WWE THE BASH

Sunday, June 28^th, 2009 from Sacramento, CA

 

Remember when June's ppv used to be one of the big four? It used to be the King of the Ring and it used to be a big show. Now it's turned into The Bash, a new name for what July's show used to be called (The Great American Bash...which used to be a WCW ppv). This ppv used to be the King of the Ring then Vengeance then Night of Champions and now the Bash. What are they going to call it next year? King of The Bash? King of Vengeance?

So it's a new title. Nothing else is new. Randy Orton is the champ (Batista got hurt and forfeited his title). CM Punk is champ (like he was last summer). The Miz is in a very big match. That's new (but not good). Chris Jericho is in two matches (that's good). It ended up a typical show. No stand-out matches but at least it was an entertaining show.

+TOMMY DREAMER vs. MARK HENRY vs. CHRISTIAN vs. JACK SWAGGER vs. FINLAY (14:46): They did this last September at the Unforgiven ppv. They had a bunch of scramble matches on the show. What a scramble match is: a new wrestler enters the match every five minutes. The last person to make a pin ends up the winner. It's kind-of-sort-of cool because these matches don't happen very often so they're fresh and unique. The only dumb part is when someone else makes a pin during the match and is “the ECW champ” for a few minutes. Tommy Dreamer won. Jack Swagger and Mark Henry were sent to RAW after this ppv. What does that tell you? **

+REY MYSTERIO vs. CHRIS JERICHO (15:42): This has to be the feud of the year, right? The WWE knows it, as this show makes it three in a row with these two fighting each other. I think that the reason it works is because Mysterio is fast and jumping all over the place while Jericho is cunning and methodical. Although, realistically, it can't be explained. It's just one of these things that occur without explanation. These two just work really, really well together. And sadly, this was probably the worst of their trilogy. It was also the match for the biggest prize: Rey's mask (although after he lost it in WCW and everyone saw how lame that turned out, nobody really believes he'll ever lose it again). So Mysterio won and Jericho lost the IC title (Jericho did pull off Rey's mask during the match but Rey was wearing double masks). Good but not stellar. Still, it will go down in the history books as a legendary trilogy. **1/2

DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. THE GREAT KHALI (4:59): Yeah...um...yeah...why is the Great Khali still wrestling? And what's up with Dolph Ziggler's name? And who is he again? Khali lost by DQ. And I don't know where this is going. *

+CHRIS JERICHO & EDGE vs. CARLITO & PRIMO vs. TED DIBIASE & CODY RHODES (9:37):

Jeez...was it that obvious that Jericho and Edge would win the tag titles? I mean, why else would they even be in this match if they lost? And even though I have seen Carlito and Primo in some very exciting, fast-paced matches in the past, this match just did not work. Could we possibly blame Dibiase and Rhodes, the two most boring men in the history of wrestling? Check. *1/2

MICHELLE McCOOL vs. MELINA (6:34): Yes, Michelle is very pretty. Yes, they dress like sluts and all have silicone tits. Yes, they can't wrestle. Yes, I'm sexist and realistic and women's wrestling, like women's boxing, just isn't entertaining. So sue me. ½*

JEFF HARDY vs. CM PUNK (14:36): Well Jeff Hardy did in fact win this match. CM Punk came and left as champ, though. The match was not actually that good. As much as I like CM Punk, I haven't seen a truly great match with him yet. I think I only like him because he's new and I like when they give the title to new guys that aren't WWE molded behemoths. Jeff Hardy delivered his Swanton Bomb finisher and pinned Punk...but after the pin the ref waved it off because CM Punk's foot was under the ropes. This was all a storyline to make the fans hate CM Punk...which makes their feud more of a heel vs. face feud than what is used to be. The WWE hates good guys vs. good guys for some reason. CM Punk got himself DQ'd by kicking the ref. Why? Who cares? Just put on a good match next time and forget the storylines. Jeff Hardy doesn't need 'em. **

+JOHN CENA vs. THE MIZ (5:39): The Miz is really Mike, the doofus from MTV's tenth season of The Real World (Back to New York). He didn't make his mark there, he made it on numerous MTV challenges where he got drunk and turned into The Miz, his alter ego. So who knew that someday he would be fighting John Cena on a WWE ppv as...The Miz. I didn't. The problem with The Miz is that the sober Miz and the real wrestling Miz isn't half as entertaining as the drunk, fun one. He's a heel, sure, but he's not a fun heel, he's just a mean one. It doesn't help that his wrestling arsenal is bare bones and he's not very exciting. Add Cena to that mix and you get this one-sided dud. *

+RANDY ORTON vs. HHH THREE STAGES OF HELL MATCH (21:23): This match was a best out of three match. The first was a standard wrestling match (HHH got DQ'd when he used a chair). The second match was a no DQ (Orton won). The third was a stretcher match that Orton won when his cronies, Dibiase and Rhodes, prevented HHH from pushing Orton on the stretcher past the line. This was a long match and if it wasn't for the various weapons and stipulations it would have been a bore. Randy Orton is again the champ (Batista did win the title at Extreme Rules but had to forfeit it because he got hurt...which led to Orton winning the title at RAW). Eh. **

This was a stale show. It was entertaining but not exciting and there wasn't a stand-out match. Has there even been a stand-out match since last year at No Mercy? Probably not. Putting The Miz against Cena certainly didn't do the WWE any favors (c'mon, idiots, that's a RAW match not a ppv match). Mysterio vs. Jericho was again the match of the night...and it was still the worst match they've had. CM Punk vs. Jeff Hardy had such a bizarre ending that didn't work at all. They wanted Punk to be a heel so they had him purposely DQ'ing and getting pinned but still keeping the title. Why make him a heel? He's a boring heel.

Next up is Night of Champions. It was held in Philly. Orton vs. Cena vs. HHH is the main event. And once again Jeff Hardy takes on CM Punk. Not a bad lineup. We'll see how it goes down.

WWE EXTREME RULES

Sunday, June 7^th, 2009 from New Orleans

 

They should change the name of this ppv to “The Night of Title Changes.” It got a little ridiculous, actually.

This is the show where every match has a stipulation. It used to be ECW One Night Stand, but after two years they got rid of that (although Tommy Dreamer winning the ECW title on this show made me nostalgic). This show had a cage match and a ladder match. It also had a few matches with lame stipulations. The submission match. The strap match. The hog pen match. Wait...the what? Yes, a match that could rival the infamous Champagne Bottle on a Pole match was on this show.

This is one of my favorite ppv's because of the gimmick matches (hell, who wouldn't rather watch a no-rope, barbed wire match compared to a boring, regular one?). There were a lot of bad and pointless matches on the show, but there were enough good ones to make it one of the year's more interesting shows. So yes, John Cena and The Big Show put the world to sleep...but Jericho and Mysterio tore the roof off the place and CM Punk won the title. Yep, it was a strange night full of hogs and Singapore canes. Gimmicks. I love them.

KOFI KINGSTON vs. MVP vs. MATT HARDY vs. WILLIAM REGAL (6:43): A lot of the matches on this show were short. That's a good thing. It's rare for a wrestler to be good enough to be able to make a long match dramatic and engrossing. Kofi was jumping all over the place and the pace was fast. Matt Hardy wrestled with a cast on his hand and William Regal was his usual old, bumbling self but it was a short, sweet match. ***

+CHRIS JERICHO vs. REY MYSTERIO (14:46): This was the match of the night. For some reason these two just mesh perfectly together. I picked Jericho to win the Intercontinental Title here. He lost last month to Mysterio. I figured he'd win this time around. The finish had Mysterio in the Walls of Jericho. Mysterio wormed his way out and pushed Jericho onto the ropes where he was draped over the second rope. Mysterio went for the 619 maneuver. In mid-kick, Jericho pulled off Mysterio's mask. Jericho then quickly pinned him and won. Rey obviously covered his face up (even though we all remember when he wrestled without a mask for years in WCW). It was a tricky finish but they pulled it off. Great, dramatic, exciting match. ***

+CM PUNK vs. UMAGA (9:02): This was a Somoan Strap match. First off, I've never seen a good strap match ever. Second, this stipulation seemed forced simply because every match had to have one. Since the wrestler's hands are strapped together they can't really do any good moves. To win you have to touch each corner. I remember Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan had a strap match once and Hogan just pinned Flair instead of touching the corners. The announcers and audience were dumbfounded. Well CM Punk at least remembered the rules. He won. This was a very dull match. 1/2*

+TOMMY DREAMER vs. CHRISTIAN vs. JACK SWAGGER (9:41): This match was for the coveted ECW Championship. Dreamer's contract was up and it would be his last match. Duh. Of course he won. This wasn't a very good match, although Christian was jumping all over the place and it was cool to see Dreamer win the title and celebrate in the crowd. Trashcans and Singapore canes were used. This is what ECW has become: a pale imitation of itself. **

+SANTINA vs. VICKIE GUERRERO & CHAVO GUERRERO (2:45): Remember Vince Russo's awful stipulation matches he orchestrated in WCW? This seems like one of those. Utterly pointless and the type of match that good wrestling can't possibly occur in. This was a Hog Pen match. There was a mud filled pen at ringside with pigs. The three of them threw mud at one another and tossed slop buckets at each other. Realistically, it should have been funny. It was just gross. 1/2*

BATISTA vs. RANDY ORTON (7:07): This was a cage match. Batista won the title here. That shocked me, actually. It was also short. And it actually wasn't that bad. The match started with Orton trying to climb the cage. They realized these two weren't going to exactly blow the roof off the place with their wrestling, so it was most cage type wrestling. They threw each other into the cage. Orton tried to climb the cage and Batista pulled him down. Batista won the title after delivering his power bomb finisher. So the Age of Orton is over? Good. **

+JOHN CENA vs. THE BIG SHOW (19:04): I said that their match last month was one of the worst I've ever seen. This was just as bad (and almost twenty minutes long! Jesus). It was a submission match. The Big Show beat up Cena for a good fifteen minutes. Cena was hurt and laid there. The Big Show walked around at the fast speed of two miles an hour. For fifteen minutes! This was unGodly brutal...to watch. Did they learn nothing from last month? These two know how to do one thing: put the crowd to sleep. Cena did some moves at the end and then won by hooking The Big Show's leg in the ropes and putting on his FU submission hold. But...if the opponent's foot is on the ropes doesn't that mean you have to break the hold? It made no sense! Truly the worst feud in the history of the business. -No Stars-

+JEFF HARDY vs. EDGE LADDER MATCH (20:18)/ +CM PUNK vs. JEFF HARDY (1:03): This should have been the greatest match in the history of the WWE. It wasn't. They couldn't live up to the hype of course, but it was also fairly typical and not as fast paced and shocking as it should have been. It was still good, definitely, just not as legendary as some of their previous ladder matches (perhaps it was the lack of tables). There were more sick moves than exciting ones. Jeff Hardy sat a ladder upside down in the ring and tossed Edge chest first onto the middle thing that holds up the ladder. That looked like it was going to cut him in half. The other gruesome bump had both guys fall off a ladder at ringside and crash onto a ladder that was rested from the ring to the audience railing. That move looked like it really hurt Jeff. And there were the typical ladder match antics: Jeff hanging from the title high above the ring. Both falling off the top and landing on the ropes. A mid-air Twist of Fate. Jeff Hardy won after pulling Edge through the rungs of the ladder, causing him to be stuck. After Jeff won the title, though, CM Punk came out, cashed his Money in the Bank contract and went on to pin Jeff. Hardy did kick out of Punk's first G.T.S., but his second was too much. I like that CM Punk has the title, but Jeff hasn't held the title for a long reign yet. Also...a ladder match is exciting. Shouldn't you have someone cash in the MITB contract after a boring match? This was a good finish to the night but it was not significant. ***

Besides the Hog Pen match and the Big Show/Cena match, this was a good show. The ladder match was typical and sick but not one of the best. Mysterio and Jericho blew the roof off with a great match and the opener was fast paced and exciting. This show was missing HHH but I actually didn't miss him. This show brings forth all new champions. Dreamer, CM Punk, Jericho, and Batista are all new champs. This should make the slew of TV shows interesting (they now have four shows weekly, as WGN on Thursday has a new hour show called Superstars). Extreme Rules was a success because they did have some good gimmicks. It's always nice to see a cage and a ladder match. The others were mostly pointless but at least the stipulations add something special to the show. It's been one of the better shows these past few years. The Bash is up next (it used to be the Great American Bash and it used to be in July). I'm guessing that we'll see a Batista vs. HHH vs. Orton three way and perhaps an Edge vs. CM Punk vs. Hardy three way. Let's hope that this time CM Punk doesn't lose the title in a match he isn't in (yes, we remember last year's Unforgiven). Don't fuck it up. Right?

WWE's JUDGMENT DAY

Sunday, May 17th, 2009 from Rosemont, Illinois

Last year I said that the biggest disappointment of the year in wrestling was the WWE giving up on the undercard. They always promote the hell out of the main event matches (now they have two title matches on every show). The undercard guys are stuck with no storylines and in matches that are utterly pointless. Well this show, at least wrestling wise, proved that theory wrong. The first half of this show was good. The second half was mostly awful. The reasons are obvious. CM Punk, Christian, Shelton Benjamin, Chris Jericho, and John Morrison are all terrific, exciting, entertaining wrestlers. The Big Show, John Cena, Randy Orton and Edge (lately) are not.

This turned out to be a half good and half bad show. But it at least proves that the WWE has a healthy roster of stars ready to emerge. Let's hope that this summer they finally break through.

UMAGA vs. CM PUNK (11:54): CM Punk won the Money in the Bank Ladder match at Wrestlemania. He was swiftly given to losing matches. Thanks. Umaga is back. I guess they wanted to give him a new, healthy push. This was a brutal and entertaining match. It wasn't shockingly good or anything, but it worked. The finale had Umaga giving CM Punk the thumb to the neck finisher and tossing him down to the mat like a rag doll. CM Punk: remember when you were the champion? Yeah, I'm kind of forgetting that myself. **1/2

CHRISTIAN vs. JACK SWAGGER (9:35): Christian is a star. The crowd loves him. It seems to be only a matter of time before the WWE relents and takes him off the ECW show. Christian lept off the top rope and down onto Swagger at ringside. Christian was all over the place. He's really trying unlike <ahem> Cena, The Big Show, Orton. I could go on and on. Swagger, meanwhile, kept to his ground game, submission pummeling. Sadly, Swagger's “style” isn't going to get him over in the WWE. He's a snooze to watch. This was a half-decent match, though. Christian wins by pulling Swagger's tights to help pin him. **

+JOHN MORRISON vs. SHELTON BENJAMIN (10:10): Morrison is a great wrestler. He's crazy, too. A lot of his insane moves miss their mark, though, which means he probably won't be in the main event of Summerslam anytime soon. Benjamin is also a high flier and this match should have been utterly awesome. It wasn't, but it was good. Morrison did a wild top-rope flip onto Benjamin for the win. It was sloppy in spots (Morrison almost missed an over the top rope somersault) but it was something fresh. **1/2

THE MIZ SEGMENT: Real World's The Miz came out and mocked John Cena. Then he mocked Alfonso Soriano of the Cubs. Then he beat up Santino. Then Chavo Guerrero came out and frog-splashed Chavo. The Miz is a hardcore heel but it comes off as trying too hard. Santino is hilarious. Why won't they give him a bigger push already? This was amusing stuff. And actually a lot more fun than a match between any of them would have been. **1/2

+REY MYSTERIO vs. CHRIS JERICHO (12:38): This was a stellar match. The main event in my opinion, as the rest of the show sucked. Rey was all over the place. Jericho put Rey in the Walls of Jericho a few times. It was back and forth and a tough, exciting match. This was for no title. There was no storyline going on. What is wrong with the WWE? ***

BATISTA vs. RANDY ORTON (14:43): This match was awful, awful stuff. HHH is on the sidelines. They needed an Orton opponent. Batista is a beast but also a walking tree-trunk of a wrestler. What this means is it was a physical match but a slow, plodding one. The finish was horrendously silly. Orton wanted to get a DQ and keep the title so he slapped the referee. Match over. Terrible. ½*

+JOHN CENA vs. THE BIG SHOW (14:59): Did you think that the last match was terrible? This was a lot worse. This might have been the worst match I have ever seen. Yes, it was that bad. Last month at Backlash, The Big Show threw Cena through an entranceway spotlight. Cena was hurt for this match because of that. What this means is...for twelve minutes The Big Show beat up Cena. It was so fucking boring. The crowd was ready to riot (they would have if they weren't asleep). After twelve or so ultra-slow minutes, Cena miraculously started to do things and then won. Huh? I can't wait for their submission match next month. -No Stars-

+EDGE vs. JEFF HARDY (19:55): This was the main event. Jeff Hardy lost after getting hit by Matt Hardy. Matt broke his arm last month at Backlash and he's wearing a cast. Jeff was dazed after his brother knocked him over. This led to Edge doing a really sick DDT from the top rope on Jeff. This match was mediocre, actually. It was also a little boring. Jeff Hardy did his usual high flying shit, but Edge was monotonous. The finish was lame. Do we really need to see a third Hardy vs. Hardy match? Not the epic main event we wanted. **

This show started off very good. Not just the wrestling but also the writing. The writers assembled a good lineup with a lot of possibilities. Shelton Benjamin vs. John Morrison is a fucking dream match (granted, it only turned out to be a little better than average). Mysterio vs. Jericho is a stellar match on paper (it turned out to be a good one). Even Jeff Hardy vs. Edge and Batista vs. Orton are two of the best title matches out there with the WWE's current champs (really...who else could Edge or Orton face and get the crowd and fans into it?). The problem with the show was that the second half was boring. I will say that at least a title didn't change hands. I'm sick of it.

So it was hit or miss for Judgment Day, a show that I never remember being floored by (last year's featured an awfully slow main event cage match between Orton and HHH). Next up is ECW One Night Stand...which is now called WWE Extreme Rules. There is only one good match on the show, but it could turn out to be the match of the year. Jeff Hardy vs. Edge or the title in a Ladder match. I can't wait.

WWE UNFORGIVEN

Philadelphia, PA

    The big news of the week isn’t really what went down at the ppv, but what went down on Raw is War on TNN. Yep, Raw’s first show on The National Network (they changed the name…that’ll be a quiz question somewhere down the road…what was TNN first called?).
    I was there. I was at Raw is War’s premiere on TNN. And yes, it was a big show. A ladder match? A first blood match? A double people’s elbow from HHH and Rocky?
    You bet. It’s funny. Last year around this time me and Stu went to Vince Russo’s first Nitro. It was better than average, but compared to Raw on TNN, that show fucking sucked. It was great to finally see the WWF in person. I had been to two house shows way back when (I remember Yokozuna fought someone and the one show featured a main event cage match between Owen and Bret Hart), but never in the current, ‘cool’ era.
    The WWF is downright great live, especially this show. Everyone cheered for ‘Stone Cold’ and The Rock. The ladder match got big pops. The entrance explosions rock the building. Kane’s explosive entrance is mind numbingly cool.
    It was a great night of wrasslin’, and I can always say that I saw The Hardy Boyz successfully defend their belts against Edge and Christian in a ladder match. That’s right. The ticket cost me $22, and it was all worth it to see Edge spear Matt Hardy in mid-air as he hung onto the belts.
    Wow.
    But wait a minute…there was a ppv the night previous. So what happened? Did Rock successfully defend the title? Well… And you already know E&C lost the tag belts. What about Raven?
    I’ll get to my man soon enough. Here’s an in-depth look at Unforgiven, which would have probably gotten a lower rating had I watched it alone. Instead, I watched it in the confines of a rowdy, beer soaked Champs crowd.
    Correct predictions are +ed, and yada yada yada.
   
RIGHT TO CENSOR vs. THE DUDLEY BOYZ & THE ACOLYTES: I expected this match to be a twenty minute brawl for all with tables, blood, chairs, and bodies falling all over the place. I was wrong. It kicked off the evening, but it didn’t last long at all. Stevie Richards won with his missed Stevie Kick, but then Buh Buh put him through a table after the loss. I expected a lot from this match, because I enjoy The Dudleys and Stevie, but The Acolytes suck, and it was too short. Right to Censor has already moved on to battle with Chyna and Eddie G., so I guess this eight man feud is over…for now. **

+TAZZ vs. JERRY ‘THE KING’ LAWLER: This was a ‘strap’ match, but the actual match totally sucked. But there was something cool that did happen. Yep, as stated higher up, Raven showed up, DDT’d Lawler, leading to Tazz getting the pin. On Raw Raven DDT’d both Lawler and Buh Buh Ray Dudley. So…for No Mercy (the WWF’s next ppv) we’ll hopefully see an all ECW tag match pitting Tazz & Raven vs. The Dudley Boyz. Wow. I can’t fucking wait. **

+STEVE BLACKMAN vs. CRASH vs. SATURN vs. AL SNOW vs. TEST vs. FUNAKI:
This was another God awful Hardcore Invitational thingamajig where there’s a ten minute time limit and of course the belt keeps changing hands. Blackman ended up winning. Real lame stuff. *

+CHRIS JERICHO vs. X-PAC: If you can believe it, these two actually faced each other last year…at the same fucking ppv, Unforgiven. Last year though Jericho was set to face Shamrock but Ken left so Y2J and X were stuck with eachother. On another note, I gave their match last year a mere ½ of a *. Which is bad, though, granted, not as bad as the Scott Steiner vs. Tank Abbot match from Bash at the Beach which garnered minus one star. Anyway, seriously, all that I do remember is that these two faced eachother in a 2 minute First Blood match on Raw where X-Pac won but Jericho gave him the lion tamer on the announce desk (another thing, on Raw there was no Spanish announce table! No way!). Since Jericho won, this match was pretty hot, especially his wild lionsault. I love that move. **

+THE HARDY BOYZ vs. EDGE & CHRISTIAN: Finally…The Rock…sorry. I mean finally The Hardy Boyz have won back the titles. They deserved it last month at the T.L.C. match, but I’ll take this win. The ladder match on Raw between these two teams was actually more exciting, but I enjoyed the cage match nonetheless. The biggest high spot happened when Jeff Hardy (i.e. the crazy one) doing a wild spin-flip from the top of the cage and landing between both Christian and Jeff (I think they were supposed to catch him, but everyone fell over and it still worked). The other big move (beside Jeff toppling from the top of the cage to the mat floor at least three times) was Lita doing a hurricanrana (when Sandman does it it’s known as a Heinekenrana) on Edge from the top of a ladder outside the cage. Both landed hard. This was a wild match, not as good as any of the others these teams have been in this year, but it was great to see The Hardy’s snag the titles. It’s been at least a year since they’ve had the gold. ***

+EDDIE GUERRERO vs. RIKISHI: On Raw, Chyna came out with two big cut outs of her Playboy cover (yes, as if you need a reason to throw up, she’s in Playboy, though I think it’s only topless not…okay I won’t go there) and had this big, long B.S. speech about how she worked hard and you don’t have to be ultra thin to be in Playboy. Okay, manwoman, you are in Playboy because Hugh Hefner and his cronies know the same guys who like wrestling like porn, so they’ll put anyone in the WWF in Playboy, and this manwoman was the only beast that said yes. Where’s Lita? Trish? Lilian Garcia even? Anyway, there was a match going on, and the only reason this mid-card match was placed this high in the card was to not make the other matches seem so lame after the high spots during the cage mele. ½*

HHH vs. KURT ANGLE: This ‘Love Triangle’ is still going on (and currently stemming out of it is HHH’s baby face turn), and while the triple threat Summerslam match really benefited from the storyline, this match royally sucked. HHH is usually only entertaining against much more exciting wrestlers, like Cactus Jack or The Rock. This match just didn’t work, at all. The one good aspect was Angle’s wrestleplex style move where he tossed HHH over his head and through the…guess…the Spanish announce table. It wasn’t boring, just not as exciting as it should have been. **

THE ‘STONE COLD’ STEVE AUSTIN SEGMENTS: The best aspect of Unforgiven was not the cage match or the debut of Raven, even though both of those moments were terrific. The best parts were every segment featuring ‘Stone Cold’. He showed up in a truck and pushed announcer Kevin Kelly onto the ground, he met face to face with The Rock, and he told Kurt Angle to shove his honary gold medal up his ass. But the best part was the segment where Austin hit the ring. It would be the first time Austin would be in a WWF ring since way back in April at Backlash, where he looked uncoordinative and fat. The big storyline in the WWF is ‘Who Hit Stone Cold?’. See, last year at Survivor Series, Austin got hit by a car and he came back to find out who did it. Well, during this segment, Shane O’Mac came to ring ready to show his alleged proof of who hit ‘Stone Cold’. His proof? A silly segment from a year ago where Steve Blackman backed his car into Ken Shamrock (don’t ask). Of cousre Blackman came out to demand retribution, but then the glass broke (Austin’s music), and his new heavy metal theme filled the arena. Austin was back. Shane then pretended like his proof was accurate, so he began to celebrate with Austin and drink some beers. Then of course Austin turned and gave Shane three stunners, and Blackman one or two, I forget. Then he left. Every Austin segment was hilarous (except for his quote, “There are three things that are permanent. Death, taxes, and you don’t trust anywhere around here.” Whatever) and it really helped lift this average ppv and made you glad you checked it out. All of his segments combined: ***1/2

THE ROCK vs. CHRIS BENOIT vs. KANE vs. THE UNDERTAKER: Chris Benoit pinned The Undertaker to win the belt, but of course ‘Taker’s foot was on the rope, so the decision was reversed. This happened to Benoit at Fully Loaded, too, but then the big deal was that it was a fast count or interference or something. It must not have been that great because I forget. Anyway, I picked Kane, and I really though ‘Taker might take it, but Rock wins, which was smart because he showed up for TNN as the champ. This match wasn’t as exciting as it could have been. Benoit sucks, Kane and ‘Taker were kind of boring. Benoit winning was really lame and I don’t see any point to have done it except to have the rematch on Raw (which Rock won clean). Hopefully No Mercy will be a tad better, especially if Austin reinforces the rumors and actually wrestles. **

    And so it goes. The WWF is pretty hot right now, what with Austin and Raven in the mix, but unfortunately my cable company (which the University runs) doesn’t offer TNN or UPN. So I can only watch MTV’s Sunday Night Heat. Wow. So I guess I won’t be following the old WWF as usual, but I’ll still keep up with everything and I’ll definitely catch No Mercy.
    Unforgiven received only ** but a healthy 18 rating. I liked the Austin stuff, Raven’s debut, and the cage match, but not much else. Raw on TNN was better, albeit on TV it may have been worse. I don’t know.
    I guessed a decent 62.5% of the matches correctly, which isn’t bad. I was surprised Right to Censor won, and Triple H beating Angle again was pointless.
    Anyway, Nitro was interesting to say the least. Vince Russo beat Booker T. for the title (yes, another Russo title change…though is it as bad as Arquette as champ? That is the question) in a hell in the cell, er…I mean a caged heat match. Goldberg speered Russo through the cage wall. Also, a few  guy’s from Stern’s radio program showed up to judge a swimsuit contest. Hank was there, and Beetlejuice got knocked out thanks to JJ and a guitar.
    On Thunder (supposedly, since I don’t get TBS either) Russo says he doesn’t want the title and will give it up on Nitro. Russo: Please don’t give it to Nash. Give it to Steiner. Or even start another tournament. Just don’t give it to Nash.
    Well, next Sunday is ECW’s annual Anarchy Rulz ppv, which is headlined by Jerry Lynn vs. Justin Credible for the belt. Also Rhino faces Rob Van Dam, Corino vs. C.W. Anderson, The F.B.I. vs. Whipwreck & Tajiri, and last but definitely not least, Joel Gertner vs. Cyrus. I haven’t seen ECW since Labor Day, but seriously, where the hell is Sandman? And Psicosis? And Super Crazy? New Jack is back, and he’s reffing one of the matches. I think it’s the main event. I’m sure Sandman’ll be there. I really hope ECW gets on USA. I miss those crazy fucks.
    WWF puts on No Mercy October 22nd, which is a huge weekend. Tyson faces Golota on Friday and the Fightin’ Illini take on Penn St. up here in the Valley of Happiness. I’m not sure who will fight at No Mercy, but who the hell is left to fight The Rock? I hope it’s Undertaker or Kane solo against the Rock. Who will Austin face? I have no idea, but I hope he does wrestle. The other big match should be Dudleys vs. Raven & Tazz, but it’s kind of early right now…
    Which brings us to Halloween Havoc, which is even further away, not hitting us until the 29th. The promos say that Sting will bring a new image to WCW. Wow. I can’t wait. How much is it again?
    Just fuckin’ around. Hopefully it’ll have Steiner vs. Booker T., Goldberg vs. Nash, and Terry Funk vs. Mike Awesome. Those are distant dreams though, and by the time ‘Havoc does roll around, Russo will have lost the title to Booker T., who will have lost to Nash, who will have lost to Steiner, so who will lost it to David Arquette.
    Okay, you get the point.
    Anyway, I’ll do a review of Anarcy Rulz on my Fall Break, which is the 6th through 9th of October. So until then.

WWF ROYAL RUMBLE

from Madison Square Garden, New York, New York

    I haven’t actually written out my predictions for an event since WCW’s Halloween Havoc which I incidentally did not review. I came to a point where I was sick of watching those show opening B matches just because I had an obligation to review them so I could rate the entire ppv. I also came to a reasoning that there hadn’t been a ppv that I was excited about in a long time. The last time I was excited about a ppv was probably the King of the Ring way back in June. That was mostly because of the main event which consisted of Austin-Shane- and Vince in a ladder match.
    But here comes the WWF’s first ppv of 2000. The infamous Royal Rumble, held in the even more infamous Madison Square Garden. The main event is Triple H taking on Cactus Jack in a street fight which promises buckets of blood and at least one or two major bumps. The other matches include the 30 man rumble, a table match between my favorite two tag teams, a women’s swimsuit competition, and a rumored premiere of ECW’s own Taz(z). So here goes nothing. My predictions are underlined.

THE ACOLYTES vs. THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS: You know how Sting is always stung? Well the Acolytes always win. This is the only match I couldn’t give a shit about, since I hate DX and the Acolytes are only entertaining backstage.

MYSTERY OPPONENT vs. KURT ANGLE: Angle is undefeated, so the rumors persist that Tazz will show up and taxplex his ass through a table and give him a loss. WWF.com stated that Tazz will not be at the Rumble, which means that the other rumor is Ken Shamrock will show up. Sinze Tazz is from the Red Hook section of Brooklyn, and he’d be premiering in his hometown, it only makes sense that he’ll come out and beat the shit out of Angle, then he could do an interview on Raw in Philly. But even if it isn’t Tazz…I see Angle going down.

BB vs. TORRI vs. TERRI vs. MAE YOUNG vs. THE KAT vs. IVORY vs. JAQUELINE vs. LUNA: This is a swimsuit competition. I don’t even know if it’s a fight…and I don’t even know if the women’s title is on the line. I do know that the elusive ‘net rumors at this match featuring nudity. The reasons? Supposedly WWF is promoting the ppv with a TV-14 rating. Well below the TV-14 rating were the letters V-L and N. Violence, Language…Nudity??? They did it at Armageddon…so it wouldn’t surprise me here. I’ll take the blonde bombshell ‘cuz she’s new and has to get a win somewhere.

THE HARDY BOYZ vs. THE DUDLEY BOYZ: This is the one match that could actually turn out –better- than Jack and HHH. Why? Well, the WWF finally realized the Dudley’s are only entertaining when the hardcore quotient comes into play. This is a tables match, which I guess means you have to put your opponents through as many tables as possible. The Hardy Boyz and the Dudley Boyz are my favorite two tag teams in any federation, and expect this to be a great match since all four guys will take major falls and keep on coming. Expect a classic…and since the Dudley’s are getting a push (new outfits…new hardcore attitude) expect them to snag the upset.

CHRIS JERCHO vs. HARDCORE HOLLY vs. CHYNA: I guess it was interesting on paper. They made Jericho –and- Chyna co-Intercontinental Champs. Meaning expect Holly to win and do away with this silly stipulation that hasn’t really been too entertaining.

THE ROYAL RUMBLE (Undertaker, Big Show, Val Venis, British Bulldog, Al Snow, Rodney, Scotty 2 Hotty, Test, Stephanie McMahon, Mark Henry, & Rikishi Phatu)
Me, Stu, and Jack bet on this year’s 30-man Rumble. Supposedly there are two mystery guys, so that’s where Undertaker and Stephanie McMahon stem from. I think the only guys that have a shot are Kane, The Rock, The Big Show, and The Undertaker. The bottom line is that if ‘Taker shows up he’ll win, if he doesn’t I’m betting on Kane…though Stu has him so I’ll take my guys like a man. The Rock is the obvious choice, and The Big Show is another choice that makes sense, but Show just had the fucking belt so I doubt he’ll win. Rock would be way too obvious. I say The Big Show –and- The Rock won’t win. I really think Kane will win. Hopefully it’ll a good Rumble, since it’s roughly an hour long. 30 man total. Each man comes in every two-minutes. I hope there’s a surprise at the end…like last year. Vince winning the ‘Rumble and drinking a few cold ones with the corporation was classic.

    The 2000 Royal Rumble was an okay ppv. I can’t say good because it wasn’t. I will say that it had two good enough matches to make it the best WWF ppv since Summerslam. The internet seemed to enjoy the ppv because it had a lot of moments you can talk about for a few weeks. One of the Hardy boys jumping off a balcony (okay, it wasn’t a balcony but I don’t know what you call it) and giving D-Von a senton bomb through a table. Mae Young showing MSG her puppies (I’m not kidding…and yes, maybe I shouldn’t have brought it up). Cactus Jack pulling out a 2x4 wrapped in barbed wire. The Rock winning his first Rumble. And I can’t forget how they kicked off the show…the introduction of Tazz into the WWF.
    It was a wild night…and definitely worth watching, which I usually don’t say about pay per views. Here are my thoughts, my bitches, gripes, and moans…and oh yeah…that Raw in Philly really sucked.

TRIPLE H vs. CACTUS JACK: I picked Mick Foley to take the strap off the French dude. I figured he’d have a re-match at No Way Out in February and lose the title. Guess not. It was a solid, brutal, 30-minute matchup that was awesome but had enough silly things to make me garner it ***. Triple H bled, yes, but it was obviously fake blood. Also, Cactus pulled out a piece of wood wrapped in –real- barbed wire. Triple H hit Jack three times in the gut and over his back with the –real- barbed wire. The ref made the spanish announcers hide the wired board under their table. When Jack ran over and got it he pulled out a board with rubber barbed wire on it. Of course he hit Triple H in the head with the –fake- barbed wire about five times but it was extremely silly. HHH did take a stiff piledriver on the spanish announce table which didn’t break, and he had a huge gash in his leg that spewed real blood, so I guess I can forgive him for not taking a –real- barbed wire shot or gushing –real- blood. The match was definitely a classic for one simple reason: HHH gave Jack a pedigree on thousands of thumbtacks. Jack got up with them sticking in his forehead and one was in his neck. Hardcore to the bone. If he retires soon and this is his last big match, then he definitely went out in style. Wrestling ain’t gonna be the same without that ol’ bastard.

THE ROYAL RUMBLE (THE ROCK): So the obvious choice won, and it’s going to be HHH taking on The Rock at Wrestlemania 2000 from Anaheim’s Pond. That match just plain sucks…so hopefully the undercards will be amusing like last year’s. I’ve only seen one or two Rumbles…and they’ve never been good. This was was extremely boring, and it was only exciting because me and my bro and friend bet on it. They have to keep the Rumble just because it’s a pretty interesting concept, but at least add some –oomph-. They at least tried to last year. This year they didn’t attempt anything. And where the hell are Vince and Shane? Your company sucks without you. Though Tazz is pretty cool. *1/2

CHRIS JERICHO vs. CHYNA vs. HARDCORE HOLLY: I picked Hardcore, being that Jericho and Chyna were in the IC title storyline for way too long and have made the title boring. Jericho is funny when he talks. Before the match Chyna told Jericho he has to be, “Chivalrous.” Jericho laughs, “Chivalrous? We aren’t in medieval times.” The funniest thing I’ve heard so far this year. That guy is great. Though his storyline with Chyna is so old. Give him a new opponent. He hasn’t been the same ever since The Fink left him. *1/2

BB, MAE YOUNG, JACKIE, TERRI, IVORY, MS. KITTY: This was a swimsuit competition, and yes, Mae Young showed everyone her tits. It was the furthest the WWF has ever gone and I seriously doubt they will ever go any further. Sick. Disgusting. Twisted. What the hell is Vince McMahon thinking? And what was up with the censored bar on the screen? It didn’t even censor the horrors of…Mae Young. I wish they had just cut to black. Horrible. Horrible. Terri looked hotter than she’s ever looked, though. Man. To think Golddust was banging her. Man. What the hell did he do to leave that slice? I don’t know if I should rate this. Though it’s something that will unfortunately never be forgotten. At least there were three hot chicks. Where’s Sable when you need her, though? **1/2

+TAZZ vs. KURT ANGLE: The only match of the night I predicted correctly. Talk about a jip. Tazz’s entrance was awesome. Orange flashing lights. Pounding music. He walks out with his towel over his head. He’s a tough a-hole but whether or not he can pull it off in the big league is beyond me. I think he’s got enough to do it. His storyline with Angle is interesting. He choked out Angle and Angle says his win streak is not in jeopardy because the choke was illegal. Whatever. Great way to start off the ppv and Tazz looked sharp. Too bad he had to give Angle the tazzplex on the mat instead of through a table like in his ECW days. **1/2

THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS vs. THE ACOLYTES: I mentioned The Acolytes always win. Apparently they don’t. This match was maybe three minutes long and three minutes too long. ½* only because Bradshaw gave Ass a sweet looking clothesline from hell that flipped him.

THE HARDY BOYZ vs. THE DUDLEY BOYZ: The best match of the night ended up being the table match between my two favorite tag teams in all of wrestling. Finally…the Rock has come back to…wait a minute. Finally the Dudley Boyz are becoming ‘hardcore’. When they started in the WWF they were just a basic kicks-and-punches tag team, but now they’re table smashing mother fuckers and the fans (at least I am) are eating it all up. Buh Buh Ray started off the match by calling John Rocker (the Braves b-ball player that publicly stated he hated New York because of all the immigrants) a “hero”. There were some sweet table bumps by every member of the team, but the best one was Jeff Hardy’s senton bomb off the entranceway onto D-Von. As the Hardy’s celebrated their win, the Dudley’s lay in the entrance on smashed tables looking like they’d been in a tornado. Buh-Buh and D-Von grabbed eachother’s fingers in a half-handshake as they lay on the debris. It was a touching moment. They did it. They had to go through a lot of pain and a lot of heartbreak but it was over and they survived and they were in the big leagues in the WWF in MSG with fans chanting their match. It was a truly touching moment. Just them two saying we did it. Wow. What a fucking match. ***1/2

    So there it is. The 2000 Royal Rumble will never be forgotten…whether it be for the brutal Cactus Jack match, the Dudley/Hardy high flying hardcore table bout, or the ninety year old hag flashing the crowd. It was an okay ppv…simply because the actual Rumble sucked big time. It was way too obvious for The Crock to win. I give the ppv **1/2 only because of the two hardcore matches and the intro of Tazz. It was definitely a ‘big’ ppv, in fact so ‘big’ that they decided to have nothing happen at the Philly Raw. I was sincerely glad I didn’t go. I expected Tazz to talk, and Vince or Shane to show up. It was a lame Raw, though Nitro wasn’t really any better either, though Funk’s moonsault off the top rope was pretty funny, and with Sid the champ at least it’s not Hogan. Though I am sad to admit I miss the old guy.
    I predicted a meager 1 match out of 7 which is a horrible record setting 14.29%. There is no way in hell I’ll ever predict lower. The only way would be for me to watch a ppv and not predict one match. Hell, at least the Rumble surprised me…though not with The Rock. I just figured he wouldn’t win because it was too obvious. Oh well.
    The next ppv up is Superbrawl 2000. If you will remember it was last year’s Superbrawl that was the first wreslting ppv I watched on my box and the first ppv I rated and reviewed. Last year’s wasn’t too great, and don’t expect fireworks from this one. So far it’s Sid taking on Hart, Funk and Ric Flair vs. Scott Hall & Nash, JJ vs. Kidman, and Fit Finlay vs. Knobbs. As of now Benoit and Saturn are officially out of WCW, and supposedly them and Malenko and Douglas are signing with the WWF and will probably show up in February. Chris Benoit at Wrestlemania. I never thought I’d see it. Maybe he’ll go fight Tazz. That’d be a wild match. Anyway, my time here is done, and my oh-so interesting Superbrawl 2000 (it’s really Superbrawl X, as if you cared) predictions won’t be out until around February 17th…which is 3 and ½ weeks away. 23 looong days. Hell, I can cope. So it goes. Until then.

WCW’s SOULED OUT

from Cincinatti, Ohio

    There is an epic story to tell about Dubbya-See-Dubbya, but I’ll try to compact it as short as possible. Vince Russo was named the head booker of WCW, the so-called ‘Creative Director’ back in October. As of Friday, January 14th, Russo was demoted from the rank and Kevin ‘Taskmaster’ Sullivan was put in charge as the head booker. Russo was offered a writing job, but as of now he may just take his contract money and leave. Because a lot of wrestlers hate Sullivan. Chris Benoit, Dean Malenko, Konnan, Shane Douglas, Saturn, Rey Mysterio Jr., and Eddie Guerrero all wanted to leave the company. WCW offered them an out on their contracts effective Feb. 1st. Right now neither man has officially taken their release, though the bottom line is that WCW is in turmoil. Yes, I enjoyed Vince Russo’s Crash-TV style which is too focused on backstage antics instead of actual wrestling, but it was getting old fast, and Starrcade absolutely sucked…which supposedly showcased his true booking style. Nitro and Thunder were pretty good and Souled Out was okay, but I think it’s a relief to get away from Russo’s Crash-TV. He had some entertaining ideas and I think he deserved at least three more months as Creative Director, but he’s gone and he probably ain’t coming back.
    And can you believe that throughout all of this chaos, they had a ppv to put on? Add this to the fact that Jeff Jarrett and Bret Hart were respectively to be in 4 ppv matches and they were injured. Did I mention The Wall faced Kidman in a Hell in the Cell match? Okay, so it was pretty interesting to say the least.

+KIDMAN vs. DEAN MALENKO: To lose this match you have to be thrown out of the ring and touch the ground. Well Dean Malenko apparently forget these rules and slipped under the ropes for a breather and it was called a win for Kidman. In my humbly sober oppinion, Malenko did this to piss of management because he’s one of the elusive seven that want to leave WCW. This match was about two minutes long and it gets a goose egg. -0 stars-

VAMPIRO vs. CROWBAR vs. DAVID FLAIR: One of the first things WCW did was to strip Flair and Crowbar of the tag titles. This was a three way dance and pretty wild. Crowbar (who was previously known as Devon Storm on Saturday Night) is a high flying maniac, and he’s extremely entertaining. Vampiro is a decent wrestler, and at David Flair is funny. **1/2

HARRIS BOYS vs. THE MAMALUCS (JOHNNY THE BULL & BIG VITO): Kevin Sullivan and the new booking team are now calling the new tag team of Bull & Vito…The Mamalucs. I like these guys. They were known as ‘Da Baldies’ in ECW only four months ago, and Vito has a killer tornado ddt finisher that’s wild. I like these new tag champs. This match was pretty lame, because the Harris Boys aren’t even the Harris Boys anymore. They back to being suit dressing bodyguards.

OKLAHOMA vs. MADUSA: Why Madusa is even in WCW anymore is beyond me. At least Russo gave her a few plotlines, even though this one is a Jeff Jarrett rip-off from his days in Stamford. Nothing special. *

NORMAL SMILEY vs. BRIAN KNOBBS vs. FIT FINLAY vs. MENG: A sub-par hardcore bout, mostly because it wasn’t really hardcore and Smiley was a helluva lot funnier on Thunder when he dismantled Three Count and said he breathed, “Hardcore air,” and ate, “Hardcore food.” **

+KIDMAN vs. SATURN: The original plan was for Benoit to face JJ in three matches. Benoit got elevated to the title match because JJ and Bret Hart were injured. They stuck Kidman in this triple threat theater. This was the best of the three, with Kidman taking a decent bump over the top rope through a table. Kidman is the only ‘filthy animal’ to definitely agree to stay with WCW. Smart move. He’s almost guaranteed another Cruiserweight reign. **

+BOOKER T. vs. STEVIE RAY: This brother vs. brother match was boring. A big brick shithouse black man known as Big T. came in at the end to help Stevie Ray. Russo really pumped up this Midnight-Harlem Heat plot even though it completely sucked. I’ve never liked HH and am never going to start. *

+TANK ABBOT vs. JERRY FLYNN: One of the funnier aspects about the demotion of Russo was his ideas about this ppv. He conceived an idea to have all the winners of the ppv fight in a battle royal which would be a main event. Whomever won would get the title. Well his original idea was for Tank Abbot to win the title on a fluke. Because of this idea some say Russo was fired because he got into a fight with one of the WCW exectuvies that he was the Creative Director and he could do ‘whatever he wanted’. One punch and Flynn was out. Remember how Russo pumped up ‘The Block’ with Jerry Flynn? Proof that everything Russo touched did not turn to gold. *1/2

+BUFF BAGWELL vs. DDP: I know it sounds corny and stupid, but DDP does deliver the goods at the ppv’s and always pushes the limit. On Nitro and Thunder he’s just okay, but on the ppv’s he always exerts himself and pulls out no stops. Remember his strap match with Ric Flair at Halloween Havoc? That almost stole the show. This was a Last Man Standing Match. Buff put DDP through the internet table and DDP smashed Buff’s face with a computer. Great match. ***

KIDMAN vs. THE WALL: Russo stole a lot of things from the WWF, and his final steal was the awesome ‘Hell in the Cell’ matchup. Basically it’s a cage with a roof that covers the ring and the apron. In WCW they call it the ‘Caged Heat’ matchup, but I’ll still refer to it as a HITC. Shaun Michaels vs. The Undertaker was the first ever HITC match. The second made history when Mankind almost got himself killed when he lost to the ‘Taker. Of course this year we had the third HITC matchup with Bossman being hung against the ‘Taker. Kidman vs. The Wall was horrible. If you have the whole fucking cage there you might as well walk across it or fall off it climbing up. This was disappointment, though I seriously doubted anyone would take a major bump anyway. The Wall wins…what??? *1/2

+NASH vs. TERRY FUNK: Funk is the hardcore king. I knew when he became the commissioner that if only one good thing comes out of it, he’ll at least have one good match while he’s in WCW. This match was short and tooooo sweet. Funk got hit over the head with a few chair shots, got powerbombed through the announce table, and then got powerbombed over three chairs in the ring while bleeding like a stuck pig. He bled so much that WCW actually filmed the match from further away than they had been all night just because it was TV-PG and they couldn’t have any closeups. Funk is 54 years old and takes more bumps that 99.9% of any wrestler out there. He’ll live on as a king. This might be his last reign, but I’m sure he’ll show up down the road. ***

CHRIS BENOIT vs. SID: Benoit won, but it was revealed on Thunder and Nitro that Sid’s foot was under the ropes so Benoit didn’t win. Technically, Benoit is leaving the company so it was impossible for him to keep the title. On Thunder it was put into stone that Sid will face Nash on next week’s Nitro. Of course Sid has to beat JJ first. Reminds me of how Goldberg had to beat Scott Hall before he could face Hogan for the belt? If I do remember correctly, Goldberg beat both of ‘em and won the title. I guran-damn-tee that Sid is your new WCW World Heavyweight Champion come next Monday. As for this match, it was marginal, but Sid can only do one thing in a match that’s exciting and that’s powerbomb you, though at Halloween Havoc he bled like a stuck boar and showed a different side of himself. Who knows. **

    Nitro and Thunder were good shows, which proves that Kevin Sullivan as the head booker isn’t hurting anybody. If Benoit, Malenko, Saturn, Doulgas, Konnan, Guerro, and Mysterio leave, that in all honestly I could give a fuck and WCW will still carry on. I liked Mysterio with a mask on but now he literally blows. I like Shane Douglas but he’s hurt and hasn’t wrestled in months. Benoit is old and I’m sick of him. He has no personality. Good riddance. WCW needs to cut corners, and getting rid of these lame wrestlers is okay by me. Sid as the champ? Sullivan as booker? I can live with that.
    Souled Out 2000 gets ** because it had three good matches (DDP/Buff, Funk/Nash, Crowbar/Vampiro/Flair) and entertained. I predicted 7 out of 12 matches which is 58.3%, an F. Only surprise was The Wall really. Next up is Superbrawl X…or as they’re calling it…Superbrawl 2000. It’ll be Sid verse someone, and by that time Goldberg, Sting, Ric Flair, and Hogan should be back, so it’ll probably be Sid vs. Sting or Sid vs. Goldberg. In three days is WWF’s annual Royal Rumble from the prestigious Madison Square Garden. Cactus Jack vs. Triple H, Chyna vs. Jericho vs. Holly, Dudley’s vs. Hardy’s Table Match, a four way women’s battle royal, and of course the 30-man rumble. It has an excellent card, and with my luck Tazz, Undertaker, and Vince McMahon will show up. Until then.

ECW’s GUILTY AS CHARGED

Sunday, January 9th from Alabama

    It’s Thursday already, but I knew I had to write a re-cap on the first ppv of  2000, the 21st century. ECW showed up with one of the best cards ever. Yes, that’s right…ever. Sandman vs. Rhino, Sabu vs. Rob VanDamme, Dreamer & Raven vs. Impact Players, New Jack vs. Angel, and Spike Dudley vs. Mike Awesome. Sandman had family responsibilities and bowed out, leaving a bad taste in our mouths before the pay per view ever started. It was a good ppv, although not a great one, not as good as it could have been. The match of the night was Sabu and Rob VanDamme, though Little Spike Dudley proved that he’s a natural candidate for hardcore wrestler of January. He got his little ass kicked and kept on coming.

MIKEY WHIPWRECK vs. ‘THE ENFORCER’ C.W. ANDERSON: Yes, ECW has crappy matches on their ppv’s that they don’t promote too, though they don’t end up as bad as Whipwreck/Scotty Riggs (from Spring Stampede…if you don’t remember than you probably did see it). Whipwreck is a great wrestler, he proved this in WCW once when he took on Kidman at Uncensored. Anderson? He’s about as respectable as WCW’s Jerry Flynn. This was a short and sweet matchup and the two did enough cool moves to garner a decent **1/2 affair.

+SIMON DIAMOND, ‘DASTARDLY’ DANNY DORING, & ROADKILL vs.
  NOVA, KID KASH, JAZZ, & -eventually- CHRIS CHETTI: This was more made a nine man tag team extravaganza just to get all the jobbers in the locker room a prime time shot. Though realistically, these guys are far from jobbers…except for Jazz and that Kid Rock wannabe. Chetti, Doring, and Diamond are top notch performers, and this was an exciting match nontheless, though these guys are more towards ‘cool moves’ than bloodbaths which the fans support. I’m really curious what Sandman had planned for his matchup. I haven’t seen him in a one-on-one pay per view matchup since June’s match against Knobbs. I guess I have to wait til fucking March. Thanks SM. **1/2

LITTLE GUIDO & JERRY ‘THE NEW FUCKING SHOW’ LYNN vs. SUPER CRAZY & TAJIRI: This was a pretty exciting matchup even though I don’t exactly like anyone in it. Lynn is pretty interesting, and Super Crazy’s audience moonsault was impressive. Same old high flying shiznit. **1/2

ANGEL vs. NEW JACK: I realized that New Jack’s only interesting aspect is jumping from high places. He never even attempts one ‘real’ move inside the ring. He’ll hit you with a guitar, a vaccum, and a Stop sign, but won’t do any damage until he jumps from the rafters onto your sorry ass on a table. New Jack did another impressive jump, but it wasn’t on Angel, it was on one of da Baldies. He also used a cheese grater on Angel and stapled the third baldie’s skull. Decent hardcore stuff, but it was really too short to be anything awesome. **1/2

ROB VAN DAM vs. SABU: Arguably the match of the night, these two warriors fought for twenty minutes beating the living shit out of eachother, though Sabu took a lot more chances than Van Dam. Sabu has been getting his ass kicked all of ’99 and so far all of 2000, will you guys let him win for once!!! ***

+JUSTIN CREDIBLE & LANCE STORM vs. RAVEN & DREAMER: One of the more obvious wins of the night, the so-called ‘Impact Players’ took the tag titles off the unlikely pair of Raven and Tommy Dreamer, the ‘Innovator of Violence’, though he hasn’t been an innovator of violence since about ’97. Raven didn’t do anything exciting, and Lance Storm and Justin aren’t really the two best hotshots, though the crowd was really into this one and it went all over the building and it was sort of interesting. It had a catfight, too. I really missed Sandman. Hopefully they’ll pump up a Raven/Sandman feud for the next ppv because those guys are great when they get in the ring. **1/2

+MIKE AWESOME vs. L’IL SPIKE DUDLEY: A great main event, which is such a change because there hasn’t been a good main event since…King of the Ring? Shit. Dudley showed up and took the mic, which he never does, and he tells Awesome (who recently turned heel) that Awesome’s move his putting his opponent’s through a table, well his whole life he’s been put through tables. He set up a table on each side of the ring before the bout, and stacked two on top of eachother on one side. Five tables were broken, and I believe Spike went through all of them, though he did DDT Awesome through one from the top rope which had to be seen to be believed. You know it’s a great match when you can’t really explain it but it has to be ‘seen…to…be…believed’. Dudley is definitley one of the true hardcore icons out there, and Awesome always entertains and puts it all on the line. What a great main event. ***

    It wasn’t the best ECW pay per view, though it was a good one, and a lot better than the marginally lame November to Remember. **1/2 stars it receives, though it is already the number one ppv on my exclusive Bob list. Sabu/Damme and Dudley/Awesome were just plain great fights, and the other highlight included New Jack’s awesome jump. I predicted 3 matches out of 7, which is a record low at 42.86%…an F-. This is the first ECW ppv I’ve reviewed, and it’s downright obvious they blow the big two out of the water, though ECW is special of sorts because the guys don’t really care much about being hurt and losing the spotlight because Pauly is a down to Earth guy who just happens to say “fuck” a lot. In a meager three days is WCW’s Souled Out, and surprisingly it has a great card, though Ferrara and Russo are infamous for pumping the shit out of a ppv and having a special delivery of nothing. Nash vs. Terry Funk in a hardcore commisioner bout is the obvious looking-forward-to matchup, but the others of interest are Sid/Bret Hart for the belt, Smiley-Knobbs-Finlay-Meng for the hardcore strap, Madusa/Oklahoma for the cruiserweight belt, and Benoit/JJ in a triple threat theater which includes a no-rope dungeon match, a cage match, and a bunkhouse brawal. Should be at least marginally interesting. And of course in ten days we’ve got Cactus Jack ‘bang-bang’ taking on HHH for the wwf belt in Madison Square Garden. Until then.