TNA SACRIFICE

Sunday, May 13th, 2012 from Orlando

CHRISTOPHER DANIELS & KAZARIAN vs. SOMOA JOE & MAGNUS: I missed this match...but we have new tag teams! Does anyone care? Where are the Motor City Machine Guns, anyway?

GAIL KIM vs. BROOKE TESSMACHER: I missed this match, too. Lazy.

DEVON vs. ROBBIE E. & ROBBIE T.: Kind of still mad they split up the Dudley Boyz. Not because I like them but because now we have to sit through Devon matches. * (out of ****)

MR. ANDERSON vs. JEFF HARDY: The finish was super awkward. Anderson rolled up Hardy for a quick pin that might have been a 2 and a 1/2 count. After the pin, Anderson spoke to the ref and stood in the ring looking like a mistake just occurred. Either way, it wasn't that great. *1/2

CRIMSON vs. ERIC YOUNG: Eric Young might be TNA's most entertaining wrestler...but even he couldn't make a Crimson match watchable. *

AUSTIN ARIES vs. BULLY RAY: This was the match of the night. Austin Aries is phenomenal. Funny, a high-flyer, sarcastic, semi-evil, and all around fun to watch. His entrance proclaims him to be "The Greatest Man That Ever Lived." He even had a good match with Bully Ray. **1/2

KURT ANGLE vs. A.J. STYLES: Eh. It was twenty-minutes, so-so. **

RVD vs. BOBBY ROODE "LADDER MATCH":  No big spots but at least it was semi-entertaining. RVD is lucky he's still alive as he got destroyed. He did a Five Star Frog Splash off the top rope and Roode moved and RVD landed on his knees onto a ladder. He lept onto a ladder and got his foot stuck in an awkward maneuver that left him dangling. The finish had him kicked off the ladder where his head landed onto a chair. Roode is officially now the longest reigning TNA champ. **

WWE EXTREME RULES

From Rosemont, Illinois

KANE vs. RANDY ORTON "FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE": This was, shockingly, the best match Kane has been in for years. And it wasn't even that good! They brawled all over the building...so I guess the secret to having a good Kane match is to not let him actually wrestle. **1/2 (out of ****)  

BRODUS CLAY vs. DOLPH ZIGGLER: Short. Mediocre. 1/2*

BIG SHOW vs. CODY RHODES "TABLES MATCH": The Big Show was kicked by Cody Rhodes and fell off the apron and stepped through a table, thus he lost the IC Title. Groan. Then he put Cody through two tables and the last time it was a patented Mike Awesome-over-the-top-rope toss. Nice. *1/2  

SHEAMUS vs. DANIEL BRYAN "2 OUT OF 3 FALLS": Great match. I guess now it makes the WWE look bad for only giving their best wrestler 18 seconds at 'Mania. The first fall was a DQ because Bryan was kicking Sheamus too much. The second fall was because Sheamus passed out. The last fall had a Brogue Kick and Bryan lost. It was long but one of the year's best. ***1/2

AARON RELIC & JAY HATTON vs. RYBACK: Yawn. The crowd chanted, "Goldberg!" because Ryback is...oh, who cares? -No Stars-

 CHRIS JERICHO vs. CM PUNK "CHICAGO STREET FIGHT": A little awkward and slow early but it picked up at the end with a ton of gimmicks. Punk used a fire extinguisher and lept off the top rope and onto Jericho and the Spanish announce table. Punk's sister was ringside and slapped Jericho. Chairs and canes were used. These two just don't mesh well but it had enough craziness to work. & my god the crowd was awesome tonight. ***

NICKI BELLA vs. LAYLA: Boring filler. When's Kharma coming back? -No Stars-

BROCK LESNAR vs. JOHN CENA "EXTREME RULES MATCH": Wow...a good main event. & they cheered Cena. & he pinned Lesnar...then said he was taking a vacation. First off, Brock looked like he really hurt Cena. Both guys bled and both were practically falling all over each other and out of the ring at one point or another. Cena gave the FU to Brock onto the steel ring steps in the ring and won. Two refs were knocked out and a medic tended to Cena's head wound during the match. A total cluster fuck and dull early but it was insanely watchable. This was a really good show. ***

TNA LOCKDOWN

From Nashville

GARETT BISCHOFF & RVD & MR. ANDERSON & A.J. STYLES & AUSTIN ARIES vs. ERIC BISCHOFF & GUNNER & KAZARIAN & CHRISTOPHER DANIELS & BULLY RAY "LETHAL LOCKDOWN": At least the crowd, which Wrestling Observer writer Bryan Alvarez dubbed "the morgue," got into the countdown to each wrestler during this match (every three minutes a new guy came in). This match didn't go anywhere, though, and the tables and ladders atop the cage weren't even used. It was a lot better than most of this show, though, and watching Eric beat up his son with a kendo stick was humorous in a bad, Vince Russo way. **1/2

SAMOA JOE & MAGNUS vs. THE MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS: Missed most of this. The beginning was so so.

GAIL KIM vs. VELVET SKY: Missed most of this. Gail Kim is just not exciting without Kong.

HOGAN & FLAIR: Perhaps the second best moment of the night. Flair did his usual schtick; telling the crowd to shut up, asked a fan how his wife can do it with him because he's so fat, told a girl to ride Space Mountain, and then falling on his face for no reason. Hogan came out and punched him. So I guess it's Flair vs. Hogan this year? Wheel chair match? Social Security check on a pole match?

CRIMSON vs. MATT MORGAN: Wow. This was so boring! Even the ending was boring. Crimson, still undefeated, climbed out of the cage to win. -No Stars-

KURT ANGLE vs. JEFF HARDY: A great match. Angle put Hardy on his shoulders and delivered a top rope Olympic slam. Hardy did two Swanton Bombs off the top rope and then did one off the top of the cage. Say goodbye to your ribs, Angle. Sensational. & the morgue woke up for that spot. ***

ERIC YOUNG & ODB vs. ROSITA & SARITA: I wasn't really paying attention to this...but Tazz' commentary was slightly funny.

JAMES STORM vs. BOBBY ROODE: Mediocre. The best part? Storm's hot wife at ringside. It kind of turned into a glass cage match at the end when Roode broke a bottle over Storm's head. I'm reaching. Storm bled...and lost. Storm super kicked Roode and Roode fell out of the cage and thus won. Storm was drunk...so I guess him being an idiot is logical. It was as good as it probably could have been. **

WRESTLEMANIA XXVIII

From Sun Life Stadium in Miami

DANIEL BRYAN vs. SHEAMUS: Dave Meltzer wrote this early Sunday: "Daniel Bryan's first real WrestleMania match, so he hopefully gets the time to have a great one." He got 18 seconds. Yep. I didn't even see this, as I started watching at around 7:11 PM. First off, Daniel Bryan is one of the WWE's best in-ring wrestlers. That he was pushed at all and given the title was probably enough of a surprise...but for them to not even let him showcase his skills on the big stage is a travesty. Either one of them was legit hurt or the WWE wanted an early surprise...who knows? This just put a sour taste in every wrestling fans mouth. The worst decision ever.

KANE vs. RANDY ORTON: Ugh. Orton is the WWE's second biggest star, right? So why is he losing to Kane? This was dull. 1/2* (out of ****)

CODY RHODES vs. THE BIG SHOW: Very boring. Although Rhodes is at least good on the mic. It's something. 1/2*

BETH PHOENIX & EVE TORRES vs. MARIA MENOUNOS & KELLY KELLY: Menounos is an announcer for Extra, some entertainment show. And apparently she wrestled with two broken ribs. Hardcore! It was mediocre. *

THE UNDERTAKER vs. HHH "HELL IN A CELL": For about ten of the 30+ minutes this was the greatest match of all time...but the finish sucked and the Cell wasn't really used and HBK Super Kicking 'Taker mid-match made no sense. I did like this more than last year's...but they did fall into the usual schtick of just letting them kick out of each other's finishers and thinking that we'd actually believe HHH had a chance of winning. The ending was bad because the last few minutes had all the drama sucked out of it. HHH was dead, lifeless, and 'Taker pinned him. The back and forth was what was exciting...why not have a pin amidst that? Still...it was a good match and the best of the night. ***

TEAM JOHNNY (MARK HENRY & THE MIZ & JACK SWAGGER & ZACK RYDER & DREW MCINTYRE & DAVID OTUNGA) vs. TEAM TEDDY (ZACK RYDER & GREAT KHALI & SANTINO MARELLA & KOFI KINGSTON & R-TRUTH & BOOKER T.): The ending was good when Zack Ryder was on fire. His psuedo-girlfriend turned on him and Team Teddy lost and The Miz got the pin. This means that Lauranitis gets to be the GM of Smackdown and RAW. Teddy? Send TNA your resume. **

CM PUNK vs. CHRIS JERICHO: I was looking forward to this...but it was slow, awkward, and didn't get exciting and fast until the end. The crowd was also dead for most of it. Punk just has not been in a great match in forever. Maybe he isn't the best wrestler in the world? Jericho tapped out to the Anaconda Vice after a back-and-forth of submission holds. **

THE ROCK vs. JOHN CENA: A good match with a stellar finish. Nice. The crowd was of course the highlight. Every finishing move delivered made the fans reach an orgiastic frenzy. & it's Wrestlemania...so they both kicked out of everything until Cena attempted The People's Elbow but The Rock lept up and gave him The Rock Bottom and won. This not only made Cena the loser but made him look like a jackass. I thought they didn't want to do that? A great finish. ***

TNA VICTORY ROAD

Sunday, March 18th, 2012, from Orlando

JAMES STORM vs. BULLY RAY: This was a minute long match. Not sure the point...but Storm had to be on the show since he is main-eventing next month's Lockdown ppv. ** (out of ****)

AUSTIN ARIES vs. ZEMA ION: Aries grabbed a phone and tweeted mid-match. That was probably the highlight. Yes...THAT was the highlight. Ion also did the same move that broke Sorenson's neck. Is he allowed to still do that? **

SAMOA JOE & MAGNUS vs. MATT MORGAN & CRIMSON: So Crimson turned on Morgan. Nobody cared. 1/2*

ROBBIE E vs. DEVON: Devon won the TV title...a belt I didn't even know TNA had. They shouldn't have split up The Dudley Boys simply because now we have to watch them in two matches instead of one. *

GAIL KIM vs. MADISON RAYNE: Ugh. Women's wrestling. 1/2*

AJ STYLES & MR. ANDERSON vs. KAZARIAN & CHRISTOPHER DANIELS: Kind of a typical TV match. AJ is too good for this. **

JEFF HARDY vs. KURT ANGLE: Not as good as you would expect. Angle held the ropes to win. These guys are sadly past their prime. Still...probably the best match on the show. **1/2

STING vs. BOBBY ROODE: Not slow but not particular good. The big problem was that the Lockdown ppv next month already has Roode vs. Storm so what's the chance of Sting winning? Sting did his finisher Death Drop move but hit the back of his head on a chair by accident in a spot that looked real. If it wasn't real it was an awful way to end it because Roode pinned him after it. After this Roode taped Sting's wrists to the ropes and was going to hit him with a chair but Dixie pleaded for him to stop. This was another bad show for TNA. *1/2

WWE ELIMINATION CHAMBER

From Milwaukee

C.M. PUNK VS. CHRIS JERICHO VS. THE MIZ VS. R-TRUTH VS. KOFI KINGSTON VS. DOLPH ZIGGLER ELIMINATION CHAMBER MATCH: Good opener with a weird, anti-climatic finish. Jericho ended up being kicked in the head by Punk and falling out of the chamber (the door was open because Jericho threw the eliminated Kofi Kingston out). Jericho was knocked out and couldn't continue. So Punk ended up beating The Miz to win. I guess this sets up a Jericho/Punk 'Mania title match. **1/2 (out of ****)

BETH PHOENIX VS. TAMINA SNUKA: I didn't pay much attention to this. Honestly? Get rid of this awful Divas division for good. *

DANIEL BRYAN VS. GREAT KHALI VS. BIG SHOW VS. WADE BARRETT VS. CODY RHODES VS. SANTINO MARELLA ELIMINATION CHAMBER MATCH: It started slow with The Big Show and Barrett but it got very good in the middle and the ending, with Santino and Bryan left, was great, high drama. The crowd loves Santino...so would it kill the WWE to give him a big win for once? There were some cool spots in this one, although The Great Khali, who lasted like thirty seconds, was awful. The Big Show ripped off the chains at the top of Bryan's pod and climbed down into it and beat him up before Bryan was technically even entered in the match. & The Big Show threw Bryan through the plastic pod door that broke open. For the second straight year the Smackdown Chamber match was better than the RAW one. Sheamus came out post-match and slammed Bryan. This sets up a 'Mania match nobody wants to see. ***

JACK SWAGGER VS. JUSTIN GABRIEL: Filler. & awful. John Laurenitis came out with Christian, Alberto Del Rio, and Mark Henry to wage a war against Teddy Long earlier in the show...which means there was a lot of filler crap in this show. I say just have two, one-hour Chamber matches and call it a night. 1/2*

JOHN CENA VS. KANE AMBULANCE MATCH: This should not have been the main event, as both Eve and Zack Ryder were missing (that, and any semblance of excitement). Cena won. Kane pretty much got destroyed and looked pathetic, although he did choke slam Cena through the Spanish announce table. Cena did his finisher off the top of the ambulance and Kane fell off somewhere, presumable onto a cushioned mat, but we couldn't see the landing. **

TNA AGAINST ALL ODDS

Sunday, February 12th, 2012, from Orlando

ZEMA ION VS. JESSE SORENSEN: Zima Ion did a moonsault off the top rope and onto Sorensen outside on the floor. Ion's knee hit Sorensen's head and he had to go to the hospital. The match just ended. Apparently, Sorensen suffered a C1 vertebrae fracture with spinal cord edema. Scary shit. They say he's slowly regaining the feeling back in his arms and legs. Not sure if Sorensen was supposed to put his hands up or if it was just a freak accident. He's a good, new wrestler. Wish him all the best. Not a good way to start a show.

ROBBIE E VS. SHANNON MOORE: Yeah...Shannon Moore is a bore. & Robbie E is funny and a semi-good worker. This was pretty uneventful. *

GAIL KIM VS. TARA: Well Kim isn't as good as she used to be. Or maybe Awesome Kong was that damn good. This was pretty lame. *

MATT MORGAN & CRIMSON VS. SAMOA JOE & MAGNUS: These four have fought a bunch of times lately...even at last month's ppv. The only difference was that Joe and Magnus won. *1/2

AUSTIN ARIES VS. ALEX SHELLEY: The match of the night! This dead, Orlando Impact Zone crowd, actually shouted, "This is awesome!" So maybe you can't blame the crowd when it's the show that sucks. **1/2

A.J. STYLES VS. KAZARIAN: Too long. & just okay. *1/2

GUNNER VS. GARETT BISCHOFF: A disaster. Eric Bischoff's son is, more or less, David Flair. That about sums it up. 1/2*

BOBBY ROODE VS. JEFF HARDY VS. BULLY RAY VS. JAMES STORM: This just was not good at all. Bully Ray had Jeff pinned but the ref was injured. Then Sting inadvertently hit Jeff with the belt and had to watch and count the pin for Bobby Roode. First off, Storm is fat and dull. Hardy is a shell of his former self. Roode is fairly pedestrain. Bully Ray is a good talker but a boring wrestler without weapons. So this probably was as good as it could've been. *