, but after five seconds expect a Bore-A-Thon 2000.

GOLDBERG vs. DDP: You love me, you hate me, you’ll never forget me. Diamond Dallas Page isn’t the best personality, but get him in the ring and he does entertain. The last time he faced Goldberg was at last year’s Halloween Havoc, the one that actually ran 3 hrs. and 10 minutes. A few cable companies pulled the plug and they had to re-air the match on Nitro the next day. The more I think about it HH had a great card last year. Scott Hall vs. Kevin Nash, DDP vs. Da Man, Hogan vs. Ultimate Warrior, and Bret Hart vs. Sting. Wow. Anyway, back to the matchup, Goldberg of course won with his spear and jackhammer after he kicked out of the diamond cutter. Don’t expect DDP to win here either, because no belts are on the line and when Goldberg loses again it won’t be against Diamond Scum Page. The Triad will show up and receive spears, and Da Man will make the pin. Expect a so-so matchup.

SID vs. CHRIS BENOIT: The WCW bookers gave Sid a Millennium Man gimmick where he racks up an unbeatable streak to shadow Goldberg’s and then the two will face probably at Starrcade. Problem? Some idiot in the back had Sid lose to Saturn on Thunder last week because of a DQ. No matter, Thunder gets about two viewers anyway. But giving with the Millennium Man gimmick, Sid will definitely win here, which is a shame because I expected Benoit to hold the U.S. Title for longer than a month. Hopefully he’ll get his Heavyweight push. This match will be just okay. Benoit is a great intense wrestler but Sid has one move and his fake punches miss his oppenent’s by two feet. Sid with the U.S. Belt? It sounds lame, but this is Dubbya-See-Dubbya we’re talking about.

BARRY & KENDALL WINDHAM vs. HARLEM HEAT: The West Texas Rednecks gimmick is great, especially since they’ve acquired Vincent. Now, officially, the New World Order is over. Bischoff and Co. have hinted at a reunion, but please call it something else. N.W.O. was the greatest gimmick in the sport in the last decade, but it’s over. This matchup is a joke. The Windham’s? They belong in the fucking Cuba Backyard Wrestling Alliance, not the WCW. And to boot, they’ve got the damn tag belts! It was said that they got the belts because they’re friends with the backstage bookers. Who cares, expect that friendship to die once Harlem Heat take back their belts. At least HH is a real tag team. Expect this match to reach a new record on the Lame-O-Meter.

DEAN MALENKO & SHANE DOUGLAS vs. HUGH MORRIS & BRIAN KNOBBS: This is a no-DQ match, meaning…Hardcore Rules!!! The hardcore WCW is back. Wow. Expect one of the best matches of the night. Why? Because I’ve been waiting for Douglas to hit a ppv in style…E.C.fuckin’W-style. No rules, no DQ! Boy am I impressed. Then I realized Dean Malenko, the man of a thousand positions (Ric Flair joke…where is the old timer when WCW needs him?) isn’t hardcore. Hugh Morris has that great moonsault, and he knows how to take hits. Hopefully, Hak will show up and beat the shit out of everyone. I can dream, right? Expect The Revolution to get the win, but hopefully WCW won’t fuck this up like they’ve fucked up everything in their company and make a armageddon bodies everywhere ladder smashing table crashing chair mashing monstrosity classic. Yep, still dreamin’…

STING vs. HULK HOGAN: Let me guess? Sting…or Hogan? Oh, come on fuck the charades…I guarantee Hulk Hogan wins. Why? Because Hulk Hogan is an asshole. He hogs the belt for himself. He’ll keep it until he loses it to Bret Hart at Starrcade. And even then he’ll bitch and moan and get it back for Superbrawl. What I would like to see is ANYONE OTHER THAN HOGAN WITH THE BELT. There. I said it. Sting won’t win it. Why? Because Luger is going to show up and beat him up. I was such an idiot to predict Hogan to retire. Give me a break…the signs were all there. Nash was losing. Everyone said it. Why was I so blind. I guarantee Hogan wins. Why? Because WCW hasn’t had a good main event since…since…well, the, no…since Spring Stampede. And even that was just okay, but that was the last good one. WCW has better midcard talent than stars. Hogan is such a boring wrestler! He’s a fucking old man! Make him an announcer, a manager, anything but a wrestler. Okay, I’ve said my peace. Here’s another possibility. Sting wins then faces Goldberg at Havoc. Or Sting loses and faces Luger at Havoc. He’s going to face Luger at Havoc whether you like it or not. I can’t picture a Championship match between Sting and Luger. So there. I said it. My last guarantee shocked the world. Will this one? No, but from now on I’ll try to guarantee at lest one match per ppv. It’ll be my best bet. Until the show.

    ECW’s Anarchy Rulz ppv tomorrow should be awesome. Sabu vs. Justin Credible should be better than 99.9% of what the WCW passes on as wrasslin’. Fall Brawl didn’t have the War Games element and it definitley needed something like it. It was, without a doubt, the worst WCW ppv so far this year. At least the Great American Bash had Hak vs. Brian Knobbs in what turned into a ladder match, Sting being attacked by two dobermans and a pitt bull, and Sid Vicious making his first WCW appearance. The ppv sucked, but it had three moments. Fall Brawl didn’t have any. Sting winning surprised me, since I did gurantee the opposite. Bischoff isn’t the president anymore of WCW so that’s more or less why Hogan lost the belt. The problem was the card. WCW hasn’t put together a good card since they had the three good pay per views in a row, Uncensored, Spring Stampede, and Slamboree. Then they dropped every slice of quality they had with the awful Great American Bash, they below-average Bash at the Beach and the marginal Road Wild. I enjoyed Road Wild but that was just because WCW actually put together a half decent pay per view. Compare Road Wild to an ECW ppv and you fall out of your seat. Even WWF’s Unforgiven has a sweet card, much better than the lousy Summerslam card. Here are my thoughts on WCW’s 1999 Fall Bore:

STING vs. HULK HOGAN: This was such a major angle that it should have shocked the world. By the time Sting turned bad and hit Hulk Hogan with his black baseball bat I was so damned bored and lifeless from the other matches that I couldn’t give eight shits. The match really sucked. Hogan was good when he was bad. He could hit you with chairs, whip you with his strap, and cheat like the evil bastard he was. Now he’s back in his lame red and yellow good-guy image and it blows. He’s so fucking old he can’t execute any great moves or offense. Sting is at least exciting. The only good part of this match was when DDP showed up, then Sid, then Luger. Sting of course turned bad but nobody cares. If life was good then Hogan would become a manager and keep out of the ring. *1/2 (out of ****)

+KAZ HYASHI vs. LENNY LANE: I’m almost ashamed to admit this was probably the best match of the night. Lenny Lane surprised me with his great cruiserweight moves, and even though I’ve never seen Kaz wrestle, he’s not too bad. The match had some great moves and a lot of close 2 ½ almost-pins. It’s too bad they didn’t build this match up at all like WWF and ECW do their ppv matches. It seemed like they were just fighting because WCW needed more matches on their pay per view. **1/2

+SATURN vs. RIC STEINER: Chris Benoit has the TV Title now, which is better then either Saturn or Dog. I hate both wrestlers. Saturn is okay. His feud with Chris Jericho earlier in the year was pretty wild, but now he’s only mildly entertaining. Without Raven, Saturn is lost. Raven and Saturn’s feud was one of WCW’s best in recent years. Did you hear Hak is back from his injuries? He’s wrestling at a house show tomorrow, which hopefully means he'll be on Nitro. Must’ve been a half-assed lame match if I’m talking about someone who has absolutely nothing to do with this match whatsoever. *1/2

VAMPIRO & THE INSANE CLOWN POSSE vs. MYSTERIO, KIDMAN, & EDDIE GUERRERO: This was a re-match from Road Wild. I think they should have made a singles match between Vampiro and one of the three good-guys, and then have the ICP face the other two in tag-team competition. I would have made more sense then to again waste some of the best talent WCW has in one match. I liked the Road Wild match better, though it was interesting to find that Mysterio hurt his knee, Eddie was injured somehow, and Vampiro got a black eye and mild concussion during this match. With all of those injuries you would think the match was jaw-droppingly awesome. It wasn’t. **

HUGH MORRIS & BRIAN KNOBBS vs. DEAN MALENKO & SHANE DOUGLAS: This match was a No-DQ match, which I had figured was more or less a Hardcore match. I was totally wrong. Why they instituted the no-disqualification gimmick for this match is beyond me. No ladders, no tables, no chairs, no fun. It was such a lame match. The only thing they did that would have gotten them disqualified was fighting outside of the ring for more then a 10-count. Wow. Big fucking deal. *1/2

+HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN vs. BERLYN: Buff Bagwell was in the back but the announcers gave a note that Bagwell was late to the arena and he wouldn’t be wrestling Berlyn. So guess who they got? I was hoping for someone other than Jerry Flynn, and I was surprised that they got the overweight, senior citizen Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Yes, the guy beat cancer. I respect that he’s been though a lot, but why is he still being paid by WCW? He doesn’t even wrestle on Nitro or Thunder. The new president of WCW, Bill Busch, was noted as saying expect twenty wrestlers to be fired come the end of the year. Bye, bye Hacksaw. ½ *

+BARRY & KENDALL WINDHAM vs. HARLEM HEAT: Give me a break. I always made fun of the WWF for not having a good tag team division. Boy do I room to talk. The WCW tag team division consists, more or less, of Harlem Heat. The Windhams aren’t even a tag team, they’re part of a bigger group called The West Texas Rednecks. This match was a disaster. Hopefully Bill Busch will pull out no stops to have Halloween Havoc actually be a watchable pay per view. To think, Fall Brawl cost thirty-bucks. I give out my sympathies to friends and family of those who purchased the ppv. *

GOLDBERG vs. DDP: The only other watchable match on the pay per view. Goldberg never disappoints, so it’s with good reason that Bill Busch (I love that name don’t I?) has mentioned the new center of WCW will be Goldberg. More or less this says fuck Hogan, right? Expect Goldberg to get the belt soon, either on a Nitro (In Philly on Oct. 18th…that’d be toooo sweeeeet) or an upcoming ppv. I would love to see a re-match of Goldberg and Sting, since both times they’ve fought neither guy has one. The first time they fought Sting had the scorpion deathlock on Bill when the N.W.O. showed up and it turned into a DQ. The next time they fought Bret Hart showed up and beat the shit out of both dudes, turning it into yet another DQ. So Goldberg/Sting still has to be resolved. Now with a belt on the line it’s even sweeter. Hopefully, if Bill Busch and Co. realize a Hogan/Sting rematch would enact an anti-WCW campaign worldwide, they’ll push for a Sting/Goldberg main event at ‘Havoc for the coveted belt. I’d much rather see that then Sid/Goldberg. Who cares about the Millennium Man storyline? I think it sucks. **1/2

6 out of 9 predictions I got correctly. That’s a marginal 66.6%, a D. All in all Fall Brawl gets a * star rating. I know it’s low, but Fall Bore was so bad it wasn’t even funny. You have to factor in the price. I’d rather pay $30 bucks for ECW on TNN or WWF’s Smackdown!. Nitro has gotten bad fast. This week it started off great with Dean Malenko verse Chris Benoit in one of the best Nitro fights in years, then Ric Flair’s great return. It ended up same-old and sort of lame, compared to Raw which showcased the return of Vinnie Mac and Jericho’s hilarious Gotch Gracie routine. Did I mention Thunder wasn’t live or taped, it showcased recent matches and events while Smackdown had Vinnie Mac beat HHH for the belt with the help of Austin 3:16. Take that. Hopefully, Halloween Havoc will surprise us, since WCW is making a lot of changes. With Goldberg as the center of attention doesn’t that technically mean he’ll be in the main event of Havoc? I’d love to see a three-way dance with Hogan/Sting/Goldberg, but that’s not exactly what the bookers want, is it? Tomorrow ECW’s Anarchy Rulz is on, with Taz vs. Masato Tanaka, Justin Credible vs. Sabu, Lance “I’m from Calgary, Alberta, Canada” Storm vs. Jerry Lynn, and Raven & Dreamer vs. Steve Chorino and a mystery opponent. Wow! ECW always has the best ppv’s, and so far this years best pay per view is, without a doubt, May’s Hardcore Heaven. WWF’s Unforgiven is in eight days. The card is great. HHH vs. Rock vs. ‘Taker vs. Big Slow vs. Kane vs. Mankind in a six-way match for the belt. How Vince McMahon’s win over HHH will factor into this is beyond me. Other matches are Jericho vs. Shamrock, The Dudley Boys vs. The Acolytes, and Bossman vs. Al Snow in a hardcore cage match within a Hell in the Cell circled by dogs. Whew. And you wonder why I re-named it Fall Bore. Until then.