WWF NO MERCY

Sunday, October 17th, 1999 from Cleveland, Ohio

    The most interesting thing these days in the wide world of wrestling is that the top writers in the WWF, Vince Russo and Ed Ferrera, left McMahon and are now working in WCW. Tonight on Nitro in my hometown it is supposed to be the first show this dynamic duo books. It should be wild. So No Mercy was more or less the official end to all Russo/Ferrera storylines. Can the WWF run with the ball? As Jim Morrison once sang, “The future is uncertain and the end is always near.”
    No Mercy was an okay WWF pay per view. It was much better than Unforgiven but nothing spectacular. The best match of the night was the only one I was really waiting for. The Hardy Boyz versus Edge and Christian in a ladder match! It could be the best match of the year. The main event was same-old and nothing spectacular happened. The only other match that was sort of watchable was the JJ/Chyna Good Housekeeping match. Apparently Jeff Jarrett is going to be on Nitro….tonight. Here are my thoughts, gripes, bitches, and moans. And oh yeah…I tied my prediction record. So there.

+THE GODFATHER vs. MIDEON: It’s always great to see some strippers to remind you how much sexual frustration truly is building up inside you. This match was pretty lame. The only funny thing to come out of this feud was when the Godfather offered a ‘ho’ to Mideon and he said, “No…got any farm animals?” Too bad that happened on Smackdown. Boring match. ½*

+IVORY vs. THE FABULOUS MOOLAH: It surprises me every time I see these old geizers. They’re over seventy years old yet they’re getting thrown around and knocked on their backs. I guess all those years of wrestling and training has done something. This was just silly and how much can you possibly expect? *

+NEW AGE OUTLAWS vs. THE HOLLY’S: I love Crash and Hardcore Holly. Those guys crack me up, and at least they’re fun to watch. The New Age Outlaws are oh-so-two-years-ago. I think we’ve heard, “Suck it!” one time too many. Holly’s win by cheating of course. **

+CHYNA vs. JJ: Double J, Jeff Jarrett, is apparently going to WCW tonight, so it was sort of obvious that he lost here…right? I do remember when he was in WCW last it was only for like a month or two and he was really lame…though he was near undefeated which made no sense. This match was sort of funny because they used kitchen appliances like bananas, cakes, the kitchen sink, and a frying pan. Ms. Kitty is engaged to Jerry the King Lawler in real life. Can you believe that? I can’t. I guess fame does garner something ‘sides money. **

+THE ROCK vs. BRITISH BULLDOG: Right now, whether you like it or not, The Rock is more popular than Stone Cold Steve Austin. Just a little bit, but he is. He gets a bigger ovation and he is better because everyone is damn sick of Austin. He’s been in the main event at every single ppv since last November’s Survivor Series. He doesn’t have any cool moves except the stunner and the only other thing he does is clothesline you. The Rock has the ddt, the elbow and the rock bottom. Give him the mike though and he rules. This match was early on and short. Rock of course wins. Who is this bulldog character? Why is he even in the WWF? He’s so lame. **

THE HARDY BOYZ vs. EDGE & CHRISTIAN: I predicted five matches correctly in a row…and then the Hardy Boyz won. I’m glad, though, those Hardy Boyz are fucking awesome. This match proved that all four of these competitors were the kings of hardcore and entertainment in the WWF. This was a Mexican ladder match, which means there are two ladders used. It was the last and final round of the Terry Invitational. To win you have to climb a ladder and grab the burlap sack of money ($100,000) and you also get to fuck Terry Runnels for an undetermined amount of time. You could tell this match was downright awesome because they must have showcased at least 20 instant replays, which is uncanny. These guys got the shit beat out of eachother. Yes, the ladders they used weren’t real ladders but still. These guys were flying everywhere, it was insane. It was literally an instant classic and the kind of match you truly have to see to believe. I would have paid the $30 bucks for the ppv and would have thought it was worth it. Definitely a top contender for best match of the year. This is what wrestling is all about. ****

VAL VENIS vs. MANKIND: Mick Foley is only entertaining when he gets his ass beat from one side of the arena to the other. His last good feud was with The Rock, and since then he hasn’t had a good feud since. His standout matches this year were the I-Quit match against Rocky and the Boiler Room brawl against Big Slow. He hasn’t had a standout match since. This fight was so slow and boring. Venis wins. It seems like Val’s storylines have thinned and his character has almost literally nothing left to do. Maybe he should go back to the movies...*

X-PAC vs. BRADSHAW vs. KANE vs. FAAROQ: How can I be so blind as to predict Kane to win? Yes, he was the obvious second choice…but X-Pac was the obvious first choice. This was a four corners elimination matchup. You know, the Mexican Ladder Match was so fucking great every match afterwards was probably good but I was blinded. I knew that match was going to be good when I heard about it, since my favorite type of matches are Ladder, but man, they went beyond my expectations. The only thing to achieve perfection would have been to add barb wire and tables. Wrap Edge in barb wire, put him on a table outside the ring. Jeff Hardy would climb to the top of the ladder, jump off, crash through Edge and the barb wire and the table. I would give that 5 stars. By the way, this 4-way match really blew. *

+HHH vs. AUSTIN: I predicted it when even the WCW Hotline and internet were reporting Austin would win. The goddamned Raw preview from one of those satellite tv guides stated <9:00: The New WWF Champion 10:00 The Rock Hits Rock Bottom> so you would have figured Austin to get the belt. Think about it. Austin has had the belt way too much. If he ever wins it back it will be at a bigger pay per view, and anyway I believe The Rock will be the next one to get the belt. Every match Austin has ever been in was the same. He punches the opponent twenty or thirty times around the arena, then he clotheslines them and then he’ll get a stunner but the ref will be out. HHH won because The Rock mistakenly hit Austin with the sledgehammer. I would love to see The Rock get the belt at Survivor Series and successfully defend it at Wrestlemania. They always make the title change hands at ‘Mania. I think it would be great to see him keep it. **

    No Mercy was a solid ppv but needed a lot more. ** it gets, mostly because of the Mexican Ladder Match. Wow. I truly doubt I will be seeing a better match this year. I predicted 7 out of 9 matches which ties my Summerslam record at 77%, a C+. That ladder match really was a standout. Without that the ppv would have been retitled No Entertainment. Next up on my slate is WCW’s Halloween Havoc, which is usually the biggest ppv of the year for those dudes. The new writers are aboard but I’m a little pissed that the ‘net is reporting they fired Hak. He was the best wrestler those losers had, though to see him come back to Philly as Sandman would be a welcoming sight. The big fights on that card include Goldberg/Sid, Hogan/Sting, Luger/Bret Hart, and Lash Leroux/Disco. Wait a minute…Lash LeWho? What can I say. That’s WCW for you. I’ll definitely do predictions this time around and they’ll be in two or three days. Until then.