THE NEW DAY vs. RUSEV & SHINSUKE NAKAMURA (13:20): I watched the main event of today's New Japan show, which was Day 3 of the New Japan Cup (which is basically like the NCAA March Madness tournament), after this show. It was Ibushi vs. Naito and it was awesome. I'm only mentioning this to note that there is actual great wrestling occurring in the world...somewhere. This match, which featured The New Day minus Kofi Kingston, was the pre-show match at Fastlane, a pointless show if there ever was one. This was fairly entertaining, as The New Day are usually in entertaining matches. It sure doesn't bode well for Nakamura's career in the WWE that he's not teaming up on random teams on pre-show matches and losing. **1/2
THE USO'S vs. THE MIZ & SHANE McMAHON (14:10): During the pre-show, Shane and The Miz met The Miz's dad backstage (this show was in Cleveland, the Miz's hometown). Considering the WWE loves to humiliate and destroy people in their hometown, I called a Shane heel turn and it happened! Not that it wasn't obvious. Shane's heel turn was supposed to come out of him winning that stupid "Best Wrestler in the World" tournament in Saudi Arabia and Smackdown losing every match at Survivor Series. Well they finally pulled the plug and Shane beat up The Miz after they lost the match. The Miz's dad was watching this all at ringside. The problem is...The Miz is not a good face outside of Cleveland. So if Shane wrestles The Miz at WrestleMania than everyone is going to cheer Shane. As for this match before the not-shocking heel turn...it was just okay. There was an awkward moment when Shane and one of the Uso's both jumped off opposite top ropes and Shane sort of kicked him in the shin or leg and they fell down. Ugh. I'm not sure what the fuck they were trying to do. The heel turn was at least amusing. **
ASUKA vs. MANDY ROSE (6:40): Rose is one of those pretty blondes that can't wrestle, yet Vince is a pervert and thinks pretty women should be on TV so we end up with this atrocious botch fest.
-No Stars-
SHEAMUS & CAESARO vs. KOFI KINGSTON (5:15): Kofi was supposed to wrestle Daniel Bryan tonight for the title. Vince replaced Kofi with Kevin Owens because, apparently, Vince thinks the old evil boss gimmick will boost ratings (hey, it worked in the late 90's!). So tonight, Vince fucked Kofi again by putting him against two men and then later putting Mustafa Ali instead of Kofi into the championship match. I suppose it worked to push Kofi since the Cleveland crowd did chant for Kofi during the championship match later on. It's still a dumb, been-there-done-that storyline, though. And this squash match had no right to be on this show. And since this was an unannounced match out of nowhere and Mustafa Ali was not supposed to wrestle...this show felt different than usual. It felt reminiscent of WCW when Vince Russo was at the helm. Jeff Jarrett and Dana Warrior have apparently been brought on board the writing team and it definitely felt like somebody new was writing this. Instead of just a bunch of wrestling matches we had all kinds of unannounced crap and run-ins and out of nowhere, on the fly appearances. We all know how Vince Russo era WCW ended up, of course. -No Stars-
THE REVIVAL vs. ALEISTER BLACK & RICOCHET vs. CHAD GABLE & BOBBY ROODE (10:50): This was a good match, though with all of this talent (minus Roode, who sucks), I thought that this would be a hell of a lot better. I'm still not sure why Ricochet is teaming up with Aleister Black, nor why they're pushing a team that asked for their release (The Revival asked and were rejected then given the titles and a push). The Revival retained their tag titles. **1/2
SOMOA JOE vs. R. TRUTH vs. REY MYSTERIO, JR. vs. ANDRADE (10:50): Good match. Andrade Cien Almas is now just Andrade. He also supposedly told some Mexican wrestlers not to come to WWE recently. I wonder why? Joe retained the U.S. title. As in any four way, this helped in that it was pretty much all action. I'm still not entirely sure why R. Truth is still in this company. **1/2
BAYLEY & SASHA BANKS vs. NIA JAX & TAMINA (7:05): I mentioned that this show felt like it was written by fresh faces. Case in point: after this match, Nia Jax and Tamina beat up Beth Phoenix, who was doing commentary. Then Natalya ran out to save her. The show definitely felt over-written, if that makes sense. If you remember, Vince Russo was the king of over-written shows. I think the reason simple is better is because eventually too much plot and run-ins and craziness just overwhelms and gets ridiculous. This match was pretty stale, anyway, and nothing was going to save it. Bayley and Banks retained the tag titles. *
DANIEL BRYAN vs. MUSTAFA ALI vs. KEVIN OWENS (18:45): Really good match. Thank Mustafa Ali, who wrestles like he's in PWG, not WWE. The gimmick here was that they teased the crowd that this match, originally set to be Bryan vs. Owens for the title, would be a three way. So the assumption was Kofi would come out. But no, evil Vince sent out Mustafa Ali, who's a good guy, anyway, so that's stupid. Ali was supposed to be in the Elimination Chamber last month but suffered a concussion so they threw in Kofi and then the crowd loved it so everything changed. So that's why Ali was in this....because he originally lost his shot and so deserved it. Ali did a bunch of crazy stuff, including a nuts 450 splash from the top rope to Bryan on the ring apron. This was perhaps Daniel Bryan's best match since returning a year ago. Owens was returning from injury and he didn't impress too much. I'm still not entirely sure if he's supposed to be a good guy or a bad guy. Bryan won and in the end they really should have just done the original Kofi vs. Bryan match. ***
BECKY LYNCH vs. CHARLOTTE FLAIR (8:45): Lynch was on crutches. She had to beat Flair to be in the main event of WrestleMania. For no reason, Ronda Rousey showed up and caused a DQ and Lynch to win by DQ. Why would Rousey want to face two women at WrestleMania instead of one? Who the fuck knows? It makes zero sense. And the end of this was awful. 1/2*
THE SHIELD vs. BARON CORBIN, BOBBY LASHLEY & DREW McINTYRE (24:50): Dean Ambrose is leaving after WrestleMania because his contract is up. Roman Reigns returned from battling leukemia so they had one last Shield match. I guess a reunited Shield match is a big deal. The last time they tried this they had to add Kurt Angle to The Shield because Reigns had an infection. It still felt like a RAW main event, though. Would it fucking kill the champion, Brock Lesnar, to wrestle on every ppv? Jesus. And why is Baron Corbin still wrestling in a dress shirt and pants? Guy looks like he's at the polo club or something. McIntyre sucks, Lashley is God-awful. Seth Rollins did a dive off some random stage amidst the crowd. This was semi-entertaining but mostly boring. So it goes. **
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