WWE BATTLEGROUND

Philly

AIDEN ENGLISH vs. TYE DILLINGER (9:54): This was a B-show ppv...meaning it's supposed to be the show with less wrestlers, right? So it should be...shorter? Nope. A mind-boggling hour pre-show (with this match) followed by a show that started at 8 PM and ended at 11:10 PM. Fuck! Eight matches in four hours and ten minutes? Ridiculous. As for this match...well, Dillinger would be a big star if they pushed him. He has the charisma, anyway. Aiden English is basically lost at sea these days since his tag-team partner quit the WWE. This was good, though. Basic. Pretty fast paced. It wasn't spectacular...but a hell of a lot better than most of this show. **1/2 (out of ****)

THE NEW DAY vs. THE USO'S (13:50): Good match. The best on the show. The crowd was hot and awake early, so that helped. A ton of near fall's and a lot of action. The New Day won the tag titles. ***

SHINSUKE NAKAMURA vs. BARON CORBIN (12:25): Nakamura has been in NXT and WWE for a year and a half and has only had one good match, his first, against Sami Zayn. That's not saying a hell of a lot. Granted, he is wrestling cardboard cut-outs like Corbin, who's as entertaining as a slab of granite. Even the finish of this was lame. Corbin kicked Nakamura in the balls and lost by DQ. 1/2*

NATALYA vs. BECKY LYNCH vs. CHARLOTTE FLAIR vs. LANA vs. TAMINA (11:00): This was an elimination match to become the #1 contender for the women's title...a title not even defended on this show. The ppv's are supposed to be the big shows, right? So shouldn't they, like, defend all the titles? Anyway, this was fast-paced and there was a lot of action. Lana sucks and shouldn't be wrestling, and no one wants to see Natalya in a title match, but whatever. Charlotte and Lynch should just wrestle each other on Smackdown forever considering they're the only two competent ones. **1/2

KEVIN OWENS vs. AJ STYLES (17:50): These are two of the best wrestlers in the WWE...yet for some reason together they don't mesh. Their last match against each other was just okay and this was mostly flat. Owens won with a weird, out of nowhere pin. It looked like Styles lifted his shoulder but then remembered he was supposed to lose so dropped his shoulder. Styles did a 450 splash that was awesome. Otherwise, it felt like a typical TV match. Not bad...it's just that these two should be knocking it out of the park. **1/2

JOHN CENA vs. RUSEV "FLAG MATCH" (21:10): So boring. Ugh. This was twenty minutes of men trudging slowly around. They had to take the flag off the pole then carry it up the stand at the entrance way. Cena put Rusev through two tables and won. 1/2*

SAMI ZAYN vs. MIKE KANELLIS (7:15): Mike K. used to be in ROH. I saw him when he was in The Kingdom against The Young Bucks and AJ Styles at the ECW Arena two year's ago. It was awesome. This was not. Zayn is great but this was short filler. Still, Mike's "wife" at ringside, Maria, is looking as gorgeous as ever. So there was that. 1/2*

RANDY ORTON vs. JINDER MAHAL "PUNJABI PRISON MATCH" (27:40): Remember this? A double bamboo cage? They did it twice a decade ago when The Great Khali was around. He did come back at the end of this match to choke Orton and let Jinder escape the structure and win. This was match was slow, long, and terrible. The only exciting moment came when Orton pushed one of the Singh brothers off the cage and down through the announce table. Other than that this was just awful. First off, the rules are stupid. Inside the inner-cage, you can just climb out. So fucking climb out! No. Four doors are opened for 60 seconds and then locked forever. Okay...so just climb out then! No, they have to struggle with each other trying to get out of the doors for no good reason. And since Jinder won...that means he beat Orton at three straight ppv's. Nice! God, Smackdown fucking blows. 1/2*

WWE GREAT BALLS OF FIRE

Dallas, TX

Vince McMahon has a crude, silly sense of humor...so I'm guessing the title of this show was either his idea or he approved it. While it is an eye-catching title (perhaps that's the point; to get a B-show noticed in the summer doldrums), it makes zero sense. At least they could've thrown an Inferno match on the show. Or something.

NEVILLE vs. AKIRA TOZAWA (11:40): Good, basic match. They've put the 205 Live crew on the pre-show now. That, along with Austin Aries quitting last week, isn't a good sign for the cruiser weight division. **1/2

BRAY WYATT vs. SETH ROLLINS (12:10): Good match. Nothing special...but I'm so used to both of these guys putting me to sleep as of late that this was a revelation. Fast, action packed. **1/2

BIG CASS vs. ENZO AMORE (5:25): Ugh. This was a squash. Enzo gave a decent promo. They should just make him Cass' manager. 1/2*

THE HARDY BOYZ vs. SHEAMUS & CESARO "30 MINUTE IRON-MAN MATCH": The last five minutes were good. Calling this an iron man match after seeing Omega and Okada go 60 minutes without any pinfalls a few weeks ago is kind of ridiculous. Maybe call it a Bronze Man Match? Either way, The Hardy's are kind of dull without the Broken Matt gimmick. And Cesaro should be main eventing, not stuck in a tag team. This was hot at the end but mostly boring. **

SASHA BANKS vs. ALEXA BLISS (11:40): This was Bliss' best match maybe ever. That says a lot about how good Banks is. Multiple times it looked like Banks was paralyzed, concussed, or dead. Teach the rag doll how to take a bump or not be suicidal already. Bliss kept the title by count out. Bad end. But then Banks beat up Bliss by the entrance then jumped off the announce table by the entrance and did her double-knee land on Bliss's head. Payback's a bitch! Apparently. Every heel either won or kept their title tonight. Evil wins! Suckers. **

THE MIZ vs. DEAN AMBROSE (11:20): Okay match. The Miz was great on the post-show. They should only let him talk and not wrestle. And this never-ending feud goes on, like boats against the current, born back ceaselessly into the past. The Miz's new entourage, with Bray Wyatt's bro and Mr. Perfect's son, The Miztourage, is amusing. **

BRAUN STROWMAN vs. ROMAN REIGNS "AMBULANCE MATCH" (16:35): Okay match. Reigns pushed Strowman through the LED screen on the entrance. Reigns went for a spear but missed and flew into the ambulance and lost. Huh? After this, Reigns put Strowman into the ambulance and backed it up into a truck. The next match went on so they did a split-screen and then basically forgot another match was going on. The paramedics freed a bloody Strowman from the wreckage and he wandered off. The post-match stuff was probably more entertaining. **1/2

HEATH SLATER vs. CURT HAWKINS (2:10): This has to be one of the shortest matches in WWE history.

SAMOA JOE vs. BROCK LESNAR (6:25): Good match. Short but with a lot of action. Before the bell rang, Joe pushed Lesnar out of the ring and put him through the announce table. Then there were suplex's and Joe's sleeper hold. Lesnar turned the sleeper hold into an F5. This was Joe's best match in years. And Lesnar's first title defense of the Universal title. He won it at Wrestlemania. Ridiculous. ***