WWE TLC

Sunday, December 18th, 2011, from Baltimore

DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. ZACK RIDER: So Rider won the U.S. title here. If you think Cena sucks then you either really hate Rider or you're just oblivious to the fact that Rider is, more or less, a Cena clone (he's colorful both literally and figuratively, he has lame, kiddie catchphrases and he's a total face). Like Cena, he's not very versatile in the ring. He is energetic, but seeing him in the ring on Monday Night RAW alongside Daniel Bryan and CM Punk just made him look even more goofy and terrible than he probably is. His character type is mostly what's always been wrong with pro wrestling. And I like Ziggler a lot but even he couldn't get a good match out of this clown. The burning question is: can anyone? *1/2

KOFI KINGSTON & EVAN BOURNE vs. EPICO & PRIMO: I watch RAW, every ppv, and most Smackdown! episodes...yet I don't even know who Epico and Primo are. That doesn't make sense, does it? I suppose it's good that there are at least actual tag teams in the tag team division. As for the match? Basic. **

RANDY ORTON vs. WADE BARRETT "TABLES MATCH": Not bad, actually. Although Barrett is a totally dry character. **

BETH PHOENIX vs. KELLY KELLY: Not good. 1/2*

HHH vs. KEVIN NASH "SLEDGEHAMMER LADDER MATCH": This was epically slow. And is this a leftover idea of Vince Russo's? Sledge hammer on a pole? Nash fell over before HHH could Pedigree him which just proves that Nash is too old to be doing this shit. For a ladder match they didn't do a lot of big spots. Nash did fall off and through a table. *1/2

SHEAMUS vs. JACK SWAGGER: Um...yeah, this was pure filler. 1/2*

THE BIG SHOW vs. MARK HENRY "CHAIRS MATCH"/DANIEL BRYAN vs. THE BIG SHOW: Mark Henry took a punch to the face and lost the title then knocked out Show. Bryan cashed in his MITB title shot and pinned show. The problem is that Bryan did this to Henry a few weeks ago on Smackdown! and won the title but Henry was injured and thus not able to compete and thus the title win was voided. So we already saw this. Still, Bryan as champ is the best thing the WWE has done in a long time. The chairs match sucked but giving the title to Bryan was awesome. **1/2

CODY RHODES vs. BOOKER T.: This was awful. And while Booker T. is old, it's not like he was entertaining in his prime, anyway (although his battle in the Green Frog supermarket with 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin was hilarious like, what? Ten years ago?). 1/2*

ALBERTO DEL RIO vs. CM PUNK vs. THE MIZ "TLC MATCH": The surprise? Cena wasn't on this show. Another surprise? Del Rio's ring announcer took the biggest bump in this match, falling off a ladder and through a ringside table, backwards. There weren't as many big spots in this match, but it was entertaining. **1/2

TNA FINAL RESOLUTION

From Orlando

RVD vs. CHRISTOPHER DANIELS: Old dudes. Not fun to watch. *1/2

ROBBIE E vs. ERIC YOUNG: I like Young. He should be the champ. He has more charisma than most of this and the WWE's locker room combined. Alas, this wasn't very memorable except when Young took off his pants. *1/2

MATT MORGAN & CRIMSON vs. DEVON & POPE: Pretty terrible. Watching Morgan wrestle is akin to watching a train wreck. 1/2*

AUSTIN ARIES vs. KID KASH: Man has the X-Division gotten bad. Two heels fighting? Who writes this shit? *1/2

GAIL KIM vs. MICKIE JAMES: Missed this match.

KURT ANGLE vs. JAMES STORM: Angle missed a moonsault. Has he ever connected with it? Storm won but Storm is not fun, exciting, or thrilling to watch. **

JEFF HARDY vs. JEFF JARRETT "CAGE MATCH": Hardy did a Swanton Bomb off the top of the cage and missed. That was about it for entertainment. He wins a title shot and either Jeff or Karen will be fired on Impact. I was expecting more. **

AJ STYLES vs. BOBBY ROODE "IRON MAN MATCH": It wasn't a sixty minute Iron Match match (thank God) but a thirty minute one. It was average but might have been better if the ending didn't suck. AJ did a wicked, top-rope 450 somersault maneuver which was perhaps the highlight of the night. The match ended up tied. With time running down, Roode ran away and it was a draw. **

WWE SURVIVOR SERIES

Sunday, November 20th, 2011, from New York City

DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. JOHN MORRISON: This was a decent, by-the-numbers opener. Boy are they pushing Ziggler hard. What happened to Morrison? He was in the title hunt in the Spring. ** (out of ****)

BETH PHOENIX vs. EVE TORRES: Pretty much a typical, lackluster women's match. *

TEAM ORTON (RANDY ORTON & SHEAMUS & SIN CARA & KOFI KINGSTON & MASON RYAN) VS. TEAM BARRETT (WADE BARRETT & JACK SWAGGER & DOLPH ZIGGLER & HUNICO & CODY RHODES): Wow! They're still doing the traditional 5 on 5 Survivor Series matches? I'm not sure why, as this match had really no story or build-up. Sin Cara did a leap over the top rope and didn't clear it, hit his back on the edge of the apron and is out 6 to 9 months. Does this mean Hunico is back to being Sin Cara? Orton was left against 3 men and ended up losing. *1/2

MARK HENRY vs. THE BIG SHOW: The crowd chanted "boring" during this match...but they also chanted "Daniel Bryan" and "Colt Cabana" and "Randy Savage" and pretty much anything they could think of during the show. The Big Show tentatively climbed to the top rope and delivered a flying elbow drop but still lost. *1/2

CM PUNK vs. ALBERTO DEL RIO: This was a super dull match. Punk may be a good talker but he's rarely in great matches. He did win the title. This means that Punk had the title in July, Cena in August, Punk in August, Del Rio in August, Cena in September, Del Rio in October, now Punk in November. Way to make it special. *

THE ROCK & JOHN CENA vs. THE MIZ & R. TRUTH: It felt like with The Rock wrestling on this show that the WWE didn't even bother to do anything else like a write a good storyline or have a heel turn or attempt to put on a great match. The Rock already would get people to buy the show so why bother to make it a good one? This match sucked hard. The Rock did the usual and Cena looked bored and it was just a yawner. 1/2*

TNA TURNING POINT

Sunday, November 13th, 2011, from Orlando, Florida

ERIC YOUNG vs. ROBBIE E: Young is, more or less, Doink the Clown of TNA. Robbie E isn't exactly any more serious. Not a bad match. And actually, perhaps the most entertaining of this listless show. ** (out of ****)

INK INC. vs. MEXICAN AMERICA: This was a 3 on 3 mixed tag match. Each team had their girlfriends participate, though the tag titles were still at stake. Don't be confused! This is TNA. Toxxine, Ink Inc.'s girl, is very pretty. That's kind of all I remember. *1/2

JESSE SORENSEN vs. AUSTIN ARIES vs. KID KASH: Awful match. Aries did a leap through the ropes to the floor that was mildly interesting, but that was pretty much the only thing good in this bore. Both heels beat up Jesse, who has a football star gimmick (no, it doesn't make sense). Then Aries rolled up Kash for the pin. Remember when the X-Division produced good matches? 1/2*

RVD vs. CHRISTOPHER DANIELS: Rob Van Dam is just too old and too slow to be doing this anymore. Daniels brought a chair into the ring and it backfired. *

CRIMSON vs. MATT MORGAN: A double DQ! Who writes this shit? Even worse was the fake punch contest. Have they been watching Necro Butcher matches? 1/2*

SCOTT STEINER & BULLY RAY vs. MR. ANDERSON & BULLY RAY: Bully Ray and Anderson should really just stop wrestling and just use the mic. Steiner did a Hurricanrana. Abyss went through a table and got right back up. Falling asleep. *

GAIL KIM vs. VELVET SKY: Remember when Gail Kim and Awesome Kong had those epic, brutal matches in TNA? Yeah. Me, too. 1/2*

JEFF HARDY vs. JEFF JARRETT: So Hardy rolls up Jarrett and pins him in five seconds. Then they keep wrestling for another fall for no reason and Hardy wins. Then they keep wrestling and Hardy wins again. What the fuck kind of story is this? If you didn't realize that TNA was stupid before then...oh, okay, you did realize. *

BOBBY ROODE vs. AJ STYLES: So they push the hell out of Roode only to have him lose at Bound for Glory. Then they turn him heel. Whatever. I give up. This match was long and even though AJ was semi-exciting it was pretty dull stuff. *1/2

WWE VENGEANCE

Sunday, October 23rd, 2011 from San Antonio, TX

AIR BOOM vs. JACK SWAGGER & DOLPH ZIGGLER: Wall to wall action but nothing extraordinary. And I'm pretty bored with all four of these guys. ** (out of ****)

DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. ZACK RYDER: Yep, Ziggler wrestled in two straight matches. Does this mean he's getting the title soon? *

EVE vs. BETH PHOENIX: Not good. 1/2*

SHEAMUS vs. CHRISTIAN: Very boring. *

HHH & CM PUNK vs. AWESOME TRUTH: Wow. For a match that everyone thought was the "real" main event, this was a dud. HHH looked fat. Kevin Nash beat up HHH to cause The Miz and R. Truth to win. Nothing special at all. *1/2

RANDY ORTON vs. CODY RHODES: Dull. Rhodes just doesn't have it. *

MARK HENRY vs. THE BIG SHOW: This had a good ending at least. Henry suplexed Big Show off the top rope and the ring collapsed. It was a no contest. **1/2

ALBERTO DEL RIO vs. JOHN CENA "Last Man Standing Match": They fought in the broken ring. That was at least something different. They brawled backstage. Del Rio's announcer tried to beat up Cena a few times. Del Rio was thrown through a table and through the announce table. R. Truth and The Miz beat up Cena to help Del Rio win. About as good as it could've been. **1/2

TNA BOUND FOR GLORY

Sunday, October 16th, 2011 from North Philly

AUSTIN ARIES vs. BRIAN KENDRICK: The crowd for this show, which was at Temple's Liacouras Center, was loud and into it in the beginning and during the Hogan/Sting match. That was a plus. The longer the show went on the worse it got and the quieter the crowd got. Simple opener. ** (out of ****)

RVD vs. JERRY LYNN "Full Metal Mayhem": Good match. A little short with not as many ladder spots as one might want but it was brutal and entertaining. Lynn suplexed RVD onto a ringside ladder and RVD hit the edge of it and then hit the ground. That was sick. A Van Terminator ended it. **1/2

SOMOA JOE vs. CRIMSON vs. MATT MORGAN: Somoa Joe was firing on all cylinders but the other two were dull and Morgan looked hurt. Morgan stood by as Crimson pinned Joe and Morgan didn't bother to stop it. Oh well. *1/2

BULLY RAY vs. MR. ANDERSON "Falls Count Anywhere": Good match. Bully Ray is great on the mic. The threw each other through tables and a steel ring barrier. Anderson did his Swanton Bomb from the top rope onto Bully and a table but it didn't break. He just got up and then put Bully through it and won. **1/2

WINTER vs. VELVET SKY vs. MICKIE JAMES vs. MADISON RAYNE: Not good. 1/2*

CHRISTOPHER DANIELS vs. AJ STYLES "I Quit Match": Awful, actually. These two don't click. The finish had AJ approaching Daniels with a screwdriver and Daniels quit. What? Was AJ going to stab him? Soooo lame. *

HULK HOGAN vs. STING: Not a good match but the crowd loved it and, seriously, this wasn't going to be a great wrestling match. Ric Flair came out and was the ringside heel. There was blood. Sting won then Hogan turned good. Eh. *1/2

KURT ANGLE vs. BOBBY ROODE: A bad main event and a terrible way to finish what is, apparently, TNA's biggest show of the year. Angle pinned Roode but Angle held the ropes for leverage. That was the end. What? These two just didn't get into the zone. Roode sucks and Angle was hurt. Not a great ending to what was a decent show. *1/2

WWE HELL IN A CELL

Sunday, October 2nd, 2011, from New Orleans

SEAMUS vs. CHRISTIAN: Pretty basic stuff. Why not just have every match in the cell? It is there. ** (out of ****)

SIN CARA (MISTICO) vs. SIN CARA: The crowd chanted "boring." The blue music sucks. I like Sin Cara but this storyline is extremely pointless. Perhaps if it was well written...1/2*

KOFI KINGSTON & EVAN BOURNE vs. JACK SWAGGER & DOLPH ZIGGLER: More basic stuff. You do realize this is a $44 ppv, right? **

MARK HENRY vs. RANDY ORTON "Hell in a Cell": A terrible match. The cell was rarely used. Henry won but then after the match he ran away from Orton who was hitting him with a chair. 1/2*

CODY RHODES vs. JOHN MORRISON: The show was short so they threw this un-announced match on it. Remember when Morrison was wrestling in the main event for the title in the Spring? Now he's losing in a match for the IC title. Not good. *1/2

BETH PHOENIX vs. KELLY KELLY: Not particularly noteworthy except they had Phoenix lose in her hometown last month only to have her win here. Yeah, you explain it. 1/2*

CM PUNK vs. ALBERTO DEL RIO vs. JOHN CENA "Hell in a Cell": Mediocre match. Nobody climbed the cell. Chairs were used. Punk fell through a table. Del Rio locked Cena out of the cage then used a pipe to knock out Punk and win the title. After that, The Miz and R. Truth came in and beat everyone up and locked the cage door. The locker room came out and finally opened the door. Police officers arrested The Miz and R. Truth, who were fired two weeks ago. HHH beat up The Miz and R. Truth while they were being led away by police. Wild ending to a totally dull show. **1/2