WWE ELIMINATION CHAMBER

Las Vegas

LUKE GALLOWS & KARL ANDERSON vs. BO DALLAS & CURTIS AXEL (8:50): This was the last RAW only ppv. Which means the brand-split failed again and we won't be seeing filler crap like this on ppv anymore. Can you believe that Bo Dallas was once the NXT champ? Hard to bo-lieve. And Gallows and Anderson are big dudes and have been in the WWE for, what, two years? And they have yet to give them any sort of push or storyline? At least fucking try. -No Stars-

ALEXA BLISS vs. BAYLEY vs. MANDY ROSE vs. MICKIE JAMES vs. SASHA BANKS vs. SONYA DEVILLE "ELIMINATION CHAMBER" (29:35): Bliss is an awful and boring wrestler but she did at least leap off the top of a pod to do a cross-body slam on one of the other girls. This was the first women's elimination chamber match. I still find it amusing that in Germany they don't use the EC name because I guess it reminds them of the Nazi death camps. This match was just okay...but it did lead to Banks turning on Bayley which means we'll get another Banks v. Bayley match. They had some legendary bouts in NXT. Bliss retained. No surprises tonight. **

CESARO & SHEAMUS vs. TITUS O'NEIL & APOLLO (10:05): They took away Apollo's last name, Crews, because Florida had a school shooter last week named Cruz that killed 17 people. Now he's just Apollo. I really doubt the name Cruz will someday be like Hitler or Manson and never used. After all, our country has so many mass shootings that some guy shot and killed 26 people last Fall in a Texas church and I don't even remember his name. Do you? Since I'm not talking about wrestling you can assume correctly that this match was forgettable. 1/2*

ASUKA vs. NIA JAX (8:15): Asuka has only been in one entertaining/awesome match and that was on RAW against Banks. So why do people rave about her? Nia is a sloppy wrestler so this was pretty awful. 1/2*

MATT HARDY vs. BRAY WYATT (9:55): Remember how stupid but fun the 'Broken' Matt gimmick was? I can't fathom why they're doing it half-assed in the WWE. I honestly didn't even watch this.

ROMAN REIGNS vs. BRAUN STROWMAN vs. ELIAS vs. FINN BALOR vs. JOHN CENA vs. SETH ROLLINS vs. THE MIZ "ELIMINATION CHAMBER" (40:15): Well it's Roman again. And the Vegas crowd heavily booed him. Roman's been in the WM main event the last two years, so this'll be three straight. He did face Lesnar and lost two years ago there but it was a good match. I'd much rather see a non-Lesnar WM main event at this point. Especially because Roman will win and get booed and who wants to see more of that? This match was entertaining but too fucking long. The show didn't end until around 11:20 PM. There were no highlights. A much better match happened on RAW last week. They had all of these guys in a gauntlet match that almost went two hours. That was unique. This was same-old. Finn looked the most impressive but, you know, he's "too small" for Vince. Elias shouldn't have been in there. Braun pinned everyone then lost to Roman. Seth did a frog splash off the top of the pod. The final half was good but this was not a very good show. **1/2

NJPW THE NEW BEGINNING IN OSAKA

YUJI NAGATA vs. KATSUYA KITAMURA (10:58): Somebody test Kitamura for steroids, like, today. He's a muscled hulk. And for no good reason he's amidst a 7-match challenge/series against random opponents. This reminds me of the WWE's stupid Cesaro vs. Sheamus 7 match series a few years ago. If you're going to do something like this, do it with wrestlers we care about. Nagata at least is semi-entertaining. And Kitamura is amusing to look at and ponder what drugs he's taking. **

EL DESPERADO & YOSHINOBU KANEMARU vs. RAPPONGI 3K (10:22): The lame, boring Suzuki Gun team won the Jr. tag titles tonight from Sho and Yoh, who just won them two weeks ago from The Young Bucks (who were wrestling in the states for ROH this weekend). When Sho and Yoh burst on the scene in the Fall I thought they were going to be awesome. They're young, they fly, what could go wrong? Well they're so-so. I don't really know what it is but they're only a tad better than pedestrian. This was fast paced at least. **

RYUSUKE TAGUCHI, KUSHIDA, MICHAEL ELGIN & TOGI MAKABE vs. TAKA MICHINOKU, TAICHI, TAKASHI IIZUKA & MINORU SUZUKI (11:52): I guess Elgin wasn't fired yet. Maybe Japan hasn't had the #MeToo movement. I don't even know what he did. Something about sexual text messages in Michigan. He did apologize and quit his wrestling promotion in the states. As for this match...it was fast, fun, superfluous. **

TORU YANO, TOMOHIRO ISHII & JAY WHITE vs. DAVID FINLAY, JUICE ROBINSON & TOA HENARE (7:33): Jesus. Ishii is one of NJPW's best wrestlers but is never in singles matches anymore. Worse, he's super serious and tough as nails but lately has been teaming with the clown, Yano. This wasn't bad, just another forgettable New Japan multi-tag match. **

BUSHI vs. GEDO (10:07): There were more singles matches on this show than I've ever seen on a NJPW show. That's a good thing...except this was one of them. Gedo is the head writer/booker. He should have booked a better match! Bushi sucks, anyway, even when wrestling awesome dudes like Kushida. 1/2*

TETSUYA NAITO vs. YOSHI-HASHI (16:46): Good match. Shocking, because Yoshi-Hoshi blows. But he apparently knows this (maybe he reads his Twitter replies) so he attacked Naito on Naito's way out and it went full-bore throughout. Good stuff but I feel bad for Naito. He should be champ and he's stuck wrestling Yoshi-Hashi and next Taichi. ***

WILL OSPREAY vs. HIROMU TAKAHASHI (20:05): This should have been at Wrestle Kingdom. It wasn't (for no good reason), but we at least got it here. This was by far the best match so far this year and another Ospreay classic and Takahashi classic. But of course it was. They started going 100 M.P.H. and then it slowed for a bit then picked up when they both did insane moves dropping each other on their heads and kicking out of everything. Takahashi countered Ospreay's finisher twice with his own 'Stone Cold' Stunner and then a snap suplex. Takahashi also delivered his should-be-illegal over the top rope power-bomb to the floor on Ospreay. This was just nuts and dramatic as hell. Ospreay retained the Jr. title and is surprisingly facing Okada next month for the title. ***1/2

HIROOKI GOTO vs. EVIL (20:19): Goto retained the NEVER title in a slow, very dull match. 1/2*

KAZUCHIKA OKADA vs. SANADA (32:12): This was too slow paced. Sanada does high-flying like a moonsault and flips over the top rope to the floor but his matches aren't fast paced enough. And I never thought he'd win the title, not after they refused to give it to Omega or Naito. Probably ten minutes of this match had Sanada holding Okada on the mat in an arm bar. Yawn. The end had some good drama and near-falls but on the whole this was only a little better than average. The hot crowd definitely helped.
**1/2