WWE ELIMINATION CHAMBER

 

Perth, Australia

THE KABUKI WARRIORS (ASUKA & KAIRI SANE) vs. CANDICE LeRAE & INDI HARTWELL (8:55): Why, you might ask, was this show in Perth, Australia? Well...the government of Perth paid the WWE to go there. It was pretty obvious, though, because of the multiple Perth tourism commercials sprinkled throughout a 4 hour and 15 minute show that only had 5 matches. I kind of feel bad for anyone living in Perth that, you know, might need assistance. Like...homeless people, drug addicts, single mothers, unemployed people. I think there's probably better money any government could be spending than to bring a wrestling company to the city. Their excuse is that it will sell hotel rooms and expand tourism. That doesn't help the people that actually need help, though, that helps rich people. Wrestlemania is in Philly this year. I wonder if they paid them to come here. I kind of doubt it, since the city doesn't seem to be rolling in money these days. I also kind of feel sorry for Perth because while they did get a PPV show instead of a TV or house show, this wasn't exactly a big deal show. Roman Reigns wasn't on the show. The Rock wasn't either. The tag team championship and one of the women's championships was defended on the show, but no men's championship. This February PPV has always been kind of pointless, as the winner of the Royal Rumble goes to Wrestlemania so you would think this show is meaningless. Last year it was a gigantic deal with one of the biggest main events in recent WWE history. Don't bother asking me how that turned out, as I still kind of loathe the WWE for not putting Sami Zayn in the Wrestlemania main event nor giving him the title. And now with the Vince allegations, my lethargy toward the WWE has only grown. I just find that this company is boring now. The Rock vs. Roman Reigns for the title at Wrestlemania would have been huge...and yet, somehow, they even fucked that up. This show started with this forgettable tag team match. I suppose they bothered to put this on the pre-show because Indi Hartwell is from Australia. Years ago, in NXT, Candice LeRae, Hartwell, Gargano, and Austin Theory, were in a very entertaining heel group. Considering all four of them are doing literally nothing interesting these days (nor are barely pushed), they should just reunite them. That'd be fun. There wasn't anything to this match. 1/2*

BECKY LYNCH vs. BIANCA BELAIR vs. LIV MORGAN vs. NAOMI vs. RAQUEL RODRIGUEZ vs. TIFFANY STRATTON "ELIMINATION CHAMBER MATCH" (32:15): This show was at a 60,000 seat Australian football stadium. Because of that, some of the scenery looked cool. I kind of felt bad for anyone not at ringside, though, as could anyone tell what was going on without just watching the Jumbotron? Who pays a ton of money to do that? I'm baffled at that. The stadium isn't even in Perth, it's in Burswood, which is across the river. What other fun facts are there about Perth? I know literally nothing about that city. It looked nice. The announcers also mentioned that it was 100 degrees most of the days leading up to the show. I also wonder why they didn't tape Smackdown from Perth, too. They taped 2 Smackdowns last week on the same night and last night was the taped one. The big problem with this show was that nothing unexpected happened. Becky Lynch was obviously winning this and she did. There was some good action in this but a lot of it was kind of boring. I actually do like the Elimination Chamber (it's called No Escape in Germany because of the Holocaust...which I always remember for some reason) matches because it's at least something different. Tiffany Stratton did a moonsault off the top of a pod. That was cool. Raquel Rodriguez looked so different that I didn't know who she was. Did she have plastic face surgery or something? I know Roman Reigns did that a few years ago. I think people forget that. The match was decent, just nothing special. **1/2

THE JUDGMENT DAY (DAMIAN PRIEST & FINN BALOR) vs. NEW CATCH REPUBLIC (PETE DUNNE & TYLER BATE) (17:45): The crowd really loved booing Dominic, who wasn't even in this match. He was at ringside and did try to talk on the mic before the match. The match had some good action but it felt like a typical RAW match. I'm so glad I didn't watch this live. It aired at 5 AM here in Philly. There were so many long introductions and commercials that it probably only took me less than 2 hours to watch this show since I fast forwarded through the non-match stuff. After this match, there was also a talking segment with Cody, Seth, Austin Theory, and Grayson Waller. Seth and Cody ended up beating up Austin Theory. I still find it so funny that Cody is this big star and everyone cheers for him when back in AEW he was being booed before he left. He definitely made the right choice in leaving! **

DREW McINTYRE vs. BOBBY LASHLEY vs. KEVIN OWENS vs. LA KNIGHT vs. LOGAN PAUL vs. RANDY ORTON "ELIMINATION CHAMBER MATCH" (36:53): Bobby Lashley speared Logan through one of the pods. That was a cool spot. Logan was putting on brass knuckles and was ready to knock someone out when Randy Orton gave him an RKO. That was a good spot as well. The big problem in this match was that twice there were wrestlers that interfered. Dude, isn't this a locked cage? There's like 5 referees walking around...how are there just random people entering the cage to interfere? AJ Styles came in and beat up LA Knight with a chair, causing him to get pinned by Drew. Then, after Logan Paul was eliminated, he came back to knock out Orton with the brass knuckles, causing Orton to get pinned by Drew, who won the match. Kind of a lame way to give Drew the win here. I guess that means LA Knight will face AJ and Logan will face Orton at 'Mania. Those are two matches I could care less about. **1/2

RHEA RIPLEY vs. NIA JAX (14:25): This was the main event because Rhea Ripley is from Australia. It probably would've been nice if they picked a better opponent. The other problem was that they gave Nia Jax way too much offense. You don't have to do a squash, but at least don't make the champion in her home country look like she's fighting for her life against someone who's not even a big star. This match was boring, but at least the crowd was into it because of Rhea. I wasn't the biggest fan of this show. There was a match on AEW's Collision tonight that was better than this whole show. It was Powerhouse Hobbs vs. Sami Guevara. They broke 5 tables. They used chairs. Sami broke two beer bottles over Hobbs' head. Sami did a Swanton Bomb off the top of a big dog ladder in the ring down onto Hobbs on two tables. What a crazy, entertaining, wild match. The Perth audience would've went fucking nuts for that. *

NJPW THE NEW BEGINNING IN OSAKA

TORU YANO & YOH vs. OLEG BOLTIN & RUYSUKE TAGUCHI (3:45): This was a big show because it was the last night for Will Ospreay and Okada in New Japan. Ospreay is headed to AEW and Okada is either going to AEW or WWE (he hasn't made up his mind yet). The last time two big stars left the company it was AJ Styles and Nakamura on the same night. Thankfully, Omega became a big star after that to mitigate losing them. When Omega left, Ospreay stepped up as the new star. Who's going to step up now? New Japan seems like it's spiraling in the wrong direction. Aussie Open and Jay White left last summer to go to AEW. It seems like because of losing money during the pandemic, New Japan just couldn't pay these wrestlers the big salaries that AEW and WWE could...so they're all leaving. New Japan isn't going anywhere, as it's the biggest company in Japan and has been around since the 70's...but they did have some very low interest years before Okada and Tanahashi kind of jump started the boom that seems to be ending. It probably didn't help that this wasn't a great show or anything. The Zack Sabre/Bryan Danielson match was awesome and the cage match was a spectacle...but the other matches were all pretty forgettable. Seeing Ospreay and Okada tear up was emotional as they walked off into the sunset, and those scenes were probably the highlights. The show opened with a 4 minute match. Yoh rolled up Taguchi while Boltin was busy flipping Yano around in a showmanship bout of strength. 1/2*

BISHAMON (YOSHI-HASHI & HIROOKI GOTO) vs. CALLUM NEWMAN & GREAT O-KHAN (7:37): Great O-Khan is in United Empire...and United Empire was in the cage match main event...but thank God they didn't put O-Khan in that match. They should have probably just kept Bishamon as the tag champs, as they're a great, entertaining team. Newman looked pretty good here, but there wasn't much to this. *1/2

HOUSE OF TORTURE (EVIL, REN NARITA, SHO & YUJIRO TAKAHASHI) vs. EL DESPERADO, SHOTA UMINO, TIGER MASK & TOMOAKI HONMA (8:43): Honma is still around? He used to be one of my favorite wrestlers. Then he got injured on a botched DDT and was out for awhile. He's also pretty much too old to be doing this anyway these days. But the crowd still pops for his diving headbutt gimmick (he misses the whole match until finally hitting it to a big pop near the end). Desperado challenged Sho for a mask match after this match. Was it a hair vs. mask match? Title vs. mask? Sho has some title. I don't know...I listen to the Japanese feed and have no idea what's going on. Their U.S. announcer, Kevin Kelly, also left for AEW last year so I don't even know who does the English commentary these days. Evil also tossed over the table with the one announcer that he hates...which always makes me laugh but doesn't really make sense. This wasn't boring but was just a basic match. **

JUST 5 GUYS (DOUKI, SANADA, TAICHI, TAKA MICHINOKU & YUYA UEMURA) vs. LOS IGNOBERNABLES DE JAPON (BUSHI, HIROMU TAKAHASHI, SHINGO TAKAGI, YOTA TSUJI & TETSUYA NAITO) (11:05): This was pretty much non-stop action...so that was good. When Sanada finally came in to face Naito, Sanada put Naito in that pretzel hold and probably thought it would get a big reaction. It didn't. I guess Osaka doesn't like Sanada, either (Naito is wrestling Sanada next week for the title). **1/2

KAZUCHIKA OKADA vs. HIROSHI TANAHASHI (16:50): This was Okada's last match in the company (if he signs with AEW then he'll definitely be back, as Danielson's already wrestled in New Japan twice this year). They decided to pull out the famous Okada/Tanahashi match for one last go around. It didn't help that they literally just did this match late last year in the states. Also, Tanahashi is a shell of his former self. He looked a little fat, probably because he's NJPW's President now and is too busy to hit the gym as much. This was not good at all. It was slow and mostly boring. Tanahashi did do two High Fly Flows...one to the floor. Okada won...which doesn't make much sense since he's leaving. After the match, Okada covered his face because he was crying. I should also say that early on the crowd booed Okada in a few spots. They didn't boo Ospreay, though, who was also leaving. I guess because Okada is Japanese and thus a traitor? Who knows? Seeing Okada leave in tears was emotional stuff, but this match wasn't good. *1/2 

BULLET CLUB (CHASE OWENS & KENTA) vs. GUERRILLAS OF DESTINY (EL PHANTASMO & HIKULEO) (13:11): Phantasmo and Hikuleo just won the tag titles at Wrestle Kingdom last month. Why did they lose them to this lame team? Who the fuck knows? That's truly a baffling decision...especially because Kenta and Owens cheated to win. Match was okay. Phantasmo did some cool high spots. *1/2

ZACK SABRE, JR. vs. BRYAN DANIELSON (32:46): This was match was great. It might've even been better than their match last October in Seattle at AEW's Wrestle Dream. This one seemed even more brutal. It started slow with some holds and mat wrestling. Eventually they were beating and twisting the shit out of each other. There was a sequence of brutal head butts. And Danielson's kicks were hardcore. This was just awesome stuff. Even the Japanese crowd was chanting, "Fight forever!" in English at one point. After the match, Zack did the belt motion with his hands around his waist. He definitely deserves the IWGP title...and I guess is taking Ospreay's spot now as the top foreign star. ***1/2

BULLET CLUB (ALEX COUGHLIN, CLARK CONNORS, DAVID FINLAY, DRILLA MALONEY & GABE KIDD) vs. UNITED EMPIRE (WILL OSPREAY, FRANCESCO AKIRA, HENARE, JEFF COBB & TJP) "CAGE MATCH" (64:05): This was quite the clusterfuck spectacle. First off, New Japan hasn't had a cage match in 20 years. It showed. The cage wasn't even a cage, it was a fence around the audience guardrail. It wasn't even high, it was only as high as the ring. They didn't even really use it that much. Every man entered at intervals, and Akira entered by climbing up on the cage and jumping off onto a pile of men. Henare jumped off the cage onto someone on a table, but Henare didn't even climb all the way to the top. And they used the cage to handcuff people to it at certain parts. At 64 minutes, this was way too long and filled with too much to even write about. They used tables, chairs, thumbtacks, barbed wire, and Singapore canes. Ospreay was a bloody mess. Henare was so bloody he disappeared and came back into the match with a giant helmet of tape and guaze wrapped around his head and under his chin. Akira wrapped barbed wire around his leg and did some running knees and kicks. Clark Connors came in with barbed wire wrapped around arms. Ospreay was DDT's onto a ladder bridge at ringside that kind of missed. Connors got slammed down onto the thumbtacks. At one point, TJP put Connors on a leash and choked him. TJP also came out from under the ring halfway through the match with his demon mask on and a grass skirt and ended up blowing red mist. So...this was pretty crazy. By the end they ripped up the ring and were all trying to do moves on the wood panels and the panels were falling down off the set up. While this was fairly entertaining, there were also long stretches where everyone was just laying on the ground and it was dull. I actually would have rather seen Ospreay's last match be a great, 30 minute one on one match than this. Ospreay got pinned and lost. He got the mic and thanked the crowd and said that one day he would be back. He was crying as his team left. Very emotional ending. It'll be curious to see what they do with him in AEW. You have to figure he'll be in the main event at All In at Wembley in August, right? And the main event should be for the title. Samoa Joe is the champ now...but Ospreay vs. Samoa Joe doesn't really seem like a great, legendary main event. I'd love to see Danielson vs. Ospreay. That'd be something. And, of course, I'm curious what'll happen to New Japan now that their best wrestler, Ospreay, and their biggest star, Okada, are gone. ***