TONY NESE vs. BUDDY MURPHY (10:40): My God was this show too fucking long. It started at 5 and ended at 12:30 AM. Will these idiots just split this show into two parts already? Or, you know, just cut the matches in half? Or something? Because every match after the Bryan/Kofi match was a boring slog with a tired, dead crowd that just wanted to go home. Seven and a half hours. This show was seven and a half hours long! Are you kidding me? I think next year I might just watch it in two hour installments in replays throughout the week. This opener was good, though, even though the stadium was half empty and few cared. Buddy Murphy needs to get out of this company ASAP. He's too good to be wasted on 205Live, a show nobody watches or cares about. Murphy is good enough to be WWE champ yet that'll never happen. This was action packed and a lot of fun. Put this in front of a small crowd in a bingo hall and it'd be like four stars. ***
WOMEN'S BATTLE ROYAL (CARMELLA) (10:30): Ugh. Now we're going to have to sit through two battle royals on WrestleMania from now on? It's bad enough they ruined the Royal Rumble by having two Rumbles that just negate each other. I think it's good that the women are getting their due and all that but two of the same thing on a show doesn't work it just drags them both down. I totally forget what even happened in this match. 1/2*
CURT HAWKINS & ZACK RYDER vs. THE REVIVAL (13:20): This was actually a fairly decent match. Hawkins was apparently a guy that had never won before so he won here and it was supposed to be a big moment. The problem is that like 99% of his matches were on Superstars or some WWE show I never watch or heard of and so his losing streak was kind of mysteriously obscure. **1/2
ANDRE THE GIANT MEMORIAL BATTLE ROYAL (BRAUN STROWMAN) (10:20): Colin Jost and Che Michaels, from Saturday Night Live, were in this match. Eventually Strowman eliminated them to win. That was amusing. **
SETH ROLLINS vs. BROCK LESNAR (2:30): I figured they put this on first because they knew the crowd would be dead later on. If that was the case...why was it only a 2 minute match? Lesnar beat the shit out of him then Rollins hit him with a low blow then three Curb Stomps and won. This was not very good at all. This is supposed to be a big deal: a title match on the biggest show of the year. Why put it on first and only give it 2 minutes? Epic fail. *
AJ STYLES vs. RANDY ORTON (16:20): This was by the numbers and forgettable. The last time Orton was in a good match was when he was feuding with Christian like fifteen years ago. *
THE USO'S vs. RICOCHET & ALEISTER BLACK vs. RUSEV & SHINSUKE NAKAMURA vs. CESARO & SHEAMUS (10:10): This was good but kind of felt just like a random RAW match. Ricochet is so good that it's a shame that they're just putting him in tag team matches. He's a fucking star! Give him main event singles matches. **1/2
SHANE McMAHON vs. THE MIZ "FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE" (15:30): Of course The Miz's dad ended up in the ring. Shane eventually beat him down. Then Shane and Miz did a brawl through the crowd that went on forever. The Miz eventually suplexed Shane off of a camera scaffold about twenty or thirty feet high and they fell onto an extremely lame cushion pad set up thing. Shane landed on Miz and the ref counted three. This was not one of those crazy, awesome Shane matches of old. The Miz did finally do a big, suicidal move at the end there. This was just okay. **
THE ICONICS vs. BETH PHOENIX & NATALYA vs. NIA JAX & TAMINA vs. BAYLEY & SASHA BANKS (10:45): This match wasn't very good. It's a shame that Sasha isn't in singles matches anymore because she's one of if not the best women's wrestler on the main roster. 1/2*
KOFI KINGSTON vs. DANIEL BRYAN (23:45): This was the best match of the night and probably the only big deal WrestleMania moment type of match. It wasn't a great match in the ring or anything but the crowd was super hot for this and it made the match more dramatic. Kingston is the champ...which, let's face it, is going to go nowhere. Bryan looked like a star as usual. Good match. ***
SAMOA JOE vs. REY MYSTERIO (1:00): Mysterio injured his knee so that's why this was a quick match. Nothing to see here...what was the point? 1/2*
ROMAN REIGNS vs. DREW McINTYRE (10:10): This was perhaps the worst match on the show simply because it was boring and nobody cared about it and they did absolutely nothing interesting.
-No Stars-
JOHN CENA and ELIAS: Cena did make a surprise appearance. Elias was in the ring doing a song and Cena came out to his old school entrance music and doing his old, white rapper gimmick. It was great, actually. The crowd loved it. Cena also looked better with a hat on so we didn't have to see his stupid, new haircut and bald spot that makes him look like an old man.
HHH vs. BATISTA "NO HOLDS BARRED" (24:45): Triple H used pliers to rip out Batista's nose ring. The only other semi-interesting thing was Triple H's Mad Max entrance. They did a bunch of slams on the announce tables and they wouldn't break. After the Kofi match the crowd was tired and bored and this match was a total slog for everyone. Ric Flair showed up to distract Batista and he got hit by HHH with a sledgehammer and lost. *
BARON CORBIN vs. KURT ANGLE (6:05): Angle lost his retirement match. What a way to end a career! 1/2*
FINN BALOR vs. BOBBY LASHLEY (4:05): It was approaching midnight when this match was on. Can you guess that nobody gave a shit about this? What is wrong with this company? Why put on a seven and a half hour show? Don't they realize they're putting on all of these matches that nobody wants to see this late? How dumb are they? This was nothing. Finn did his demon entrance gimmick. Eh. 1/2*
BECKY LYNCH vs. CHARLOTTE FLAIR vs. RONDA ROUSEY (21:30): This was very brutal. They broke a table in the ring even though this wasn't a hardcore match or no DQ or anything. Becky Lynch's hair looked ridiculous. It was very sloppy and I kept thinking that this would have been better if it had just been a one on one match. The finish was one of those lame, out of nowhere pins that certainly made the winner look like a cheater. Rousey was ready to pick up and slam Lynch but then Lynch rolled up Rousey for a quick 1-2-3 and it was surprisingly over just like that. Way to build up Lynch's big win, guys. Maybe if this show wasn't so long this might have been better but at this point (twenty or so minutes after midnight) everyone just wanted to go home or go to bed. Flair had an interesting entrance where she arrived in a helicopter. Rousey supposedly injured her hand in this. Flair and Lynch had a much better match last year at that Evolution ppv. This was good but not great and, honestly, this was one of the worst WrestleMania's in recent memory. **1/2
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