Sunday, July 25th from Buffalo, New York
I don’t want to ruin the fun or anything, but last year’s Fully Loaded fully blew. The main event was a lame assed tag team between tag team champs Austin & Taker verses the deadly duo themselves; Kane & Mankind. Guess who won. Kane and Mankind. The other big match was the boring as shit Rock/Tripe H brawl. But that was last year, so maybe things will change, especially when you factor the fact in that now every ppv is big, not just the big 5. In my mind the main event is always fucking awesome, and the rest of the ppv blows, but Sunday Night Heat rocks. So watch Heat then wait until 10:00 pm. This years main event is a doozy, with a massive stipulation. But, the title isn’t going to change hands this much is it? Most expect the rumored HHH vs. Austin matchup at Summerslam, with HHH winning. Jesse “The Body” Ventura is reffing so you gotta expect Austin to chug beers with him, right? Enough of my blathering, I’ve got 10 whole matches to predict here, and there are enough WWF rumors circulating about this ppv already, but none of the main event. Here goes:
AL SNOW vs. BIG BOSSMAN: What a lame matchup. Al Snow is sort of interesting, because he at least does hardcore outside of the ring action, but Bossman is truly the laughing stock of the wrestling community. Since Hardcore Holly has officially left the hardcore division to have a feud with Kane, it seems that the WWF Hardcore division consists of…Al Snow…who happens to be champ. At least WCW has more than one wrestler in the hardcore division. Expect this match to suck and blow. Snow should retain the coveted belt though, why Bossman would win is beyond me.
D’LO BROWN vs. MIDEON: I hope this match occurs on Heat, because I really can’t sit through this thing. Mideon is a fat fuck who can’t do anything cool beside crawl on the ring apron, and D’Lo is sort of funny when he walks to the ring, but wrestle eachother? Lame-O 9 million. This match is for the European Title which was put to rest after Wrestlemania but brought back so it could be showcased around young wrestler’s waists and primarily used on this fall’s new UPN show, Smackdown. Mideon has the belt now and rumors say D’Lo is getting it, don’t expect anything less.
JEFF JARRETT vs. EDGE: The biggest rumors on the ‘net are that Edge will not only defeat JJ for the Intercontinental Belt, but also take Deborah away from him. I don’t know about the chick part, but he should take the belt away, seeing that JJ is boring as shit and at least Edge hasn’t had it before. This match should be truly epicially lame. Man this ppv card really sucks so far, eh?
TEST vs. JOEY ABBS: I’m guessing this match will be showcased on Sunday Night Heat because on wwf.com it wasn’t on the ppv card. Maybe they realized the suck value of it. Really though, it could turn out to be funny if the rest of the Greenwhich Possee shows up and has a brawl, then Stephanie and Shane could show up, turn the match into an entertaining one. It’s a tossup as to who will win, but Test should get the win since lately he’s had his ass handed to him on a silver platter by those dudes. Just please…don’t wrestle too long.
TRIPLE H vs. THE ROCK: Whoever wins gets to be the main eventer at Summerslam. I won’t deny the HHH/Austin rumors, so let’s go with the Hunter Hearst Helmsley dude. This match will be okay, since The Rock entertains somewhat, and Chyna’s outside interference could help entertain. These wrestlers, in my mind, have wrestled way too much. Last summer they had a big feud. I think the bookers are watching last summer’s storylines too closely. Undertaker/Austin was a big draw at Summerslam’98, why not do it again at Fully Loaded? And the last first blood match was at last summer’s King of the Ring. Jesus…what else happened last summer…
THE BIG SHOW vs. KANE: Hardcore Holly is the special referee. This could be the second best match of the night. Why? Big Show cracks me up, and Hardcore is the best WWF wrestler. He's great. Kane is cool, too, at least his opening is. Expect a slow match but with a special ref it should be wild. Either man could win, but I’ll pick the big man because he’s got to start looking good if he’s gonna feud with Austin in the future…rumored to be at Wrestlemania 2000 at The Pond in Anaheim, California.
KEN SHAMROCK vs. STEVE BLACKMAN: On wwf.com they stated this match as being an Iron Circle Match. I’m guessing it’s a Lion’s Den Match, but wouldn’t they have said that? At first it was a Special Weapons Match. Who cares, right? Both competitors suck, Blackman was a nobody until Vince decided to use him at KOTR. I hope it’s a special weapons match or a lion’s den, then it’ll have something special at least instead of a boring wrasslin’ matchup.
THE HARDY BOYZ vs. THE ACOLYTES: Rumors are circulating that The Acolytes will win when Michael Hayes fucks up or turns bad. No way. The Hardy Boyz just won the belts, no way are they going to switch this early. This match will be okay, because the Boyz at least try.
X-PAC & THE ROAD DOGG vs. MR. ASS & CHYNA: Whoever wins this tag team matchup gets the ‘rights to DX’. Whatever that means. This match will either turn out to be high flying excitement or lame assed same old. I’m guessing on the latter. WWF is really getting lame fast, which is sad because they were truly riding a high flying wave. With Ventura reffing SS, though, expect a bigger ppv next month. I’m guessing that the good guys win, because the bad DX members have been winning everything lately.
‘STONE COLD’ STEVE AUSTIN vs. THE UNDERTAKER: Definitely the best match of the night, only because of the massive stipulations involved. The Undertaker really bores me as a wrestler, and even though Austin only uses a clothesline and stunner, he at least has a high energy attitude in the ring. This should be the best match of the night, because in wwf country the put everything possible into the main event and the rest of the ppv sucks ass. This is a First Blood Match, whoever bleeds first loses. Austin has the title on the line, but there is more on the line than a cut or a title. If Austin wins he retains the belt and Vince McMahon can never be on WWF TV again. If The Undertaker wins he becomes the WWF Champion, and Austin can never have the WWF Championship Title again. Pretty hefty there, but expect both stipulations to go out the window when the refs go down and both men are bloody messes. Expect both McMahons to come to the ring, expect a brawl, expect more than one stunner, but Austin should retain the belt nontheless.
It’s Wednesday, July 28th, 1999. Why the lame-assed date? I don’t know…Deep Blue Sea starts today…looks decent but will definitely be lame. Speaking of LAME, did you see the WWF’s 1999 Fully Lame ppv? That’s right, it has officially been re-named to Fully Lame instead of Fully Loaded. Why? Cuz it was just that…lame. The First Blood match was a disappointment, even though after the match it got kind’ve good. Every other match really blew, except for the hardcore match which was interesting because they went outside and stuff. WWF, in my mind, is getting old fast. The do recycle too many of their old storylines. HHH as champ will just put the WWF into a gutter that WCW knows too well. Give Kane the belt, that would be fantastic. Anyone but HHH. Why am I talking like Triple H already has the belt? Because he signed a contract which gives him a title reign. Wether or not he gets the belt at Summerslam is meaningless- he’s getting the belt this Fall either way. My guess is he’ll win it at the September PPV re-match. Anywhore, here are my gripes, bitches, and moans on July’s WWF ppv. Could I predict every match right? Doubtful, but read ahead to find out. Winners underlined, checks to my correct predictions:
EDGE vs. JJ: I am not an idiot but I do listen to ‘net rumors, and they said Edge was winning the Intercontinental Belt and taking Deborah away from Jeff Jarrett. To my surprise, Edge had won the IC belt from JJ the night before at a Skydome houseshow. So of course Edge wouldn’t be winning the belt if they had a rematch scheduled THE NEXT NIGHT. So I picked Edge before I knew all this and kept my word but I’m a moron. This match really blew, WWF truly sucked ass on Sunday. *1/2
THE ACOLYTES vs. THE HARDY BOYZ & MICHAEL HAYES: The other big rumor of Fully Lame was that Michael Hayes would cost the Boyz the tag team belts. I didn’t buy it because the Boyz just won the belts and The Acolytes just had it. What a moron, the only true rumor of the whole night. An okay match, the Boyz do some high flying Luchadore shit, but otherwise same old boring WWF. The World Wrestling Federation is only good on Raw or WarZone when they do interviews and funny backstage antics. Wrestling they don’t do well…let ECW do that. **
+MIDEON vs. D’LO BROWN: Okay, this wasn’t really a rumor, just what everyone and their mother expected: D’Lo to win the European Belt from Mideon. This match belonged on fucking Shotgun. WWF is slowly sinking into a deep funk. I truly doubt Jesse Ventura can lift it out…because look at the match he’s reffing…HHH vs. Austin? Both guys have no moves, and HHH just plain bores you to death. ½*
BIG BOSSMAN vs. AL SNOW: Not as good as The First Blood match, but definitely the only other watchable match. I can’t believe people pay $30 bucks for pay per views. Maybe a Wrestlemania, but Fully Lame? I don’t think I would pay $10 for a ppv. I seriously can’t believe anyone ever buys any WCW pay per views, even if they’ve got thirty people paying cash for it. Pay per views have never, ever been better than the Monday Night shows. Never. This match was sort’ve funny because it was a hardcore match and they went outside. Bossman wins, he’s the Hardcore Champ. And I thought WCW crowning Fit Finlay the Hardcore champ was idiotic. **1/2
+THE BIG SHOW vs. KANE: Hardcore Holly was reffing this match. Why? So he could help Giant get the win. I like Kane, he’s one of my favorites, but Giant fucking blows. This match was the most boring thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life ever seriously it put me faster asleep than that boring as nigger shit The Negotiator. Hardcore Holly didn’t even do anything funny. Okay, Undertaker came out, but he sucks more than anyone in the WWF…okay Edge is pretty lame. *
+KEN SHAMROCK vs. STEVE BLACKMAN: I had mentioned earlier that WWF recycles all of their storylines. Well not only that, but they copy from WCW every chance they get: The Ric Flair presidency storline (3:16 CEO), the N.W.O. (Corporate Ministry). WCW’s Bash at the Beach had a hardcore junkyard match where they all fought around a circle of cars. This Shamrock/Blackman match was titled, ‘Iron Circle’ match, and they fought in a circle of cars. Not as big as BATB’s match, but an obvious rip-off. Okay match, but the copy factor takes off a lot of the excitement. **
+ROAD DOGG & X-PAC vs. CHYNA & MR. ASS: Why does Mr. Ass have two names? He’s known as The Bad Ass Billy Gunn, and Mr. Ass. Stupid. I hate DX. (side note: these reviews bite because I’m not really into it because it’s about ninety-six degrees in this fucking house and I have to work at Slaveco Grocery tonight) I checked out Woodstock, what a fantastic show. Okay, this match really blew. I hate DX, I’ve always hated DX, every member in DX sucks, has always sucked, always will suck. It was probably the worst idea every created that fans loved. This match was for the rights to DX. What a horrible stipulation, but if you think that’s a bad stipulation, wait until the next match. The good guys obviously win…please, WWF, let DX truly disappear for a long, long, long while. Becase, as they say, DX: suck it. *1/2
+HHH vs. THE ROCK: I used to love The Rock. His Mankind feud over the winter was a truly memorable one. Then he fought Austin and it was sort of exciting. He fought ‘Taker at KOTR and bored the shit out of me. He’s hilarious in his interviews and his two moves are great, but his matches as of late have really sucked. Hopefully his Mankind feud will continue, because it’s really the only thing he’s ever had fun with. This match goes down in history as having the worst stipulation ever created. I’m sure they have used it before- like in the fucking 80’s or some shit. (Side note: I read on the ‘net that Bob Backlund had the WWF Title for 7 years in the 70’s. That must’ve been boring. These days no one keeps the title for more than one ppv it seems). The STRAP stipulation had HHH and the Rock have a leather ten foot strap tied around their wrists. At least the Dog Collar stipulation is more exciting because it’s around their neck. This match was bad, too, so maybe that’s why I hated the stipulation. I hope Rocky gets some new feuds soon and starts to be funny again in the squared circle. Kane would be a great opponent. I love that is-he-human bastard. I hope they have a stipulation coming up where Kane has to take off his mask if he loses, then he’ll lose and have all this gnarled makeup on. That would be wicked. *
+THE UNDERTAKER vs. ‘STONE COLD’ STEVE AUSTIN: I was so bored watching Fully Lame that I tried to figure out the last time that Austin was not in the main event of a pay per view. Survivor Series 1998 had Rock/Mankind main event. Expect that streak to grow and grow, unless Austin injures himself. WWF has their head up their ass in basing most everything around Austin. If he’s injured and has to leave for a month or two WWF is fucking done. They’ve barely gone two Raw weeks without him. I’d love to see Mankind or The Rock or Kane in a main event without Austin. Okay, enough of this stupid meaningless bullshit. What do we want? Blood! When do we want it? Now! I love First Blood matches. They are the third best stipulation, only behind Barbed Wire matches and Ladder matches. I like Ladder matches the best because how many fucking Barbed Wire matches are there? I’ve seen one (Sabu/Terry Funk). First Blood is great because since they’re using fake blood packets, anything can go wrong anytime. I think they had this one under control, though, being that the outcome was massive. Either Vince goes or Austin as Champ goes. Some loser on the ‘net mentioned that Austin was supposed to lose. I don’t buy it, Undertaker’s blood was almost as fake as Austin’s obvious forehead blood pack. It was so fake it was a perfect maroon rectangle easily obscured underneath his bandage. The actual wrestling of this match was beyond bad, but once the match was finished it got really funny. Austin hit Shane with a chair, Austin attempted to shake Vince’s hand, then stunned him twice. Then he bled like a stuck pig as X-Pac and HHH showed up. Austin bleeding like there wasn’t a tomorrow as he held the belt high was a memorable sight. Too bad the ppv itself was not. **1/2 only because of what happened after the match.
Fully Lame is over. Was it good? If you read any of my match thoughts above you’d know that it was a bad ppv, definitely the worst WWF ppv I’ve seen. I’d have to give it *1/2 stars out of ****. Technically it received a 12.4, which is higher than WCW’s GAB which had a low 11.2 which hopefully will forever be the lowest, I’d hate to sit through anything worse. Fully Loaded didn’t exactly have much going for it anyway. I guess the fact that every ppv is going to be a big one as opposed to the big 5 was a fat lie for everyone to order them each month. I predicted a marginal 6 out of 9, which is a 66.6, a solid D. Summerslam is next month and a week earlier, so there’s one less Raw to pump up the HHH/Austin/ref Ventura matchup. I don’t expect much from that matchup. HHH is one of the worst wrestlers going today. Hopefully they’ll pull some good tricks out of a hat for Ventura. Expect Ventura and Austin to chug beers proudly to end the night. The othe rumored match is a Big Show/Kane/’Taker gates of Hell match, which is a stipulation that sounds cool but what exactly is it? Who knows…rumors also say ‘Taker may take some time off to get his leg fixed, and that Jericho won’t show up until probably Semptember…which makes Summerslam to be pretty lame. Who will The Rock face? Hopefully a great opponet. The next pay per view for me is the Black Hills of South Dakota epic, Road Wild, the Sturgis based event, which is Saturday, August the 14th. The main event has Nash facing Hogan, but the real interesting match is Dennis Rodman verse Macho Man. I heard Ted Turner was going to be there. Sounds like a lot of fun. I’ll have my predictions in around 15 days. Until then.
Sunday, July 25, 1999
Sunday, July 11, 1999
WCW’s BASH AT THE BEACH
Sunday, July 11th, 1999 from Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
I was busy in Myrtle Beach with the exclusive famly reunion so I couldn’t write the predictions. Did I have fun? Yes, though I wish I had had a bed and a private restroom. I love the ocean though so that aspect was cool, so was golf with little mike and the pteradactyl, whoa! So, Bash at the Beach is over, and on Nitro we learned that once again Hollywood Hogan is the WCW World Heavyweight Champ. Big deal. Give it to someone who hasn’t had it! The last fucking time Macho Man had it the next night he lost it to Hogan. Talk about a walking talking curse. Bash was okay, nothing special, basic WCW ppv. It was better than GAB but worse than Slamboree. The best thing about this years Bash? The Hardcore Junkyard Invitational. You heard me right, and even though in the match no great wreslting moves or hardcore shit happened, it was a sight to see. WWF eat your heart out. Checked are the matches I predicted correctly, underlined are the true winners.
+DISCO INFERNO vs. THE CAT: Even though this match was pretty lame, the stipulation was pretty funny. Whomever loses can’t dance ever again. The Cat won with the help of his red shoe. The Cat is one of the best WCW personalities, I won’t say wrestler, just personality, give him the mike and he makes Chris Jericho look like Sonny Burns (obscure reference; don’t worry you’re not missing anything, trust me). This match was same old, though, but just because The Cat entertains I’ll slap it with a healthy ** rating.
+RICK ‘DOG’ STEINER vs. VAN HAMMER: I bet Stu had a good time laughing. My picks at WW3 three years ago were Dog, Kevin Sullivan, and Macho Man. Dog is the TV champ and Macho the heavyweight champ (Sunday night anyway). Looks like I picked wisely? Where the hell is Sullivan??? Okay, enough ranting. This match was pretty entertaining…surprisingly. Dog ddt’d Hammer on the outside concrete floor after he removed the mat. It looked like it hurt, actually, the whole match looked like both combatants really hated eachother. The best part of the match was the high energy. Short and sweet. Just tell me this: why is this match on a ppv? **1/2
+DEAN MALENKO vs. DAVID FLAIR: Man I’m betting 3 for 3. Not like these matches so far were hard to pick or anything. This match pitted U.S. Champ Davey Flair versus the man of one-thousand positions, I mean holds, the Iceman, Stinko Malenko. I hate both wrestlers. Flair’s camp at least entertains with Asya, Arn, Ric, and the hot assed Torrie. Lame match, though you can’t put down Flair’s camp, what a great bunch. **
+THE WEST TEXAS REDNECKS vs. THE NO LIMIT SOLDIERS: Don’t give me any shit for this matchup. I picked Swoll to win, because whoever gets the pin gets the win, right? It’s a 4 on 4 matchup, but you have to pin each member of the other team. It went down to the wire; Curt Henig verse Rey Mysterio Jr. and my boy, Swoll. Mysterio pinned Henig, but Swoll was categorized as being the co-winner, meaning I fucking have 4 for 4 under my belt you asshole!!! This was a very hard to pick match, though Mysterio, Konnan, and Henig were the obvious favorites. I picked Swoll because he signed a contract for a year or something, they’d better put him in the spotlight! This match was okay, but definitely high energy, until the end because it went on too long and everyone was tired as shit. **
THE HARDCORE JUNKYARD INVITATIONAL (FIT FINLEY): I picked Hak. That was probably the best pick of the bunch. There were around twenty guys beating the shit out of eachother. Who knew that asshole Fit Finley would win? Fire that a-hole, WCW, he fucking blows. Remember last year they acutally gave that prick the TV Title. Every Nitro he’d show up and bore us to death. Give the TV Title to someone with TV personality like…THE CAT! Dogg is okay I s’pose. This match took place (supposedly) 50 miles outside of Ft. Lauderdale in some junkyard. They had a ring of cars in a circle and a few barrels of fire. Oh yeah, and a hellicopter was helping to film. Some of the wrestlers involved were Brian Knobbs, Hugh Morris, The Public Enemy, Mikey Whipwreck, Steven Regal, and a couple of luchadores. This match was insane, crazy, hilarious, wild. No wrestler did any cool move beside hit people with car bumpers, but just the madness made you glued to your chair entertained as all hell and cracking up like a Nebraska dridiot. What a ppv worthy matchup! The internet speculated that it cost around $100,000 to make this matchup happen. Let me tell you it was worth it. Fit Finley got the win after this happened to him: Hak put him in the trunk of a car. Someone in a forklift started pushing the car towards the crusher. Finley jumped out at the last second as the car went into the crusher and blew up as it was smashed. Finley pushed over a barrel filled with fire which caught fire onto a car which exploded. Finley hopped the fence for the Hardcore Trophy. Holy shit I guess you had to so-called “see it to believe it”. ***
+THE TRIAD vs. SATURN & CHRIS BENOIT: I like the Triad (Kanyon, DDP, Bam Bam), but this Saturn/Benoit team just doesn’t work out. Hopefully Harlem Heat will be back because they’re actually a real tag team, and maybe Scotty Steiner will recover from his back injury to see a Steiner Brothers return. Right now the tag team scene is brutal. It’s more or less…The Triad. WCW and the WWF are guilty of putting two singles partners up as tag teams for a limited time stint. It sucks. I want to see a tag team like the Dudley Boys who stick with it for years. This match was excellent, highly energetic, fun, a great ppv match, but I just wish I could see more tag teams in this division, otherwise, what’s the point (remember when Giant and Lex Luger had the belts and one was good, the other bad? What a disaster) ***
+BUFF BAGWELL vs. ‘ROWDY’ RODDY PIPER: This was a boxing match with ten 3-minute rounds reffed by the legendary Mills Lane. This match was entertaining and humorous but truly WCW-calibur lame. The boxing gloves weren’t even real, these fake looking gigantic couldn’t hurt a fly gloves. The match wasn’t even real, obviously fake. Buff’s mom showed up as his Corner Person. Buff got the win after giving Piper the blockbuster from the top rope. What??? Don’t ask. **
SID & THE MAHCO MAN RANDY SAVAGE vs. KEVIN NASH & STING: You may be asking yourself, how could one man get the win if this is a tag team matchup? All that I know is that how could I be so fucking blind? I chose Nash to retain the belt. I had heard that he would be keeping the belt for awhile, notably until World War 3 or Starrcade where he would lose to Hollywood Hogan. Of course I didn’t think anything of the fact that they changed the stipulation of this match to where whoever pinned Nash would receive the title. I shoud’ve known better than to pick Nash, right? I mean, why would they add this stipulation if Nash would end up winning anyway…it doesn’t make sense, does it? Macho Man won. I don’t like that, I liked Macho Man a year ago, when he beat Sting at Spring Stampede for the belt. He was Da Man. Now he sucks. Hogan won the belt from Savage on Nitro. I’d rather have Nash as the champ, but oh well. This match wasn’t main event worthy. WWF has a thing where there ppv’s suck ass until the main event which is so awesome that it makes you think the whole thing was cool. WCW is the opposite. This main event was okay, but not worthy of a $33 main event. **
Bash at the Beach was basic WCW. It had a few parts that entertained but all in all it wasn’t anything special. The Junkyard Hardcore Invitational was about the only thing that makes this ppv stand out from the others. It was pretty funny stuff. I did a fantastic job at predicting this time around. I failed in the main event category, but that’s good because it surprised me that Macho won. The other match I failed to predict was the Junkyard match. (“Have you ever been in a junkyard match?” Bobby Henan asks Tony Shiavone. “Of course not,” he replies) How could I have picked a winner? There were twenty guys it could have been. So I did correctly predict a decent number of 6 out of 8, which is a 75% and a solid C. That ties my high prediction of WWF’s Backlash. All in all BATB received a rating of 18.5, which is above Spring Stampede’s 18 but lower than Uncensored’s 19.5 Totally BATB recieves a ** rating. The tag team match and the Junkyard match were the highlights. Next month at the annual Sturges, SD based Saturday Night outside ppv, Road Wild, Hogan defends his title against Nash, and Sting faces the menacing Sid. But in a mere 10 days we’ll see who bleeds first at WWF’s Fully Loaded; Austin or Undertaker. Until then.
I was busy in Myrtle Beach with the exclusive famly reunion so I couldn’t write the predictions. Did I have fun? Yes, though I wish I had had a bed and a private restroom. I love the ocean though so that aspect was cool, so was golf with little mike and the pteradactyl, whoa! So, Bash at the Beach is over, and on Nitro we learned that once again Hollywood Hogan is the WCW World Heavyweight Champ. Big deal. Give it to someone who hasn’t had it! The last fucking time Macho Man had it the next night he lost it to Hogan. Talk about a walking talking curse. Bash was okay, nothing special, basic WCW ppv. It was better than GAB but worse than Slamboree. The best thing about this years Bash? The Hardcore Junkyard Invitational. You heard me right, and even though in the match no great wreslting moves or hardcore shit happened, it was a sight to see. WWF eat your heart out. Checked are the matches I predicted correctly, underlined are the true winners.
+DISCO INFERNO vs. THE CAT: Even though this match was pretty lame, the stipulation was pretty funny. Whomever loses can’t dance ever again. The Cat won with the help of his red shoe. The Cat is one of the best WCW personalities, I won’t say wrestler, just personality, give him the mike and he makes Chris Jericho look like Sonny Burns (obscure reference; don’t worry you’re not missing anything, trust me). This match was same old, though, but just because The Cat entertains I’ll slap it with a healthy ** rating.
+RICK ‘DOG’ STEINER vs. VAN HAMMER: I bet Stu had a good time laughing. My picks at WW3 three years ago were Dog, Kevin Sullivan, and Macho Man. Dog is the TV champ and Macho the heavyweight champ (Sunday night anyway). Looks like I picked wisely? Where the hell is Sullivan??? Okay, enough ranting. This match was pretty entertaining…surprisingly. Dog ddt’d Hammer on the outside concrete floor after he removed the mat. It looked like it hurt, actually, the whole match looked like both combatants really hated eachother. The best part of the match was the high energy. Short and sweet. Just tell me this: why is this match on a ppv? **1/2
+DEAN MALENKO vs. DAVID FLAIR: Man I’m betting 3 for 3. Not like these matches so far were hard to pick or anything. This match pitted U.S. Champ Davey Flair versus the man of one-thousand positions, I mean holds, the Iceman, Stinko Malenko. I hate both wrestlers. Flair’s camp at least entertains with Asya, Arn, Ric, and the hot assed Torrie. Lame match, though you can’t put down Flair’s camp, what a great bunch. **
+THE WEST TEXAS REDNECKS vs. THE NO LIMIT SOLDIERS: Don’t give me any shit for this matchup. I picked Swoll to win, because whoever gets the pin gets the win, right? It’s a 4 on 4 matchup, but you have to pin each member of the other team. It went down to the wire; Curt Henig verse Rey Mysterio Jr. and my boy, Swoll. Mysterio pinned Henig, but Swoll was categorized as being the co-winner, meaning I fucking have 4 for 4 under my belt you asshole!!! This was a very hard to pick match, though Mysterio, Konnan, and Henig were the obvious favorites. I picked Swoll because he signed a contract for a year or something, they’d better put him in the spotlight! This match was okay, but definitely high energy, until the end because it went on too long and everyone was tired as shit. **
THE HARDCORE JUNKYARD INVITATIONAL (FIT FINLEY): I picked Hak. That was probably the best pick of the bunch. There were around twenty guys beating the shit out of eachother. Who knew that asshole Fit Finley would win? Fire that a-hole, WCW, he fucking blows. Remember last year they acutally gave that prick the TV Title. Every Nitro he’d show up and bore us to death. Give the TV Title to someone with TV personality like…THE CAT! Dogg is okay I s’pose. This match took place (supposedly) 50 miles outside of Ft. Lauderdale in some junkyard. They had a ring of cars in a circle and a few barrels of fire. Oh yeah, and a hellicopter was helping to film. Some of the wrestlers involved were Brian Knobbs, Hugh Morris, The Public Enemy, Mikey Whipwreck, Steven Regal, and a couple of luchadores. This match was insane, crazy, hilarious, wild. No wrestler did any cool move beside hit people with car bumpers, but just the madness made you glued to your chair entertained as all hell and cracking up like a Nebraska dridiot. What a ppv worthy matchup! The internet speculated that it cost around $100,000 to make this matchup happen. Let me tell you it was worth it. Fit Finley got the win after this happened to him: Hak put him in the trunk of a car. Someone in a forklift started pushing the car towards the crusher. Finley jumped out at the last second as the car went into the crusher and blew up as it was smashed. Finley pushed over a barrel filled with fire which caught fire onto a car which exploded. Finley hopped the fence for the Hardcore Trophy. Holy shit I guess you had to so-called “see it to believe it”. ***
+THE TRIAD vs. SATURN & CHRIS BENOIT: I like the Triad (Kanyon, DDP, Bam Bam), but this Saturn/Benoit team just doesn’t work out. Hopefully Harlem Heat will be back because they’re actually a real tag team, and maybe Scotty Steiner will recover from his back injury to see a Steiner Brothers return. Right now the tag team scene is brutal. It’s more or less…The Triad. WCW and the WWF are guilty of putting two singles partners up as tag teams for a limited time stint. It sucks. I want to see a tag team like the Dudley Boys who stick with it for years. This match was excellent, highly energetic, fun, a great ppv match, but I just wish I could see more tag teams in this division, otherwise, what’s the point (remember when Giant and Lex Luger had the belts and one was good, the other bad? What a disaster) ***
+BUFF BAGWELL vs. ‘ROWDY’ RODDY PIPER: This was a boxing match with ten 3-minute rounds reffed by the legendary Mills Lane. This match was entertaining and humorous but truly WCW-calibur lame. The boxing gloves weren’t even real, these fake looking gigantic couldn’t hurt a fly gloves. The match wasn’t even real, obviously fake. Buff’s mom showed up as his Corner Person. Buff got the win after giving Piper the blockbuster from the top rope. What??? Don’t ask. **
SID & THE MAHCO MAN RANDY SAVAGE vs. KEVIN NASH & STING: You may be asking yourself, how could one man get the win if this is a tag team matchup? All that I know is that how could I be so fucking blind? I chose Nash to retain the belt. I had heard that he would be keeping the belt for awhile, notably until World War 3 or Starrcade where he would lose to Hollywood Hogan. Of course I didn’t think anything of the fact that they changed the stipulation of this match to where whoever pinned Nash would receive the title. I shoud’ve known better than to pick Nash, right? I mean, why would they add this stipulation if Nash would end up winning anyway…it doesn’t make sense, does it? Macho Man won. I don’t like that, I liked Macho Man a year ago, when he beat Sting at Spring Stampede for the belt. He was Da Man. Now he sucks. Hogan won the belt from Savage on Nitro. I’d rather have Nash as the champ, but oh well. This match wasn’t main event worthy. WWF has a thing where there ppv’s suck ass until the main event which is so awesome that it makes you think the whole thing was cool. WCW is the opposite. This main event was okay, but not worthy of a $33 main event. **
Bash at the Beach was basic WCW. It had a few parts that entertained but all in all it wasn’t anything special. The Junkyard Hardcore Invitational was about the only thing that makes this ppv stand out from the others. It was pretty funny stuff. I did a fantastic job at predicting this time around. I failed in the main event category, but that’s good because it surprised me that Macho won. The other match I failed to predict was the Junkyard match. (“Have you ever been in a junkyard match?” Bobby Henan asks Tony Shiavone. “Of course not,” he replies) How could I have picked a winner? There were twenty guys it could have been. So I did correctly predict a decent number of 6 out of 8, which is a 75% and a solid C. That ties my high prediction of WWF’s Backlash. All in all BATB received a rating of 18.5, which is above Spring Stampede’s 18 but lower than Uncensored’s 19.5 Totally BATB recieves a ** rating. The tag team match and the Junkyard match were the highlights. Next month at the annual Sturges, SD based Saturday Night outside ppv, Road Wild, Hogan defends his title against Nash, and Sting faces the menacing Sid. But in a mere 10 days we’ll see who bleeds first at WWF’s Fully Loaded; Austin or Undertaker. Until then.
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