WWE ELIMINATION CHAMBER

Tropicana Field, St. Petersburg, Florida

JOHN MORRISON vs. ELIAS vs. MUSTAFA ALI vs. RICOCHET (7:10): This was the pre-show match. The winner would be added to the U.S. title match. Keith Lee was supposed to be in the U.S. title match but is out for either an injury or because his fiancee had the coronavirus. The WWE keeps coronovirus infections super secret sometimes for unknown reasons. When McIntyre had it, they had to admit it because it put the Goldberg match in jeopardy. When AJ Styles had it they never said anything until months later AJ mentioned it on a podcast. As for this match...it was a typical, superfluous pre-show match. Every time I see Ricochet in a match in WWE I just cringe. He could have been a fucking mega star if they didn't have their head up their ass. I guess I'll just have to go watch old NJPW matches with him and cry myself to sleep next time I forget how great he is. Ricochet looked good, as usual, although the WWE has neutered him like they did with Keith Lee. Why do they care if he does suicidal shit? That's what made him. Eh. This was at least fairly entertaining, although Mustafa Ali's Retrobution group is the silliest thing that's supposed to be serious that I've witnessed in some time. And what happened to Elias? The coronavirus really destroyed his career...because without a live crowd to heckle his songs he's absolutely nothing. **1/2

DANIEL BRYAN vs. JEY USO vs. KEVIN OWENS vs. KING CORBIN vs. SAMI ZAYN vs. CESARO "ELIMINATION CHAMBER MATCH" (34:20): This show is kind of a bad remembrance of things past. The last live show I watched with a sold out crowd and people in the stands without masks was last year's Elimination Chamber in Philly in March. A week after that, the whole world was shut down and, unfortunately, things aren't much better a whole year later, even with a vaccine. I remember writing a review of that show and mentioning Japan doing pro-wrestling shows in empty buildings and hoping that it doesn't happen here. The good news is that this show was a lot better than that forgettable show. I guess I'm just used to watching sports now with no fans, fake crowd noise, or sparse crowds with masks on. The Australian Open just ended today, and the men's final had a decent size, rowdy crowd...so I guess in some corners of the Earth things are getting better. And the WWE's "Thunderdome" setup is actually pretty watchable, surprisingly. This was a really good match, very entertaining, with a bunch of good wrestlers (except Corbin) doing good work. Watching Daniel Bryan and Cesaro start out wrestling each other just made me wish this company was smarter and the main event of this show would've just been those two in a 30 minute title match. Bryan won...but winning this was punishment since you had to face Roman Reigns for the title immediately after. ***

ROMAN REIGNS vs. DANIEL BRYAN (1:32): I guess the only reason they did this was so Edge could come in and spear Reigns to set up their Wrestlemania match. Otherwise, what the fuck was the point to humiliate Bryan after delivering him a big win and some momentum? Bryan did put Reigns in a Cross Face briefly, but then Reigns just pounded him and choked him out. 1/2*

MATT RIDDLE vs. BOBBY LASHLEY vs. JOHN MORRISON (8:40): I guess I should be surprised that a genuinely great indie wrestler actually came out of NXT and is on the main roster getting a decent push. Most go to the main roster to die, but here's Matt Riddle (now only referred to as "Riddle" for some unknown, stupid reason) winning the U.S. title (he's also a pretty big mainstay star on RAW these days). I'm not that surprised, though, because I know why he hasn't been destroyed like Ricochet. Vince loves dumb comedy and Matt Riddle's low-IQ "bro" gimmick is pure, dumb comedy bliss. This match certainly would have been better if Keith Lee was in it, although Morrison, even at his old age, looked fantastic with all of his flips and dives. **1/2

NIA JAX & SHAYNA BASZLER vs. SASHA BANKS & BIANCA BELAIR (9:35): Lacey Evans was supposed to face Asuka for the title but Lacey is pregnant in real life. They gave her the great storyline on RAW of getting pregnant by Ric Flair. Okay. Hopefully she doesn't give birth to a hand. So this match seemingly was thrown on a show with, realistically, only four matches (it went 2.5 hours...though they'll make that up in April when Wrestlemania is two nights and probably 16 hours long). It didn't even make sense, really, since Banks and Belair are on Smackdown and Baszler and Jax are on RAW. Jax and Baszler retained the tag team titles. Reggie, who's another comedy character, gave Sasha Banks a champagne bottle to hit Jax over the head with but the ref saw it and Jax used that distraction to slam Banks and pin her. *1/2

DREW McINTYRE vs. AJ STYLES vs. JEFF HARDY vs. RANDY ORTON vs. SHEAMUS vs. KOFI KINGSTON "ELIMINATION CHAMBER MATCH" (31:10): Good match. The Elimination Chamber has always been one of my favorite WWE PPV's. I guess because it's unique and never boring. AJ looked on fire tonight. He was jumping off the top rope so many times that I was reminiscing to his glory days in New Japan. Fuck...take me back; that G1 semi-final verse Tanahashi? That Okada title match at Dominion? The Nakamura Wrestle Kingdom last match? The Suzuki G1 match of the year? Swoon. I kind of wish AJ actually tried this hard more often. The big thing in this match was when AJ's personal bodyguard ripped the plastic wall off the outside of AJ's chamber so he could escape and enter the ring before his time to enter occurred. That was dumb but I guess something new. Jeff Hardy did a Swanton and a flip off of the top of one of the pods. McIntyre pinned AJ to win and retain his title. ***

THE MIZ vs. DREW McINTYRE (0:30): After the Elimination Chamber match, Bobby Lashley came out and beat up McIntyre. Then The Miz came out and cashed in his Money in the Bank contract and pinned McIntyre fairly quickly to win the title. Groan. The Miz is the champ? Really? They do know it's 2021, right? And The Miz is a joke? Not that he ever wasn't a joke...but I remember when he cashed in a MITB contract to win the title on RAW years and years ago it was pretty cool. Now it's just embarrassing. I get that there's another PPV before Wrestlemania...but you kind of don't want to change titles this close to Wrestlemania. Drew didn't have an opponent for Wrestlemania yet so I guess it's not that bad. Still...the end of this show closing with The Miz as champ just made me want to never watch the WWE again. Even worse is that The Miz cashed in his contract already at TLC in December and failed. Remember? Then on RAW is some stupid storyline he got the briefcase back. I actually watched that episode of RAW and still don't remember why he got his briefcase back. This fucking company. 1/2*

NXT VENGEANCE DAY

Orlando, Florida

DAKOTA KAI & RAQUEL GONZALEZ vs. EMBER MOON & SHOTZI BLACKHEART (17:40): Remember that great PPV during the WWF's heyday that was on Valentine's Day and so they called it St. Valentine's Day Massacre? It had a steel cage match with Vince vs. 'Stone Cold' and a Last Man Standing match with The Rock vs. Mankind for the title. Well they never used that title for a PPV ever again. I suppose tonight was the closest, as this show was also on Valentine's Day and they called this Vengeance Day. Maybe because that PPV was so awesome that I always wished they would use that title again. They probably won't, thanks to a lot of terrible things that have happened since then, most notably the Parkland school shooting that took place on Valentine's Day a few years ago. Either way, this is a NXT Takeover show and they're usually always great. The card for this show wasn't too spectacular and they're still stuck in the Performance Center without a packed crowd of fans. This was an entertaining show and was good but not great. Shockingly, this first match was probably the best of the night. This was the finals of the women's Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic. And, no, Dusty Rhodes was not famous or well known for being in a tag team. What tag team was he even in and who was his partner? Before my time, anyway. But the winner of this match would be the first ever NXT women's tag team champion. This is a fairly ridiculous title considering NXT has either zero or very few women's tag teams. Everyone in this match was just singles wrestlers stuck together in a random team. The team that won was the weak team, though, so I'm not sure why they won. Ember Moon and Shotzi Blackheart are much more exciting and fun to watch. Shotzi could become a huge star in the WWE if they play their cards right (they won't). She reminds me of Hiromu Takahashi, which is obviously a great thing. She's got the colored hair and does a bunch of suicidal, off-kilter dives that portend a broken neck in her future. She's a total fucking blast to watch, though. This match was a lot of fun and fast paced and exciting. Dakota Kai and Raquel Gonzalez are kind of stale, though, so I'd really rather never see them wrestle any other team. ***

JOHNNY GARGANO vs. KUSHIDA (24:51): I was kind of starting to wonder what the heck happened to Kushida because he's been in NXT for two years and I don't think he's ever been on a Takeover show. This was a dream match...if the year was 2018. Kushida was awesome but even in his last year in New Japan he had lost a step with age. Gargano is still fantastic but the match they did here was kind of odd. This was basically a submissions match. They didn't do any high flying or big moves, really. They did mat wrestling and grappling and Kushida put Gargano in his Hover Board arm lock maybe fifty times. You would think a match filled to the brim with submissions and mat work would be dull, but these two are such superior wrestlers that it was actually fast paced and watchable. I do think they could have had a better match if they decided to not to a college wrestling type of a match. Oh, well. Gargano retained the NXT North American title. Gargano has been in NXT for like five years. Will he ever be called up to the main roster? NXT used to be a developmental division but the champ is Finn Balor so who the fuck knows what's going on here. **1/2

MSK vs. GRIZZLED YOUNG VETERANS (18:26): This was the finals of the men's Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic. I don't watch a lot of NXT but I do watch most of the main events on TV and at least know what's going on. With that said, I've never seen either of these teams before. Maybe that's why I didn't think there was much to this match. MSK is pretty exciting, though, and they remind me of AEW's Private Party. They do a lot of top rope flips and out of the ring dives. The last few minutes were pretty exciting but the end seemed to abruptly come out of nowhere and I think the finals of a tournament probably deserved more high drama. **

IO SHIRAI vs. TONI STORM vs. MERCEDES MARTINEZ (12:13): Io Shirai is dating NJPW's Evil. Because both are boring wrestlers, I'm just assuming they dictate to each other late at night in bed the layouts of their matches. Granted, because of the pandemic they probably only Skype these days, if they're even still a thing. I already made a Skype sex joke the last time I reviewed a Takeover so I'm not doing it again. The funny thing is that Io Shirai does a lot of high flying and yet her matches are still boring. She even climbed up the light rigging tower and jumped off of it during this match. She was a huge star in Japan...maybe she just doesn't have the talent in NXT to work with and showcase her skills. Toni Storm and Mercedes Martinez are pretty forgettable. I long for the days when the NXT women's title matches were some of the best wrestling matches on TV (thank Sasha and Bayley for that). Shirai retained the title. This was just okay. **

FINN BALOR vs. PETE DUNNE (25:24): I understand why Finn Balor went back to NXT. They wanted to compete against AEW so they threw a semi-big star onto NXT. I don't understand why he's still on NXT, though. It's not like the ratings would plummet if he wasn't on the show. And why did they make him the champ? Isn't the whole point of NXT to make new stars? Well they should have given Pete Dunne the title here. He's one of the WWE's best wrestlers. I think Walter is probably #1. Gargano, Dunne, and Adam Cole could probably duke it out for #2. Ricochet would be in the mix but they've totally destroyed him. Daniel Bryan and AJ Styles would probably in the mix as well if they were in NXT, but unfortunately they're on the main roster where dreams die. This match was really good by the end but the first half was kind of methodical and so-so. Finn Balor was fantastic in New Japan when he was Prince Devitt...but that was like ten years ago. He's kind of matured into a solid, fairly decent nuts and bolts wrestler. He doesn't have that wild excitement he once contained, though. Dunne is excellent and really should quit this company and go wrestle in Japan or somewhere where his brutality would shine. Can you imagine Pete Dunne vs. Go Shiozaki? Tomohiro Ishii? Pete Dunne vs. Shibata is like my ultimate desert island fantasy match that will never happen. So this match was good but not great. Dunne worked on Balor's fingers. He broke them them stepped on them. The horror! Balor took out Dunne's mouth guard and then kicked him in the face. I guess if you like hard battering then you would have enjoyed this. After the match, Dunne's British goons came out to beat up Balor then Adam Cole and The Undisputed Era came out to save him. That didn't last long, as Adam Cole super kicked Balor and then super kicked O'Reilly for no apparent reason. I suppose this will lead to Balor and O'Reilly teaming up to fight Adam Cole and Roderick Strong...or something. The biggest letdown for me was when Adam Cole, Kyle O'Reilly, and Roderick Strong came out. But...they were in the fucking building and so they could have wrestled on this show and they didn't? What the hell, NXT? You didn't put 3 of your top guys in matches? Instead we had to sit through matches with losers like Raquel Gonzalez and Mercedes Martinez? And where was Velvet Dream? Did the WWE finally punish him for sending dick pics to underage boys? So the next Takeover show looks to have Finn Balor vs. Adam Cole for the title. Which should be pretty good. Better than Wrestlemania, anyway, which features the legendary main event of Edge vs. Roman Reigns. Ugh. **1/2