Providence, Rhode Island
Backlash comes my way in exactly 5 days. Am I pumped like a brick shithouse? Since when was a brick shithouse pumped? And whoever came up with the term brick shithouse? I’ve only seen wood. Okay, okay. Sorry. Rambling there. Backlash is an In Your House event, meaning it’s not one of the big 5 (Wrestlemania, King of the Ring, Summerslam, Survivor Series, Royal Rumble) so don’t expect much. The last IYH was of course St. Valentine’s Day Massacre which had a great cage match but that was more or less it. The Rock/Mankind Last Man Standing could have been a little better. The tag team match was good with X-Pac and HHH vs. Kane and Chyna. It was better than most WCW shows I’ve seen, but of cousre IHY’s Rock Bottom in December was pretty bad. The only good match was the Austin/Undertaker burried alive match, and even that was pretty dumb. The card here is okay, and I’m doubting the boiler room brawl is going to be as great as it’s potential. I didn’t see the first one between Undertaker and Mankind at Summerslam ’96 but Mankind has slowed down since his pinnacles at Royal Rumble and King of the Ring. I’ll hopefully be psyched when I’m on the bus home from the big phat apple, until then, here’s my predictions which are in bold typecast:
STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN vs. THE ROCK: Their match at Wrestlemania could have been a lot better, but even at that it was entertaining. Problem? It was the same old, and Austin is better at entertaining than at wrestling. He’s exactly like Goldberg. Goldberg has the spear and jackhammer. Austin has the stunner and beer. I love The Rock. He’s the true champion. Expect Austin to keep the belt until King of the Ring or Summerslam where he’ll probably lose it to Triple H or The Undertaker. This match should at least be entertaining since da man, Shane, is reffing. I love Pete Gas and Rodney, members of the elite Greenwich Posse. They’ll definitely show up, and expect several stunners and at least one rock bottom and people’s elbow. Austin wouldn’t lose the title this fast because The Rock had his 15 minutes, he won’t get it back untill at least the fall.
THE BIG SHOW vs. MANKIND: This is a “boiler room brawl”, meaning they fight in the boiler room. I didn’t see the first ever boiler room brawl, but I’m pretty sure I know what it is. Expect some cool things to be setup, such as a hot water tank to pour steam on somehone, and fake pipes to be showcased as bone breakers. This has a lot of potential, but look whose wrestling here. Mankind is usally great at the ppv’s, but at Wrestlemania he was awful. Since he was awful there don’t expect much here. The Big Show Paul Wight won’t take any big falls either. Two bad wrestlers don’t equal a right. Since Wight was signed for $10 million for 10 years in the WWF don’t expect him to show up and lose to a guy half his size, it wouldn’t exactly help his ten year stay.
AL SNOW vs. HARDCORE HOLLY: When the WWF created a hardcore division they probably searched backstage for all the jobbers with a last name starting with H. I’m sure Holly was the only one. Why? So they can tack on Hardcore to the name. Bob Holly was a nobody three months ago. Now he’s a…Hardcore Champion. Oh well, it’s better than nothing. And he did win in the opening bout at Wrestlemania, that has to be pretty cool. Anyway, I picked Al Snow at Wrestlemania and he failed me, but I guarantee he’ll win here, since he hasn’t had the belt yet and no one really likes Holly except me and Stu. This should be an above average match with the hardcore element.
TRIPLE H vs. X-PAC: HHH is guaranteed a win. Why? You know the corporation is going to interfere to get the win, and Triple H is rumored to be getting the belt this year, so losing to Syx wouldn’t help his credibility. Expect a lousy match, since these two stars aren’t exaclty what I call watchable, but at least the interference by Chyna will cap off a rather bad matchup.
THE GODFATHER vs. GOLDDUST: This match is more or less a toss up as to who will win, but since da pimp just won the title I doubt he’ll lose it. Titles become useless when they exchange hands too much. (WCW: watch yourself with this rule. Sure, Goldberg did have the belt from June to December ’98, but at back to back ppv’s the belt changed (Uncensored: Ric Flair got it then lost it to DDP at Spring Stampede and it’s highly rumored that Nash will win it at Slamboree) hands) The Godfather is a horrible wrestler but a great showman, which pretty much defines the WWF. Bad wrestlers, great showmen. Golddust is really dumb, I’m surprised WWF has kept him this long, no one gives a shit about him and never will. Godfather is crowd friendly so there you go. Expect a truly horrible matchup, though with it being a ppv maybe the ho’s will do something elaborate.
THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS vs. JJ & OWEN HART: This tag team matchup will determine who the number one contender will be. Obviously Jeff Jarrett and Owen Hart won’t win, they had the titles for a short while and tarnished the already horribly tarnished belts. This match should really suck, showing that I hate both teams. The more I write these the more I’m realizing I hate a good majority of WWF wrestlers. Here’s hoping Backlash changes my mind and kicks more ass than Wrestlemania.
THE UNDERTAKER vs. KEN SHAMROCK: I really thought something big with the Ministry and McMahon’s daughter was going to happen at Wrestlemania…but it didn’t. They’ve dragged this shit out long enough. At least turn Ryan Shamrock into a Ministry slave or something. I hope this match doesn’t suck as much as the hell in the cell did last month. God that was awful. And to think, Big Bossman was hung and is still wrestles. Unbelievable. This match has potential, and should entertain. I hope they do something cool because otherwise this match could travel staright into Dullsville.
THE BROOD vs. THE ACOLYTES & MIDIAN: I don’t even know if this match is happening, but who cares I heard it was. The Brood at least has a cool opening. The Acolytes and Midian suck. This match probably will blow. The Brood should win, though.
Well Backlash is over and done with and Raw let us know that Stephanie McMahon is once again safe and The Rock is out of the corporation and now a fan favorite. Why couldn’t they have kicked The Rock out of the corporation at Backlash? It would have made up a lot of steam for a rather dull night. Granted, the boiler room brawl and the main event were great, the rest was horrible. Truly, badly horrible. The WWF and WCW really put on better shows Monday Night than they do on Sunday, which is ridiculous because people pay thirty big ones. If I had paid $30 for Backlash I’d want answers. Anyway, here’s my thoughts on each of the matches, with the winners underlined and my correct predictions +ed.
THE BROOD vs. MIDIAN & THE ACOLYTES: I missed Sunday Night Heat, but apparently after that hour the audience didn’t give two shits about this horrible matchup. I swear to God, the Providence Civic Center was bone quiet during this match. With good reason I may add. The only reason I can gather that The Brood lost was because if the Ministry dudes had been defeated than The Undertaker would have had to have an elaborate punishment on Raw or something and McMahon knows those don’t exactly draw ratings. This match was really, really, really boring. Raw has 36 minutes of wrestling. PPV’s have around 150. That’s the biggest reason I can see as to why Backlash fell flat. *
+AL SNOW vs. HARDCORE HOLLY: This hardcore match didn’t have much impact when comparing it to the destructive Boiler Room Brawl later in the broadcast. You could obviously tell they only had 8 matches as opposed to the 10 for Wrestlemania, so a few matches had to fill more time than usual. This match was long but at least entertaining. They went outside and it was more or less the same shit but better than the Wrestlemania hardcore match which didn’t even leave ring side. Al Snow won the belt, so either await a rematch at Over the Edge or forget about ever seeing Hardcore Holly again. **1/2
+THE GODFATHER vs. GOLDDUST: I didn’t expect much and I didn’t receive much. This match was more or less Raw or Sunday Night Heat calibur. Nothing special for the ppv. It’s okay for me because Backlash was more or less free, but don’t they realize people are paying $30 bucks for this shit, you’d better make it much better than what you clowns show on Monday Night (last nights Nitro doesn’t count, it was an obvious attempt to destroy Raw, and it should’ve worked because that Nitro was better than any ppv I’ve seen so far this year ). Godfather wins obviously. He’ll have the title for awhile I’m guessing. It’s really okay that he can’t wrestle because everyone is looking at his ho’s anyway. Last night on Raw JR cracked me up when he mentioned Owen Hart was taking Deborah away from the ring and The Godfather, “Hart is taking her to ho-less ground.” The best line in a long, long, long, looooong time. Too bad it wasn’t on Backlash. *1/2
+THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS vs. JEFF JARRETT & OWEN HART: This match I knew would blow, and it did. Of course The New Age Outlaws win and become the number one contenders. Deborah came out sporting a great outfit, but other than that the match was pretty bad forgettable. *
PAUL “THE BIG SHOW” WIGHT vs. MANKIND: About on par with the main event, and definitely ppv worthy, this match blew my expectations out of the water. Why you say? Well I had pretty low expectations for this match. Remember their match at Wrestlemania? That was the worst. Mankind took another beating this time around, and it seems the more he gets beat up the better the match. I could go so far as to call this a classic. The best part was when Giant chokeslammed Mankind through two tables covered with glass windows. Wow. Great ending with the bloody and battered crawling Mankind winning only to be attacked. ***
+X-PAC vs. TRIPLE H: This “revenge” match was pretty dull. The more and more I think about it the more and more I hate the majority of WWF wrestlers. I like Mankind, The Rock, Shane, and Austin is okay. The rest suck, though. This match was basic. Nothing exciting until the lights dimmed and Kane came out. I got excited then but the rest was boring and lifeless. **
+THE UNDERTAKER vs. KEN SHAMROCK: For all that The Undertaker does on Raw and Sunday Night Heat, he’ll show up and bore you to death in the ring at the ppv’s. Okay, his finishing move is killer, but last night on Nitro Sting and DDP exchanged tombstones several times. I guess you had to see it to believe it, but that’s just the fucking point. You didn’t have to see most of Backlash’s matches. They all sucked except for the exceptional two. Maybe if Nitro had sucked last night I would have praised WWF, but Backlash was really disappointing. This match could have been better. Ken’s sis, Ryan, didn’t even show up. *
+THE ROCK vs. STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN: This is the last time you’ll see the “corporate” Rock. Now he’s back to being the people’s hero. This match was better than the one at Wrestlemania only because Vince knocked out Shane with the Smokin’ Skull belt. Both matches were more or less exactly the same, only difference is we didn’t see a corporate elbow, that would have made this match awesome. Another classic move was when The Rock grabbed the video camera and gave Austin the finger while filming him, then Austin gave him a stunner on the announce table while he was holding the camera. You had to see it to believe it. Great finale to a rather bland night in the WWF. ***
There you go. WWF’s Backlash is history, without really any major happenings. They waited for RAW to showcase most of the happenings, but the Undertaker’s abduction of Stephanie was a rather cool end cap. I predicted 6 out of 8 mathes correctly. Nobody figured The Brood would lose, but I guess I’m a moron for figuring Mankind would lose. Giant is going to have a hard road through the WWF. Yeah he’s big, but he sucks. He’s lost two big profile matches already. 6 out of 8 is 75%, a C. That’s my record so far, Backlash truly didn’t surprise many I gather, or I’m just a genius. Totally I’ll give Backlash ** because really it only had two watchable matches, though they were great matches. Over the Edge supposedly will feature The Undertaker, who he faces is a mystery, but it could be Austin. Apparently it’s confirmed that The Big Show and Austin will lock horns at King of the Ring, but as for OTE we’ll just have to wait.
Sunday, April 25, 1999
Sunday, April 11, 1999
WCW’s SPRING STAMPEDE
Tacoma, Washington
I had mentioned previously that Spring Stampede probably won’t be any better than Uncensored, which rose above the pack somewhat because of the humorous stipulations and the triple threat ECW matchup. Surprisingly, Spring Stampede has a GREAT card. Is it as good as Uncensored’s? Yes! That card had the triple threat matchup and the cage match, which we all now know turned out to be…er, less than great. This time we’ve got four, count ‘em, FOUR, killer matchups: The Four Way Dance, Hak and Bam Bam, The Horsemen vs. The New Flock, and Goldberg takes revenge on Nash. Wow. These matches really should not disappoint, unless Hogan wins the belt again, which at least wouldn’t be as bad as Ric Flair retaining it. I’d love to see Sting take it, or even DDP though if he wins than how many times did he suck Bischoff’s cock? Anyways, heres my awesome predictions, which I really sucked at last time around (Wrestlemania) so hopefully we’ll get a B or even an A. Here goes somethin’:
MICKEY WHIPWRECK vs. SCOTTY RIGGS: Talk about being a “filler” match and a half. This is the sort of match seen on WCW Saturday Night. I like Whipwreck (former ECW star) and Riggs lives up the street, but he’s not in the flock anymore. Where has Riggs been? I haven’t seen the dude in months. I wonder if he’ll still have that patch over his eye. This match has potential because Whipwreck at least tries. I’ll take Riggs on this one, though, because he’s a big dude and losing to this street punk won’t help his pseudo “return” any.
DISCO INFERNO vs. KONANN: Disco Inferno is hilarious, and he’s proven this time and time again ever since the bookers gave him a mild push and let him run with the ‘Pac. Konann I’ve never liked. I could stand him when he was in the ring with Nash, Luger, and Sting, but now, well, no way Jose. Here’s hoping Disco wins with a screwjob ending to make the night a little unpredictable.
JUVENTUD GUERRERA vs. BLITZKREIG: Are you fucking kidding me? And I said SS had a good card. Juvenjuice is a high flying wrestler but this is a ppv, we want stars…stars goddammit! And who is this Blitzkreig dude, I think he was on Thunder yesterday facing Super Calo. I don’t really enjoy these Luchadores, though Eddie Guerrera is a good wrestler and that L.W.O. “party” was one of the funnier Nitro bits. I’ll take Guerrera on this one because Blitzwho?Kreig sucks.
HAK vs. BAM BAM BIGELOW: This match has a lot (we’re talkin’ lot) of potential, but of course it could go either way. Hak was kind’ve boring against Whipwreck on Thunder last night, so maybe this match won’t be any good, on the other hand this is a ppv, expect tables, chairs, Chastity, and that kendo stick to figure prominently into the match. I hope this is a worthy of ECW classic with blood and everything. Hell, a guy can wish right? Hak won last month so I’ll take the Beast from the East.
RAVEN & SATURN vs. DEAN MALENKO & CHRIS BENOIT: Raven is my favorite WCW wrestler, and with Saturn they form the best tag team since The Outsiders. When the New Flock fought Mysterio and Kidman on Monday’s Nitro for the belts it was one of the best fights in WCW history. It was awesome, baby! The energy was so high and the moves so destructive. Wow. Dean Malenko blows but Chris Benoit is a high energy dude, expect this match to be a doozy, one of the best of the night if not the best. Of course being that no belts are at stake, expect the New Flock to take the win.
KIDMAN vs. REY MYSTERIO JR.: Kidman and Mysterio are a great tag team, so fighting solo should still turn out to be pretty cool. Expect Mysterio to win because he just won the Cruiserweight title from Kidman and Kidman had it for six months or something ridiculous. This should be one of the better matches, clean cut with no screwjob endings. Expect their high flying maneuvers to be a tad higher for the ppv.
KEVIN NASH vs. GOLDBERG: This is going to be a great match. Remember when the two fought at Starcade? That was a decent match, but this one should be better. Although Nash hasn’t been the best wrestler as of late, Goldberg and him should provide enough star power to make it look like it’s fucking awesome. I really hope Scott Hall makes an appearance but don’t bet on it. I’m going to have to take Goldberg on this one, I really think Sting is the only one who can beat him without cheating. I doubt Nash would win by cheating, that was already done at Starcade. This should be a knockdown, drag out slugfest though. Expect a spear and powerbomb. Trust me on this one, sweet prince.
BOOKER T. vs. SCOTT STEINER: This is for the U.S. Title. Can we say Bore-A-Thon 90000? Yes we can. Booker T is a high flying, great, entertaining wrestler. I can’t say the same thing for Scotty Steiner. He’s good at the mike and with Buff, but now that Buff is gone, well…his wrestling is boring. I’m sorry but it is. If Buff or Jericho interfere somehow than maybe…maybe this match could be decent, but I’m guessing it could turn out to be worst of the night. At least Barry Windham and Roddy Piper aren’t fighting eachother in a wheelchair match. Alas, doesn’t Booker T have the TV Title? So it’s obvious Steiner will win.
HOLLYWOOD HOGAN vs. RIC FLAIR vs. DDP vs. STING: With Macho Man as the special guest referee, you’ve got the best main event at least since Starcade. I don’t know what part Macho will play in this, but I really expect Sting to win. I can honestly picture Hogan winning, but he just had the belt, don’t ruin it. Ric Flair wouldn’t retain it because no fan likes him bad or good with the belt, and DDP isn’t really that popular to get the big belt. Sting, on the other hand, shows up out of the blue. I’m guessing Sting will get it with the help of Macho. Or it could be Hogan with the help of Macho. Or Macho could get the belt, which wouldn’t exactly work out. Still, on Monday the fatal four way between Hogan, Flair, Goldberg, and DDP was pretty good, this one should last a half hour and be awesome. I’m guessing it won’t be as good as I’m expecting, but with Macho back I’m happy enough. Here’s hoping it’s a great PPV!!
Well Monday Nitro comes my way from the big far away state of Washington in less than two hours time. I watched the Encore of Spring Stampede because I saw Shakespeare in Love. Best Picture? I don’t think so. Best part about it were Ben Affleck and Gwyneth Paltrow’s breasts. She only won because she’s hot, trust me. So was SS any good? The same old shit, about on calibur with Superbrawl, though at least SS had the best WCW ppv match in a long, long, long, looooong, loooooooong, loooooooong time. Hak vs. Bam Bam Bigelow redefined WCW as the hardcore king. This match was fucking awesome. Too bad I can’t say that for any other match. The fatal four way dance was just okay. Hogan leaving was a surprise, and DDP taking the win was a great move. The more I think about it the more I like it. Why give it to the others…been there, done that. DDP I like, though. His move is awesome. Don’t expect him to hold it for long. Rumors circulating say he’ll lose it to Nash at Slamboree May 9th. The matches I predicted are + checked and winners underlined.
+BLITZKRIEG vs. JUVENTUD GUERRERA: This match was Thunder or even Saturday Night calibur, but I guess they have to put these nobodies on the ppv to fill up time. I’m still surprised that Halloween Havoc went over three hours. How many fucking matches did they have on that? I’ll tell you they weren’t very memorable. This match was basic Luchadore action. The top rope juvi-driver was cool, but nothing like Bam Bam’s Greetings From Asbury Park on Hak from the top rope through a table. Both moves are the same and Juvenjuice’s assault looks wimpy compared to the hardcore style. This match was entertaining, but nothing cool happened. Basic, a few good moves, easily forgettable. **1/2 (out of ****)
+HAK vs. BAM BAM BIGELOW: Last month at Uncensored the three ECW stars assembled in a harcore no-holds-barred match that I predicted to be awesome. It was good, but nothing like this matchup. Hak is now my favorite wrestler, besting Raven. ECW style minus the blood, this had it all. It started out with Hak laying Bam Bam on a table near the SS set which included hay and a Western-style Carriage minus the horses. Hak climbed on top of the carriage, jumped, flipped in mid-air landing on Bam Bam and the table. Holy shit this jump started SS like a wildfire. I had visions of this being the greatest PPV in history! Fuck WWF I said during this matchup! They get to the ring, and it sort of plays out like last month’s triple threat match, but Hak knew it was a ppv and he proved himself. He pulled a full size ladder (not that wimpy small fake steel one Goldberg and Scott Hall used at Souled Out) out from under the ring and I knew this was it. He also laid a table from the ring to the audience guardrail ECW-style. Hak really had the shit beat out of him during this matchup. Bam Bam sprayed Chastity (who was wearing sexy thigh highs) and did his move through a table from the top rope on Hak. The best match I’ve seen in years. The only thing that Hak could have done was wrap the barb wire around himself and jump on Bam Bam through a table. And they could have had blood, but I understand WCW. ***1/2
+SCOTTY RIGGS vs. MIKEY WHIPWRECK: After Hak and Bam Bam delivered the reasons I watch wrestling, this borefest showed up. Did anyone expect any less? At least Juvenjuice and Blitzkrieg jumped around. Riggs sucks now that the flock is over. He has a cheap new gimmick that Lex Luger used years ago in the WWF. Riggs walks to the ring with a mirror, he thinks he’s the best looking man in wrestling. Whipwreck just doesn’t have a gimmick period. He’s just a wrestler. He’s only wrestled like three times or something ridiculous. This match was horrible. The crowd said it best when the chanted BORING! for a good minute. –NO STARS-
DISCO INFERNO vs. KONANN: I didn’t expect much from this match and I didn’t get anything out of it. Disco didn’t even do anything funny expect show up in that outfit. Konann did Stone Cold’s move on Disco which is actually Disco’s own move. Wow. *
+KIDMAN vs. REY MYSTERIO JR.: The reasons WCW booked this match was because they knew these two will always put on a good show. Problem this time around is the fact that it’s getting old. These two just fought two weeks ago or something. And thing is, that match was the exact same as this. Wow, Kidman suffers from two bulldogs off of the top rope instead of one. Still, these two do entertain, I just wished WCW would have something different for a change. DDP winning definitely was a change. This wasn’t. **1/2
RAVEN & SATURN vs. DEAN MALENKO & CHRIS BENOIT: They really should have made the Hak/Bam Bam match the main event. Because after that match I had such high expectations for this ppv and they were all shattered. This match had potential because Raven and Saturn are a great tag team, they had one of the better matches in WCW history last Nitro when they lost to Mysterio and Kidman. This match was above average, but nothing special enough to give it oomph. I liked Benoit’s real blood at the end when he was leaving, but when the best part of a match has nothing to do with the match itself then maybe there’s something awry. **1/2
+BIG POPPA PUMP vs. BOOKET T.: Booker T. already has the goddamn TV Title, who in their right mind figured he’d win the U.S. belt too? Apparently no one. Scott Steiner really needs his old partner back, he’s an awful wrestler solo. Meaning he’s boring. Booker T. doesn’t do anything for me. Not sexually, asshole. He doesn’t entertain me, much. I think Stevie Ray’s funny at least. Without Buff, Steiner is drowning. *
+GOLDBERG vs. KEVIN NASH: Maybe it’s me, but Goldberg just isn’t as exciting as he once was. When he used to spear people it meant something. Now he’s sort’ve getting old. He’s getting better at the mic which is good but he still needs to work on his wrestling. It seems like he uses the same moves: kick to the face, spear, jackhammer, etc. etc. etc. He doesn’t get on the top rope. And Nash didn’t exactly help. He really should have powerbombed him and Goldberg would only get a 2 count. Starcade match was much better. **1/2
HOLLYWOOD HOGAN vs. RIC FLAIR vs. DDP vs. STING: I think everyone in the world believed that either Hogan or Sting would get the belt. When Hogan left after his knee injury I knew Sting would leave with the belt. He’s so damn popular. Ric Flair isn’t going to retain the belt. No one likes him good or bad. DDP? Last time he was on a ppv he got his ass kicked by Big Poppa Pump. He’s not heavyweight material, is he? Apparently so. Rumors were flying that the WCW wrestlers in general were mad that Sting was gone for so long he shouldn’t be allowed to just show up and the next week he gets to be champ. So DDP (a WCW booker) gets to be the WCW Heavyweight Champion for the first time. At first I was like, “Him?”, but after a nice sleep I think it’s a great decision. Why give it to Sting…again. Ric Flair’s been the champ for long enough. So has Hogan. DDP is a great champ. I really hope he doesn’t lose it to Nash next month at Slamboree. I really hopes he keeps it at least until The Great American Bash or Bash at the Beach. The belt was just changed the past two ppvs, WCW isn’t that desperate for ratings are they? This match could have been a lot better, but the two surprises were good ppv tools (Hogan’s injury, DDP’s win). This is great fuel for Nitro. **1/2
All in all SS could have been much, much, much better. Of course I’ve been saying this since I’ve gotten the box. I even thought Wrestlemania could have been better. Maybe I have unrealistic expectations. The Hak/Bam Bam match elevated this ppv but all in all I’ll settle for **. In my predictions, I guessed 6 out of 9, which is a 66 and a D. It’s what I predicted at Uncensored. At Backlash I will predict 100% guaranteed, or not. See for yourself in a lucky 13 days.
I had mentioned previously that Spring Stampede probably won’t be any better than Uncensored, which rose above the pack somewhat because of the humorous stipulations and the triple threat ECW matchup. Surprisingly, Spring Stampede has a GREAT card. Is it as good as Uncensored’s? Yes! That card had the triple threat matchup and the cage match, which we all now know turned out to be…er, less than great. This time we’ve got four, count ‘em, FOUR, killer matchups: The Four Way Dance, Hak and Bam Bam, The Horsemen vs. The New Flock, and Goldberg takes revenge on Nash. Wow. These matches really should not disappoint, unless Hogan wins the belt again, which at least wouldn’t be as bad as Ric Flair retaining it. I’d love to see Sting take it, or even DDP though if he wins than how many times did he suck Bischoff’s cock? Anyways, heres my awesome predictions, which I really sucked at last time around (Wrestlemania) so hopefully we’ll get a B or even an A. Here goes somethin’:
MICKEY WHIPWRECK vs. SCOTTY RIGGS: Talk about being a “filler” match and a half. This is the sort of match seen on WCW Saturday Night. I like Whipwreck (former ECW star) and Riggs lives up the street, but he’s not in the flock anymore. Where has Riggs been? I haven’t seen the dude in months. I wonder if he’ll still have that patch over his eye. This match has potential because Whipwreck at least tries. I’ll take Riggs on this one, though, because he’s a big dude and losing to this street punk won’t help his pseudo “return” any.
DISCO INFERNO vs. KONANN: Disco Inferno is hilarious, and he’s proven this time and time again ever since the bookers gave him a mild push and let him run with the ‘Pac. Konann I’ve never liked. I could stand him when he was in the ring with Nash, Luger, and Sting, but now, well, no way Jose. Here’s hoping Disco wins with a screwjob ending to make the night a little unpredictable.
JUVENTUD GUERRERA vs. BLITZKREIG: Are you fucking kidding me? And I said SS had a good card. Juvenjuice is a high flying wrestler but this is a ppv, we want stars…stars goddammit! And who is this Blitzkreig dude, I think he was on Thunder yesterday facing Super Calo. I don’t really enjoy these Luchadores, though Eddie Guerrera is a good wrestler and that L.W.O. “party” was one of the funnier Nitro bits. I’ll take Guerrera on this one because Blitzwho?Kreig sucks.
HAK vs. BAM BAM BIGELOW: This match has a lot (we’re talkin’ lot) of potential, but of course it could go either way. Hak was kind’ve boring against Whipwreck on Thunder last night, so maybe this match won’t be any good, on the other hand this is a ppv, expect tables, chairs, Chastity, and that kendo stick to figure prominently into the match. I hope this is a worthy of ECW classic with blood and everything. Hell, a guy can wish right? Hak won last month so I’ll take the Beast from the East.
RAVEN & SATURN vs. DEAN MALENKO & CHRIS BENOIT: Raven is my favorite WCW wrestler, and with Saturn they form the best tag team since The Outsiders. When the New Flock fought Mysterio and Kidman on Monday’s Nitro for the belts it was one of the best fights in WCW history. It was awesome, baby! The energy was so high and the moves so destructive. Wow. Dean Malenko blows but Chris Benoit is a high energy dude, expect this match to be a doozy, one of the best of the night if not the best. Of course being that no belts are at stake, expect the New Flock to take the win.
KIDMAN vs. REY MYSTERIO JR.: Kidman and Mysterio are a great tag team, so fighting solo should still turn out to be pretty cool. Expect Mysterio to win because he just won the Cruiserweight title from Kidman and Kidman had it for six months or something ridiculous. This should be one of the better matches, clean cut with no screwjob endings. Expect their high flying maneuvers to be a tad higher for the ppv.
KEVIN NASH vs. GOLDBERG: This is going to be a great match. Remember when the two fought at Starcade? That was a decent match, but this one should be better. Although Nash hasn’t been the best wrestler as of late, Goldberg and him should provide enough star power to make it look like it’s fucking awesome. I really hope Scott Hall makes an appearance but don’t bet on it. I’m going to have to take Goldberg on this one, I really think Sting is the only one who can beat him without cheating. I doubt Nash would win by cheating, that was already done at Starcade. This should be a knockdown, drag out slugfest though. Expect a spear and powerbomb. Trust me on this one, sweet prince.
BOOKER T. vs. SCOTT STEINER: This is for the U.S. Title. Can we say Bore-A-Thon 90000? Yes we can. Booker T is a high flying, great, entertaining wrestler. I can’t say the same thing for Scotty Steiner. He’s good at the mike and with Buff, but now that Buff is gone, well…his wrestling is boring. I’m sorry but it is. If Buff or Jericho interfere somehow than maybe…maybe this match could be decent, but I’m guessing it could turn out to be worst of the night. At least Barry Windham and Roddy Piper aren’t fighting eachother in a wheelchair match. Alas, doesn’t Booker T have the TV Title? So it’s obvious Steiner will win.
HOLLYWOOD HOGAN vs. RIC FLAIR vs. DDP vs. STING: With Macho Man as the special guest referee, you’ve got the best main event at least since Starcade. I don’t know what part Macho will play in this, but I really expect Sting to win. I can honestly picture Hogan winning, but he just had the belt, don’t ruin it. Ric Flair wouldn’t retain it because no fan likes him bad or good with the belt, and DDP isn’t really that popular to get the big belt. Sting, on the other hand, shows up out of the blue. I’m guessing Sting will get it with the help of Macho. Or it could be Hogan with the help of Macho. Or Macho could get the belt, which wouldn’t exactly work out. Still, on Monday the fatal four way between Hogan, Flair, Goldberg, and DDP was pretty good, this one should last a half hour and be awesome. I’m guessing it won’t be as good as I’m expecting, but with Macho back I’m happy enough. Here’s hoping it’s a great PPV!!
Well Monday Nitro comes my way from the big far away state of Washington in less than two hours time. I watched the Encore of Spring Stampede because I saw Shakespeare in Love. Best Picture? I don’t think so. Best part about it were Ben Affleck and Gwyneth Paltrow’s breasts. She only won because she’s hot, trust me. So was SS any good? The same old shit, about on calibur with Superbrawl, though at least SS had the best WCW ppv match in a long, long, long, looooong, loooooooong, loooooooong time. Hak vs. Bam Bam Bigelow redefined WCW as the hardcore king. This match was fucking awesome. Too bad I can’t say that for any other match. The fatal four way dance was just okay. Hogan leaving was a surprise, and DDP taking the win was a great move. The more I think about it the more I like it. Why give it to the others…been there, done that. DDP I like, though. His move is awesome. Don’t expect him to hold it for long. Rumors circulating say he’ll lose it to Nash at Slamboree May 9th. The matches I predicted are + checked and winners underlined.
+BLITZKRIEG vs. JUVENTUD GUERRERA: This match was Thunder or even Saturday Night calibur, but I guess they have to put these nobodies on the ppv to fill up time. I’m still surprised that Halloween Havoc went over three hours. How many fucking matches did they have on that? I’ll tell you they weren’t very memorable. This match was basic Luchadore action. The top rope juvi-driver was cool, but nothing like Bam Bam’s Greetings From Asbury Park on Hak from the top rope through a table. Both moves are the same and Juvenjuice’s assault looks wimpy compared to the hardcore style. This match was entertaining, but nothing cool happened. Basic, a few good moves, easily forgettable. **1/2 (out of ****)
+HAK vs. BAM BAM BIGELOW: Last month at Uncensored the three ECW stars assembled in a harcore no-holds-barred match that I predicted to be awesome. It was good, but nothing like this matchup. Hak is now my favorite wrestler, besting Raven. ECW style minus the blood, this had it all. It started out with Hak laying Bam Bam on a table near the SS set which included hay and a Western-style Carriage minus the horses. Hak climbed on top of the carriage, jumped, flipped in mid-air landing on Bam Bam and the table. Holy shit this jump started SS like a wildfire. I had visions of this being the greatest PPV in history! Fuck WWF I said during this matchup! They get to the ring, and it sort of plays out like last month’s triple threat match, but Hak knew it was a ppv and he proved himself. He pulled a full size ladder (not that wimpy small fake steel one Goldberg and Scott Hall used at Souled Out) out from under the ring and I knew this was it. He also laid a table from the ring to the audience guardrail ECW-style. Hak really had the shit beat out of him during this matchup. Bam Bam sprayed Chastity (who was wearing sexy thigh highs) and did his move through a table from the top rope on Hak. The best match I’ve seen in years. The only thing that Hak could have done was wrap the barb wire around himself and jump on Bam Bam through a table. And they could have had blood, but I understand WCW. ***1/2
+SCOTTY RIGGS vs. MIKEY WHIPWRECK: After Hak and Bam Bam delivered the reasons I watch wrestling, this borefest showed up. Did anyone expect any less? At least Juvenjuice and Blitzkrieg jumped around. Riggs sucks now that the flock is over. He has a cheap new gimmick that Lex Luger used years ago in the WWF. Riggs walks to the ring with a mirror, he thinks he’s the best looking man in wrestling. Whipwreck just doesn’t have a gimmick period. He’s just a wrestler. He’s only wrestled like three times or something ridiculous. This match was horrible. The crowd said it best when the chanted BORING! for a good minute. –NO STARS-
DISCO INFERNO vs. KONANN: I didn’t expect much from this match and I didn’t get anything out of it. Disco didn’t even do anything funny expect show up in that outfit. Konann did Stone Cold’s move on Disco which is actually Disco’s own move. Wow. *
+KIDMAN vs. REY MYSTERIO JR.: The reasons WCW booked this match was because they knew these two will always put on a good show. Problem this time around is the fact that it’s getting old. These two just fought two weeks ago or something. And thing is, that match was the exact same as this. Wow, Kidman suffers from two bulldogs off of the top rope instead of one. Still, these two do entertain, I just wished WCW would have something different for a change. DDP winning definitely was a change. This wasn’t. **1/2
RAVEN & SATURN vs. DEAN MALENKO & CHRIS BENOIT: They really should have made the Hak/Bam Bam match the main event. Because after that match I had such high expectations for this ppv and they were all shattered. This match had potential because Raven and Saturn are a great tag team, they had one of the better matches in WCW history last Nitro when they lost to Mysterio and Kidman. This match was above average, but nothing special enough to give it oomph. I liked Benoit’s real blood at the end when he was leaving, but when the best part of a match has nothing to do with the match itself then maybe there’s something awry. **1/2
+BIG POPPA PUMP vs. BOOKET T.: Booker T. already has the goddamn TV Title, who in their right mind figured he’d win the U.S. belt too? Apparently no one. Scott Steiner really needs his old partner back, he’s an awful wrestler solo. Meaning he’s boring. Booker T. doesn’t do anything for me. Not sexually, asshole. He doesn’t entertain me, much. I think Stevie Ray’s funny at least. Without Buff, Steiner is drowning. *
+GOLDBERG vs. KEVIN NASH: Maybe it’s me, but Goldberg just isn’t as exciting as he once was. When he used to spear people it meant something. Now he’s sort’ve getting old. He’s getting better at the mic which is good but he still needs to work on his wrestling. It seems like he uses the same moves: kick to the face, spear, jackhammer, etc. etc. etc. He doesn’t get on the top rope. And Nash didn’t exactly help. He really should have powerbombed him and Goldberg would only get a 2 count. Starcade match was much better. **1/2
HOLLYWOOD HOGAN vs. RIC FLAIR vs. DDP vs. STING: I think everyone in the world believed that either Hogan or Sting would get the belt. When Hogan left after his knee injury I knew Sting would leave with the belt. He’s so damn popular. Ric Flair isn’t going to retain the belt. No one likes him good or bad. DDP? Last time he was on a ppv he got his ass kicked by Big Poppa Pump. He’s not heavyweight material, is he? Apparently so. Rumors were flying that the WCW wrestlers in general were mad that Sting was gone for so long he shouldn’t be allowed to just show up and the next week he gets to be champ. So DDP (a WCW booker) gets to be the WCW Heavyweight Champion for the first time. At first I was like, “Him?”, but after a nice sleep I think it’s a great decision. Why give it to Sting…again. Ric Flair’s been the champ for long enough. So has Hogan. DDP is a great champ. I really hope he doesn’t lose it to Nash next month at Slamboree. I really hopes he keeps it at least until The Great American Bash or Bash at the Beach. The belt was just changed the past two ppvs, WCW isn’t that desperate for ratings are they? This match could have been a lot better, but the two surprises were good ppv tools (Hogan’s injury, DDP’s win). This is great fuel for Nitro. **1/2
All in all SS could have been much, much, much better. Of course I’ve been saying this since I’ve gotten the box. I even thought Wrestlemania could have been better. Maybe I have unrealistic expectations. The Hak/Bam Bam match elevated this ppv but all in all I’ll settle for **. In my predictions, I guessed 6 out of 9, which is a 66 and a D. It’s what I predicted at Uncensored. At Backlash I will predict 100% guaranteed, or not. See for yourself in a lucky 13 days.
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