Sunday, October 24th, 1999 from Las Vegas, Nevada
I can proudly claim that I was present at the first Nitro Russo and Ferrera booked. The beginning of the new ‘era’. Much more backstage shenanigans, the return of the hardcore division, an evening gown match, and the return of Jeff Jarrett and his guitar! Was it good? Nothing spectacular, but definitely better than usual. The Bret Hart/Sting match was good, especially pumping it up, the Goldberg/Sid confrontation was great, also the Nash and Hall storyline, though it was hilarious backstage. Actually, the show was better backstage. Supposedly this was tame because the new writers merely had to pump up ‘Havoc, which they are booking, but all of the storylines that spawn from the ppv and lead into Nitro will be the brand new storylines that the new team has concocted. The first storylines of their new WCW career. The ‘net is reporting that next week’s Nitro will be shocking. I can’t wait. At least it’s more exciting that the WWF these days, with a lame 3-way main event at Survivor Series (Rock/HHH/Austin). They just had a 3-way main event at Summerslam, why not do something a little bit different?
Anyway, back to Halloween Havoc. The new writers are booking the entire ppv, so expect something cool to happen. The only standout match is Sid vs. Goldberg, and since Hogan wasn’t in Philly who knows what’s going to happen with him in Vegas. Here are my official predictions for what is usually the biggest WCW ppv of the year:
KONNAN & MYSTERIO vs. HUGH MORRIS & BRIAN KNOBBS: The biggest thing that Russo & Ferrera did was to push The Filthy Animals (Kidman, K-Dawg, Mysterio, Torri, & Kidman). They must have come out at least five times during the three hours. I like them all except for Konnan, but agree that these high flying cruiserweights deserve a push. They took Harlem Heat out of the pay per view, and that’s a good thing because I kind’ve like Knobbs and Morris, especially The Laughing Man. Except an average match with some high flying manuevers and the Animals to come out on top.
DISCO INFERNO vs. LASH LE-WHO?: I have renamed Lash Leroux. His new name is Lash Le-Who? Because he is just that, a nobody. He was a big shot on Saturday Night and WorldWide, and now all of a sudden he’s fighting for the Cruiserweight Belt when neither wrestlers are cruiserweights. Expect an extremely boring match. The only thing Russo and Ferrera can do is to send someone in to beat them up which they definitley will do. Disco shouldn’t lose, though if he does I will not be shocked.
BRET HART vs. LEX LUGER: They did a great job and pumping up the big fights on the card, especially this one. Luger fucked up Hart’s chance at Sting’s Championship belt. Bret Hart seems like he’ll be getting a major push…like fighting Hogan next month at Mayhem, so he’ll definitely win here.
CHRIS BENOIT vs. RICK STEINER: Benoit is yet another wrestler that will be getting a push, so don’t expect to see him drop the gold to Dog when he only recently took it from him. Should be a good match since both wrestlers at least entertain.
DDP vs. RIC FLAIR: There’s a ‘net rumor going around that a new retirement storyline is going to occur Sunday for the Nature Boy. I don’t buy it but the new writing team definitely used him as he should be used on Nitro when Kimberly was in the hotel room waiting for David Flair and out comes Natch, hopping on the bed and telling her if she’s ever been with a 14-time champion. Flair is and always will be the man. He should take DDP out of the picture since DDP wasn’t even on Nitro.
SID vs. GOLDBERG: I really think Sid is going to win here. Why? Well everyone and their mother thinks Da Man is going to win, especially since Sid’s U.S. Belt isn’t on the line. I figure if Russo and Ferrera want to do something exciting and different then they’ll have Goldberg lose. On Nitro they definitely changed things around when Sid powerbombed Goldberg in the center of the ring. That was great. So far I’m ver excited about the new changes on Nitro. I’ve stuck with it over the summer even when it truly sucked…now it’s getting a resurgence. I wish Bischoff was along for the ride. He was one of the better characters WCW had.
STING vs. HOGAN: I believe if the Bret Hart/Hulk Hogan match happens at Mayhem, then a title will not be involved. Secondly, Russo and Ferrera obviously have plans for Hogan and those plans do not involve Hogan as champ. Hogan apparently told someone that their original plans were for Hogan to lose in a quick two minutes which I don’t exactly believe. If he does win it will not be a long reign, but seeing that Sting was awesome on Nitro (with new rock music and solid air time) he should definitely keep the belt.
BERLYN vs. BRAD ARMSTRONG: Berlyn is the kind of character that the new writing team can do wonders for. It might be tough at first to have a lot of separate storylines running, especially for a 3 hour Nitro, but Berylyn can turn into a great angle. So far this angle sucks. Brad Armstrong? He was probably working on a farm last week and now he’s wrestling in Las Vegas…Sin City? The one thing you have to realize is that WWF pay per views were never as good as the Monday night shows…except for the main event. Meaning this: Goldberg/Sid and Hogan/Sting will be awesome, the rest of the ppv will be basic. Though it is their first big ppv with fresh ideas for new wrestlers…except a surprise. I am.
Sunday, October 24, 1999
Sunday, October 17, 1999
WWF NO MERCY
Sunday, October 17th, 1999 from Cleveland, Ohio
The most interesting thing these days in the wide world of wrestling is that the top writers in the WWF, Vince Russo and Ed Ferrera, left McMahon and are now working in WCW. Tonight on Nitro in my hometown it is supposed to be the first show this dynamic duo books. It should be wild. So No Mercy was more or less the official end to all Russo/Ferrera storylines. Can the WWF run with the ball? As Jim Morrison once sang, “The future is uncertain and the end is always near.”
No Mercy was an okay WWF pay per view. It was much better than Unforgiven but nothing spectacular. The best match of the night was the only one I was really waiting for. The Hardy Boyz versus Edge and Christian in a ladder match! It could be the best match of the year. The main event was same-old and nothing spectacular happened. The only other match that was sort of watchable was the JJ/Chyna Good Housekeeping match. Apparently Jeff Jarrett is going to be on Nitro….tonight. Here are my thoughts, gripes, bitches, and moans. And oh yeah…I tied my prediction record. So there.
+THE GODFATHER vs. MIDEON: It’s always great to see some strippers to remind you how much sexual frustration truly is building up inside you. This match was pretty lame. The only funny thing to come out of this feud was when the Godfather offered a ‘ho’ to Mideon and he said, “No…got any farm animals?” Too bad that happened on Smackdown. Boring match. ½*
+IVORY vs. THE FABULOUS MOOLAH: It surprises me every time I see these old geizers. They’re over seventy years old yet they’re getting thrown around and knocked on their backs. I guess all those years of wrestling and training has done something. This was just silly and how much can you possibly expect? *
+NEW AGE OUTLAWS vs. THE HOLLY’S: I love Crash and Hardcore Holly. Those guys crack me up, and at least they’re fun to watch. The New Age Outlaws are oh-so-two-years-ago. I think we’ve heard, “Suck it!” one time too many. Holly’s win by cheating of course. **
+CHYNA vs. JJ: Double J, Jeff Jarrett, is apparently going to WCW tonight, so it was sort of obvious that he lost here…right? I do remember when he was in WCW last it was only for like a month or two and he was really lame…though he was near undefeated which made no sense. This match was sort of funny because they used kitchen appliances like bananas, cakes, the kitchen sink, and a frying pan. Ms. Kitty is engaged to Jerry the King Lawler in real life. Can you believe that? I can’t. I guess fame does garner something ‘sides money. **
+THE ROCK vs. BRITISH BULLDOG: Right now, whether you like it or not, The Rock is more popular than Stone Cold Steve Austin. Just a little bit, but he is. He gets a bigger ovation and he is better because everyone is damn sick of Austin. He’s been in the main event at every single ppv since last November’s Survivor Series. He doesn’t have any cool moves except the stunner and the only other thing he does is clothesline you. The Rock has the ddt, the elbow and the rock bottom. Give him the mike though and he rules. This match was early on and short. Rock of course wins. Who is this bulldog character? Why is he even in the WWF? He’s so lame. **
THE HARDY BOYZ vs. EDGE & CHRISTIAN: I predicted five matches correctly in a row…and then the Hardy Boyz won. I’m glad, though, those Hardy Boyz are fucking awesome. This match proved that all four of these competitors were the kings of hardcore and entertainment in the WWF. This was a Mexican ladder match, which means there are two ladders used. It was the last and final round of the Terry Invitational. To win you have to climb a ladder and grab the burlap sack of money ($100,000) and you also get to fuck Terry Runnels for an undetermined amount of time. You could tell this match was downright awesome because they must have showcased at least 20 instant replays, which is uncanny. These guys got the shit beat out of eachother. Yes, the ladders they used weren’t real ladders but still. These guys were flying everywhere, it was insane. It was literally an instant classic and the kind of match you truly have to see to believe. I would have paid the $30 bucks for the ppv and would have thought it was worth it. Definitely a top contender for best match of the year. This is what wrestling is all about. ****
VAL VENIS vs. MANKIND: Mick Foley is only entertaining when he gets his ass beat from one side of the arena to the other. His last good feud was with The Rock, and since then he hasn’t had a good feud since. His standout matches this year were the I-Quit match against Rocky and the Boiler Room brawl against Big Slow. He hasn’t had a standout match since. This fight was so slow and boring. Venis wins. It seems like Val’s storylines have thinned and his character has almost literally nothing left to do. Maybe he should go back to the movies...*
X-PAC vs. BRADSHAW vs. KANE vs. FAAROQ: How can I be so blind as to predict Kane to win? Yes, he was the obvious second choice…but X-Pac was the obvious first choice. This was a four corners elimination matchup. You know, the Mexican Ladder Match was so fucking great every match afterwards was probably good but I was blinded. I knew that match was going to be good when I heard about it, since my favorite type of matches are Ladder, but man, they went beyond my expectations. The only thing to achieve perfection would have been to add barb wire and tables. Wrap Edge in barb wire, put him on a table outside the ring. Jeff Hardy would climb to the top of the ladder, jump off, crash through Edge and the barb wire and the table. I would give that 5 stars. By the way, this 4-way match really blew. *
+HHH vs. AUSTIN: I predicted it when even the WCW Hotline and internet were reporting Austin would win. The goddamned Raw preview from one of those satellite tv guides stated <9:00: The New WWF Champion 10:00 The Rock Hits Rock Bottom> so you would have figured Austin to get the belt. Think about it. Austin has had the belt way too much. If he ever wins it back it will be at a bigger pay per view, and anyway I believe The Rock will be the next one to get the belt. Every match Austin has ever been in was the same. He punches the opponent twenty or thirty times around the arena, then he clotheslines them and then he’ll get a stunner but the ref will be out. HHH won because The Rock mistakenly hit Austin with the sledgehammer. I would love to see The Rock get the belt at Survivor Series and successfully defend it at Wrestlemania. They always make the title change hands at ‘Mania. I think it would be great to see him keep it. **
No Mercy was a solid ppv but needed a lot more. ** it gets, mostly because of the Mexican Ladder Match. Wow. I truly doubt I will be seeing a better match this year. I predicted 7 out of 9 matches which ties my Summerslam record at 77%, a C+. That ladder match really was a standout. Without that the ppv would have been retitled No Entertainment. Next up on my slate is WCW’s Halloween Havoc, which is usually the biggest ppv of the year for those dudes. The new writers are aboard but I’m a little pissed that the ‘net is reporting they fired Hak. He was the best wrestler those losers had, though to see him come back to Philly as Sandman would be a welcoming sight. The big fights on that card include Goldberg/Sid, Hogan/Sting, Luger/Bret Hart, and Lash Leroux/Disco. Wait a minute…Lash LeWho? What can I say. That’s WCW for you. I’ll definitely do predictions this time around and they’ll be in two or three days. Until then.
The most interesting thing these days in the wide world of wrestling is that the top writers in the WWF, Vince Russo and Ed Ferrera, left McMahon and are now working in WCW. Tonight on Nitro in my hometown it is supposed to be the first show this dynamic duo books. It should be wild. So No Mercy was more or less the official end to all Russo/Ferrera storylines. Can the WWF run with the ball? As Jim Morrison once sang, “The future is uncertain and the end is always near.”
No Mercy was an okay WWF pay per view. It was much better than Unforgiven but nothing spectacular. The best match of the night was the only one I was really waiting for. The Hardy Boyz versus Edge and Christian in a ladder match! It could be the best match of the year. The main event was same-old and nothing spectacular happened. The only other match that was sort of watchable was the JJ/Chyna Good Housekeeping match. Apparently Jeff Jarrett is going to be on Nitro….tonight. Here are my thoughts, gripes, bitches, and moans. And oh yeah…I tied my prediction record. So there.
+THE GODFATHER vs. MIDEON: It’s always great to see some strippers to remind you how much sexual frustration truly is building up inside you. This match was pretty lame. The only funny thing to come out of this feud was when the Godfather offered a ‘ho’ to Mideon and he said, “No…got any farm animals?” Too bad that happened on Smackdown. Boring match. ½*
+IVORY vs. THE FABULOUS MOOLAH: It surprises me every time I see these old geizers. They’re over seventy years old yet they’re getting thrown around and knocked on their backs. I guess all those years of wrestling and training has done something. This was just silly and how much can you possibly expect? *
+NEW AGE OUTLAWS vs. THE HOLLY’S: I love Crash and Hardcore Holly. Those guys crack me up, and at least they’re fun to watch. The New Age Outlaws are oh-so-two-years-ago. I think we’ve heard, “Suck it!” one time too many. Holly’s win by cheating of course. **
+CHYNA vs. JJ: Double J, Jeff Jarrett, is apparently going to WCW tonight, so it was sort of obvious that he lost here…right? I do remember when he was in WCW last it was only for like a month or two and he was really lame…though he was near undefeated which made no sense. This match was sort of funny because they used kitchen appliances like bananas, cakes, the kitchen sink, and a frying pan. Ms. Kitty is engaged to Jerry the King Lawler in real life. Can you believe that? I can’t. I guess fame does garner something ‘sides money. **
+THE ROCK vs. BRITISH BULLDOG: Right now, whether you like it or not, The Rock is more popular than Stone Cold Steve Austin. Just a little bit, but he is. He gets a bigger ovation and he is better because everyone is damn sick of Austin. He’s been in the main event at every single ppv since last November’s Survivor Series. He doesn’t have any cool moves except the stunner and the only other thing he does is clothesline you. The Rock has the ddt, the elbow and the rock bottom. Give him the mike though and he rules. This match was early on and short. Rock of course wins. Who is this bulldog character? Why is he even in the WWF? He’s so lame. **
THE HARDY BOYZ vs. EDGE & CHRISTIAN: I predicted five matches correctly in a row…and then the Hardy Boyz won. I’m glad, though, those Hardy Boyz are fucking awesome. This match proved that all four of these competitors were the kings of hardcore and entertainment in the WWF. This was a Mexican ladder match, which means there are two ladders used. It was the last and final round of the Terry Invitational. To win you have to climb a ladder and grab the burlap sack of money ($100,000) and you also get to fuck Terry Runnels for an undetermined amount of time. You could tell this match was downright awesome because they must have showcased at least 20 instant replays, which is uncanny. These guys got the shit beat out of eachother. Yes, the ladders they used weren’t real ladders but still. These guys were flying everywhere, it was insane. It was literally an instant classic and the kind of match you truly have to see to believe. I would have paid the $30 bucks for the ppv and would have thought it was worth it. Definitely a top contender for best match of the year. This is what wrestling is all about. ****
VAL VENIS vs. MANKIND: Mick Foley is only entertaining when he gets his ass beat from one side of the arena to the other. His last good feud was with The Rock, and since then he hasn’t had a good feud since. His standout matches this year were the I-Quit match against Rocky and the Boiler Room brawl against Big Slow. He hasn’t had a standout match since. This fight was so slow and boring. Venis wins. It seems like Val’s storylines have thinned and his character has almost literally nothing left to do. Maybe he should go back to the movies...*
X-PAC vs. BRADSHAW vs. KANE vs. FAAROQ: How can I be so blind as to predict Kane to win? Yes, he was the obvious second choice…but X-Pac was the obvious first choice. This was a four corners elimination matchup. You know, the Mexican Ladder Match was so fucking great every match afterwards was probably good but I was blinded. I knew that match was going to be good when I heard about it, since my favorite type of matches are Ladder, but man, they went beyond my expectations. The only thing to achieve perfection would have been to add barb wire and tables. Wrap Edge in barb wire, put him on a table outside the ring. Jeff Hardy would climb to the top of the ladder, jump off, crash through Edge and the barb wire and the table. I would give that 5 stars. By the way, this 4-way match really blew. *
+HHH vs. AUSTIN: I predicted it when even the WCW Hotline and internet were reporting Austin would win. The goddamned Raw preview from one of those satellite tv guides stated <9:00: The New WWF Champion 10:00 The Rock Hits Rock Bottom> so you would have figured Austin to get the belt. Think about it. Austin has had the belt way too much. If he ever wins it back it will be at a bigger pay per view, and anyway I believe The Rock will be the next one to get the belt. Every match Austin has ever been in was the same. He punches the opponent twenty or thirty times around the arena, then he clotheslines them and then he’ll get a stunner but the ref will be out. HHH won because The Rock mistakenly hit Austin with the sledgehammer. I would love to see The Rock get the belt at Survivor Series and successfully defend it at Wrestlemania. They always make the title change hands at ‘Mania. I think it would be great to see him keep it. **
No Mercy was a solid ppv but needed a lot more. ** it gets, mostly because of the Mexican Ladder Match. Wow. I truly doubt I will be seeing a better match this year. I predicted 7 out of 9 matches which ties my Summerslam record at 77%, a C+. That ladder match really was a standout. Without that the ppv would have been retitled No Entertainment. Next up on my slate is WCW’s Halloween Havoc, which is usually the biggest ppv of the year for those dudes. The new writers are aboard but I’m a little pissed that the ‘net is reporting they fired Hak. He was the best wrestler those losers had, though to see him come back to Philly as Sandman would be a welcoming sight. The big fights on that card include Goldberg/Sid, Hogan/Sting, Luger/Bret Hart, and Lash Leroux/Disco. Wait a minute…Lash LeWho? What can I say. That’s WCW for you. I’ll definitely do predictions this time around and they’ll be in two or three days. Until then.
Sunday, September 26, 1999
WWF UNFORGIVEN
Sunday, September 26th, 1999, from Charlotte, North Carolina
ECW has great cards. Anarchy Rulz was a wild pay per view. Mike Awesome wins the coveted ECW Heavyweight Belt. Taz leaves with tears in his eyes. Sabu beats Justin Credible into a bloody mess. The Orignial Gangster shows up with a staple gun around his neck and a heap of weapons. Okay. I’ve given up on WCW for the time being. Nitro wasn’t bad, but they really need to do something with Hogan. He fucking blows. Hollywood Hogan was at least hysterical and evil. Now he’s red and yellow and fully lame. The rest of the WCW staff is marginal. Chris Benoit and the Luchadores are getting a seminal push but they have to make Goldberg and Sid stay off the mike before their careers disappear. While ECW sets it’s own standards, WWF is definitely the best it’s ever been. Of course if you like basic, technical wrestling and not gimmicks, then the World Wrestling Federation is not for you. On this week’s Smackdown they had a Boiler Room Brawl, a Casket Match, a First Blood Match, and an Inferno Match. Holy shit that show rocks. I hope when it comes to Philly it’s not too great of a show because otherwise I’ll beat my head into a wall. Unforgiven is Sunday. It has the best card in a loooooong time. The main event isn’t that great, it’s the undercards. Jericho and The Dudley Boyz wrestle, and there’s a gimmick match here that takes the official GIMMICK MATCH OF THE YEAR award. I seriously doubt they can out-do this one:
AL SNOW vs. BIG BOSSMAN: Might as well get right into it. The gimmick is what can be titled a Double Cage Dog Match. A basic top-less cage is around the ring. A Hell in the Cell around the first cage. Between the Hell in the Cell and the first cage are two rottweiler dogs. The first man to get out of both cages wins the match. Jesus. It’s fair to say there’s no way in hell this match will reach anyone’s expectations. First off, the dog element is a rip-off of WCW’s Great American Bash, where the Steiner’s fed Sting to three dogs. Expect the dogs to just run around and do nothing. I seriously doubt they’ll attack either man. Hopefully there will be some tables and chairs into the mix. I’d love Al Snow to smash Bossman through a table after leaping off the original cage. It’s a silly idea but I love it. Realistically it should be the best match of the night. This match I’m looking forward to more than any match this year.
THE ACOLYTES vs. THE DUDLEY BOYZ: Even if The Dudleys lost their ECW-charm, I still love ‘em. ECW has a great style where it’s a free for all/barbed wire/cheese grater/blood splattering everything mentality. It’s wild. WWF is more casual. –seriously- The Acolytes are just okay but kind’ve funny. It should be a good match. It seemed like the Dudley boy matches in ECW were good only because their opponents got the shit beat out of them. Don't expect anyone in the WWF to be willing to go through a flaming table or be wrapped in barbed wire. If the WWF needs one thing it’s barbed wire. I doubt they’ll ever indulge, but when they do I’m saying goodbye to the WCW for good.
KEN SHAMROCK vs. CHRIS JERICHO: WCW has two good talkers and they are Scott Steiner and Ric Flair. Chris Jericho and The Rock are the best mic(rophone) workers in the biz, and the WWF has ‘em. Jericho is definitely one of my top 5 wrestlers, that’s why I love WWF even more now. In the ring he’s okay, but it’s the skits and interviews he does that makes him the man. Expect an okay matchup but I’ll watch it because I love Y2J. One of the funniest things I’ve heard was about his last match he did for WCW. It was a house show and before the match he told the audience he was going to quit WCW if he lost. Raw…is…Jericho.
LUNA vs. IVORY: The WWF always surprises me. I was worried about this match because it more or less ruins a near perfect card (Chyna/JJ is worse). But wait! The WWF realized it, too and they’ve made this into a hardcore matchup, which, at the very least, makes it watchable. Tables, chairs, frying pans, oh my!
MARK HENRY vs. D’LO BROWN: This feud came out of nowhere. I hate it when the WCW or WWF make a good guy bad just…because. At least with WCW and Sting, they’ve created a promo to put out the idea that maybe he was bad ever since he put on the Crow makeup. Mark Henry is bad for absolutely no-reason. The only good thing to come out of this feud is Mark Henry getting lap dances left and right. He was in a strip club when D’Lo came in and they fought. Raw gets more risque every week. I eat it up like vanilla pudding.
VAL VENIS vs. STEVE BLACKMAN: They don’t know what to do with Steve Blackman. At King of the Ring he had a little bit to do with the main event just because at that time he was doing absolutely nothing with the company. His feud with Shamrock has been over for awhile now, and that was the only thing he ever did. Expect him to be fired or given a massive storyline like Test has been given. I can’t wait for the wedding on October 11th between Test and Stephanie McMahon.
CHYNA vs. JJ: The worst match of the night, even though they’ve built this match up more then any other. JJ’s current storyline is putting the figure-4 on any woman in his sight. He’s also knocked out Chyna with a frying pan and put an apron on her and a cooking spoon in her hand and told her to make him dinner. It’s funny but lame. I hate Chyna, but I hate JJ worse. Boring matchup guaranteed.
THE BIG SHOW vs. THE BRITISH BULLDOG vs. KANE vs. HHH vs. THE ROCK vs. MANKIND: Stone Cold is the special referee. I guarantee that Kane wins the belt. Why? Well it definitely could be The Rock. The ‘net hints at it, and The Rock winning the belt makes a lot of sense…but I think they’ll wait for a bigger event to have The Rock win, like Survivor Series, Royal Rumble, or Wrestlemania 2000 from Da Pond. Mankind just won the belt, albeit for one night. Big Show could take the belt because it was rumored that he would take on Austin when Raw hits the Georgia Dome at the end of October. Big Show sucks, though, and I truly doubt they would give it to him. HHH just had the belt and if he won again it would equal low ratings and bad fan reaction. The British Bulldog? I think not. He just got into the WWF and they usually make you pay for your gold. He may do something big but don’t expect him to win this early on. My pick, Kane, had the belt for one 24 hour period after 1998’s KOTR’s First Blood Main Event matchup. Kane deserves it. He’s been gaining TV time ever since the summer. He’s a crowd favorite. The match will be lame because everyone will go everywhere and they can’t show all the action at once, can they? What will Austin 3:16 do? Will he count the 1-2-3? Who knows, but if anyone gets the belt I’m guaranteeing it’s the Big Red Machine. And then he fights the Dudleys in a barbed wire match……
What irony. I was writing up my predictions for WWF’s September pay per view, Unforgiven, and I stated that the WWF is the best that it has ever been. After Unforgiven I have one-thousand doubts. See, it was, in my mind, the worst pay per view of the year. Totally lame. A waste of everyone’s talents, everyone’s time, and everyone’s 30+ bucks. I always state that Raw and Nitro and now Smackdown are much better than the pay per views. Unforgiven defines my reasons why I believe this. There wasn’t one stand-out match of the bunch. Usually the WWF has awful, unwatchable, bore-ass pay per views with a great main event or stand-out match that makes you forget the rest of the boring show. Backlash had two good matches and the rest blew. King of the Ring had a stelar main event and a wasted two hours or shit. Unforgiven was unforgiveably lame. The main event was filled with high-energy and that is about the best thing I can say about the entire event. Wasted talent. Wasted time.
+VAL VENIS vs. STEVE BLACKMAN: I have absolutely nothing to say about this match. Blackman hits Venis once (yes, I said once) with a singapore cane and he needs medical attention. Come on. Venis at least usually has funny storylines (the Ryan Shamrock fiasco was pretty entertaining) but lately he’s been a waste. Blackman is aother story. He belongs in a stable run by WCW’s superstar, Brad Armstong. ½*
D’LO BROWN vs. MARK ‘SEXUAL CHOCOLATE’ HENRY: I picked Mark Henry because I figured he would cheat and win so the feud would at least continue until No Mercy. D’Lo won with his 5-star frog splash. *1/2
JEFF JARRETT vs. CHYNA: Technically the match sucked, but those two old geezers Moolah and Mae Brown came in and got their ass beat and then Deborah hit JJ over the skull with a gee-tar. Chyna loses by DQ because of the Deborah thing-a-ma-jig (since when did wrestling have instant replay?). The re-match has been set for No Mercy already. Expect Chyna to win there. **
+THE ACOLYTES vs. THE DUDLEY BOYZ: The Dudley’s were definitely at their pinnacle during their match at ECW’s Heatwave when they cursed off the crowd for five minutes then beat the shit out of Balls Mahoney and Spike Dudley and put ‘em through flaming tables. The hardcore element has seemingly been dropped from the Dudley’s arsonal and it sucks. Why? Well the Dudley boys were only as good as the pain they induced. Barbed wire? Tables? Cheese graters? Chairs? The WWF has seemingly said, “No way.” No hardcore Dudley’s? No fun. This match was okay for a basic wrestling match but everyone expected their ECW Dudley boys. Right now they’re unrecognizable. Hopefully they’ll speed up the speech impediment storyline and put the Dudley’s back on track. Curse out the crowd, and beat the shit out of the other guy. C’mon WWF: show us the Dudley’s we’ve grown to love. Hopefully, the bookers will start a feud between the Dudley’s and the Holly’s, because right now they’re slowly falling into boring chant territory. * ½
IVORY vs. LUNA: A hardcore women’s match? I’m going to admit right now that the worst hardcore division every devised is right there in the ol’ WWF. WCW had a small hardcore division from March until July and they at least showed us some memorable matches (Uncensored’s Hak vs. Raven vs. Bam Bam Bigelow, Spring Stampede’s Hak vs. Bam Bam, and Bash at the Beach’s Junkyard Invitational). How many memorable matches has the WWF hardcore division given us? Yes, Hardcore and Al Snow fought briefly in the Mississippi river but the rest of that match was just okay. Nothing else extremely memorable in any of the Hardcore matches. Unforgiven will officially be named the time and place when the world realized the WWF HARDCORE DIVISION IS OFFICIALLY D.O.A That’s right. A god-awful women’s hardcore match and unbelieveably bad kennel from hell hardcore matchup. No bumps, no blood, no fun. This match was only about three minutes long and it was officially four minutes too long. –no stars-
+THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS vs. EDGE & CHRISTIAN: I’ve never liked either member of the NAO. They have no good moves and their personalities are lame no matter how many fans cheer. Edge and Christian are lifeless and pale in comparison to the high-flying Hardy boyz. This match was extremely slow and doesn’t anyone but me get sick of Road Dogg fake punching people? *
+AL SNOW vs. THE BIG BOSSMAN: After viewing this so-called Kennel From Hell matchup I downed two cyanide capsules and chugged half a bottle of Old No. 7. In the predictions I mentioned a now sad fact that this match was the one match of the year that I was looking forward to most. It wasn’t that I was thinking it would be good, but just to see the whole thing come together. A steel cage around the ring. A Hell in the Cell steel cage around that one. Pittbulls between the cages. Whomever gets out of both cages wins. Big Bossman deserves to be cut from the WWF roster. He’s never had a good match in his lifetime. He already ruined the menacing factor surrounding the Hell in the Cell matches. The first two HITC matches were fucking classics. Bossman and Undertaker bored the world at Wrestlemania, and now Al Snow and Bossman prove that there was absolutely no reason to have a cage around the ring, no reason to have a Hell in the Cell around that, and no reason to have pittbulls between the cages. Why? Because nothing was used. The dogs had leashes on and owners holding them back. No one took any major bumps, they didn’t even fight on the top or push someone off of either cage. This match defined the word letdown. ½*
+X-PAC vs. CHRIS JERICHO: I had one problem with Chris Jericho when I was a fan of his back in his WCW days. He was great when he got ahold of the michrophone, and hilarious in his various skits, but when he went into the ring he became a boring, average wrestler. Granted, he has a few slick moves and he’s a tad better than most, but he just can’t follow up to his talk. Ken Shamrock apparently left the WWF a little early to train for his UFC return, so Jericho was stuck with X-Pac. Jericho didn’t talk. Jericho didn’t do any skits. Jericho wrestled. ‘Nuff said. ½*
HHH vs. KANE vs. THE ROCK vs. MANKIND vs. THE BRITISH BULLDOG vs. THE BIG SHOW: The first ever 6-pack challenge. Hopefully the last. WCW had the same problem with their cruiserweight match at Fall Brawl. They used up Mysterio, Kidman, Guerrerro, and Vampiro in one match. They should have spread out the talent. This 6-pack challenge was the same way. Every match before this paled in comparison. There were a lot of finishing moves but very little special pay per view worthy moments. The biggest and best moment came when the refs on strike showed up and beat up the strike-breaking ref. It was funny in the kind of only-WWF-would-do-this way. In my oh-so studious predictions I stated that HHH wouldn’t win because it would equal low ratings and bad crowd reaction. Guess what: You heard the silent crowd, now say g’bye to ratings! **1/2
Unforgiven was a bad pay per view. I usually don’t say that about the WWF, but in the end they will be known as the uneven wrestling federation. You never know if Raw will be great or lame. With Nitro it’s the same every week. Summerslam was good but Unforgiven sucked. August was a great month for the ppv’s and September wasn’t. I’ll give Unforiven a low * because it was epically lame. Every match could have been better. I wanted something to happen. Nothing happened. $30+ for this? At least you lucky few get a copy of the WWF Music CD volume 2. It’s too bad there’s already a volume 3 out and volume 2 has crappy entrance music like Doink the Clown’s. What about my predictions? My record came last month for Summerslam. I predicted 77% of the matchups. A C+. Not bad. For Unforgiven I predicted 5 matches out of 9, which tallies up as a 55.5%….an F. You have to add the fact that I had a 1 in 6 chance of predicting the main event, plus I predicted the double main event correctly at King of the Ring and ended up failing. So there. The next pay per view is surprisingly another WWF pay per view, No Mercy. Austin takes on HHH and Chyna faces JJ. Dream matches I want to see? Dudleys vs. Holly’s or Hardy’s hardcore, Mankind vs. Big Show I-Quit, and The Rock vs. Kane. I’ll have my No Mercy predictions in about 15 days. Until then.
ECW has great cards. Anarchy Rulz was a wild pay per view. Mike Awesome wins the coveted ECW Heavyweight Belt. Taz leaves with tears in his eyes. Sabu beats Justin Credible into a bloody mess. The Orignial Gangster shows up with a staple gun around his neck and a heap of weapons. Okay. I’ve given up on WCW for the time being. Nitro wasn’t bad, but they really need to do something with Hogan. He fucking blows. Hollywood Hogan was at least hysterical and evil. Now he’s red and yellow and fully lame. The rest of the WCW staff is marginal. Chris Benoit and the Luchadores are getting a seminal push but they have to make Goldberg and Sid stay off the mike before their careers disappear. While ECW sets it’s own standards, WWF is definitely the best it’s ever been. Of course if you like basic, technical wrestling and not gimmicks, then the World Wrestling Federation is not for you. On this week’s Smackdown they had a Boiler Room Brawl, a Casket Match, a First Blood Match, and an Inferno Match. Holy shit that show rocks. I hope when it comes to Philly it’s not too great of a show because otherwise I’ll beat my head into a wall. Unforgiven is Sunday. It has the best card in a loooooong time. The main event isn’t that great, it’s the undercards. Jericho and The Dudley Boyz wrestle, and there’s a gimmick match here that takes the official GIMMICK MATCH OF THE YEAR award. I seriously doubt they can out-do this one:
AL SNOW vs. BIG BOSSMAN: Might as well get right into it. The gimmick is what can be titled a Double Cage Dog Match. A basic top-less cage is around the ring. A Hell in the Cell around the first cage. Between the Hell in the Cell and the first cage are two rottweiler dogs. The first man to get out of both cages wins the match. Jesus. It’s fair to say there’s no way in hell this match will reach anyone’s expectations. First off, the dog element is a rip-off of WCW’s Great American Bash, where the Steiner’s fed Sting to three dogs. Expect the dogs to just run around and do nothing. I seriously doubt they’ll attack either man. Hopefully there will be some tables and chairs into the mix. I’d love Al Snow to smash Bossman through a table after leaping off the original cage. It’s a silly idea but I love it. Realistically it should be the best match of the night. This match I’m looking forward to more than any match this year.
THE ACOLYTES vs. THE DUDLEY BOYZ: Even if The Dudleys lost their ECW-charm, I still love ‘em. ECW has a great style where it’s a free for all/barbed wire/cheese grater/blood splattering everything mentality. It’s wild. WWF is more casual. –seriously- The Acolytes are just okay but kind’ve funny. It should be a good match. It seemed like the Dudley boy matches in ECW were good only because their opponents got the shit beat out of them. Don't expect anyone in the WWF to be willing to go through a flaming table or be wrapped in barbed wire. If the WWF needs one thing it’s barbed wire. I doubt they’ll ever indulge, but when they do I’m saying goodbye to the WCW for good.
KEN SHAMROCK vs. CHRIS JERICHO: WCW has two good talkers and they are Scott Steiner and Ric Flair. Chris Jericho and The Rock are the best mic(rophone) workers in the biz, and the WWF has ‘em. Jericho is definitely one of my top 5 wrestlers, that’s why I love WWF even more now. In the ring he’s okay, but it’s the skits and interviews he does that makes him the man. Expect an okay matchup but I’ll watch it because I love Y2J. One of the funniest things I’ve heard was about his last match he did for WCW. It was a house show and before the match he told the audience he was going to quit WCW if he lost. Raw…is…Jericho.
LUNA vs. IVORY: The WWF always surprises me. I was worried about this match because it more or less ruins a near perfect card (Chyna/JJ is worse). But wait! The WWF realized it, too and they’ve made this into a hardcore matchup, which, at the very least, makes it watchable. Tables, chairs, frying pans, oh my!
MARK HENRY vs. D’LO BROWN: This feud came out of nowhere. I hate it when the WCW or WWF make a good guy bad just…because. At least with WCW and Sting, they’ve created a promo to put out the idea that maybe he was bad ever since he put on the Crow makeup. Mark Henry is bad for absolutely no-reason. The only good thing to come out of this feud is Mark Henry getting lap dances left and right. He was in a strip club when D’Lo came in and they fought. Raw gets more risque every week. I eat it up like vanilla pudding.
VAL VENIS vs. STEVE BLACKMAN: They don’t know what to do with Steve Blackman. At King of the Ring he had a little bit to do with the main event just because at that time he was doing absolutely nothing with the company. His feud with Shamrock has been over for awhile now, and that was the only thing he ever did. Expect him to be fired or given a massive storyline like Test has been given. I can’t wait for the wedding on October 11th between Test and Stephanie McMahon.
CHYNA vs. JJ: The worst match of the night, even though they’ve built this match up more then any other. JJ’s current storyline is putting the figure-4 on any woman in his sight. He’s also knocked out Chyna with a frying pan and put an apron on her and a cooking spoon in her hand and told her to make him dinner. It’s funny but lame. I hate Chyna, but I hate JJ worse. Boring matchup guaranteed.
THE BIG SHOW vs. THE BRITISH BULLDOG vs. KANE vs. HHH vs. THE ROCK vs. MANKIND: Stone Cold is the special referee. I guarantee that Kane wins the belt. Why? Well it definitely could be The Rock. The ‘net hints at it, and The Rock winning the belt makes a lot of sense…but I think they’ll wait for a bigger event to have The Rock win, like Survivor Series, Royal Rumble, or Wrestlemania 2000 from Da Pond. Mankind just won the belt, albeit for one night. Big Show could take the belt because it was rumored that he would take on Austin when Raw hits the Georgia Dome at the end of October. Big Show sucks, though, and I truly doubt they would give it to him. HHH just had the belt and if he won again it would equal low ratings and bad fan reaction. The British Bulldog? I think not. He just got into the WWF and they usually make you pay for your gold. He may do something big but don’t expect him to win this early on. My pick, Kane, had the belt for one 24 hour period after 1998’s KOTR’s First Blood Main Event matchup. Kane deserves it. He’s been gaining TV time ever since the summer. He’s a crowd favorite. The match will be lame because everyone will go everywhere and they can’t show all the action at once, can they? What will Austin 3:16 do? Will he count the 1-2-3? Who knows, but if anyone gets the belt I’m guaranteeing it’s the Big Red Machine. And then he fights the Dudleys in a barbed wire match……
What irony. I was writing up my predictions for WWF’s September pay per view, Unforgiven, and I stated that the WWF is the best that it has ever been. After Unforgiven I have one-thousand doubts. See, it was, in my mind, the worst pay per view of the year. Totally lame. A waste of everyone’s talents, everyone’s time, and everyone’s 30+ bucks. I always state that Raw and Nitro and now Smackdown are much better than the pay per views. Unforgiven defines my reasons why I believe this. There wasn’t one stand-out match of the bunch. Usually the WWF has awful, unwatchable, bore-ass pay per views with a great main event or stand-out match that makes you forget the rest of the boring show. Backlash had two good matches and the rest blew. King of the Ring had a stelar main event and a wasted two hours or shit. Unforgiven was unforgiveably lame. The main event was filled with high-energy and that is about the best thing I can say about the entire event. Wasted talent. Wasted time.
+VAL VENIS vs. STEVE BLACKMAN: I have absolutely nothing to say about this match. Blackman hits Venis once (yes, I said once) with a singapore cane and he needs medical attention. Come on. Venis at least usually has funny storylines (the Ryan Shamrock fiasco was pretty entertaining) but lately he’s been a waste. Blackman is aother story. He belongs in a stable run by WCW’s superstar, Brad Armstong. ½*
D’LO BROWN vs. MARK ‘SEXUAL CHOCOLATE’ HENRY: I picked Mark Henry because I figured he would cheat and win so the feud would at least continue until No Mercy. D’Lo won with his 5-star frog splash. *1/2
JEFF JARRETT vs. CHYNA: Technically the match sucked, but those two old geezers Moolah and Mae Brown came in and got their ass beat and then Deborah hit JJ over the skull with a gee-tar. Chyna loses by DQ because of the Deborah thing-a-ma-jig (since when did wrestling have instant replay?). The re-match has been set for No Mercy already. Expect Chyna to win there. **
+THE ACOLYTES vs. THE DUDLEY BOYZ: The Dudley’s were definitely at their pinnacle during their match at ECW’s Heatwave when they cursed off the crowd for five minutes then beat the shit out of Balls Mahoney and Spike Dudley and put ‘em through flaming tables. The hardcore element has seemingly been dropped from the Dudley’s arsonal and it sucks. Why? Well the Dudley boys were only as good as the pain they induced. Barbed wire? Tables? Cheese graters? Chairs? The WWF has seemingly said, “No way.” No hardcore Dudley’s? No fun. This match was okay for a basic wrestling match but everyone expected their ECW Dudley boys. Right now they’re unrecognizable. Hopefully they’ll speed up the speech impediment storyline and put the Dudley’s back on track. Curse out the crowd, and beat the shit out of the other guy. C’mon WWF: show us the Dudley’s we’ve grown to love. Hopefully, the bookers will start a feud between the Dudley’s and the Holly’s, because right now they’re slowly falling into boring chant territory. * ½
IVORY vs. LUNA: A hardcore women’s match? I’m going to admit right now that the worst hardcore division every devised is right there in the ol’ WWF. WCW had a small hardcore division from March until July and they at least showed us some memorable matches (Uncensored’s Hak vs. Raven vs. Bam Bam Bigelow, Spring Stampede’s Hak vs. Bam Bam, and Bash at the Beach’s Junkyard Invitational). How many memorable matches has the WWF hardcore division given us? Yes, Hardcore and Al Snow fought briefly in the Mississippi river but the rest of that match was just okay. Nothing else extremely memorable in any of the Hardcore matches. Unforgiven will officially be named the time and place when the world realized the WWF HARDCORE DIVISION IS OFFICIALLY D.O.A That’s right. A god-awful women’s hardcore match and unbelieveably bad kennel from hell hardcore matchup. No bumps, no blood, no fun. This match was only about three minutes long and it was officially four minutes too long. –no stars-
+THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS vs. EDGE & CHRISTIAN: I’ve never liked either member of the NAO. They have no good moves and their personalities are lame no matter how many fans cheer. Edge and Christian are lifeless and pale in comparison to the high-flying Hardy boyz. This match was extremely slow and doesn’t anyone but me get sick of Road Dogg fake punching people? *
+AL SNOW vs. THE BIG BOSSMAN: After viewing this so-called Kennel From Hell matchup I downed two cyanide capsules and chugged half a bottle of Old No. 7. In the predictions I mentioned a now sad fact that this match was the one match of the year that I was looking forward to most. It wasn’t that I was thinking it would be good, but just to see the whole thing come together. A steel cage around the ring. A Hell in the Cell steel cage around that one. Pittbulls between the cages. Whomever gets out of both cages wins. Big Bossman deserves to be cut from the WWF roster. He’s never had a good match in his lifetime. He already ruined the menacing factor surrounding the Hell in the Cell matches. The first two HITC matches were fucking classics. Bossman and Undertaker bored the world at Wrestlemania, and now Al Snow and Bossman prove that there was absolutely no reason to have a cage around the ring, no reason to have a Hell in the Cell around that, and no reason to have pittbulls between the cages. Why? Because nothing was used. The dogs had leashes on and owners holding them back. No one took any major bumps, they didn’t even fight on the top or push someone off of either cage. This match defined the word letdown. ½*
+X-PAC vs. CHRIS JERICHO: I had one problem with Chris Jericho when I was a fan of his back in his WCW days. He was great when he got ahold of the michrophone, and hilarious in his various skits, but when he went into the ring he became a boring, average wrestler. Granted, he has a few slick moves and he’s a tad better than most, but he just can’t follow up to his talk. Ken Shamrock apparently left the WWF a little early to train for his UFC return, so Jericho was stuck with X-Pac. Jericho didn’t talk. Jericho didn’t do any skits. Jericho wrestled. ‘Nuff said. ½*
HHH vs. KANE vs. THE ROCK vs. MANKIND vs. THE BRITISH BULLDOG vs. THE BIG SHOW: The first ever 6-pack challenge. Hopefully the last. WCW had the same problem with their cruiserweight match at Fall Brawl. They used up Mysterio, Kidman, Guerrerro, and Vampiro in one match. They should have spread out the talent. This 6-pack challenge was the same way. Every match before this paled in comparison. There were a lot of finishing moves but very little special pay per view worthy moments. The biggest and best moment came when the refs on strike showed up and beat up the strike-breaking ref. It was funny in the kind of only-WWF-would-do-this way. In my oh-so studious predictions I stated that HHH wouldn’t win because it would equal low ratings and bad crowd reaction. Guess what: You heard the silent crowd, now say g’bye to ratings! **1/2
Unforgiven was a bad pay per view. I usually don’t say that about the WWF, but in the end they will be known as the uneven wrestling federation. You never know if Raw will be great or lame. With Nitro it’s the same every week. Summerslam was good but Unforgiven sucked. August was a great month for the ppv’s and September wasn’t. I’ll give Unforiven a low * because it was epically lame. Every match could have been better. I wanted something to happen. Nothing happened. $30+ for this? At least you lucky few get a copy of the WWF Music CD volume 2. It’s too bad there’s already a volume 3 out and volume 2 has crappy entrance music like Doink the Clown’s. What about my predictions? My record came last month for Summerslam. I predicted 77% of the matchups. A C+. Not bad. For Unforgiven I predicted 5 matches out of 9, which tallies up as a 55.5%….an F. You have to add the fact that I had a 1 in 6 chance of predicting the main event, plus I predicted the double main event correctly at King of the Ring and ended up failing. So there. The next pay per view is surprisingly another WWF pay per view, No Mercy. Austin takes on HHH and Chyna faces JJ. Dream matches I want to see? Dudleys vs. Holly’s or Hardy’s hardcore, Mankind vs. Big Show I-Quit, and The Rock vs. Kane. I’ll have my No Mercy predictions in about 15 days. Until then.
Sunday, September 12, 1999
WCW FALL BRAWL
Sunday, September 12th from Winston-Salem, North Carolina
WWF has three ‘gimmick’ pay per views. The Royal Rumble, The King of the Ring, and Survivor Series which at least use to have a 4 on 4 setting. WCW has World War 3, which has three rings set up and is madness, and of course Uncensored which throws the rules out the windows. WCW’s best gimmick was War Games. A 3 on 3 on 3 matchup in a two-ring steel cage. Whoever wins goes to Halloween Havoc. I’ve never seen War Games, so maybe it sucks, but at least it sounds fucking cool. If WWF had War Games they’d burn the world down. This Fall, though, the first time I will actually watch Fall Brawl, the War Games element is dropped. Why? The bookers say the last two years were disappointing. Still, will you make more bucks hyping up a lame ass same-old pay per view with nine matches or a pay per view with a main event consisting of nine wrestlers and a double steel cage? I’d choose the cage, although I would also have Hak win the whole thing, but that’s me. The card for this years Fall Brawl? It’s okay. WCW was good going into the summer, but right now they are losing it, big time. Meanwhile ECW is kicking ass with the return of Raven and the TNN show, and WWF is showcasing it’s better than ppv UPN program, Smackdown. My god, this Thursday on Smackdown! (the exclamation point is mandatory) they have (it was filmed already but not aired) a buried alive match between The Rock & Mankind vs. The Big Show & The Undertaker. Kane versus Triple H for the belt! Chris Jericho hiding in a steel cage so Shamrock can’t get to him. The Dudley Boys do an interview in the ring! So here goes my (snooze…) Fall Brawl predictions:
KAZ HAYASHI vs. LENNY LANE: What a matchup! And they wonder why they’re losing to the WWF in the ratings. I didn’t even know Kaz Hayashi existed until a week ago, so I doubt he’s going to win. Lenny and Lodi are the so-called Gaylords, though WCW made them brothers so in reality they can’t be gay. Whatever, it’s a stupid gimmick and truly lame to give Lenny Lame the fucking cruiserweight belt. Expect Lame to hold on to it for awhile anyway, since I can’t for the love of me picture Kaz walking to the ring with gold. Expect Eddie Guererro to take the belt very soon, probably at Havoc.
SATURN vs. RIC STEINER: This is for the coveted TV Title. It was rumored on the elusive ‘net that Hardcore Hak was scheduled to get the TV Title but now because he’s bitching to the executives at Chastity’s firing The Cat will receive a push. Whatever. Give the belt to anyone but Ric Steiner, he’s even more boring bad then he was good. Saturn was good when he feuded with Raven, but that was only because Raven was my favorite WCW wrestler at the time. I guess now it’s The Cat, though I’m counting down the days to Hak’s return. It’s a tossup as to who will win the belt, but I’m guessing the dawg will retain it, possibly with the help of his bro, Scott, who is apparently almost ready to return to the squared circle.
VAMPIRO & THE INSANE CLOWN POSSE vs. MYSTERIO, KIDMAN, & EDDIE GUERRO: Expect ICP to win. Why you say? Because they were mad that they had to keep jobbing and then they signed a one-year deal. Guess what? They’re winning! I like Vampiro now, too, he’s pretty wild. This should be a great matchup because ICP are fun to watch and Mysterio, Kidman, & Guerrero are three of the best wrestlers around. Could turn into the best match of the night.
BERLYN vs. BUFF BAGWELL: Alex Wright needed a gimmick so they sold him on this techno German super machine anti-USA robot-esque black death dude. He actually showed up before Columbine sitting in the stands but of course they had to pull the gimmick because he wears a black trenchcoat. Now he’s back and this is his first matchup. Expect Berlyn to win because a new guy losing doesn’t help anyone. The more life rambles on the more I hate Buff. He was great when he was bad, now he’s a sucker. This match will probably start out wild, because no one knows what to expect from Berlyn, but after five seconds expect a Bore-A-Thon 2000.
GOLDBERG vs. DDP: You love me, you hate me, you’ll never forget me. Diamond Dallas Page isn’t the best personality, but get him in the ring and he does entertain. The last time he faced Goldberg was at last year’s Halloween Havoc, the one that actually ran 3 hrs. and 10 minutes. A few cable companies pulled the plug and they had to re-air the match on Nitro the next day. The more I think about it HH had a great card last year. Scott Hall vs. Kevin Nash, DDP vs. Da Man, Hogan vs. Ultimate Warrior, and Bret Hart vs. Sting. Wow. Anyway, back to the matchup, Goldberg of course won with his spear and jackhammer after he kicked out of the diamond cutter. Don’t expect DDP to win here either, because no belts are on the line and when Goldberg loses again it won’t be against Diamond Scum Page. The Triad will show up and receive spears, and Da Man will make the pin. Expect a so-so matchup.
SID vs. CHRIS BENOIT: The WCW bookers gave Sid a Millennium Man gimmick where he racks up an unbeatable streak to shadow Goldberg’s and then the two will face probably at Starrcade. Problem? Some idiot in the back had Sid lose to Saturn on Thunder last week because of a DQ. No matter, Thunder gets about two viewers anyway. But giving with the Millennium Man gimmick, Sid will definitely win here, which is a shame because I expected Benoit to hold the U.S. Title for longer than a month. Hopefully he’ll get his Heavyweight push. This match will be just okay. Benoit is a great intense wrestler but Sid has one move and his fake punches miss his oppenent’s by two feet. Sid with the U.S. Belt? It sounds lame, but this is Dubbya-See-Dubbya we’re talking about.
BARRY & KENDALL WINDHAM vs. HARLEM HEAT: The West Texas Rednecks gimmick is great, especially since they’ve acquired Vincent. Now, officially, the New World Order is over. Bischoff and Co. have hinted at a reunion, but please call it something else. N.W.O. was the greatest gimmick in the sport in the last decade, but it’s over. This matchup is a joke. The Windham’s? They belong in the fucking Cuba Backyard Wrestling Alliance, not the WCW. And to boot, they’ve got the damn tag belts! It was said that they got the belts because they’re friends with the backstage bookers. Who cares, expect that friendship to die once Harlem Heat take back their belts. At least HH is a real tag team. Expect this match to reach a new record on the Lame-O-Meter.
DEAN MALENKO & SHANE DOUGLAS vs. HUGH MORRIS & BRIAN KNOBBS: This is a no-DQ match, meaning…Hardcore Rules!!! The hardcore WCW is back. Wow. Expect one of the best matches of the night. Why? Because I’ve been waiting for Douglas to hit a ppv in style…E.C.fuckin’W-style. No rules, no DQ! Boy am I impressed. Then I realized Dean Malenko, the man of a thousand positions (Ric Flair joke…where is the old timer when WCW needs him?) isn’t hardcore. Hugh Morris has that great moonsault, and he knows how to take hits. Hopefully, Hak will show up and beat the shit out of everyone. I can dream, right? Expect The Revolution to get the win, but hopefully WCW won’t fuck this up like they’ve fucked up everything in their company and make a armageddon bodies everywhere ladder smashing table crashing chair mashing monstrosity classic. Yep, still dreamin’…
STING vs. HULK HOGAN: Let me guess? Sting…or Hogan? Oh, come on fuck the charades…I guarantee Hulk Hogan wins. Why? Because Hulk Hogan is an asshole. He hogs the belt for himself. He’ll keep it until he loses it to Bret Hart at Starrcade. And even then he’ll bitch and moan and get it back for Superbrawl. What I would like to see is ANYONE OTHER THAN HOGAN WITH THE BELT. There. I said it. Sting won’t win it. Why? Because Luger is going to show up and beat him up. I was such an idiot to predict Hogan to retire. Give me a break…the signs were all there. Nash was losing. Everyone said it. Why was I so blind. I guarantee Hogan wins. Why? Because WCW hasn’t had a good main event since…since…well, the, no…since Spring Stampede. And even that was just okay, but that was the last good one. WCW has better midcard talent than stars. Hogan is such a boring wrestler! He’s a fucking old man! Make him an announcer, a manager, anything but a wrestler. Okay, I’ve said my peace. Here’s another possibility. Sting wins then faces Goldberg at Havoc. Or Sting loses and faces Luger at Havoc. He’s going to face Luger at Havoc whether you like it or not. I can’t picture a Championship match between Sting and Luger. So there. I said it. My last guarantee shocked the world. Will this one? No, but from now on I’ll try to guarantee at lest one match per ppv. It’ll be my best bet. Until the show.
ECW’s Anarchy Rulz ppv tomorrow should be awesome. Sabu vs. Justin Credible should be better than 99.9% of what the WCW passes on as wrasslin’. Fall Brawl didn’t have the War Games element and it definitley needed something like it. It was, without a doubt, the worst WCW ppv so far this year. At least the Great American Bash had Hak vs. Brian Knobbs in what turned into a ladder match, Sting being attacked by two dobermans and a pitt bull, and Sid Vicious making his first WCW appearance. The ppv sucked, but it had three moments. Fall Brawl didn’t have any. Sting winning surprised me, since I did gurantee the opposite. Bischoff isn’t the president anymore of WCW so that’s more or less why Hogan lost the belt. The problem was the card. WCW hasn’t put together a good card since they had the three good pay per views in a row, Uncensored, Spring Stampede, and Slamboree. Then they dropped every slice of quality they had with the awful Great American Bash, they below-average Bash at the Beach and the marginal Road Wild. I enjoyed Road Wild but that was just because WCW actually put together a half decent pay per view. Compare Road Wild to an ECW ppv and you fall out of your seat. Even WWF’s Unforgiven has a sweet card, much better than the lousy Summerslam card. Here are my thoughts on WCW’s 1999 Fall Bore:
STING vs. HULK HOGAN: This was such a major angle that it should have shocked the world. By the time Sting turned bad and hit Hulk Hogan with his black baseball bat I was so damned bored and lifeless from the other matches that I couldn’t give eight shits. The match really sucked. Hogan was good when he was bad. He could hit you with chairs, whip you with his strap, and cheat like the evil bastard he was. Now he’s back in his lame red and yellow good-guy image and it blows. He’s so fucking old he can’t execute any great moves or offense. Sting is at least exciting. The only good part of this match was when DDP showed up, then Sid, then Luger. Sting of course turned bad but nobody cares. If life was good then Hogan would become a manager and keep out of the ring. *1/2 (out of ****)
+KAZ HYASHI vs. LENNY LANE: I’m almost ashamed to admit this was probably the best match of the night. Lenny Lane surprised me with his great cruiserweight moves, and even though I’ve never seen Kaz wrestle, he’s not too bad. The match had some great moves and a lot of close 2 ½ almost-pins. It’s too bad they didn’t build this match up at all like WWF and ECW do their ppv matches. It seemed like they were just fighting because WCW needed more matches on their pay per view. **1/2
+SATURN vs. RIC STEINER: Chris Benoit has the TV Title now, which is better then either Saturn or Dog. I hate both wrestlers. Saturn is okay. His feud with Chris Jericho earlier in the year was pretty wild, but now he’s only mildly entertaining. Without Raven, Saturn is lost. Raven and Saturn’s feud was one of WCW’s best in recent years. Did you hear Hak is back from his injuries? He’s wrestling at a house show tomorrow, which hopefully means he'll be on Nitro. Must’ve been a half-assed lame match if I’m talking about someone who has absolutely nothing to do with this match whatsoever. *1/2
VAMPIRO & THE INSANE CLOWN POSSE vs. MYSTERIO, KIDMAN, & EDDIE GUERRERO: This was a re-match from Road Wild. I think they should have made a singles match between Vampiro and one of the three good-guys, and then have the ICP face the other two in tag-team competition. I would have made more sense then to again waste some of the best talent WCW has in one match. I liked the Road Wild match better, though it was interesting to find that Mysterio hurt his knee, Eddie was injured somehow, and Vampiro got a black eye and mild concussion during this match. With all of those injuries you would think the match was jaw-droppingly awesome. It wasn’t. **
HUGH MORRIS & BRIAN KNOBBS vs. DEAN MALENKO & SHANE DOUGLAS: This match was a No-DQ match, which I had figured was more or less a Hardcore match. I was totally wrong. Why they instituted the no-disqualification gimmick for this match is beyond me. No ladders, no tables, no chairs, no fun. It was such a lame match. The only thing they did that would have gotten them disqualified was fighting outside of the ring for more then a 10-count. Wow. Big fucking deal. *1/2
+HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN vs. BERLYN: Buff Bagwell was in the back but the announcers gave a note that Bagwell was late to the arena and he wouldn’t be wrestling Berlyn. So guess who they got? I was hoping for someone other than Jerry Flynn, and I was surprised that they got the overweight, senior citizen Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Yes, the guy beat cancer. I respect that he’s been though a lot, but why is he still being paid by WCW? He doesn’t even wrestle on Nitro or Thunder. The new president of WCW, Bill Busch, was noted as saying expect twenty wrestlers to be fired come the end of the year. Bye, bye Hacksaw. ½ *
+BARRY & KENDALL WINDHAM vs. HARLEM HEAT: Give me a break. I always made fun of the WWF for not having a good tag team division. Boy do I room to talk. The WCW tag team division consists, more or less, of Harlem Heat. The Windhams aren’t even a tag team, they’re part of a bigger group called The West Texas Rednecks. This match was a disaster. Hopefully Bill Busch will pull out no stops to have Halloween Havoc actually be a watchable pay per view. To think, Fall Brawl cost thirty-bucks. I give out my sympathies to friends and family of those who purchased the ppv. *
GOLDBERG vs. DDP: The only other watchable match on the pay per view. Goldberg never disappoints, so it’s with good reason that Bill Busch (I love that name don’t I?) has mentioned the new center of WCW will be Goldberg. More or less this says fuck Hogan, right? Expect Goldberg to get the belt soon, either on a Nitro (In Philly on Oct. 18th…that’d be toooo sweeeeet) or an upcoming ppv. I would love to see a re-match of Goldberg and Sting, since both times they’ve fought neither guy has one. The first time they fought Sting had the scorpion deathlock on Bill when the N.W.O. showed up and it turned into a DQ. The next time they fought Bret Hart showed up and beat the shit out of both dudes, turning it into yet another DQ. So Goldberg/Sting still has to be resolved. Now with a belt on the line it’s even sweeter. Hopefully, if Bill Busch and Co. realize a Hogan/Sting rematch would enact an anti-WCW campaign worldwide, they’ll push for a Sting/Goldberg main event at ‘Havoc for the coveted belt. I’d much rather see that then Sid/Goldberg. Who cares about the Millennium Man storyline? I think it sucks. **1/2
6 out of 9 predictions I got correctly. That’s a marginal 66.6%, a D. All in all Fall Brawl gets a * star rating. I know it’s low, but Fall Bore was so bad it wasn’t even funny. You have to factor in the price. I’d rather pay $30 bucks for ECW on TNN or WWF’s Smackdown!. Nitro has gotten bad fast. This week it started off great with Dean Malenko verse Chris Benoit in one of the best Nitro fights in years, then Ric Flair’s great return. It ended up same-old and sort of lame, compared to Raw which showcased the return of Vinnie Mac and Jericho’s hilarious Gotch Gracie routine. Did I mention Thunder wasn’t live or taped, it showcased recent matches and events while Smackdown had Vinnie Mac beat HHH for the belt with the help of Austin 3:16. Take that. Hopefully, Halloween Havoc will surprise us, since WCW is making a lot of changes. With Goldberg as the center of attention doesn’t that technically mean he’ll be in the main event of Havoc? I’d love to see a three-way dance with Hogan/Sting/Goldberg, but that’s not exactly what the bookers want, is it? Tomorrow ECW’s Anarchy Rulz is on, with Taz vs. Masato Tanaka, Justin Credible vs. Sabu, Lance “I’m from Calgary, Alberta, Canada” Storm vs. Jerry Lynn, and Raven & Dreamer vs. Steve Chorino and a mystery opponent. Wow! ECW always has the best ppv’s, and so far this years best pay per view is, without a doubt, May’s Hardcore Heaven. WWF’s Unforgiven is in eight days. The card is great. HHH vs. Rock vs. ‘Taker vs. Big Slow vs. Kane vs. Mankind in a six-way match for the belt. How Vince McMahon’s win over HHH will factor into this is beyond me. Other matches are Jericho vs. Shamrock, The Dudley Boys vs. The Acolytes, and Bossman vs. Al Snow in a hardcore cage match within a Hell in the Cell circled by dogs. Whew. And you wonder why I re-named it Fall Bore. Until then.
Sunday, August 22, 1999
WWF SUMMERSLAM
Summerslam is two days away and I’m not very excited. Wrestlemania excited me because, well, for the most part I was excited because it took place in Philly. King of the Ring was exciting because it had a killer main event. Summerslam is supposed to be the second biggest WWF ppv of the year, right? This year they’ve brought Jesse “The Gov’na” Ventura to ref the main event. That’s big, sure, but it seems like the rest of the card is mediocre at best. The actual main event is much better now that Mankind has been added to the mix. It looks as if the bookers realized no one in their right mind gave three fucks about HHH so they added a real crowd favorite. Smart move, kid. And guess what? Mankind will be champ. I guarantee it. But more on that below:
THE ROAD DOGG vs. AL SNOW vs. BIG BOSSMAN: This is a three-way hardcore match. I’m a very big fan of these matches, but only if they leave the arena and fight backstage and outside. Why you say? Well, it’s different than the other matches and adds something to a ppv. The hardcore division really jumpstarted with that great Hardcore Holly/ Al Snow feud which lasted from February until May. It was wild, and because of it Hardcore ‘The Big Shot’ Holly is a big time WWF player. This three-way should be decent but don’t expect The Bossman to take any major bumps. He’s been adamant to the WWF that he hates hardcore wrestling and he wants to drop the belt. Guess what, folks? The Road Dogg should retain the Hardcore Belt.
THE BIG SHOW & THE UNDERTAKER vs. KANE & X-PAC: This match has a lot of superstars…but seriously. The Big Show sucks. He’s so damn slow and lame. The Undertaker has lost all of his charm, and even though one of my favorties is Kane, he’s not the best wrestler. You would expect The Big Show & ‘Taker to win, right? Undertaker is going to have hip surgery so don’t expect them to win. Anyway, expect Kane and ‘Pac to lose to the winners of the tag tourney either on Raw or during the re-match on Smackdown.
SHANE McMAHON vs. TEST: Shane only wrestlers on the BIG ppvs. He wrestled a fantastic match at Wrestlemania against X-Pac that I garnered ***1/2. Why? Because Shane is fucking hilarious and very entertaining. The next time he wrestled was at the hilarious ladder matchup for all the marbles at KOTR. I gave that ***1/2, though I do admit I have a soft spot for ladder matches, my favorite kind of match. Expect this to be a great matchup. Expect the Greenwhich Possee to show up, and Stephanie to show up, since the stipulation involves her. If Test wins he can continue to see Steph and Shane will not interfere. If Shane wins Test must break up with Steph and never see her again. I think since the Test and Stephanie storlyine is kind’ve old expect Shane to win.
IVORY vs. TORI: If they actually put this match on TV I will puke. The WWF’s women’s division is almost as sad as the WCW’s women’s division. Ivory vs. Tori? That’s more or less Shotgun-calibur. I don’t even know who has the belt, but Ivory is tough…isn’t she?
THE ROCK vs. MR. ASS: If Bad Ass Billy Gunn wins I will give you fifty million dollars. Why you say? The Rock, in my mind, is the best personality the WWF has had in a loooooong time. Mr. Ass sucks. He won the KOTR tournament for no reason at all. This feud is so lame it’s worth spilling milk over. I want to see that Rock/Jericho feud. Rumors say it won’t happen soon enough, meaning Jericho may just feud with X-Pac at first. Anyway, this match will probably suck though at least Rock entertains the piss out of you.
JEFF JARRETT vs. D’LO BROWN: D’Lo Brown has the European Title and the Intercontinental Title. One has to give, right? Rumors on the net say he’ll lose the IC title to JJ who will lose it to Jericho on Raw. These aren’t really rumors but fantasies. Expect JJ to take the IC title off him and lose it on Smackdown…but to Jericho? Who knows.
KEN SHAMROCK vs. STEVE BLACKMAN: This is a so-called ‘Lions Den Weapons Match’. The Lion’s Den is pretty cool, but adding weapons to such a small area? I don’t buy it, but at least it’s not a regular wrasslin’ match. This technically could go either way, especially since Shamrock beat Blackman last month, but I still expect the bastard to win.
TAG TEAM TURMOIL (ACOYLTES): This is a tag team tournamanet that probably will majorily be on Sunday Night Heat involving the following teams:
The Acolytes
Droz & Prince Albert
The Hardy Boyz
Hardcore Holly
Edge & Christian
Val Venis & The Godfather
Mideon & Viscera
The funniest part is Hardcore Holly being a tag team. At first I figured it would be him and his cousin, (great concept) Crash Holly, but no- it’s just The Big Shot. That will be very funny, but in the end, expect The Acolytes to win the tournament which gets them a shot at the real tag team the following night on Raw. Why the Acolytes? Well yes, the do suck, but in the world of WWF they always win or have the number one contender shots. Why? Maybe McMahon likes them, I don’t know, but they always come out on top so it makes sense they’ll win here.
STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN vs. MANKIND vs. HHH: Ever since Hunter Hearst Helmsley signed a contract that stated he’d be the WWF champ sometime in 1999, everyone figured he’d win it at Summerslam. Hell, it has been practically sealed in stone on the internet that HHH would win. Now wait one fucking minute. Remember the KOTR where everyone thought The Big Show would win? They tricked us. No way in hell is Triple H going to win here. Why you say? Because it would ruin the end of a ppv. HHH will win the belt from Mankind on the premiere of Smackdown! Yes, that’s right. Mankind winning the belt at the climax of Summerslam would be shining, great moment. HHH winning would piss everyone off. Expect a brutal matchup and Mankind to take the gold.
It’s 2:56 pm on Monday, August 23rd, 1999. I start school tomorrow, but I’m more focused on the great night of wrestling ahead of me. The Las Vegas Nitro proves to be a big one. Sting vs. Hogan for the belt, with rumors of Sting going oldschool colors and Hogan turning bad, plus Kiss performing, and a possible return for Bret ‘The Hitman’ Hart. Wow. WWF doesn’t really have anything set it stone but last night’s Summerslam was a great ppv. And guess what folks? I guaranteed that Mankind would win the title. No one in the world said Mankind would win. I did. I was right. You can take that guarantee to the bank. It should be a great live RAW tonight with rumors of Jericho interrupting Stone Cold’s interview, plus tomorrow night they’re taping Smackdown! To premiere on Thursday night on UPN. Wow. What a big fat wrestling week. After I catch the re-play of Summerslam on Tuesday I’ll write my in-depth review, but for now I’ll let you know what my record was. There were 9 matches. I correctly predicted 7, though I did pick the winners of the whole fucking tag team tournament, which should garner extra points. But I won’t become an asshole. 7 out of 9 is an astounding 77%. My highest prediction number. Along with that I’m pushing towards a *** rating for the event. Wow. It truly was a big ppv.
+JEFF JARRETT vs. D’LO BROWN: Coming into this match, D’Lo Brown had both the European Title and the Intercontinental Title. He left title-less. How? Mark ‘Sexual Chocolate’ Henry turned on his best bud to let JJ get the win. All in all a pretty lame even. This was the first ppv to have no wrestling on Sunday Night Heat before the ppv. I think this is good, because filling four hours of wrestling is hard, and the past few ppv’s had better Heat’s than actual ppvs. Now it’s all backstage interviews and music filled promos. Because of Smackdown now Heat has no wrestling anyway, just re-caps of the week, interviews, and my favorite new segment: Deja Video, where they show classic WWF moments with bonus interviews. The first segment had the infamous ‘Taker/Mankind Hell in the Cell matchup. Great. Heat is turning out to be a great show. Anyway, this match up here, why am I not talking about it? Two words: It sucked. ‘Nuff said. *1/2
+AL SNOW vs. THE BIG BOSSMAN: Yes, I am aware of the fact that up there a few ways I predicted The Road Dogg Jesse James to win the coveted Hardcore title in this match. Wait a minute. He didn’t even fight! No, he didn’t, but I did predict Bossman after I realized Dogg wasn’t fighting, just more or less ‘reffing’. The two combatants went across the street into a bar where they fought over bar stools and pool tables. I love these hardcore matches, though the WWF Hardcore Matches aren’t really ‘hardcore’, just No-DQ. You want hardcore? Check out TNN Friday’s at 8. Oh yeah, ECW’s got Raven back. Excellent, though I will miss him in Dubbya-C-Dubbya. He was once my favorite wrestler. Maybe he still will be. **1/2
+TAG TEAM TURMOIL (THE ACOLYTES): I picked the whole fucking tag team tournament! Of course my reasoning was excellent. The Acolytes do always win, I don’t know why. They got their title shot and lost, and now Mankind and The Rock are the tag team champs…how lame, though I have to give the WWF it’s due; without Vinnie Mac and Austin, they’ve got four hours a week to fill, which isn’t easy. This so-called Tag Team Turmoil was pretty fast paced and exciting. The Hardy Boyz definitely were the show stoppers, and the Hardcore Hollys the comedy relief. **1/2
SHANE O’MAC vs. TEST: I should have known better. This match had an interesting stipulation. If Shane McMahon wins, then Test can never see Stephanie McMahon again. If Test wins, then Shane and his posse have to leave the couple alone. Of course Test wins leading into the big time storyline of Test and Stephanie’s wedding, with the stoogest, Brisco and Patterson as the best men. At first I figured this wedding to take place at Wrestlemania, but that’s kind of a long way away, I’m figuring at the Survivor Series it’ll go down. Remember the Macho Man/Elizabeth wedding when Jake the Snake ruined it? Hilarious shit. Anyway, back to the best match of the night. Maybe it’s me, but Shane McMahon always has the best matches. Remember his Wrestlemania match against X-Pac? ***1/2. Remember the ladder match against Austin at KOTR? ***1/2. Here’s another ***1/2 for ya. Not only did Shane jump off the top rope and elbow drop Test through the spanish announce table, but the Greenwich Posse showed up and sat on a couch (yes, a couch) at ringside with a lamp and even a self portrait (I’m not kidding you). This is what wrestling is all about. Wow!
+IVORY vs. TORRI: What a lame match. This women’s division blows. Luna, Torri, and Ivory. Snooze Alert. Ivory wins. Can you believe I picked it? You know what’s wrong with this women’s division? The women aren’t hot! Sable was hot! Get some hot women! ½*
+THE ROCK vs. MR. ASS: This was a bad match…why? Because Mr. Ass is not in The Rock’s league. Add to the fact that they were both fighting for really no reason or belt, and you’ve got a bad ppv match. The only redeeming thing was Mr. Ass’s surprise; a fat women hidden under a grey blanket. The Rock is great when he’s got the mike, though it takes Mankind to get a good match out of the dude. *1/2
X-PAC & KANE vs. THE BIG SHOW & THE UNDERTAKER: Right now The Big Show is the worst wrestler in the business. Why? Because he’s so fucking slow and lame. Right now he has the worst storyline; working for The Undertaker. The ‘Taker has a neat gimmick, but get him in the ring and you will fall asleep. The only good matches he’s been in is when the other wrestler did cool stuff. I say bring back the Hell in the Cell but put The Dudley Boyz in it. Who should they face? Kane is good. Mankind’s already done everything possible with the HITC. Maybe the Hardy Boyz vs. Dudley Boyz Hell in the Cell. I’d order that ppv! This match was lame, though, and I was wrong, so let’s go to the next match before you make a lame ass comment. **
+STEVE BLACKMAN vs. KEN SHAMROCK: This was a Lions Den Weapons match. Everyone in the arena was apparently upset because they couldn’t see the thing. You didn’t miss anything. The weapons included nunchucks and a singapore cane. I think a chain was hanging around. Shamrock knocked out Blackman. I never liked either wrestler, but at least Jericho is starting a feud with the rock of sham. *1/2
+TRIPLE H vs. MANKIND vs. STONE COLD: I picked it. Yeah, enough gloating. Triple H won the belt anyway the next night, so it wasn’t too sweet a victory for Mc. This match had a lot of potential but failed. Stone Cold hasn’t been involved in a good match lately. The KOTR ladder match was halfway decent, but Stone Cold is more stale than ever for me. The last good main event WWF feud was The Rock/Mankind. Boy were those a great series of matches; the I-Quit match, the ladder match, the Halftime Heat match, the Survivor Series finale, and the Last Man standing match. With Triple H holding the belt, don’t expect any good main event feuds. This match was just okay. Jesse Ventura really didn’t do anything, which was a little disappointing. I wish the main event had a night ending bang but it didn’t. **
So there you go. Summerslam ’99 is over. It was a good ppv. **1/2. The best parts were the Shane/Test fight and the tag team turmoil. The hardcore fight was entertaining. The main event needing some fireworks, but all in all the ppv was a worthy Summerslam. As you all know, I shattered my old predictions with a staggeringly okay 77%, C+. I added up the stars and got 17.5. In twelve days WCW’s Fall Brawl greets us with it’s presence, minus the War Games element. The main event is Sting vs. Hogan. I’m sorry, but WCW has me frustrated. I thought they were on an upswing but they’re slowing down. Road Wild was good, but they need more. The Sid as Millenium Man isn’t cutting it. Where is Hak? As soon as he returns, all will be good. Until then.
Saturday, August 14, 1999
WCW ROAD WILD
Saturday, August 14th from The Black Hills of Sturgis, South Dakota
It’s Tuesday afternoon and even though I have to go back to Delco in two weeks, I’m riding a good August wave with Road Wild, Pocono weekend, Summer Slam, Smackdown, ECW on TNN, Great Adventure, and Penn State’s first game verse Arizona on the 28th. Life is good…and so is wrestling! Last night the Monday shows pulled out no stops. WCW was same old but did feature the return of Hulkamania and put into effect a massive stipulation for Sturgis. WWF had a monster of a show that featured Jesse Ventura, Shawn Michaels…and the introduction of Chris Jericho! If you thought that wasn’t enough, Jericho officially has started his first WWF feud with none other than…The Rock. That’s right…The Rock and Chris Jericho. Talk about the mother of all feuds.
Right now though I’m writing the predictions for this Saturday Night’s Sturgis, SD based event, Road Wild. I’m not even going to be here to see it but hopefully the ppv box will work in upstate PA. If not I’ll catch the replay…but I’m seriously mad if I miss the end. Not only is Nash fighting Hogan for the belt…whoever loses retires! Hogan recently went to doctors to see if his knee was okay and since he brought the red and yellow back wouldn’t it make sense he leaves? Nash on the other hand has quit his booking job and was rumored to want to be taking some time off. So realistically, either man could lose here. The card is half decent, too, and definitely better than Summer Slam’s majorily lame card. Austin vs. HHH? Snooze alert. The Rock vs. B.A. Billy Gunn? B..o..r..i..n..g. Why don’t you scratch Gunn and just have Rock and Jericho talk? There’s a thought, and here’s my predictions, my thoughts, bitches, etc etc etc. Oh yeah, underlined are the predicted winners, in case you were inept.
ICP & VAMPIRO vs. MYSTERIO, GUERRERO, & KIDMAN: This probably will be the best matchup of the evening, and probably the first, since they usually put the luchadores on first. Doesn’t that AC/DC song, ‘Money Talks’ rock? Anyway, I just got the Insane Clown Possee’s lastest album, ‘The Amazing Jeckyl Brothers’. It’s really funny and really great. I thought I would hate it but I was very surprised. As wrestlers they’re decent, but Vampiro is pretty entertaining, as our the three dudes facing them. Mysterio, Guerrero, and Kidman are the best of the best, real talent. Should be a good match. I hope Raven interferes somehow. He used to be one of my favorties, but since he was injured I’ve lost interest. I can’t wait until he comes back into action. Good guys should get the win, even if Raven tries some funny stuff.
THE CAT vs. BUFF BAGWELL: Technically this match could go either way, but most would think Buff would take the win. I’m betting on The Cat. Early summer they gave Buff a minor push with the Roddy Piper storyline but now he’s lost in space and lame as ever. The Cat however has been doing the same schtick for almost a year and still is fresh as ever. This match will be lame but funny with The Cat and is antics.
STING vs. SID VICIOUS: Sting is still a very entertaining wrestler. Sid was good in ECW but he’s just okay in WCW. He does the powerbomb and looks monstrous, but he’s not really anything special. This match should be good since Sting always gets the crowd into it. Expect the good guy to get the win.
THE MACHO MAN vs. DENNIS RODMAN: Dennis Rodman was much more entertaining last year when he was with Hogan and they were calling him Rodzilla. Now he’s pretty lame. This match will be a laughing stock. Dennis Rodman could get the win since he’s not really a wrestler, but I think Macho will take it home because otherwise he’ll look like a chump and can’t really be a big guy in WCW if they have him lose to this dridiot. Should entertain when GG shows up.
CHRIS BENOIT vs. DDP: Benoit finally took the U.S. Title off of David Flair. There are rumors that David will quit and become a state trooper and other rumors that Meng will be his bodyguard. David is sort of funny but I think he’s been used up, don’t you? Benoit is the real deal, he’s great. Remember the diving headbutt off of the top of the cage? How about the diving headbut onto the steel chair on Raven’s head? He needed stitches for that massive cut. DDP is sort of entertaining. It should be a great U.S. Title reign since Benoit is great. He’ll keep the title for awhile.
KANYON & BAM BAM BIGELOW vs. HARLEM HEAT: Right now The Triad has the belts, and them with the belts is getting old even though they just won them this summer. Harlem Heat are crowd favorites and a real tag team so they deserve it, and they should get it. This match is going to be boring: the reason they invented FF.
GOLDBERG vs. RIC STEINER: Bill Goldberg is officially back after WCW decided to pay him over a million a year like he wanted. It’s a big month for him, what, with his new movie coming out next Friday: Universal Soldier 2: The Return. It looks like a Showtime original but I’ll check it out for ‘Da Man. I enjoy him because he’s entertaining. Ric Steiner has the TV title. I doubt he’ll get it because isn’t he main event material? I’m guessing Scott Steiner will show up to cause a DQ and then Goldberg will spear both of them and the crowd will go nuts. Should be a wild match. Remember last year’s Road Wild when Godlberg jacknifed The Giant? Crazy.
CHAD BROCK & THE REVOLUTION vs. THE WEST TEXAS REDNECKS: No one even knows if this match is happening. It could just be a singles match between Chad Brock (a country singer I’ve never heard of) and Henig, but I’m guessing they’ll involve everyone anyway. Should be a lame matchup, but the Rednecks are at least funny, and this will be the first ppv for The Franchise himself so maybe he’ll prove WCW spent their money wisely for him. Expect Brock to get the pin since you’ll never hear from him again.
KEVIN NASH vs. HULK HOGAN: If Hogan wins, which everyone thinks will happen, then Nash would take his vacation he wanted and somehow show up at Starrcade, right? I’m guessing Hogan loses. It will probably be because of Scott Hall, right? I’m sort of doubting he’ll show up, but I think Hogan is gone. Why? First off, he had his knee injured earlier and had surgery. Last month he went to the doctors because he thought he had re-injured it. This could make him want to retire because he doesn’t want to hurt his knee anymore. Plus, he wore the red and yellow last night on Nitro. That could mean he’s leaving for good so why not wear the red and yellow before he’s gone? Of course I can’t believe Hogan would leave forever. The WCW hotline reports Hogan will start his feud on Monday with Bret Hart, then Nash will feud with Bret Hart in the winter. That technically means Hogan wins Saturday. Should I believe the horses mouth? Nah. Here’s my thoughts: Nash wins, loses to Goldberg, who loses to Bret Hart. I can dream right?
I should remember this moment because what I’m about to type rarely comes. WCW’s Road Wild was a good ppv. I didn’t say great. For it to be a great ppv they would have had someone turn good or bad or Scott Hall to show up. Plus…the main event could have been good. All in all though, the majority of the matches weren’t awesome but definitely above average for WCW. The motorcylce/outdoor atmosphere added a lot. The highlights? Rodman and Macho showed up and put on the best match of the night, Sid beat Sting cleanly, and Chris Benoit showed us why he’s definite U.S. Title material. As for the big Heavyweight/Retirement match? Did you have to ask? Hulkamania remains and Kevin ‘Big Sexy’ Nash has officially RETIRED. Don’t bet on it. Anyway, here are my rambling incoherent thoughts on WCW’s Road Wild 1999. Rumors persist it’ll be the last ppv at Sturgis. Too bad, they’ve really got something going with it. Checked are my correct predictions, underlined the true winners. Can I beat my record of 75%? You’ll have to read three pages of shit to get to the answer. Good luck.
+MYSTERIO, KIDMAN, & GUERRERO vs. THE DEAD POOL: Why did they waste so much talent on one simple match? Why not spread it out? Vampiro, Kidman, Mysterio, and Eddie Guerroro are all great wrestlers. The Insane Clown Posse (Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J) add an entertaining angle, and at least Raven is sitting ringside instead of backstage. An above average high-flying opening bout. Vampiro is starting to become a big time wrestler. I’d love to see him with the Cruiserweight belt. Mysterio sucks ass now that his mask is off. **1/2 (out of ****)
+BAM BAM & KANYON vs. HARLEM HEAT: I picked it, asshole. The Triad didn’t have DDP for this match so I guess the bookers decided it was as good a reason as any to give a real tag team the Tag Team belts. This match was boring. DDP interfered. Same old shit. Harlem Heat got the crowd involved. Filler. *1/2
+THE REVOLUTION vs. WEST TEXAS REDNECKS: The Revolution is pretty lame. I like Shane Douglas but so far he’s proven that WCW is wasting their money. Boy does he have to go on a diet. Malenko wasn’t even tagged into this match…man he must feel like an asshole. The West Texas Rednecks are sort of funny but their gimmick has worn off and left me cold. The chaos of seven men running around beating eachother into submission was enough to garner it an average **.
BUFF BAGWELL vs. THE CAT: My streak is ruined when Buff is not the Stuff wins over my man… Da Cat. This match was awful. Why you say? Well when The Cat attemtped to talk the bikers revved their engines…so The Cat couldn’t make us laugh. Sadly, that is The Cat’s only quality. *
+CHRIS BENOIT vs. DDP: This was a no-DQ match. Chris Benoit is definitely one of the best wrestlers in WCW. His mike skills and personality need work…but he’s not really into that. He’s into…wrestling. This was a fairly decent above average matchup. Benoit is ferocious…he’s intense. That’s what wrestling needs. ECW usually pumps up the intensity. WCW does not. DDP chokes the life out of Benoit with the ref’s belt. Kanyon and Bam Bam show up to thward Benoit’s fight. Chris Benoit gets the belt. Finally a true champion has arisen from the smoke. **1/2
STING vs. SID VICIOUS: The only surprise of the entire night. Sid not only beat Sting…he beat him without cheating…without outside interference…without an illegal object. He beat Sting cleanly. Fucking Goldberg, Bret Hart, and Hulk Hogan have never beaten Sting cleanly. The only reason they let Sid win is because they’ve given him the old Goldberg gimmick. What is it? He racks up a crazy win streak. This will ultimately lead to unbeaten Sid facing unstoppable Goldberg down the road. This match was more or less the same but both competitors I like and the surprise win gave it the oomph it needed to garner a decent **1/2 rating.
+RIC STEINER vs. GOLDBERG: Why is Bill Goldberg facing a loser like Ric Steiner? Because WCW has desperately been trying to turn Ric Steiner into Scott Steiner ever since Scott Steiner’s back injury. When the hell is that Goldberg/Sting matchup going to occur? The first time they fought Sting had Goldberg in the scorpion death lock and he was about to win. Hogan interfered or someone forcing a DQ. The next time the two faced Bret Hart hit both of them with a chair forcing a DQ. I want to see a clean match. Now of course...with Sting losing to Sid…don’t expect a re-match until next Spring or Summer. I guess this match sucked if I’m talking about totally different things. Same old shit. Good energy. Nothing new. Ric Steiner sucks now. I guess he’s always sucked. Oh well. Give Da Man a worthy opponent please. **
+MACHO MAN vs. DENNIS RODMAN: I am still surprised to say that the best match of the night involved the Macho Man and Dennis Rodman. In actuality, no real moves occurred, not even the big elbow…but just the way both men kicked the shit out of eachother. They both knocked out almost six referrees, plus, Macho took Dennis backstage and threw him into a port-o-potty and tipped it. You could actually see the shit running out the side, I swear to God. Rodman complained a few days after that Macho wrestled too stiff. It sure looked like it. Great fun matchup. Macho wins with help from GG and a chain. What ppv matches should look like. ***
HULK HOGAN vs. KEVIN ‘BIG SEXY’ NASH: If Kevin Nash never shows his face again then maybe I will be happy and say this was a great main event. The only retirement match that actually proved to be a retirement match was when Bret Hart faced Bob Backlund at some Wrestlemania. Gee, I wonder who fucking won. This matchup anyway sucked. Hulk Hogan is a goddamned geizer. He bores the shit out of me. I loved when he was the evil menacing N.W.O.-leader, Hollywood Hogan. Now he’s back to his lame assed red and yellow. I wish he was an announcer or manager. Wrestler he aint. Champion? Give me a fucking break. Although I’m glad to see Nash go, boy did he get boring fast. *1/2
Road Wild gets a 16.4 rating. I think I’ve fucked up, though. Is it out of 8 or 9? See I think I started doing it out of 9 but then changed to 8 without realizing. Who cares. Road Wild was a **1/2 star event, the best since Slamboree. The main event blew, but the Macho Man/Rodman match, the ICP match, and the Benoit defense were all very entertaining. Plus…the outside motorclye South Dakota sun setting wild party atmosphere is much better than a enclosed souless dome. I predicted 6 out of 9 matches, which is a lame 66.6%. I fucked up. The Cat was a good pick, as was Sting, but what was I thinking when I chose Hogan to retire. I was blinded with what I wanted. Like Hak to bring back the hardcore style at Fall Brawl. Speaking of which, every September WCW has it’s ppv titled Fall Brawl: War Games. The war games part is a two-ring steel cage extravaganza with 3 three-man teams battling it out. The winner goes on to face the champ at Halloween Havoc, which ends up usually being the big ppv even though they say Starrcade is it. Rumors persist that they may not even have a War Games this year. That FUCKING SUCKS. I’ve never seen War Games. I’ve been waiting all year. I’ve got my box and everything. Two rings with a steel cage wrapped around it! And this is the first year the hardcore element is in swing. Could it mean….okay. This is WCW were talking about. Anyway, in a measly three days time Summerslam hits ppv boxes everywhere. I’m not that excited. At least Mankind is now in the main event, if he wasn’t in it I’d have loaded my gun and painted a bullseye on my forehead prior to the show. Ventura is there, so there’s that. Hopefully Jericho will show up and create some carnage, and if us wrestling fanz are really lucky, they’ll introduce The Dudly Boyz…otherwise, I can’t wait until Raw or Smackdown for those dudes. Until then.
It’s Tuesday afternoon and even though I have to go back to Delco in two weeks, I’m riding a good August wave with Road Wild, Pocono weekend, Summer Slam, Smackdown, ECW on TNN, Great Adventure, and Penn State’s first game verse Arizona on the 28th. Life is good…and so is wrestling! Last night the Monday shows pulled out no stops. WCW was same old but did feature the return of Hulkamania and put into effect a massive stipulation for Sturgis. WWF had a monster of a show that featured Jesse Ventura, Shawn Michaels…and the introduction of Chris Jericho! If you thought that wasn’t enough, Jericho officially has started his first WWF feud with none other than…The Rock. That’s right…The Rock and Chris Jericho. Talk about the mother of all feuds.
Right now though I’m writing the predictions for this Saturday Night’s Sturgis, SD based event, Road Wild. I’m not even going to be here to see it but hopefully the ppv box will work in upstate PA. If not I’ll catch the replay…but I’m seriously mad if I miss the end. Not only is Nash fighting Hogan for the belt…whoever loses retires! Hogan recently went to doctors to see if his knee was okay and since he brought the red and yellow back wouldn’t it make sense he leaves? Nash on the other hand has quit his booking job and was rumored to want to be taking some time off. So realistically, either man could lose here. The card is half decent, too, and definitely better than Summer Slam’s majorily lame card. Austin vs. HHH? Snooze alert. The Rock vs. B.A. Billy Gunn? B..o..r..i..n..g. Why don’t you scratch Gunn and just have Rock and Jericho talk? There’s a thought, and here’s my predictions, my thoughts, bitches, etc etc etc. Oh yeah, underlined are the predicted winners, in case you were inept.
ICP & VAMPIRO vs. MYSTERIO, GUERRERO, & KIDMAN: This probably will be the best matchup of the evening, and probably the first, since they usually put the luchadores on first. Doesn’t that AC/DC song, ‘Money Talks’ rock? Anyway, I just got the Insane Clown Possee’s lastest album, ‘The Amazing Jeckyl Brothers’. It’s really funny and really great. I thought I would hate it but I was very surprised. As wrestlers they’re decent, but Vampiro is pretty entertaining, as our the three dudes facing them. Mysterio, Guerrero, and Kidman are the best of the best, real talent. Should be a good match. I hope Raven interferes somehow. He used to be one of my favorties, but since he was injured I’ve lost interest. I can’t wait until he comes back into action. Good guys should get the win, even if Raven tries some funny stuff.
THE CAT vs. BUFF BAGWELL: Technically this match could go either way, but most would think Buff would take the win. I’m betting on The Cat. Early summer they gave Buff a minor push with the Roddy Piper storyline but now he’s lost in space and lame as ever. The Cat however has been doing the same schtick for almost a year and still is fresh as ever. This match will be lame but funny with The Cat and is antics.
STING vs. SID VICIOUS: Sting is still a very entertaining wrestler. Sid was good in ECW but he’s just okay in WCW. He does the powerbomb and looks monstrous, but he’s not really anything special. This match should be good since Sting always gets the crowd into it. Expect the good guy to get the win.
THE MACHO MAN vs. DENNIS RODMAN: Dennis Rodman was much more entertaining last year when he was with Hogan and they were calling him Rodzilla. Now he’s pretty lame. This match will be a laughing stock. Dennis Rodman could get the win since he’s not really a wrestler, but I think Macho will take it home because otherwise he’ll look like a chump and can’t really be a big guy in WCW if they have him lose to this dridiot. Should entertain when GG shows up.
CHRIS BENOIT vs. DDP: Benoit finally took the U.S. Title off of David Flair. There are rumors that David will quit and become a state trooper and other rumors that Meng will be his bodyguard. David is sort of funny but I think he’s been used up, don’t you? Benoit is the real deal, he’s great. Remember the diving headbutt off of the top of the cage? How about the diving headbut onto the steel chair on Raven’s head? He needed stitches for that massive cut. DDP is sort of entertaining. It should be a great U.S. Title reign since Benoit is great. He’ll keep the title for awhile.
KANYON & BAM BAM BIGELOW vs. HARLEM HEAT: Right now The Triad has the belts, and them with the belts is getting old even though they just won them this summer. Harlem Heat are crowd favorites and a real tag team so they deserve it, and they should get it. This match is going to be boring: the reason they invented FF.
GOLDBERG vs. RIC STEINER: Bill Goldberg is officially back after WCW decided to pay him over a million a year like he wanted. It’s a big month for him, what, with his new movie coming out next Friday: Universal Soldier 2: The Return. It looks like a Showtime original but I’ll check it out for ‘Da Man. I enjoy him because he’s entertaining. Ric Steiner has the TV title. I doubt he’ll get it because isn’t he main event material? I’m guessing Scott Steiner will show up to cause a DQ and then Goldberg will spear both of them and the crowd will go nuts. Should be a wild match. Remember last year’s Road Wild when Godlberg jacknifed The Giant? Crazy.
CHAD BROCK & THE REVOLUTION vs. THE WEST TEXAS REDNECKS: No one even knows if this match is happening. It could just be a singles match between Chad Brock (a country singer I’ve never heard of) and Henig, but I’m guessing they’ll involve everyone anyway. Should be a lame matchup, but the Rednecks are at least funny, and this will be the first ppv for The Franchise himself so maybe he’ll prove WCW spent their money wisely for him. Expect Brock to get the pin since you’ll never hear from him again.
KEVIN NASH vs. HULK HOGAN: If Hogan wins, which everyone thinks will happen, then Nash would take his vacation he wanted and somehow show up at Starrcade, right? I’m guessing Hogan loses. It will probably be because of Scott Hall, right? I’m sort of doubting he’ll show up, but I think Hogan is gone. Why? First off, he had his knee injured earlier and had surgery. Last month he went to the doctors because he thought he had re-injured it. This could make him want to retire because he doesn’t want to hurt his knee anymore. Plus, he wore the red and yellow last night on Nitro. That could mean he’s leaving for good so why not wear the red and yellow before he’s gone? Of course I can’t believe Hogan would leave forever. The WCW hotline reports Hogan will start his feud on Monday with Bret Hart, then Nash will feud with Bret Hart in the winter. That technically means Hogan wins Saturday. Should I believe the horses mouth? Nah. Here’s my thoughts: Nash wins, loses to Goldberg, who loses to Bret Hart. I can dream right?
I should remember this moment because what I’m about to type rarely comes. WCW’s Road Wild was a good ppv. I didn’t say great. For it to be a great ppv they would have had someone turn good or bad or Scott Hall to show up. Plus…the main event could have been good. All in all though, the majority of the matches weren’t awesome but definitely above average for WCW. The motorcylce/outdoor atmosphere added a lot. The highlights? Rodman and Macho showed up and put on the best match of the night, Sid beat Sting cleanly, and Chris Benoit showed us why he’s definite U.S. Title material. As for the big Heavyweight/Retirement match? Did you have to ask? Hulkamania remains and Kevin ‘Big Sexy’ Nash has officially RETIRED. Don’t bet on it. Anyway, here are my rambling incoherent thoughts on WCW’s Road Wild 1999. Rumors persist it’ll be the last ppv at Sturgis. Too bad, they’ve really got something going with it. Checked are my correct predictions, underlined the true winners. Can I beat my record of 75%? You’ll have to read three pages of shit to get to the answer. Good luck.
+MYSTERIO, KIDMAN, & GUERRERO vs. THE DEAD POOL: Why did they waste so much talent on one simple match? Why not spread it out? Vampiro, Kidman, Mysterio, and Eddie Guerroro are all great wrestlers. The Insane Clown Posse (Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J) add an entertaining angle, and at least Raven is sitting ringside instead of backstage. An above average high-flying opening bout. Vampiro is starting to become a big time wrestler. I’d love to see him with the Cruiserweight belt. Mysterio sucks ass now that his mask is off. **1/2 (out of ****)
+BAM BAM & KANYON vs. HARLEM HEAT: I picked it, asshole. The Triad didn’t have DDP for this match so I guess the bookers decided it was as good a reason as any to give a real tag team the Tag Team belts. This match was boring. DDP interfered. Same old shit. Harlem Heat got the crowd involved. Filler. *1/2
+THE REVOLUTION vs. WEST TEXAS REDNECKS: The Revolution is pretty lame. I like Shane Douglas but so far he’s proven that WCW is wasting their money. Boy does he have to go on a diet. Malenko wasn’t even tagged into this match…man he must feel like an asshole. The West Texas Rednecks are sort of funny but their gimmick has worn off and left me cold. The chaos of seven men running around beating eachother into submission was enough to garner it an average **.
BUFF BAGWELL vs. THE CAT: My streak is ruined when Buff is not the Stuff wins over my man… Da Cat. This match was awful. Why you say? Well when The Cat attemtped to talk the bikers revved their engines…so The Cat couldn’t make us laugh. Sadly, that is The Cat’s only quality. *
+CHRIS BENOIT vs. DDP: This was a no-DQ match. Chris Benoit is definitely one of the best wrestlers in WCW. His mike skills and personality need work…but he’s not really into that. He’s into…wrestling. This was a fairly decent above average matchup. Benoit is ferocious…he’s intense. That’s what wrestling needs. ECW usually pumps up the intensity. WCW does not. DDP chokes the life out of Benoit with the ref’s belt. Kanyon and Bam Bam show up to thward Benoit’s fight. Chris Benoit gets the belt. Finally a true champion has arisen from the smoke. **1/2
STING vs. SID VICIOUS: The only surprise of the entire night. Sid not only beat Sting…he beat him without cheating…without outside interference…without an illegal object. He beat Sting cleanly. Fucking Goldberg, Bret Hart, and Hulk Hogan have never beaten Sting cleanly. The only reason they let Sid win is because they’ve given him the old Goldberg gimmick. What is it? He racks up a crazy win streak. This will ultimately lead to unbeaten Sid facing unstoppable Goldberg down the road. This match was more or less the same but both competitors I like and the surprise win gave it the oomph it needed to garner a decent **1/2 rating.
+RIC STEINER vs. GOLDBERG: Why is Bill Goldberg facing a loser like Ric Steiner? Because WCW has desperately been trying to turn Ric Steiner into Scott Steiner ever since Scott Steiner’s back injury. When the hell is that Goldberg/Sting matchup going to occur? The first time they fought Sting had Goldberg in the scorpion death lock and he was about to win. Hogan interfered or someone forcing a DQ. The next time the two faced Bret Hart hit both of them with a chair forcing a DQ. I want to see a clean match. Now of course...with Sting losing to Sid…don’t expect a re-match until next Spring or Summer. I guess this match sucked if I’m talking about totally different things. Same old shit. Good energy. Nothing new. Ric Steiner sucks now. I guess he’s always sucked. Oh well. Give Da Man a worthy opponent please. **
+MACHO MAN vs. DENNIS RODMAN: I am still surprised to say that the best match of the night involved the Macho Man and Dennis Rodman. In actuality, no real moves occurred, not even the big elbow…but just the way both men kicked the shit out of eachother. They both knocked out almost six referrees, plus, Macho took Dennis backstage and threw him into a port-o-potty and tipped it. You could actually see the shit running out the side, I swear to God. Rodman complained a few days after that Macho wrestled too stiff. It sure looked like it. Great fun matchup. Macho wins with help from GG and a chain. What ppv matches should look like. ***
HULK HOGAN vs. KEVIN ‘BIG SEXY’ NASH: If Kevin Nash never shows his face again then maybe I will be happy and say this was a great main event. The only retirement match that actually proved to be a retirement match was when Bret Hart faced Bob Backlund at some Wrestlemania. Gee, I wonder who fucking won. This matchup anyway sucked. Hulk Hogan is a goddamned geizer. He bores the shit out of me. I loved when he was the evil menacing N.W.O.-leader, Hollywood Hogan. Now he’s back to his lame assed red and yellow. I wish he was an announcer or manager. Wrestler he aint. Champion? Give me a fucking break. Although I’m glad to see Nash go, boy did he get boring fast. *1/2
Road Wild gets a 16.4 rating. I think I’ve fucked up, though. Is it out of 8 or 9? See I think I started doing it out of 9 but then changed to 8 without realizing. Who cares. Road Wild was a **1/2 star event, the best since Slamboree. The main event blew, but the Macho Man/Rodman match, the ICP match, and the Benoit defense were all very entertaining. Plus…the outside motorclye South Dakota sun setting wild party atmosphere is much better than a enclosed souless dome. I predicted 6 out of 9 matches, which is a lame 66.6%. I fucked up. The Cat was a good pick, as was Sting, but what was I thinking when I chose Hogan to retire. I was blinded with what I wanted. Like Hak to bring back the hardcore style at Fall Brawl. Speaking of which, every September WCW has it’s ppv titled Fall Brawl: War Games. The war games part is a two-ring steel cage extravaganza with 3 three-man teams battling it out. The winner goes on to face the champ at Halloween Havoc, which ends up usually being the big ppv even though they say Starrcade is it. Rumors persist that they may not even have a War Games this year. That FUCKING SUCKS. I’ve never seen War Games. I’ve been waiting all year. I’ve got my box and everything. Two rings with a steel cage wrapped around it! And this is the first year the hardcore element is in swing. Could it mean….okay. This is WCW were talking about. Anyway, in a measly three days time Summerslam hits ppv boxes everywhere. I’m not that excited. At least Mankind is now in the main event, if he wasn’t in it I’d have loaded my gun and painted a bullseye on my forehead prior to the show. Ventura is there, so there’s that. Hopefully Jericho will show up and create some carnage, and if us wrestling fanz are really lucky, they’ll introduce The Dudly Boyz…otherwise, I can’t wait until Raw or Smackdown for those dudes. Until then.
Sunday, July 25, 1999
WWF FULLY LOADED
Sunday, July 25th from Buffalo, New York
I don’t want to ruin the fun or anything, but last year’s Fully Loaded fully blew. The main event was a lame assed tag team between tag team champs Austin & Taker verses the deadly duo themselves; Kane & Mankind. Guess who won. Kane and Mankind. The other big match was the boring as shit Rock/Tripe H brawl. But that was last year, so maybe things will change, especially when you factor the fact in that now every ppv is big, not just the big 5. In my mind the main event is always fucking awesome, and the rest of the ppv blows, but Sunday Night Heat rocks. So watch Heat then wait until 10:00 pm. This years main event is a doozy, with a massive stipulation. But, the title isn’t going to change hands this much is it? Most expect the rumored HHH vs. Austin matchup at Summerslam, with HHH winning. Jesse “The Body” Ventura is reffing so you gotta expect Austin to chug beers with him, right? Enough of my blathering, I’ve got 10 whole matches to predict here, and there are enough WWF rumors circulating about this ppv already, but none of the main event. Here goes:
AL SNOW vs. BIG BOSSMAN: What a lame matchup. Al Snow is sort of interesting, because he at least does hardcore outside of the ring action, but Bossman is truly the laughing stock of the wrestling community. Since Hardcore Holly has officially left the hardcore division to have a feud with Kane, it seems that the WWF Hardcore division consists of…Al Snow…who happens to be champ. At least WCW has more than one wrestler in the hardcore division. Expect this match to suck and blow. Snow should retain the coveted belt though, why Bossman would win is beyond me.
D’LO BROWN vs. MIDEON: I hope this match occurs on Heat, because I really can’t sit through this thing. Mideon is a fat fuck who can’t do anything cool beside crawl on the ring apron, and D’Lo is sort of funny when he walks to the ring, but wrestle eachother? Lame-O 9 million. This match is for the European Title which was put to rest after Wrestlemania but brought back so it could be showcased around young wrestler’s waists and primarily used on this fall’s new UPN show, Smackdown. Mideon has the belt now and rumors say D’Lo is getting it, don’t expect anything less.
JEFF JARRETT vs. EDGE: The biggest rumors on the ‘net are that Edge will not only defeat JJ for the Intercontinental Belt, but also take Deborah away from him. I don’t know about the chick part, but he should take the belt away, seeing that JJ is boring as shit and at least Edge hasn’t had it before. This match should be truly epicially lame. Man this ppv card really sucks so far, eh?
TEST vs. JOEY ABBS: I’m guessing this match will be showcased on Sunday Night Heat because on wwf.com it wasn’t on the ppv card. Maybe they realized the suck value of it. Really though, it could turn out to be funny if the rest of the Greenwhich Possee shows up and has a brawl, then Stephanie and Shane could show up, turn the match into an entertaining one. It’s a tossup as to who will win, but Test should get the win since lately he’s had his ass handed to him on a silver platter by those dudes. Just please…don’t wrestle too long.
TRIPLE H vs. THE ROCK: Whoever wins gets to be the main eventer at Summerslam. I won’t deny the HHH/Austin rumors, so let’s go with the Hunter Hearst Helmsley dude. This match will be okay, since The Rock entertains somewhat, and Chyna’s outside interference could help entertain. These wrestlers, in my mind, have wrestled way too much. Last summer they had a big feud. I think the bookers are watching last summer’s storylines too closely. Undertaker/Austin was a big draw at Summerslam’98, why not do it again at Fully Loaded? And the last first blood match was at last summer’s King of the Ring. Jesus…what else happened last summer…
THE BIG SHOW vs. KANE: Hardcore Holly is the special referee. This could be the second best match of the night. Why? Big Show cracks me up, and Hardcore is the best WWF wrestler. He's great. Kane is cool, too, at least his opening is. Expect a slow match but with a special ref it should be wild. Either man could win, but I’ll pick the big man because he’s got to start looking good if he’s gonna feud with Austin in the future…rumored to be at Wrestlemania 2000 at The Pond in Anaheim, California.
KEN SHAMROCK vs. STEVE BLACKMAN: On wwf.com they stated this match as being an Iron Circle Match. I’m guessing it’s a Lion’s Den Match, but wouldn’t they have said that? At first it was a Special Weapons Match. Who cares, right? Both competitors suck, Blackman was a nobody until Vince decided to use him at KOTR. I hope it’s a special weapons match or a lion’s den, then it’ll have something special at least instead of a boring wrasslin’ matchup.
THE HARDY BOYZ vs. THE ACOLYTES: Rumors are circulating that The Acolytes will win when Michael Hayes fucks up or turns bad. No way. The Hardy Boyz just won the belts, no way are they going to switch this early. This match will be okay, because the Boyz at least try.
X-PAC & THE ROAD DOGG vs. MR. ASS & CHYNA: Whoever wins this tag team matchup gets the ‘rights to DX’. Whatever that means. This match will either turn out to be high flying excitement or lame assed same old. I’m guessing on the latter. WWF is really getting lame fast, which is sad because they were truly riding a high flying wave. With Ventura reffing SS, though, expect a bigger ppv next month. I’m guessing that the good guys win, because the bad DX members have been winning everything lately.
‘STONE COLD’ STEVE AUSTIN vs. THE UNDERTAKER: Definitely the best match of the night, only because of the massive stipulations involved. The Undertaker really bores me as a wrestler, and even though Austin only uses a clothesline and stunner, he at least has a high energy attitude in the ring. This should be the best match of the night, because in wwf country the put everything possible into the main event and the rest of the ppv sucks ass. This is a First Blood Match, whoever bleeds first loses. Austin has the title on the line, but there is more on the line than a cut or a title. If Austin wins he retains the belt and Vince McMahon can never be on WWF TV again. If The Undertaker wins he becomes the WWF Champion, and Austin can never have the WWF Championship Title again. Pretty hefty there, but expect both stipulations to go out the window when the refs go down and both men are bloody messes. Expect both McMahons to come to the ring, expect a brawl, expect more than one stunner, but Austin should retain the belt nontheless.
It’s Wednesday, July 28th, 1999. Why the lame-assed date? I don’t know…Deep Blue Sea starts today…looks decent but will definitely be lame. Speaking of LAME, did you see the WWF’s 1999 Fully Lame ppv? That’s right, it has officially been re-named to Fully Lame instead of Fully Loaded. Why? Cuz it was just that…lame. The First Blood match was a disappointment, even though after the match it got kind’ve good. Every other match really blew, except for the hardcore match which was interesting because they went outside and stuff. WWF, in my mind, is getting old fast. The do recycle too many of their old storylines. HHH as champ will just put the WWF into a gutter that WCW knows too well. Give Kane the belt, that would be fantastic. Anyone but HHH. Why am I talking like Triple H already has the belt? Because he signed a contract which gives him a title reign. Wether or not he gets the belt at Summerslam is meaningless- he’s getting the belt this Fall either way. My guess is he’ll win it at the September PPV re-match. Anywhore, here are my gripes, bitches, and moans on July’s WWF ppv. Could I predict every match right? Doubtful, but read ahead to find out. Winners underlined, checks to my correct predictions:
EDGE vs. JJ: I am not an idiot but I do listen to ‘net rumors, and they said Edge was winning the Intercontinental Belt and taking Deborah away from Jeff Jarrett. To my surprise, Edge had won the IC belt from JJ the night before at a Skydome houseshow. So of course Edge wouldn’t be winning the belt if they had a rematch scheduled THE NEXT NIGHT. So I picked Edge before I knew all this and kept my word but I’m a moron. This match really blew, WWF truly sucked ass on Sunday. *1/2
THE ACOLYTES vs. THE HARDY BOYZ & MICHAEL HAYES: The other big rumor of Fully Lame was that Michael Hayes would cost the Boyz the tag team belts. I didn’t buy it because the Boyz just won the belts and The Acolytes just had it. What a moron, the only true rumor of the whole night. An okay match, the Boyz do some high flying Luchadore shit, but otherwise same old boring WWF. The World Wrestling Federation is only good on Raw or WarZone when they do interviews and funny backstage antics. Wrestling they don’t do well…let ECW do that. **
+MIDEON vs. D’LO BROWN: Okay, this wasn’t really a rumor, just what everyone and their mother expected: D’Lo to win the European Belt from Mideon. This match belonged on fucking Shotgun. WWF is slowly sinking into a deep funk. I truly doubt Jesse Ventura can lift it out…because look at the match he’s reffing…HHH vs. Austin? Both guys have no moves, and HHH just plain bores you to death. ½*
BIG BOSSMAN vs. AL SNOW: Not as good as The First Blood match, but definitely the only other watchable match. I can’t believe people pay $30 bucks for pay per views. Maybe a Wrestlemania, but Fully Lame? I don’t think I would pay $10 for a ppv. I seriously can’t believe anyone ever buys any WCW pay per views, even if they’ve got thirty people paying cash for it. Pay per views have never, ever been better than the Monday Night shows. Never. This match was sort’ve funny because it was a hardcore match and they went outside. Bossman wins, he’s the Hardcore Champ. And I thought WCW crowning Fit Finlay the Hardcore champ was idiotic. **1/2
+THE BIG SHOW vs. KANE: Hardcore Holly was reffing this match. Why? So he could help Giant get the win. I like Kane, he’s one of my favorites, but Giant fucking blows. This match was the most boring thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life ever seriously it put me faster asleep than that boring as nigger shit The Negotiator. Hardcore Holly didn’t even do anything funny. Okay, Undertaker came out, but he sucks more than anyone in the WWF…okay Edge is pretty lame. *
+KEN SHAMROCK vs. STEVE BLACKMAN: I had mentioned earlier that WWF recycles all of their storylines. Well not only that, but they copy from WCW every chance they get: The Ric Flair presidency storline (3:16 CEO), the N.W.O. (Corporate Ministry). WCW’s Bash at the Beach had a hardcore junkyard match where they all fought around a circle of cars. This Shamrock/Blackman match was titled, ‘Iron Circle’ match, and they fought in a circle of cars. Not as big as BATB’s match, but an obvious rip-off. Okay match, but the copy factor takes off a lot of the excitement. **
+ROAD DOGG & X-PAC vs. CHYNA & MR. ASS: Why does Mr. Ass have two names? He’s known as The Bad Ass Billy Gunn, and Mr. Ass. Stupid. I hate DX. (side note: these reviews bite because I’m not really into it because it’s about ninety-six degrees in this fucking house and I have to work at Slaveco Grocery tonight) I checked out Woodstock, what a fantastic show. Okay, this match really blew. I hate DX, I’ve always hated DX, every member in DX sucks, has always sucked, always will suck. It was probably the worst idea every created that fans loved. This match was for the rights to DX. What a horrible stipulation, but if you think that’s a bad stipulation, wait until the next match. The good guys obviously win…please, WWF, let DX truly disappear for a long, long, long while. Becase, as they say, DX: suck it. *1/2
+HHH vs. THE ROCK: I used to love The Rock. His Mankind feud over the winter was a truly memorable one. Then he fought Austin and it was sort of exciting. He fought ‘Taker at KOTR and bored the shit out of me. He’s hilarious in his interviews and his two moves are great, but his matches as of late have really sucked. Hopefully his Mankind feud will continue, because it’s really the only thing he’s ever had fun with. This match goes down in history as having the worst stipulation ever created. I’m sure they have used it before- like in the fucking 80’s or some shit. (Side note: I read on the ‘net that Bob Backlund had the WWF Title for 7 years in the 70’s. That must’ve been boring. These days no one keeps the title for more than one ppv it seems). The STRAP stipulation had HHH and the Rock have a leather ten foot strap tied around their wrists. At least the Dog Collar stipulation is more exciting because it’s around their neck. This match was bad, too, so maybe that’s why I hated the stipulation. I hope Rocky gets some new feuds soon and starts to be funny again in the squared circle. Kane would be a great opponent. I love that is-he-human bastard. I hope they have a stipulation coming up where Kane has to take off his mask if he loses, then he’ll lose and have all this gnarled makeup on. That would be wicked. *
+THE UNDERTAKER vs. ‘STONE COLD’ STEVE AUSTIN: I was so bored watching Fully Lame that I tried to figure out the last time that Austin was not in the main event of a pay per view. Survivor Series 1998 had Rock/Mankind main event. Expect that streak to grow and grow, unless Austin injures himself. WWF has their head up their ass in basing most everything around Austin. If he’s injured and has to leave for a month or two WWF is fucking done. They’ve barely gone two Raw weeks without him. I’d love to see Mankind or The Rock or Kane in a main event without Austin. Okay, enough of this stupid meaningless bullshit. What do we want? Blood! When do we want it? Now! I love First Blood matches. They are the third best stipulation, only behind Barbed Wire matches and Ladder matches. I like Ladder matches the best because how many fucking Barbed Wire matches are there? I’ve seen one (Sabu/Terry Funk). First Blood is great because since they’re using fake blood packets, anything can go wrong anytime. I think they had this one under control, though, being that the outcome was massive. Either Vince goes or Austin as Champ goes. Some loser on the ‘net mentioned that Austin was supposed to lose. I don’t buy it, Undertaker’s blood was almost as fake as Austin’s obvious forehead blood pack. It was so fake it was a perfect maroon rectangle easily obscured underneath his bandage. The actual wrestling of this match was beyond bad, but once the match was finished it got really funny. Austin hit Shane with a chair, Austin attempted to shake Vince’s hand, then stunned him twice. Then he bled like a stuck pig as X-Pac and HHH showed up. Austin bleeding like there wasn’t a tomorrow as he held the belt high was a memorable sight. Too bad the ppv itself was not. **1/2 only because of what happened after the match.
Fully Lame is over. Was it good? If you read any of my match thoughts above you’d know that it was a bad ppv, definitely the worst WWF ppv I’ve seen. I’d have to give it *1/2 stars out of ****. Technically it received a 12.4, which is higher than WCW’s GAB which had a low 11.2 which hopefully will forever be the lowest, I’d hate to sit through anything worse. Fully Loaded didn’t exactly have much going for it anyway. I guess the fact that every ppv is going to be a big one as opposed to the big 5 was a fat lie for everyone to order them each month. I predicted a marginal 6 out of 9, which is a 66.6, a solid D. Summerslam is next month and a week earlier, so there’s one less Raw to pump up the HHH/Austin/ref Ventura matchup. I don’t expect much from that matchup. HHH is one of the worst wrestlers going today. Hopefully they’ll pull some good tricks out of a hat for Ventura. Expect Ventura and Austin to chug beers proudly to end the night. The othe rumored match is a Big Show/Kane/’Taker gates of Hell match, which is a stipulation that sounds cool but what exactly is it? Who knows…rumors also say ‘Taker may take some time off to get his leg fixed, and that Jericho won’t show up until probably Semptember…which makes Summerslam to be pretty lame. Who will The Rock face? Hopefully a great opponet. The next pay per view for me is the Black Hills of South Dakota epic, Road Wild, the Sturgis based event, which is Saturday, August the 14th. The main event has Nash facing Hogan, but the real interesting match is Dennis Rodman verse Macho Man. I heard Ted Turner was going to be there. Sounds like a lot of fun. I’ll have my predictions in around 15 days. Until then.
I don’t want to ruin the fun or anything, but last year’s Fully Loaded fully blew. The main event was a lame assed tag team between tag team champs Austin & Taker verses the deadly duo themselves; Kane & Mankind. Guess who won. Kane and Mankind. The other big match was the boring as shit Rock/Tripe H brawl. But that was last year, so maybe things will change, especially when you factor the fact in that now every ppv is big, not just the big 5. In my mind the main event is always fucking awesome, and the rest of the ppv blows, but Sunday Night Heat rocks. So watch Heat then wait until 10:00 pm. This years main event is a doozy, with a massive stipulation. But, the title isn’t going to change hands this much is it? Most expect the rumored HHH vs. Austin matchup at Summerslam, with HHH winning. Jesse “The Body” Ventura is reffing so you gotta expect Austin to chug beers with him, right? Enough of my blathering, I’ve got 10 whole matches to predict here, and there are enough WWF rumors circulating about this ppv already, but none of the main event. Here goes:
AL SNOW vs. BIG BOSSMAN: What a lame matchup. Al Snow is sort of interesting, because he at least does hardcore outside of the ring action, but Bossman is truly the laughing stock of the wrestling community. Since Hardcore Holly has officially left the hardcore division to have a feud with Kane, it seems that the WWF Hardcore division consists of…Al Snow…who happens to be champ. At least WCW has more than one wrestler in the hardcore division. Expect this match to suck and blow. Snow should retain the coveted belt though, why Bossman would win is beyond me.
D’LO BROWN vs. MIDEON: I hope this match occurs on Heat, because I really can’t sit through this thing. Mideon is a fat fuck who can’t do anything cool beside crawl on the ring apron, and D’Lo is sort of funny when he walks to the ring, but wrestle eachother? Lame-O 9 million. This match is for the European Title which was put to rest after Wrestlemania but brought back so it could be showcased around young wrestler’s waists and primarily used on this fall’s new UPN show, Smackdown. Mideon has the belt now and rumors say D’Lo is getting it, don’t expect anything less.
JEFF JARRETT vs. EDGE: The biggest rumors on the ‘net are that Edge will not only defeat JJ for the Intercontinental Belt, but also take Deborah away from him. I don’t know about the chick part, but he should take the belt away, seeing that JJ is boring as shit and at least Edge hasn’t had it before. This match should be truly epicially lame. Man this ppv card really sucks so far, eh?
TEST vs. JOEY ABBS: I’m guessing this match will be showcased on Sunday Night Heat because on wwf.com it wasn’t on the ppv card. Maybe they realized the suck value of it. Really though, it could turn out to be funny if the rest of the Greenwhich Possee shows up and has a brawl, then Stephanie and Shane could show up, turn the match into an entertaining one. It’s a tossup as to who will win, but Test should get the win since lately he’s had his ass handed to him on a silver platter by those dudes. Just please…don’t wrestle too long.
TRIPLE H vs. THE ROCK: Whoever wins gets to be the main eventer at Summerslam. I won’t deny the HHH/Austin rumors, so let’s go with the Hunter Hearst Helmsley dude. This match will be okay, since The Rock entertains somewhat, and Chyna’s outside interference could help entertain. These wrestlers, in my mind, have wrestled way too much. Last summer they had a big feud. I think the bookers are watching last summer’s storylines too closely. Undertaker/Austin was a big draw at Summerslam’98, why not do it again at Fully Loaded? And the last first blood match was at last summer’s King of the Ring. Jesus…what else happened last summer…
THE BIG SHOW vs. KANE: Hardcore Holly is the special referee. This could be the second best match of the night. Why? Big Show cracks me up, and Hardcore is the best WWF wrestler. He's great. Kane is cool, too, at least his opening is. Expect a slow match but with a special ref it should be wild. Either man could win, but I’ll pick the big man because he’s got to start looking good if he’s gonna feud with Austin in the future…rumored to be at Wrestlemania 2000 at The Pond in Anaheim, California.
KEN SHAMROCK vs. STEVE BLACKMAN: On wwf.com they stated this match as being an Iron Circle Match. I’m guessing it’s a Lion’s Den Match, but wouldn’t they have said that? At first it was a Special Weapons Match. Who cares, right? Both competitors suck, Blackman was a nobody until Vince decided to use him at KOTR. I hope it’s a special weapons match or a lion’s den, then it’ll have something special at least instead of a boring wrasslin’ matchup.
THE HARDY BOYZ vs. THE ACOLYTES: Rumors are circulating that The Acolytes will win when Michael Hayes fucks up or turns bad. No way. The Hardy Boyz just won the belts, no way are they going to switch this early. This match will be okay, because the Boyz at least try.
X-PAC & THE ROAD DOGG vs. MR. ASS & CHYNA: Whoever wins this tag team matchup gets the ‘rights to DX’. Whatever that means. This match will either turn out to be high flying excitement or lame assed same old. I’m guessing on the latter. WWF is really getting lame fast, which is sad because they were truly riding a high flying wave. With Ventura reffing SS, though, expect a bigger ppv next month. I’m guessing that the good guys win, because the bad DX members have been winning everything lately.
‘STONE COLD’ STEVE AUSTIN vs. THE UNDERTAKER: Definitely the best match of the night, only because of the massive stipulations involved. The Undertaker really bores me as a wrestler, and even though Austin only uses a clothesline and stunner, he at least has a high energy attitude in the ring. This should be the best match of the night, because in wwf country the put everything possible into the main event and the rest of the ppv sucks ass. This is a First Blood Match, whoever bleeds first loses. Austin has the title on the line, but there is more on the line than a cut or a title. If Austin wins he retains the belt and Vince McMahon can never be on WWF TV again. If The Undertaker wins he becomes the WWF Champion, and Austin can never have the WWF Championship Title again. Pretty hefty there, but expect both stipulations to go out the window when the refs go down and both men are bloody messes. Expect both McMahons to come to the ring, expect a brawl, expect more than one stunner, but Austin should retain the belt nontheless.
It’s Wednesday, July 28th, 1999. Why the lame-assed date? I don’t know…Deep Blue Sea starts today…looks decent but will definitely be lame. Speaking of LAME, did you see the WWF’s 1999 Fully Lame ppv? That’s right, it has officially been re-named to Fully Lame instead of Fully Loaded. Why? Cuz it was just that…lame. The First Blood match was a disappointment, even though after the match it got kind’ve good. Every other match really blew, except for the hardcore match which was interesting because they went outside and stuff. WWF, in my mind, is getting old fast. The do recycle too many of their old storylines. HHH as champ will just put the WWF into a gutter that WCW knows too well. Give Kane the belt, that would be fantastic. Anyone but HHH. Why am I talking like Triple H already has the belt? Because he signed a contract which gives him a title reign. Wether or not he gets the belt at Summerslam is meaningless- he’s getting the belt this Fall either way. My guess is he’ll win it at the September PPV re-match. Anywhore, here are my gripes, bitches, and moans on July’s WWF ppv. Could I predict every match right? Doubtful, but read ahead to find out. Winners underlined, checks to my correct predictions:
EDGE vs. JJ: I am not an idiot but I do listen to ‘net rumors, and they said Edge was winning the Intercontinental Belt and taking Deborah away from Jeff Jarrett. To my surprise, Edge had won the IC belt from JJ the night before at a Skydome houseshow. So of course Edge wouldn’t be winning the belt if they had a rematch scheduled THE NEXT NIGHT. So I picked Edge before I knew all this and kept my word but I’m a moron. This match really blew, WWF truly sucked ass on Sunday. *1/2
THE ACOLYTES vs. THE HARDY BOYZ & MICHAEL HAYES: The other big rumor of Fully Lame was that Michael Hayes would cost the Boyz the tag team belts. I didn’t buy it because the Boyz just won the belts and The Acolytes just had it. What a moron, the only true rumor of the whole night. An okay match, the Boyz do some high flying Luchadore shit, but otherwise same old boring WWF. The World Wrestling Federation is only good on Raw or WarZone when they do interviews and funny backstage antics. Wrestling they don’t do well…let ECW do that. **
+MIDEON vs. D’LO BROWN: Okay, this wasn’t really a rumor, just what everyone and their mother expected: D’Lo to win the European Belt from Mideon. This match belonged on fucking Shotgun. WWF is slowly sinking into a deep funk. I truly doubt Jesse Ventura can lift it out…because look at the match he’s reffing…HHH vs. Austin? Both guys have no moves, and HHH just plain bores you to death. ½*
BIG BOSSMAN vs. AL SNOW: Not as good as The First Blood match, but definitely the only other watchable match. I can’t believe people pay $30 bucks for pay per views. Maybe a Wrestlemania, but Fully Lame? I don’t think I would pay $10 for a ppv. I seriously can’t believe anyone ever buys any WCW pay per views, even if they’ve got thirty people paying cash for it. Pay per views have never, ever been better than the Monday Night shows. Never. This match was sort’ve funny because it was a hardcore match and they went outside. Bossman wins, he’s the Hardcore Champ. And I thought WCW crowning Fit Finlay the Hardcore champ was idiotic. **1/2
+THE BIG SHOW vs. KANE: Hardcore Holly was reffing this match. Why? So he could help Giant get the win. I like Kane, he’s one of my favorites, but Giant fucking blows. This match was the most boring thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life ever seriously it put me faster asleep than that boring as nigger shit The Negotiator. Hardcore Holly didn’t even do anything funny. Okay, Undertaker came out, but he sucks more than anyone in the WWF…okay Edge is pretty lame. *
+KEN SHAMROCK vs. STEVE BLACKMAN: I had mentioned earlier that WWF recycles all of their storylines. Well not only that, but they copy from WCW every chance they get: The Ric Flair presidency storline (3:16 CEO), the N.W.O. (Corporate Ministry). WCW’s Bash at the Beach had a hardcore junkyard match where they all fought around a circle of cars. This Shamrock/Blackman match was titled, ‘Iron Circle’ match, and they fought in a circle of cars. Not as big as BATB’s match, but an obvious rip-off. Okay match, but the copy factor takes off a lot of the excitement. **
+ROAD DOGG & X-PAC vs. CHYNA & MR. ASS: Why does Mr. Ass have two names? He’s known as The Bad Ass Billy Gunn, and Mr. Ass. Stupid. I hate DX. (side note: these reviews bite because I’m not really into it because it’s about ninety-six degrees in this fucking house and I have to work at Slaveco Grocery tonight) I checked out Woodstock, what a fantastic show. Okay, this match really blew. I hate DX, I’ve always hated DX, every member in DX sucks, has always sucked, always will suck. It was probably the worst idea every created that fans loved. This match was for the rights to DX. What a horrible stipulation, but if you think that’s a bad stipulation, wait until the next match. The good guys obviously win…please, WWF, let DX truly disappear for a long, long, long while. Becase, as they say, DX: suck it. *1/2
+HHH vs. THE ROCK: I used to love The Rock. His Mankind feud over the winter was a truly memorable one. Then he fought Austin and it was sort of exciting. He fought ‘Taker at KOTR and bored the shit out of me. He’s hilarious in his interviews and his two moves are great, but his matches as of late have really sucked. Hopefully his Mankind feud will continue, because it’s really the only thing he’s ever had fun with. This match goes down in history as having the worst stipulation ever created. I’m sure they have used it before- like in the fucking 80’s or some shit. (Side note: I read on the ‘net that Bob Backlund had the WWF Title for 7 years in the 70’s. That must’ve been boring. These days no one keeps the title for more than one ppv it seems). The STRAP stipulation had HHH and the Rock have a leather ten foot strap tied around their wrists. At least the Dog Collar stipulation is more exciting because it’s around their neck. This match was bad, too, so maybe that’s why I hated the stipulation. I hope Rocky gets some new feuds soon and starts to be funny again in the squared circle. Kane would be a great opponent. I love that is-he-human bastard. I hope they have a stipulation coming up where Kane has to take off his mask if he loses, then he’ll lose and have all this gnarled makeup on. That would be wicked. *
+THE UNDERTAKER vs. ‘STONE COLD’ STEVE AUSTIN: I was so bored watching Fully Lame that I tried to figure out the last time that Austin was not in the main event of a pay per view. Survivor Series 1998 had Rock/Mankind main event. Expect that streak to grow and grow, unless Austin injures himself. WWF has their head up their ass in basing most everything around Austin. If he’s injured and has to leave for a month or two WWF is fucking done. They’ve barely gone two Raw weeks without him. I’d love to see Mankind or The Rock or Kane in a main event without Austin. Okay, enough of this stupid meaningless bullshit. What do we want? Blood! When do we want it? Now! I love First Blood matches. They are the third best stipulation, only behind Barbed Wire matches and Ladder matches. I like Ladder matches the best because how many fucking Barbed Wire matches are there? I’ve seen one (Sabu/Terry Funk). First Blood is great because since they’re using fake blood packets, anything can go wrong anytime. I think they had this one under control, though, being that the outcome was massive. Either Vince goes or Austin as Champ goes. Some loser on the ‘net mentioned that Austin was supposed to lose. I don’t buy it, Undertaker’s blood was almost as fake as Austin’s obvious forehead blood pack. It was so fake it was a perfect maroon rectangle easily obscured underneath his bandage. The actual wrestling of this match was beyond bad, but once the match was finished it got really funny. Austin hit Shane with a chair, Austin attempted to shake Vince’s hand, then stunned him twice. Then he bled like a stuck pig as X-Pac and HHH showed up. Austin bleeding like there wasn’t a tomorrow as he held the belt high was a memorable sight. Too bad the ppv itself was not. **1/2 only because of what happened after the match.
Fully Lame is over. Was it good? If you read any of my match thoughts above you’d know that it was a bad ppv, definitely the worst WWF ppv I’ve seen. I’d have to give it *1/2 stars out of ****. Technically it received a 12.4, which is higher than WCW’s GAB which had a low 11.2 which hopefully will forever be the lowest, I’d hate to sit through anything worse. Fully Loaded didn’t exactly have much going for it anyway. I guess the fact that every ppv is going to be a big one as opposed to the big 5 was a fat lie for everyone to order them each month. I predicted a marginal 6 out of 9, which is a 66.6, a solid D. Summerslam is next month and a week earlier, so there’s one less Raw to pump up the HHH/Austin/ref Ventura matchup. I don’t expect much from that matchup. HHH is one of the worst wrestlers going today. Hopefully they’ll pull some good tricks out of a hat for Ventura. Expect Ventura and Austin to chug beers proudly to end the night. The othe rumored match is a Big Show/Kane/’Taker gates of Hell match, which is a stipulation that sounds cool but what exactly is it? Who knows…rumors also say ‘Taker may take some time off to get his leg fixed, and that Jericho won’t show up until probably Semptember…which makes Summerslam to be pretty lame. Who will The Rock face? Hopefully a great opponet. The next pay per view for me is the Black Hills of South Dakota epic, Road Wild, the Sturgis based event, which is Saturday, August the 14th. The main event has Nash facing Hogan, but the real interesting match is Dennis Rodman verse Macho Man. I heard Ted Turner was going to be there. Sounds like a lot of fun. I’ll have my predictions in around 15 days. Until then.
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